My boyfriend parents are against us

[Ann786]

So me and my bf are in relation since 5 years it is a very serious relationship. We are very loyal and never cheated on each other. Few days back his parents came to know about us and told him not to talk to me. Now since that day we are talking i am being strong from my part i have even told him don’t take to much stress. I am always by your side. But he is confused and keep on telling me his parents are telling not to talk to me. He is confused and keeps on saying that he is helpless. Now when we started the relationship I already told him we will only get physical if he will marry me that time he said he will marry me. But now after getting physical nd knowing about his parents he his refusing. Should i tell his parents what he said and promised to me? I am heart broken 

[DarkCh0c0]

How old are you guys? Do you live together? Is this an arranged marriage situation? Why does it take 5 years for his parents to know you?

[Ann786]

We both are 25 years old independent people. Due to some family issues between our families his parents are not approving me. His mother is saying that he want his son to get married to a girl of her choice. He even said bad things about my character without even knowing me.

[Ann786]

5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

How old are you guys? Do you live together? Is this an arranged marriage situation? Why does it take 5 years for his parents to know you?

He told me from the beginning that his mother will approve me once our career will be made. But his mother just did opposite she is against us.

[DarkCh0c0]

6 hours ago, Ann786 said:

But he is confused and keep on telling me his parents are telling not to talk to me. He is confused and keeps on saying that he is helpless.

So this man won't stand up for you.

When faced between you and his parents, HE's choosing his parents.

Don't be with someone who doesn't show you you're his #1 priority and choice.

[waffle]

6 hours ago, Ann786 said:

. . . I already told him we will only get physical if he will marry me that time he said he will marry me. But now . . . he his refusing. 

Lesson learned right there.  If that's important to you you'll have to exchange vows FIRST.

[Cherylyn]

I agree with others.  5 years is a long time to be in a relationship to recently realize what you are just now discovering.  

I'm sorry about your broken heart.  💔

You can't defer to your boyfriend because he will never defend you.  His parents have elevated status above you.  You're not important to his parents and you're not important to your boyfriend either. 

He shouldn't be confused.  He should know how to speak up and defend you.  He's really a coward because he fears his parents.  His confusion and helplessness has nothing to do with it.  He's intimidated by his parents, therefore,  he allows them to dictate what he should do.  He told you that he was "confused and helpless"  to minimize and deflect his lack of deliberate involvement regarding this issue.  Don't believe his excuses. 

I'm sorry.  You are naive.  He told you that he'll marry you after you get physical with him and after you were physical with him, he got what he wanted so why should he promise you marriage?  He played you for a fool.  He took advantage of your naivete.  

His parents don't approve of you.  He won't speak up for you.  You have 3 people against you; not just his parents.  This is a losing battle.  You will never be treated fairly.  He defers to his mother to choose the right woman for him.  His mother is the boss.  Apparently, this right woman is NOT you.  Grow accustomed to this hopeless situation because nothing will change.  He said bad things about your character.  He deceived and betrayed you.  He bad mouths you !  You can't trust him.  Why are you still with him after 5 years?  Why do you continue having a relationship with a man who does not love nor care for you sincerely and honorably?   You're the one who needs control of your life by deciding who deserves to be with you and who should be eliminated from your life otherwise you will continue to be used and abused. 

Don't believe whatever he tells you because he lied to you and he'll lie to you again in the future.  Once a liar, always a liar.  Don't take foolhardy risks.  You'll never be able to trust him.  You'll never be able to look at him the same way anymore.  Trust is dead. 

He will not change for you.  You can never change a man.  He is who he is.  Either accept him as is or make intelligent choices in your life by discarding him and his family. 

You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.  Any other way is intolerable and unacceptable. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Ann786 said:

His mother is saying that he want his son to get married to a girl of her choice. 

Are either of you scheduled for an arranged marriage? 

[Ann786]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

I agree with others.  5 years is a long time to be in a relationship to recently realize what you are just now discovering.  

I'm sorry about your broken heart.  💔

You can't defer to your boyfriend because he will never defend you.  His parents have elevated status above you.  You're not important to his parents and you're not important to your boyfriend either. 

He shouldn't be confused.  He should know how to speak up and defend you.  He's really a coward because he fears his parents.  His confusion and helplessness has nothing to do with it.  He's intimidated by his parents, therefore,  he allows them to dictate what he should do.  He told you that he was "confused and helpless"  to minimize and deflect his lack of deliberate involvement regarding this issue.  Don't believe his excuses. 

I'm sorry.  You are naive.  He told you that he'll marry you after you get physical with him and after you were physical with him, he got what he wanted so why should he promise you marriage?  He played you for a fool.  He took advantage of your naivete.  

His parents don't approve of you.  He won't speak up for you.  You have 3 people against you; not just his parents.  This is a losing battle.  You will never be treated fairly.  He defers to his mother to choose the right woman for him.  His mother is the boss.  Apparently, this right woman is NOT you.  Grow accustomed to this hopeless situation because nothing will change.  He said bad things about your character.  He deceived and betrayed you.  He bad mouths you !  You can't trust him.  Why are you still with him after 5 years?  Why do you continue having a relationship with a man who does not love nor care for you sincerely and honorably?   You're the one who needs control of your life by deciding who deserves to be with you and who should be eliminated from your life otherwise you will continue to be used and abused. 

Don't believe whatever he tells you because he lied to you and he'll lie to you again in the future.  Once a liar, always a liar.  Don't take foolhardy risks.  You'll never be able to trust him.  You'll never be able to look at him the same way anymore.  Trust is dead. 

He will not change for you.  You can never change a man.  He is who he is.  Either accept him as is or make intelligent choices in your life by discarding him and his family. 

You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.  Any other way is intolerable and unacceptable. 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankyou so much for your suggestion but i am,I don’t know why i am not ready to accept the heart break. He is a very gfod boy with good nature. I don’t want something bad to happen with him. 

[Cherylyn]

11 minutes ago, Ann786 said:

Thankyou so much for your suggestion but i am,I don’t know why i am not ready to accept the heart break. He is a very gfod boy with good nature. I don’t want something bad to happen with him. 

It's better to accept the heartbreak now than later.  He does not have good nature.  He is afflicted with many incurable defects.  Something bad will happen to YOU should you decide to marry him.  Don't make a tremendous mistake.  You'll regret it for the rest of your life.  Both of you are very incompatible. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Ann786 said:

He is confused and keeps on saying that he is helpless. after getting physical nd knowing about his parents he his refusing. 

 He is not "confused". He is a snake🐍. He knew all along that his parents will arrange a marriage for him to a woman of their culture/religion/social class and he tricked you into sex by lying to you. Block him. Do not waste your youth on someone like this.

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, Ann786 said:

... in relation since 5 years ... Few days back his parents came to know about us

You both already knew how his parents would react, otherwise, why hide it from them for 5 years?

[Ann786]

Because he said that his mom will approve our relationship.

[MissCanuck]

I think you need to do the hard thing and realize this relationship is probably over. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Ann786 said:

Because he said that his mom will approve our relationship.

He said that to get into your pants. If he were honest and sincere he would have introduced you to his family a long time ago and married you Before sex.

Get rid of him. Focus on men who are honest sincere and don't hide you from family or make promises they don't keep just to have sex.

There's no point telling his family. 

[catfeeder]

13 hours ago, Ann786 said:

Because he said that his mom will approve our relationship.

He used that ploy until it best suited him to drop you.

You never considered it suspicious that he would hide you?

Never allow someone to keep you a secret. It will never add up to anything good.

[Cherylyn]

14 hours ago, Ann786 said:

Because he said that his mom will approve our relationship.

Never believe everything you hear.  Chalk it up to your naivete.  I'm sorry.  Live and learn. 

[Ann786]

You guys are right. I think he was just playing with my feelings. Now when he realised his parents caught him. He started taking back step. He was not good from the beginning. I wish i knew this before. He has completed changed after his parents came to know about everything.

[Cherylyn]

26 minutes ago, Ann786 said:

You guys are right. I think he was just playing with my feelings. Now when he realised his parents caught him. He started taking back step. He was not good from the beginning. I wish i knew this before. He has completed changed after his parents came to know about everything.

He took advantage of your naivete.  You haven't experienced the wicked ways of this world yet.  People are very worldly.  Now you know.  You've been tricked.  You were deceived.  Learn these harsh lessons.

Learn to differentiate between classy people and people who need to be eliminated from your life.

[Andrina]

You were his starter relationship so he could sow his wild oats before having to appease his parents. In the future, if a man doesn't introduce you to his parents when the relationship becomes serious in your eyes, it's time to move on. Don't waste so much time in the future on such precarious situations.

The good thing is that now you have life experience under your belt, and can date more wisely in the future. Stay alone a good long year to mourn this relationship and heal. If you go back into the dating pool too fast, you might make another wrong choice. Best to first take your time and get into a good mindset. Take care.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Ann786 said:

You guys are right. I think he was just playing with my feelings. Now when he realised his parents caught him. He started taking back step. He was not good from the beginning. I wish i knew this before. He has completed changed after his parents came to know about everything.

This never occurred to you while being kept a secret. You were fine with that...really?

[Ann786]

7 hours ago, catfeeder said:

This never occurred to you while being kept a secret. You were fine with that...really?

I trusted him. His parents also knew he used to talk to me but doesn’t stop him at that time but few days back when his aunt call his mom that something is going on between your son and that girl she became furious. And told his father, he tried to take mu side but they tell him that nothing gonna happen between our families. Before this incident his parents already knew that he  was talking to a girl and they were chill they had no problem!

 

 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Ann786 said:

 Before this incident his parents already knew that he  was talking to a girl and they were chill they had no problem!

Because they apparently didn't think you were in a relationship with their son. 

Do you not see how that completely changed the goalposts for them? 

[Ann786]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Because they apparently didn't think you were in a relationship with their son. 

Do you not see how that completely changed the goalposts for them? 

Yes he have completely changed

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Ann786 said:

Yes he have completely changed

No, he didn't. He Never introduced you to family. Ever. In 5 Years. He never married you or offered engagement or anything else. Ever.

He never changed. You did. You're angry he broke it off.

You willingly engaged in premarital sex with someone who kept you a secret. That's entirely your responsibility. You're not a victim. You're just an angry scorned ex GF.