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I’m almost 30 and I’m still a virgin.


milkpeachtea
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The title says it all. I’m almost 30 and I’ve never kissed a guy or had any kind of physical intimacy. I’m not ugly and have experienced sexual attraction/interest from men and even gone on dates. However I still have not even kissed a man, and this is a huge embarrassment for me.

I am now at a point in my life where the idea of having a partner is something I know I really want. I do have low self-esteem issues, I’ve also gained a lot of weight during the pandemic due to an ongoing health issue. And despite all of this, I have decided to put myself out there and start dating again. I’ve been successful in getting matches and meeting men, but knowing that I’ll have to tell them I’m a virgin at some point terrifies me. They’re very flirtatious and I reciprocate this, yet I know at the same time they think I’m sexually experienced because I am able to meet them on their level in this kind of discussion. Though I’ve now begun to feel that I am at the point of no return.

I’m worried this will be a deal-breaker for many, and I’m embarrassed to admit it.

I feel so alone in this.

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You're never obligated to tell anyone your sexual past. There is no need to, ever.

You can either be coy about it and say "I don't kiss and tell", and if someone is pushing for more information, just tell them straight out that you prefer not to talk about your past...and mean it.

You don't have to tell anyone anything.

You're no where near the "point of no return". You have a great deal of time and years left to date and have experiences yet.

There is no timeline on when to have sex, or when it's expected.

Everyone is different and develops in their own time. 

Go with the flow, keep doing what you've been doing, chat with men until you find one worthwhile to date and when the time comes to be intimate, make sure he's worthwhile and ready to give you a commitment.

Even though you seem rushed to not be a virgin anymore, don't sleep with the first man who is willing.

You're worth much more than that.

Give yourself time, and find a man who truly does care about you and with whom you've created an emotional bond with.

Good luck. 

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3 hours ago, milkpeachtea said:

. I’ve been successful in getting matches and meeting men, 

Your sexual history is your business and not something to discuss with men.

However it's a good idea to see your physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health, get some tests done, reevaluate your medical condition, get help with weight management.

Most importantly have a discussion about contraception and STDs. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist to navigate relationships and dating.

Do you work? Live at home? Are you on dating apps? Which ones?

Who told you you have to tell men you're a virgin? 

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Respectfully, I dont think any guy would care so much about that. I mean, you are 30 so they would maybe wonder why you havent done it before. But as far as the other stuff goes, female virginity is not regarded as an issue. Heck, some guys would probably prefer you that way. There is a girl that sold her virginity for millions of dollars lol

I would explore more why you have taken so long to even do stuff like kissing. And is it because you waited or that you maybe have a fear of intimacy. Because that would be a real problem where you would have to get professional help.

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14 hours ago, milkpeachtea said:

The title says it all. I’m almost 30 and I’ve never kissed a guy or had any kind of physical intimacy. I’m not ugly and have experienced sexual attraction/interest from men and even gone on dates. However I still have not even kissed a man, and this is a huge embarrassment for me.

I am now at a point in my life where the idea of having a partner is something I know I really want. I do have low self-esteem issues, I’ve also gained a lot of weight during the pandemic due to an ongoing health issue. And despite all of this, I have decided to put myself out there and start dating again. I’ve been successful in getting matches and meeting men, but knowing that I’ll have to tell them I’m a virgin at some point terrifies me. They’re very flirtatious and I reciprocate this, yet I know at the same time they think I’m sexually experienced because I am able to meet them on their level in this kind of discussion. Though I’ve now begun to feel that I am at the point of no return.

I’m worried this will be a deal-breaker for many, and I’m embarrassed to admit it.

I feel so alone in this.

Your sexual past only has to be shared to the extent that it involves a potential STD that you could give to another person and even then you don't have to go into detail right? That's not an issue for you.  Also I assume if your weight truly is because of a medical condition then you are under proper medical care to resolve the underlying issue.  Some men are fine with a woman who is overweight and for some it will be an issue either because of attraction/preference or concerns about your health -so you may need to share at some point that your medical condition caused the weight gain and you are working on getting that condition under control.  

That's great that you're getting interest as far as dates! I think it's totally fine that you might have less sexual experience than the average 30 year old -for all you know so will your partner -and I bet neither of you will be able to tell.  

Did you not desire to kiss/touch/be affectionate with men prior to this? If so why?

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