Kindred extraverts, how do you recharge when all your friends are busy?

[1a1a]

I can feel when I’m turning into a lonely extravert. I’ve been working a lot lately so it’s not like I don’t see any people but not all interactions give me energy. I think I need to actually have a bit of a decent conversation with someone to get charged up. 
 

I’ll stumble into a free day after 2 weeks straight of working and realise I’m alone and lonely and it’s too short notice to bail up any of my friends. There must be something else I can do to meet my need for social interaction. 
 

What do you do when your friends are busy? 

[Rose Mosse]

Have a variety of hobbies.

Some things you can do on your own so have some hobbies you can happily fall into by yourself. 

It’s a skill and valuable if you’re able to occupy yourself without leaning too much on others all the time for social interaction. Find a healthy balance between socializing and feeling complete on your own accomplishing what you need to do. Be comfortable trying new things without having to call on friends.

I think the terms introvert and extrovert are misnomers and most people are a blend of both, depending on different factors. 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

Hobbies and going out to social places/events by yourself(concerts, bars, dance floors, local events, ect.) Sometimes you get to meet new people, and most of the times you get to have fun.

[Justsomeone]

I see it as downtime - for me I exercise, take naps, binge on tv series and movies, play video games or take up a course.

Find things you enjoy doing on your own in your own time.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, 1a1a said:

 my need for social interaction. 

Don't rely on friends to entertain you last minute. Have a bunch of fun stuff to do and things to catch up on. Groups, clubs, volunteering, classes, courses, whatever. Take a yoga class or similar. There's all sorts of people everywhere.

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, 1a1a said:

I can feel when I’m turning into a lonely extravert. I’ve been working a lot lately so it’s not like I don’t see any people but not all interactions give me energy. I think I need to actually have a bit of a decent conversation with someone to get charged up. 
 

I’ll stumble into a free day after 2 weeks straight of working and realise I’m alone and lonely and it’s too short notice to bail up any of my friends. There must be something else I can do to meet my need for social interaction. 
 

What do you do when your friends are busy? 

Volunteer work where you interact with other people towards a common goal. 

Seems to me this shouldn't be a main purpose of friendship.  To me the main purpose of friendship is not to fulfil a personal need for social interaction but to have a reciprocal relationship where you are a person who desires to give to another person -whether in support, in fun, lighthearted or otherwise and the other person feels the same.

I wouldn't want someone to make a plan to see me if the focus was on the person's need to "recharge" because she labels herself as an extrovert. I know you won't say that of course but it will come across in some way.  Or the person will realize if you're not as willing to accommodate her schedule because you don't happen to "need to recharge". 

When I feel I want social interaction -I am an extrovert although became more introverted after I became a mother - I typically call a friend or I simply wait until the social interaction can happen. I'm not a fan of being the recipient of needy texts or phone calls from friends who are bored/lonely/need a warm body -I've been in that situation with pushy/clingy people and it's no fun.

[Wiseman2]

[hundal]

I start exercising sometimes or read books. 

[mylolita]

On 6/7/2022 at 1:11 AM, 1a1a said:

I can feel when I’m turning into a lonely extravert. I’ve been working a lot lately so it’s not like I don’t see any people but not all interactions give me energy. I think I need to actually have a bit of a decent conversation with someone to get charged up. 
 

I’ll stumble into a free day after 2 weeks straight of working and realise I’m alone and lonely and it’s too short notice to bail up any of my friends. There must be something else I can do to meet my need for social interaction. 
 

What do you do when your friends are busy? 

Hey 1a1a!

Yo yo fellow extrovert! 

Ever taken the Myers Briggs personality test? You might be interested as to which type of extrovert category you generally fall into! I fall into ENFP - which means I am the most introverted of all the extroverted types! So, as much as I delight in people, love people, and am energised by any social interaction, I do need my own personal down time. I really do. Not too much but, I still need it.

If you are just go go go I would find yourself some more groups! Fill your lonely time up meeting new people - maybe start a new hobby or class where you can meet new people at the same time? Or as others say, volunteer. Anyway to meet new people! You can have your social circle full to the brim!

What I find myself doing is being the one on the street or in our community who creates a whole lot of the social gatherings and events. Halloween - I throw the party, everyone round mine! Christmas - huge festive party, again, everyone round ours! Easter - I organise an egg hunt for the kids. Stuff like that. Dinner parties, social evenings. Planning and creating these things keep me on my little social hamster wheel!

For example, I moved to a new area last November - me and my three kids and husband. I knew no one here. First week, we went to the library because, the library is my version of church! I realised they weren't holding kids reading groups there anymore! So I got talking to an older lady who was in the kids section with her Grandson at the same time and, we both talked and really got on and she was a retired teacher - we decided to create a children's read group, and every Friday, there you go, me and her head up this reading group. It's been fab! I've met so many more people through it. 

I think if you are extroverted you just gravitate towards creating these social spikes constantly in your life!

I mean, if I had an endless supply of money and time I would be holding parties and play dates and having friends round most evenings or days. People aren't always free, I also have a lot of other things going on - but, I try my best to have at least one decent social occasion every week, and then two other regular social things that always happen every week, and the rest I fill in as I go!

x

[Cherylyn]

I exercise and get fresh air or I'll exercise indoors due to inclement weather or if my schedule won't warrant safe outdoor exercise.  I read library books, catch up on my newspaper reading (real paper), I enjoy hobbies (artistic endeavors ~ sewing, quilting, calligraphy, greeting card making, cake decorating etc.), taking a long hot bath, pampering myself, I'll give myself a facial, manicure, pedicure, the works.  Watch a movie or interesting documentary.  I love and savor my alone time!  

As for friends, you need to nail them to a date.  People are very busy with their schedules and with employment,  errands,  chores,  tasks,  family commitments and daily survival.  You have to get a commitment from them otherwise you won't see your friends as often as you'd like.  You need to ping them. 

Or, work with their schedule if your free day is spontaneous.  If you know they're busy, ask if you can meet them for a brief walk, coffee,  lunch or something less time consuming.  Perhaps they can squeeze you in somehow.  It's better than nothing. 

Or, a phone chat.

I'm taking a long break from FB and I love it.  I didn't realize how liberating it feels NOT knowing about everyone else in my life.  It's very freeing.  I'm growing accustomed to it.  🙂  Social media is a huge time trap. ☹️

 

[moodindigo91]

I agree with others, having hobbies or something to fill your free time with is huge. For me, I go to the gym almost every day, which takes up the majority of my free time when I'm not working during the weekdays. Group classes at gyms might be a good option for you if you like exercising, as you typically socialize at the very least with the instructor of the class, and probably more people too. Plus, I am hardly ever "alone" because I have a dog. She even comes to work with me a few times a week. I get a lot of interaction with people at work, as well. 

Otherwise, I would recommend joining a club or meetup group, going out and about alone. I take my dog to the beach or some park or some hike or some other place nearly every weekend. Read a book, take a yoga class, go hang out at a coffee shop or a bar. IDK if you have these near you but things like those wine & painting nights are great things to go to alone. Check out Groupon or similar apps for deals on similar things in your area. So many things! 

[1a1a]

I’m very glad this thread got woken up, now it’s full of great things for me to try 🙂

I kinda stopped thinking about this (got too busy, and near burned out but, before work took me over…) I did find one thing, a local hiking group on Facebook. Pretty big, lots of people closer to my age. I made it out on one hike with them and it was really good. Lots of incidental conversations, filled my cup. 
 

I’ve got to keep my work hours more sane going forward so I will have more time to try some of these other suggestions