1 Month after Fiancée Gallbladder Removal Surgery and Pain not Improving

[Collegeguy]

Hi Everyone,

My fiancée had a Cholecystectomy to remove her gallbladder exactly 1 month ago today and she's still feeling the same pain, nausea, fever, and headaches she had from right after the surgery. We went back to the ER 3 times since the surgery due to the pain.  The doctors performed all the advanced imaging and lab tests available and could not find any signs of damage from the surgery or any signs that require immediate intervention.  The doctors could tell with her elevated white blood cell count, fever, vomiting on an empty stomach that it wasn't just in her head. The best they could come up with is that her stomach has been spasming after the surgery which is causing all the issues and gave her muscle relaxers in hopes that will solve the problem until our follow up appointment with the primary care tomorrow.  I'm looking for exactly what I need to ask and say to make sure we at least address the issue and come up with some kind of plan.

Some background might help here.  When this first happened, we had the choice to go to a local hospital that didn't have the greatest reputation and Northwestern Hospital where I worked and knew had world class doctors and facilities. She chose to go to the local hospital because it was closer to her bff's house. Her Bff is a home nurse and she is the only one my fiancée will listen to. It was complete chaos at this hospital with no communication with patients or even between staff.  We had to explain on several occasions what was going on because we kept getting  different staffs and doctors, all saying different things. Finally, after the surgery, I get a call from the surgeon saying the surgery went well. He was surprised that the ultrasound didn't show any issues, but when he got in there it was extremely inflamed and infected. He said it was nothing to be alarmed about, he got everything and she would be back to normal in 2-3 days and could go back to eating like normal the next day if she wanted to.

The pain continued to persist and she began vomiting and developed a fever.  We went to the same hospital and waited for hours for the ER doctor to tell us its the normal healing process of the body.  This time my Fiancée announces that she's a lawyer and gets her bff nurse friend on the phone to grill the doctor. Pretty much they gave her some pain medicine and nausea medication to get her to the surgeon follow up appointment at the 2 week mark after the surgery.  The surgeon follow up appoint comes and the surgeon spends about 10 minutes max examining her and concludes that it must be the body's normal healing process, although he cannot say for certain. 

I finally had enough and took her to Northwestern for a 2nd opinion.  The doctors took a different approach and said its been over 2 weeks and they needed to aggressively find out what's going on. They performed all the advance testing to rule out different possibilities, but at least they went through the process to rule things out instead of making guesses like the other hospital.  She improved with her pain, fever, and everything at Northwestern.  But while we were getting discharged, she gets her bff on speaker phone and again start questioning every word out of the doctor's mouth to the point you could tell they just wanted us to leave already.

She won't listen to anyone except her bff.  My fiancée made the decision on where to get the surgery based on where her friend lives. Her friend told her she didn't need to go to a primary care follow-up as directed on the discharge papers. She won't drink fluids, eat, or rest until she feels like it or unless her friend tells her to. And now she's starting to feel the pain, nausea, and everything again. When I or someone else says something about relying too much on what her friend says, she gets defensive and that doesn't help her physically.

I am so tired and exhausted, I'm in a dark place and don't see the light at the end of this at this pace. I'm going to eventually lose my job, they can only be so understanding to a point.  But its all a joke when she's talking with her friend about everything.  She doesn't even take me or my situation into consideration, when she does, its only as a backhanded comment to make me feel bad. 

I'm clearly exhausted, fatigued, depressed, and upset about the influence her friend has on her and the decision making that brought us here.  I'm not thinking straight, but there's nothing I can do now before the primary care appointment tomorrow to change that.  I'm looking for help coming up with a clear and concise list of questions to ask the primary care doctor so that we can have some kind of plan of action.

Can anyone please help me?

  

[catfeeder]

Sorry you're going through this. I hope someone here can help you, but it's not a medical forum.

Based on your knowledge of all symptoms, tests, findings, etc. can you not work from BFFs list of questions, given that she's had a list in every prior situation, and then decide on points in that list that don't satisfy you to improve from there?

Fingers crossed for you and GF.

 

[boltnrun]

I can't give you medical advice. All I can do is tell you I had my gallbladder out many years ago and I was pretty much completely healed in one week.

If your fiancee refuses any additional medical treatment there isn't anything you can do. 

Is there anyone else who can sit with her so you can go back to work? I don't think losing your job will help the situation.

I hope she gets tired of feeling unwell and chooses to get appropriate medical treatment.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Collegeguy said:

  I'm looking for help coming up with a clear and concise list of questions to ask the primary care doctor so that we can have some kind of plan of action.

Let her handle her own healthcare . Try not to involve yourself in a power struggle with the friend.

You don't need to go with her and certainly don't need a list of questions that you ask. She should be alone in the exam and consultation room because what's between her and her doctors is private and confidential.

You need to step away from this, particularly this power struggle about who she listens to and who she sees as far as medical care.

It's not your job to come up with a plan of action. She's an adult and only she can decide what medical intervention she wants. That's not up to you.

She's not a puppy you need to take to the vet.  She's her own person

[DarkCh0c0]

Is she like this only when it comes to her health, or also when it comes to other areas of the relationship/ her life?

You have to also realize that she is her own adult and she handles the responsibility of her actions. Don't put this on you.

[Seraphim]

You just need to live your life and go to work. When she gets tired of being sick and her friend leading her on wild goose chases she will do something about it. I had my gallbladder out almost 25 years ago now . I have lingering gastric problems but not fever and pain or anything you describe and certainly no similar issues to what I had before it was out . 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Collegeguy said:

I am so tired and exhausted, I'm in a dark place and don't see the light at the end of this at this pace. I'm going to eventually lose my job, they can only be so understanding to a point.  But its all a joke when she's talking with her friend about everything.  She doesn't even take me or my situation into consideration, when she does, its only as a backhanded comment to make me feel bad. 

Agree with the others that this is a medical issue.  You've reached your limit and your job is very important.  When is your wedding date? Where are her parents/family? Can they come help? I mean yes cut her slack as she's in pain and her treatment of you can't always be as it was.  But what was it like before-how does she handle her own illnesses or yours? What does she joke about -that she's not that sick -or your help?

[reinventmyself]

Her friend is driving this show.  Her friend should give up her time to sit with her.

I know my comment isn't helpful.  Sorry.

I too had my gallbladder out.   It took a couple weeks for the soreness of the surgery to go away. But I was back to work after 5 days. It took a few months before I figured out how to eat a little differently.  (no fatty foods, smaller meals, etc)  Everyone's experience is different. 

The only thing that stands out to me was that there was an infection prior and may still be lingering.  But surely, with all the tests they would be on the look out for that.

I would gently begin to step back.  It's certainly more than reasonable to tell her you need to keep your job and you have no choice but to get back to work.  Tell her you are supportive of her and will check on her throughout the day.  But unless there is something concrete to work with, this is something you need to wean yourself away from.

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry for your fiancee and you.

Both my mother-in-law (MIL) and sister-in-law (SIL) had their gallbladders removed and it took many months for them to heal and recover.  Everyone is different. 

My husband and I had surgeries and we never followed textbook cases.  It took us longer to recover.  Other patients bounced back quickly whereas with us, we had to take baby steps and baby ourselves for a long time before we ever returned to a sense of normalcy. 

Be patient.  It's only been one month.  It takes a lot of time to feel normal again.

[moodindigo91]

I'm sorry to hear about what is happening. I am not a doctor or medical practitioner, but I am a lawyer specializing in medical malpractice. 

First, I agree that she is responsible for her own healthcare, especially if you two are not yet married.
Secondly, if her friend is so involved, maybe this friend can help takeover some of the burden you're apparently being faced with. I don't see how you could lose your job over this but if that is a concern of yours, you should address it with your employer ahead of time. I also agree with what others have said, in that, your fiancée is not a child and does not need to be accompanied or chaperoned by you every time she attends a doctor's visit or needs to go to the ER. Or perhaps, other people can help share this burden.

Thirdly, your fiancée should obtain copies of her medical records from the hospitalization during which the surgery was performed. It sounds like there is a possibility that something happened during the surgery that your fiancée may be able to obtain legal compensation for. A second opinion from other physicians would be helpful in pointing in the right direction. If you believe there's a claim for medical negligence upon reviewing medical records and obtaining a second opinion, you should contact an attorney to review the case.