Am I remaining professional?

[jul-els]

If you know his hiring would cause you to leave, then I think a more proactive approach would be to start getting your resume updated and begin scouting out new opportunities. You have a good history in your current position and your experience will reflect positively on you going forward. Bottom line is the company will always do what’s best for the company no matter where you work and the onus is on you to do the same for yourself. 

[Alex39]

I just don't know. I keep freaking out about this email becoming a big thing, and me possibly getting sued, and all these possibilities. I don't even want to show my face at work, thinking that everyone will look at me negatively and my life is ruined. 

[indea08]

Your backpedaling and regret are manifestations of your trauma from your past situation. You did the right thing. You simply shared the information you had with your company in hopes to help them make a good hire. Now, if you can, just put it out of your mind and try to trust that your current employer values you enough to consider your words, and they’ll keep them in mind when they screen him. This directly affects your livelihood, you should not feel bad for making waves on this. Good for you.

[indea08]

4 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I just don't know. I keep freaking out about this email becoming a big thing, and me possibly getting sued, and all these possibilities. I don't even want to show my face at work, thinking that everyone will look at me negatively and my life is ruined. 

NONE of this is real. It’s all your imagination. Be proud that you know your limits and have the courage to maintain them. *applause*

[Alex39]

I know, my friend said it best last night. That my old boss shouldn't have acted in the terrible manner and that he brought this on himself. I just don't want people not to believe me or think I'm gossiping or being unprofessional. I'm truly scared. 

[indea08]

25 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I know, my friend said it best last night. That my old boss shouldn't have acted in the terrible manner and that he brought this on himself. I just don't want people not to believe me or think I'm gossiping or being unprofessional. I'm truly scared. 

Even if they were to think that (I’m sure they don’t)….is that really scarier than having this idiot for a boss again? People will find reasons to talk and gossip no matter what, you just have to know within yourself that you did right by you. The only opinion of you that really matters at the end of the day is your own. Again, you did the right thing. Let the chips fall where they may and have faith!

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, indea08 said:

Even if they were to think that (I’m sure they don’t)….is that really scarier than having this idiot for a boss again? People will find reasons to talk and gossip no matter what, you just have to know within yourself that you did right by you. The only opinion of you that really matters at the end of the day is your own. Again, you did the right thing. Let the chips fall where they may and have faith!

I know, but being respected at work and known as someone who doesn't stir the pot is very important. I've been so successful here and I don't want to downgrade myself over this drama. I hate drama. 

[DarkCh0c0]

31 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I just don't want people not to believe me or think I'm gossiping or being unprofessional. I'm truly scared

You're not.

You're looking out for the business's best interest and that of your colleagues. Your colleagues should thank their lucky star that you spoke up about this and possibly helped the hiring team avoid hiring the wrong person.

It doesn't matter what they think, and I bet other people in the office have their own lives to think about. They moved on and so can you. You are still the same respected colleague.

Breath and be proud you've done your best. None of us is perfect and different people would have dealt with this differently. You chose courage, so chin up Alex. Treat yourself to something nice today 💚

[Alex39]

2 minutes ago, indea08 said:

Even if they were to think that (I’m sure they don’t)….is that really scarier than having this idiot for a boss again? People will find reasons to talk and gossip no matter what, you just have to know within yourself that you did right by you. The only opinion of you that really matters at the end of the day is your own. Again, you did the right thing. Let the chips fall where they may and have faith!

I've stayed drama free here. I've been a dedicated worker. Many people across the organization don't know who I am. I want to keep it that way. But I feel like now I am not doing that. I like to stick within my department and stay a small rock. 

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

You're not.

You're looking out for the business's best interest and that of your colleagues. Your colleagues should thank their lucky star that you spoke up about this and possibly helped the hiring team avoid hiring the wrong person.

It doesn't matter what they think, and I bet other people in the office have their own lives to think about. They moved on and so can you. You are still the same respected colleague.

Breath and be proud you've done your best. None of us is perfect and different people would have dealt with this differently. You chose courage, so chin up Alex. Treat yourself to something nice today 💚

All I want to do is hide and cry, run away. Then half of me keeps sucking up to people around me too, hoping they see that I'm a good person and worker.  I literally can't stop freaking out. I feel like they are probably having a big meeting right now about me and the trouble I'm causing. I literally am barely functioning. 

[Seraphim]

Look up catastrophizing and how to stop it. 

[boltnrun]

I don't think you need to go into an absolute panic.

Think about it, what do you think you should have done instead? And would that course of action been better or worse?

I always advocate for keeping your resume updated because you never know if an outstanding opportunity might come up. That is something you can proactively do. But panicking and freaking out and not going into work isn't going to solve anything. Just go in and do the same excellent job you always have.

If someone approaches you about your former manager simply say yes, you did work under him before. And leave it at that. If anyone asks for juicy gossip just say you don't have any. Because those who ask for gossip usually are the ones spreading it.

This will pass eventually. Once someone is hired for the position you can put this all behind you.

[Seraphim]

99.9 % of the time people care about themselves and their own life. They are not thinking about what you said . 

[Lambert]

My take is, as an employee if you have information about a potential hire, you do owe it to the company to bring the facts to them. 

Now that you've done that, you have to stand by what you said.

All this backpeddling and paranoid feelings are you doing this to you. 

If you only spoke the truth and you conduct yourself as a respected and respectful person, you should be fine. 

This is why it's so important to protect your professional reputation and integrity. Because sometimes you have to put it on line.

I normally would not threaten to leave a job. It makes it weird as if they hire the guy & if you don't leave. 

But what's done is done. Stand by it and get your resume ready to make an exit if it comes to that. 

[indea08]

21 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

All I want to do is hide and cry, run away. Then half of me keeps sucking up to people around me too, hoping they see that I'm a good person and worker.  I literally can't stop freaking out. I feel like they are probably having a big meeting right now about me and the trouble I'm causing. I literally am barely functioning. 

Yeah, I’m with Seraphim…this is an unusual amount of anxiety and it may be best for you to get some professional help?? Believe me, I’ve had plenty of toxic managers who made me feel the way you do, but I grew through it and have a better understanding of what I expect and need from an employer. It’s all a learning process, and you just keep adapting and growing and learning until you’ve created the professional life you want. This self doubt will hold you back, I think that’s what you should work on in your own time.

I’m a respected, licensed professional with nearly a decade of experience and I would not have thought twice about speaking up if I were in your position. Several of us have reassured you and yet your anxiety still seems out of control. Your current work issue is not the problem, your anxiety and self-doubt is.

All will work out, not always how you expect, but it will work out.

[DarkCh0c0]

29 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

All I want to do is hide and cry, run away. Then half of me keeps sucking up to people around me too, hoping they see that I'm a good person and worker.  I literally can't stop freaking out. I feel like they are probably having a big meeting right now about me and the trouble I'm causing. I literally am barely functioning. 

I'm so sorry you feel like this.

Your PTSD is being triggered and you don't know how to cope. That's okay, but you need to seek help. Can you book an urgent therapy session? Can you seek comfort from a friend or family member? If you need to take some time off work, do so.

[Alex39]

12 minutes ago, indea08 said:

Yeah, I’m with Seraphim…this is an unusual amount of anxiety and it may be best for you to get some professional help?? Believe me, I’ve had plenty of toxic managers who made me feel the way you do, but I grew through it and have a better understanding of what I expect and need from an employer. It’s all a learning process, and you just keep adapting and growing and learning until you’ve created the professional life you want. This self doubt will hold you back, I think that’s what you should work on in your own time.

I’m a respected, licensed professional with nearly a decade of experience and I would not have thought twice about speaking up if I were in your position. Several of us have reassured you and yet your anxiety still seems out of control. Your current work issue is not the problem, your anxiety and self-doubt is.

All will work out, not always how you expect, but it will work out.

I did contact my old therapist to set up a meeting with her. 

[Alex39]

7 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'm so sorry you feel like this.

Your PTSD is being triggered and you don't know how to cope. That's okay, but you need to seek help. Can you book an urgent therapy session? Can you seek comfort from a friend or family member? If you need to take some time off work, do so.

I reached out to my old therapist and am waiting to hear back from her. I feel like I definitely need it. I mean just seeing his name as the candidate written triggered me. I had multiple anxiety attacks that day alone. 

[DarkCh0c0]

7 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I reached out to my old therapist and am waiting to hear back from her. I feel like I definitely need it. I mean just seeing his name as the candidate written triggered me. I had multiple anxiety attacks that day alone. 

Good to know. You need it the help.

Please in the meanwhile be compassionate and kind with yourself 💚

[moodindigo91]

18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

you need to google "libel"

I wouldn't really worry about this. The company shouldn't divulge your identity to him anyway, and if they did, you should sue the company haha (joking btw). Also, for a statement to be libel, it must be false. Truth is an absolute defense. 

Anyway, I'm curious. What are you feeling most anxious about, your reputation or the possibility of working with this guy again?

I'm glad you contacted your therapist, as I do agree your level of anxiety about this is unusually high. I honestly think you'll be fine. People have done much worse things at work and have come out unscathed. Ask your therapist about coping mechanisms when you meet! 

[Seraphim]

I have had PTSD for 43 years. What vastly helped was EMDR. However, you must be stable to embark upon it . See your counsellor and bring it up. 

[Seraphim]

Right now look up grounding exercises and practice them until the feelings go away. 

[boltnrun]

Yeah, I reported an operations  manager to my direct manager who in turn reported him to the general manager. This ops manager wrote what was basically a love note to one of my employees and stuck it to the computer monitor in our department (!). The general manager told my direct manager that me and the other employees needed to stop being so jealous 🙄 Ironically that ops manager ended up being my direct manager a few months later 😆 And he was instrumental in helping me get a big promotion. He either didn't know I'd reported him or he didn't care.

So, these things can work out OK. I didn't freak out or have panic attacks or stop showing up at work because I had the facts on my side, plus I knew I was an asset to the team. And it all worked out fine.

I'm glad you are going to see your therapist. They can help guide you through this anxiety episode.

[Seraphim]

Create a “ panic strategy “ and keep the list in notes in your phone. I recently did this with my husband who is suffering a severe mental health crisis. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Yeah, I reported an operations  manager to my direct manager who in turn reported him to the general manager. This ops manager wrote what was basically a love note to one of my employees and stuck it to the computer monitor in our department (!). The general manager told my direct manager that me and the other employees needed to stop being so jealous 🙄 Ironically that ops manager ended up being my direct manager a few months later 😆 And he was instrumental in helping me get a big promotion. He either didn't know I'd reported him or he didn't care.

So, these things can work out OK.

I have a friend who worked for a boss she didn't like -I'd say close to toxic at times.  Boss quit.  A few years later boss contacts my friend via linkedin -she'd like my friend to come work for same company she moved to -more $, promotion, etc.  My friend did quiet due diligence -finding out whether boss had changed, how closely she'd work at the new company with this boss.  She actually did take the job -over a year ago and... I think it's going well!  Boss is treating her fine.  You never know.