Me hating my classmates in highschool and being lonely inside and outside of school and home

[Ali Agamy]

I am currently a sophomore in highschool and DESPISE my classmates because they aren't human beings. What I mean by that is that every day inside and outside of class the students are making noise and when the teacher is explaining they chat and call out each other's names which is obviously a big problem for others like me who want to focus. Now I understand, we aren't all the same and we need to accept others for who they are but I just can't accept someone who is chaotic and noisy 24/7. They also always never talk to or include me in anything so I basically feel like a ghost in class. Me being left out makes me feel lonely all the time which has basically showed me that they are all fake friends.

Now that's inside school, at home I am basically lonely too, I have no friends, no one calls me or contacts me even though I try to get in contact with friends but they just ignore me. All of this has basically made me keep to myself and not be friends with anyone. Over the years I have actually been enjoying my own company so I have gotten used to being a loner.

 

[Ali Agamy]

If anyone has any advice please feel free to leave a comment

[Jibralta]

6 minutes ago, Ali Agamy said:

If anyone has any advice please feel free to leave a comment

You haven't asked a question. (Ask one).

[Batya33]

Have you considered volunteer opportunities where you can connect with compassionate people - like volunteering at an animal shelter or a community garden or even helping backstage at a community theater?

[Ali Agamy]

How can I befriend the right people to make sure they won't ignore me and actually be real friends

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, Ali Agamy said:

How can I befriend the right people to make sure they won't ignore me and actually be real friends

In the way I suggested.  

[Ali Agamy]

Any Other suggestions?

 

[Ali Agamy]

@Batya33

[Kwothe28]

Sophmore is first grade? That is the perfect opportunity to actually make some friends. For example, I am not and wasnt really an extrovert and was more closed up person. But through high school I tried to mingle. Meaning to go out there and talk to my classmates and people in school during recess. Couple of us were "travelers"(coming from nearby city in same bus) so I had crowd for that, couple of us men were having our own crowd, I am tall so I played basketball and hang out with people like that etc. Still wasnt that popular and wasnt invited to every event, but I got around and was invited to most like birthdays, parties or hanging outs. 

What I am trying to say is that you dont know most of those people. And that you need to mingle and try to talk to them and get to know them. Nobody would invite you to anything as they dont know you and you dont know them, And you need to find your own crowd. Do you have clubs in your school? Maybe join some that interest you and meet some like-minded people that way. 

[Wiseman2]

51 minutes ago, Ali Agamy said:

I am currently a sophomore in highschool and DESPISE my classmates because they aren't human beings.

How old are you? Ask your parents to take you to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health.

This level of hostility and withdrawal and sensitivity to noise may indicate neurological or psychiatric issues, including depression.

Anything you say to a physician is confidential. You can ask for a referral to an adolescent psychologist/psychiatrist for ongoing support.

If you are being bullied or having trouble at home there is help for you, but you must speak to a trusted adult or healthcare provider.

[Ali Agamy]

@Kwothe28i have known these classmates since third grade (for 8 years) and so when they were young I hung out them a lot but as they grew up they became more distant and unfortunately I don't clubs at my school

[Jibralta]

32 minutes ago, Ali Agamy said:

How can I befriend the right people to make sure they won't ignore me and actually be real friends

Very easy: Stop despising them.

[Ali Agamy]

@Wiseman2I am 16 years old and before posting this I went to physician and told him my problems and he said to try to ignore them but I can't and he said to try make new friends but I've already gotten used to being alone and am sometimes too shy to go up to someone and talk to them

[Ali Agamy]

@Jibraltabro you're joking, right

I'm bring serious

I can't stop despising them

[Jibralta]

1 minute ago, Ali Agamy said:

@Jibraltabro you're joking, right

I'm bring serious

I can't stop despising them

No, I'm not joking. If you can't stop despising them, there's something wrong with you. I agree with Wiseman:

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This level of hostility and withdrawal and sensitivity to noise may indicate neurological or psychiatric issues, including depression.

[Ali Agamy]

Man idk I'll try I guess

Thanks for the advice

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Ali Agamy said:

@Jibraltabro you're joking, right

I'm bring serious

I can't stop despising them

You Need to speak to an adult. You need to be evaluated Specifically by a pediatric neurologist/ Adolescent psychiatrist. You are a risk and at risk. Don't simmer in silence until you explode and hurt someone/get hurt. Snark won't help you.

[Ali Agamy]

Sure thing I'll try

Thanks

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Ali Agamy said:

@Batya33

Yes.  I suggest you read what others are writing. That’s the best suggestion I have. I started doing volunteer work at age 14. Changed my life including socially. I’m 55. Oh and you’re welcome. (You might consider that cliche about making friends by being a friend plus treating others like you expect to be treated - I’d ditch the social media speak of “tagging “ me and instead perhaps first say a simple “thanks for your advice “ before asking  for more.  Best of luck !

[RelaxByWater84]

One of the best pieces of advice I got was to consider reasons why a person might be acting the way they do.  The classmate that is loud might not get any attention at home.  Their parents might ignore them until they make a mistake.  

Volunteering and joining clubs such as 4-H outside of school was a great way to make friends.  You get to learn valuable skills while having fun!

I would love to be able to volunteer more but I can't since I work long hours due to the nature of my job.  Take advantage while you can!

[Ali Agamy]

@RelaxByWater84yeah you're right thanks 😀

[Capricorn3]

12 hours ago, Ali Agamy said:

I am currently a sophomore in highschool and DESPISE my classmates because they aren't human beings

^ There's your answer why no-one is your friend.  You use the word hate, despise and aren't human beings.  And then you wonder why you are alone and never included in anything?? Seriously?  OP, with that negative and hateful attitude you are going to be a very lonely person throughout your life.  Hating and despising people is certainly not going to make you popular with anyone - in fact the total opposite, which you have found out.

Change your attitude. Don't sit and wait for people to come to you.  YOU need to insert yourself, make conversation, join in activities etc etc. 

Talk to your parents, teachers, or the school counsellor and look into therapy to help you work out where all your hate is coming from.

[Ali Agamy]

Sure thing thanks for the advice

@capricorn3

[1a1a]

Do wonder what comes first, the hate or the exclusion. I can see how being excluded can lead to hate. 
 

But in this instance you will be winning at life if you can shift your mindset, like leagues ahead of your peers. I think maybe two things you could try, one, next time someone does something annoying, catch your inner monologue and re write it ‘I notice I am feeling like this person is doing something really annoying but it is just a feeling and it will pass.’ You’re really aiming for Buddhist detachment from value judgements here and if you want to go down the rabbit hole get stuck into Buddhist philosophy. 
 

The other thing you could try next time someone annoys you is acknowledging that annoyance but then find and list three things about them you appreciate. A challenge in your current headspace I expect but one worth tackling I think. 
 

Aside from that irritation and negative feeling are pretty par for the course with feeling depressed. If mental health care is available to you make use of it. 
 

Good luck, we really can think ourselves into an enjoyable or a hellish life. 

[mylolita]

Hey Ali,

 

Most people, in their younger school years, go through a “hate the world and all the people in it” phase. It‘s very common. Maybe that’s why things like Punk Rock came about - ha!

 

What are your interests? What really makes your eyes light up? Are you into music? Do you play an instrument? Do you write? Game? Like sports? Like to read? Any other unusual or off best interests and hobbies? There are groups, online and in real life, for just about any of these things, where you can connect with people and you will instantly have that common ground. Book groups, join a band, start surfing school, gaming meet ups, etc.

 

Best to do this in real life as online has it’s dangers and can simply isolate you more (end up chatting to people online but still being sat alone in your room at the end of the day).

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy, quiet, enjoying study. Everyone is different. There is no point in forcing against our natures, trying to make extroverts introverted and introverted extroverts. We all need to embrace and start liking our own unique traits. I personally found myself on the highly extroverted end of the scale but strangely I do need my alone time and then I can get back too it.

 

16 is a cross roads age. It’s a big time, lots of things going on. You are figuring out who you are. You might already have a good handle on who you are already, what you like and dislike, what you want.

 

Sometimes, people only need one good, real and true friend. There is a big misconception out there that everyone needs a massive group of 15 - 20 people to call up any given time. Finding one true and loyal friend is actually very rare. 
 

Maybe if you joined or started a group, got like minded people like yourself together, you might be lucky enough to find someone you really click with?

 

I’m 32, and I haven’t had a close, blood bond friend since I was about 8 or 9. I have plenty of “friends” but, a true confident? That would have to be my husband. Life is sometimes like that. If you can be by yourself, and be content with your own company, that is a very useful skill in its self.

 

Take the pressure off yourself. Try a few new things, put yourself out there, join a group or volunteer or get a part time job where you will be mingling with people outside of school.

 

All the best,

 

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