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Me hating my classmates in highschool and being lonely inside and outside of school and home


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2 hours ago, Ali Agamy said:

Thanks greatly appreciated 😊

No problem - try not to beat yourself up about it.

 

As long as you are not; mass shooting seething, I think you’ll be just fine.

 

I found I had many groups even outside of school and then college because I took on two part time jobs. When I was 14-17 I worked at an opticians and was a file girl and then at the medical reception. When I was 17-18 I waited tables at a cocktail bar and then worked behind the bar. I had a whole array of friends from those jobs that had nothing to do with school! Older women even; and then, I really got on with a lot of the other young kids and even 20, 25, 30 year olds that worked at the bar. I would do things with them at the weekend too. 
 

A little part time number is real helpful for that and it brings you out of your shell if that is what you would like! Plus, you earn some money of your own and get some independence! 

 

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13 minutes ago, mylolita said:

No problem - try not to beat yourself up about it.

 

As long as you are not; mass shooting seething, I think you’ll be just fine.

 

I found I had many groups even outside of school and then college because I took on two part time jobs. When I was 14-17 I worked at an opticians and was a file girl and then at the medical reception. When I was 17-18 I waited tables at a cocktail bar and then worked behind the bar. I had a whole array of friends from those jobs that had nothing to do with school! Older women even; and then, I really got on with a lot of the other young kids and even 20, 25, 30 year olds that worked at the bar. I would do things with them at the weekend too. 
 

A little part time number is real helpful for that and it brings you out of your shell if that is what you would like! Plus, you earn some money of your own and get some independence! 

 

x

For me it was high school internships plus part time jobs plus a religiously based youth group where I met my people.  I agree.

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Just now, Batya33 said:

For me it was high school internships plus part time jobs plus a religiously based youth group where I met my people.  I agree.

Yes!

 

This also has you meeting people from all ages and all walks of life. You get a real life education, even, just by getting out of the school walls and meeting other people outside of it. They can be the same age still, it doesn’t matter, it’s the act of doing something solo and for yourself.

 

Even the act of the job interview, going through those when you are young, is a great confidence builder. I job hopped so much between 14-21 and just had so many to count - it was easy, whatever I fancied, I would go from one thing to another. So many job interviews. So many people, they are facing their first job interview after university and sometimes even another masters and having panic attacks at 25, 26, 27, over their first interview. If you are shy, it’s a great thing to overcome early. Once you’ve done one, they’re all the same, whether it’s bar work or applying for university placement or becoming a doctor and looking to work in a specific hospital. Someone is sitting you down and asking you questions. Great life skill you won’t learn in school sat in a classroom!

 

I think you’ll be just fine Ali! Just be yourself!

 

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2 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Yes!

 

This also has you meeting people from all ages and all walks of life. You get a real life education, even, just by getting out of the school walls and meeting other people outside of it. They can be the same age still, it doesn’t matter, it’s the act of doing something solo and for yourself.

 

Even the act of the job interview, going through those when you are young, is a great confidence builder. I job hopped so much between 14-21 and just had so many to count - it was easy, whatever I fancied, I would go from one thing to another. So many job interviews. So many people, they are facing their first job interview after university and sometimes even another masters and having panic attacks at 25, 26, 27, over their first interview. If you are shy, it’s a great thing to overcome early. Once you’ve done one, they’re all the same, whether it’s bar work or applying for university placement or becoming a doctor and looking to work in a specific hospital. Someone is sitting you down and asking you questions. Great life skill you won’t learn in school sat in a classroom!

 

I think you’ll be just fine Ali! Just be yourself!

 

x

Yes great point about interviewing.  Or filling out a job application that requires you to promote yourself (with honesty of course).  I got my first internship at 14 because I heard a radio commercial about it.  And jumped on it.  Back then you had to call from a landline to a landline, do your application on paper, etc.  That was over 40 years ago.  I am still Facebook friends with my former boss who was finishing college at the time.  I also stayed in touch with my co-intern for many years and I think we're probably on linkedin together.  Also when you work -obviously there can be office politics and issues but different from school - and interns want to make a good impression for their college applications etc so they're very motivated to behave properly.

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5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes great point about interviewing.  Or filling out a job application that requires you to promote yourself (with honesty of course).  I got my first internship at 14 because I heard a radio commercial about it.  And jumped on it.  Back then you had to call from a landline to a landline, do your application on paper, etc.  That was over 40 years ago.  I am still Facebook friends with my former boss who was finishing college at the time.  I also stayed in touch with my co-intern for many years and I think we're probably on linkedin together.  Also when you work -obviously there can be office politics and issues but different from school - and interns want to make a good impression for their college applications etc so they're very motivated to behave properly.

That is also another good point!

 

Working or doing something outside of school - you can not only make a great friend or friends, you can form work connections for after you leave school!

 

Also in my experience, I found love working my little part time cocktail job! Had no interest in boys my own age. At 18 I was working behind the bar, my now husband comes in, orders a round and chats me up. He was 28. 15 years and 3 kids later, here we are!

 

You can always quit and move on to something else if you don’t like it. 
 

How many people are there in a class anyway? 25, 30? The odds say you are not going to like every single one out of that small section of people. You might not like any, you might love em all. It’s one of those things. Finding people you connect with is a bit of a numbers game, corny as that sounds.

 

Sorry to go on! I am quite enthusiastic about this because I can remember being 16 like it was yesterday and your post is making me feel happy and nostalgic and also, I remember not liking anyone either!!! Not in my class, anyway!

 

x

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hi @Ali Agamy

I like the idea of you volunteering because it helps others, helps you feel good and opens other opportunities. But my first thought was do you have a pet?

I think when we're young and still in school, life can feel stuck. you're doing the same things with the same people and things never seem to change.... but you hang in there because they do! you're almost done with school and will be moving on to new things, people and places. 

As someone else mentioned, try to stop despising the kids at school.  try to have compassion for others in the knowledge that everyone is dealing with something and they might not have the best coping skills. 

I get lonely, too and I really appreciate my little cat. He keeps me company and gives me someone to take care of. I guess that sounds kind of pathetic. lol but honestly, after I got him, I thought to myself, I should have done this sooner.  

I debated whether to get a dog or a cat..  but decided on a cat bc it's easier for me and my life. But a dog you can walk and take to the park, meet other dog owners. The unconditional love our pets is what keeps a lot people going through tough times. 

Please keep posting and talk to us. Keep trying to find ways to make new friends. Don't give up.  Are there any kids at school that also seem left out? Maybe start saying hi to them. 

My sister never had a lot of friends growing up.  She was shy and didn't have the confidence to strike up conversations. So maybe start slow, saying hi to the quieter kids. Or check out who seems to hang alone in the cafeteria or common areas. Try not to isolate yourself.  It takes time and keep trying.

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Sometimes, you won't find "your people" until you get to college.  But the one thing you must learn is to not take things personally.  And two, you get what you give.

You can despise people, or try some empathy.  Treat others how you want to be treated, and while a bully will stay a bully, the kindness you put out will come back to you.

image.thumb.png.f279b19847029da6ed27e2182e734772.png

 

We can give you all the ideas on how to make friends, but it's up to you open up and start the conversation, extend invitations to do things together.  Friendships are two way streets, meaning you be there for each others.  Some people aren't the best at making plans, so you have to ask people time to time to hang out.  Especially new friends, very old friends.  It's always give and take.

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