A little puzzled what's going on here

[sleepytime]

This is long but I will try and make it short.. So I (37m) was dating my girlfriend (26f) for 3 1/2 months got along great and all that very supportive and all but a few things that stood out.. the first one was family not here (back in her home country) it was ok for me to be seen.. however her cousin in NJ she tried to hide me but she figured something was up when she was giving me a tour of the house.. when she didn't have her bluetooth headset on she wanted me to put myself on mute.. skip forward a month we planned a 5 day vacation to Miami beach.. it was amazing had a great time and all.. So the same cousin that she toured me around the home the one she didn't want me to see yet or whatever.. I ended up meeting her and she was nice (I don't get the big deal) ok fast forward a few months she had an ex that I kind of told her she needs to do something about (he was spam texting and calling) It took a hell of a lot of convincing to change her phone number  (she has a lot of job contacts) She resisted but she finally did it and told me that it was not as bad as she thought. Anyways all was good.. then until one day she was like I kinda need my space (I just woke up) I was confused and she just said she wanted her space like she wanted to break up but even she said I don't know but I think you know what I mean. She told me to take my stuff out and just go back home... On the weekend she told me to come her to her place and I asked her what's up and she's like I just wanted to spend time with you before you go back to work. mind you she used to send me a lot of emoji's and I love you's to me and I noticed it slowly stopping.. I told her I sensed that she didn't really speak on that.

 

So A few times I tried to kiss her she tried to pull away and give me her cheek but she kissed on the lips anyways.. I got upset because I sent a text at 7:10 am and she didn't respond (sent 2 more texts) until 6:10 pm asking me what's up.. and that is when I noticed she liked a post on IG 2 min after it was posted but she was unable to say anything to me.. and her response was "I just didn't want to talk to you" I went off on her how it was rude.. she laughed and I hung up on her (All a facetime call)

 

So for her she blocked my phone number and blocked me on IG and she did that for 1 Week and she sent me a text on this past Saturday saying "call me when you get the time" I called but I forgot she said she was going out to the west coast so the time difference. Anyways she wanted to talk about the break up (why a week?) And why we can't be together TBH it sounded like a bunch of nothing she was more so looking to see where I was at and telling me that the women in the family they have so much love to give that they don't have any extra for the person they are dating and she's like I don't want that to happen to you... (say what?) I let her speak since that was one of the things she hated was me not letting her say everything she had to say. after she said all that it was just like awkward pauses. She said she would contact me later which she did.. she started sending me photos of her and her younger siblings shes been facetiming a lot now the longest we had since the whole "breakup" was a 5 hour facetime call and it was her with her siblings she referred to me as "friend" to them which another thing is when her earbud died she wanted me to mute myself.. if I'm a friend why do I need to mute myself? She again toured me around the home and whatnot. She was going to lay down to take a nap and keep facetime on but that didn't happen.

Now she's facetiming from the pool and before she hung up she stuck her tongue out at me.. she's sent me photos of her in her swimsuit she's changed into her swimsuit in the bathroom she called me last night a 25 second facetime call asking me what's up and just letting me know she was going back in the pool at night.. I was a little puzzled she seems to want to keep me involved.

IMHO it seems like she's unsure about the break up or shes just trying to make me feel a certain way? I noticed a pattern if she texts me and I don't respond almost 90% of the time she will facetime me.

 

I wont like I still love her we got along well but this is just confusing for me.

 

[Batya33]

How did you two meet? This sounds like needless drama.

[sleepytime]

43 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

How did you two meet? This sounds like needless drama.

We met online but what do you think about it?

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, sleepytime said:

We met online but what do you think about it?

So you knew none of her friends/family before this -she was a stranger. What I think is what I wrote above - this sounds like too much needless drama to be worth pursuing.

[sleepytime]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So you knew none of her friends/family before this -she was a stranger. What I think is what I wrote above - this sounds like too much needless drama to be worth pursuing.

She slowly let me see some of them but not the main members (mom/dad) I just saw the cousins.. one in which she didn't want me to meet yet but ended up letting me see anyways I think she blew it up to be a bigger deal than it needed to be.

 

I still think she has me as baby Mikey on her phone she still hides when people are around that shes in a facetime call with me by moving her phone down.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, sleepytime said:

She slowly let me see some of them but not the main members (mom/dad) I just saw the cousins.. one in which she didn't want me to meet yet but ended up letting me see anyways I think she blew it up to be a bigger deal than it needed to be.

 

I still think she has me as baby Mikey on her phone she still hides when people are around that shes in a facetime call with me by moving her phone down.

My sense is she is involved with someone else and/or married.  

[DancingFool]

Sounds like she is messing about with you for sh$ts and giggles.

Consider that the guy blowing up her phone wasn't so much a crazy ex but rather that she was leading him on and messing him about same way she is doing to you now. You've literally stepped into the dude's shoes.

Methinks you are a bit too old to be so gullible. Drop her and move on. 

[sleepytime]

2 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Sounds like she is messing about with you for sh$ts and giggles.

Consider that the guy blowing up her phone wasn't so much a crazy ex but rather that she was leading him on and messing him about same way she is doing to you now. You've literally stepped into the dude's shoes.

Methinks you are a bit too old to be so gullible. Drop her and move on. 

I didn't get into the ex part but the crazy thing is (the reason why she moved to the east coast) Is he beat her she told me about the fights they got in and I wondered why she waited so long to say anything (didn't tell her parents) btw the guy is in his 40's and shes 26 she was telling me she didn't know how to tell them.. I had to almost twist her arm to get her to tell the parents and they were pissed she waited so long to say anything..

my ex left so fast she left her car behind and this guy was going to drive from CA to NV to go get her car.. he trashed everything in her storage unit ripped up her passport.. I was with her when he kept spamming her phone with text messages and said to her she would be a horrible mother and hopes she never has any kids. (She wanted kids with him but he didn't want anymore) He has one son who my ex watched grow up and I told her you don't have to stay attached to him because of that.. you didn't birth him.. I was a little blunt but it was the truth..

One person told me it was trauma bonding my ex got slammed, punched..

[sleepytime]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My sense is she is involved with someone else and/or married.  

But say she refers as she did to the younger siblings this is my friend.. why do I still have to hide myself? Sounds backwards.. I try to kind of call her out on it without saying anything like I don't have my earbuds in and I don't hide my phone around my friends.. I would hope she gets what I'm doing by that.

 

As I said in the post below the guy the ex she dealt with before me that beat on her is older than her she feels to need to be attached because of his kid which I told her it's not hers so she doesn't need to be.

 

I can almost assure you when she gets back shes going to want to meet up by talking or sex.

[DancingFool]

4 minutes ago, sleepytime said:

I didn't get into the ex part but the crazy thing is (the reason why she moved to the east coast) Is he beat her she told me about the fights they got in and I wondered why she waited so long to say anything (didn't tell her parents) btw the guy is in his 40's and shes 26 she was telling me she didn't know how to tell them.. I had to almost twist her arm to get her to tell the parents and they were pissed she waited so long to say anything..

my ex left so fast she left her car behind and this guy was going to drive from CA to NV to go get her car.. he trashed everything in her storage unit ripped up her passport.. I was with her when he kept spamming her phone with text messages and said to her she would be a horrible mother and hopes she never has any kids. (She wanted kids with him but he didn't want anymore) He has one son who my ex watched grow up and I told her you don't have to stay attached to him because of that.. you didn't birth him.. I was a little blunt but it was the truth..

One person told me it was trauma bonding my ex got slammed, punched..

OK, I still stand by what I said that she is messing you about and that you are too old to be this gullible.

This young woman clearly has issues and should be single and getting herself sorted out instead of playing dangerous games with various men that are way too old for her. She is still very much toxic and as such is making toxic decisions for herself.

The better question is why are you still involved? Don't play Capt'n-save-a-ho.

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, sleepytime said:

But say she refers as she did to the younger siblings this is my friend.. why do I still have to hide myself? Sounds backwards.. I try to kind of call her out on it without saying anything like I don't have my earbuds in and I don't hide my phone around my friends.. I would hope she gets what I'm doing by that.

Why don't you just stop all of this?

it's clear she's not all there 😕 .  She prefers to hide you to most and you don't like her behaviour.

2 hours ago, sleepytime said:

I didn't get into the ex part but the crazy thing is (the reason why she moved to the east coast) Is he beat her she told me about the fights they got in and I wondered why she waited so long to say anything (didn't tell her parents) btw the guy is in his 40's and shes 26 she was telling me she didn't know how to tell them.. I had to almost twist her arm to get her to tell the parents and they were pissed she waited so long to say anything..

And why are you getting this involved with some woman you've only been involved with for a little over 3 mos? 

 

She needs some down time I feel.  Meaning no dating.  Until she feels more herself again.  If someone is hiding you , is clear they are not comfortable at all.

 

3 hours ago, sleepytime said:

So A few times I tried to kiss her she tried to pull away and give me her cheek but she kissed on the lips anyways.. I got upset because I sent a text at 7:10 am and she didn't respond (sent 2 more texts) until 6:10 pm asking me what's up.. and that is when I noticed she liked a post on IG 2 min after it was posted but she was unable to say anything to me.. and her response was "I just didn't want to talk to you" I went off on her how it was rude.. she laughed and I hung up on her (All a facetime call)

This should say enough... right?

Way too much uncertainty.  Nope, I'd be done with all of this.

 

[Kwothe28]

7 hours ago, sleepytime said:

I noticed a pattern if she texts me and I don't respond almost 90% of the time she will facetime me.

That is because she is looking for attention. When you dont give it to her, she responds so she could get it. Like a little kid.

Anyway, I am puzzled why do you even stay there. Its too much drama. For somebody who is really not a very good candidate for a relationship, is wishy-washy, hides you from her family and just apparently wants you there for attention. You are 37. Dont allow her to spin you around her little finger. Delete and block her and find somebody who will reciprocitate your attention properly. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, sleepytime said:

 A few times I tried to kiss her she tried to pull away and give me her cheek but she kissed on the lips anyways..

Leave her alone. The breakup is the signal that it's over. You seem to have issues with respecting boundaries from physical force to continued contact once it's over.

[MissCanuck]

OP, you need to just walk away from this. 

She's too immature (and not into you enough) for the relationship you're seeking. 

[catfeeder]

I can't read the whole thing, but she sounds amused that she can just boss you around and you'll obey and follow while she makes fun of you.

Why do you stick around for this?

[sleepytime]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Leave her alone. The breakup is the signal that it's over. You seem to have issues with respecting boundaries from physical force to continued contact once it's over.

I did leave her alone she's the one that called me after a week of NC she's the one making all the calls to me I haven't made one outgoing call to her since her telling me the break up part which I have a strong feeling it's going to morph into FWB.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, sleepytime said:

I did leave her alone she's the one that called me after a week of NC she's the one making all the calls to me I haven't made one outgoing call to her since her telling me the break up part which I have a strong feeling it's going to morph into FWB.

FWB meaning a sexual arrangement -you're not good friends deciding to have sex.  Who cares if she is making calls.  It takes two -you're choosing to respond.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, sleepytime said:

I  I have a strong feeling it's going to morph into FWB.

Sounds more like wishful thinking on your part. Once it's over, move on.

[sleepytime]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds more like wishful thinking on your part. Once it's over, move on.

I wish I could agree with you but I just can't with this one.