Why did he have so much attitude towards me

[lavender899]

10 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I think it was more like he asked you when you were going to take him for coffee ... which is definitely NOT asking you to go. 

Here is a quote from your post that pretty clearly tells you and everyone else that he really very much was NOT interested in meeting you. 

Also, you wrote that he rarely called and you always initiated. 

Sorry for rubbing it in.  I agree that he behaved like a freak.  But you also did, except without the abuse.   He probably felt harassed.    At least this extended outburst probably did the trick, though he should have just blocked you back in

This is an example of how people make assumptions from a small bit of info and run away with it. The narrative is completely wrong.

That was his jokey way of asking as some people find it difficult to directly ask someone. Anyway following that, i didnt mention that he got straight to the point and asked when im free. I said weekends are better. And he proceeded to make a whole plan. Saying he wanted to try a specific type of drink, saying he will drive to where I live. Then he said to find something which isnt too far as the drive would already be over an hour, one hour at the least anyway. Then he asked how long can I stay out. He also told me he will need to finish doing some stuff at home before he comes to me. He wanted me to find a place for us as we were meeting in my area. The conversation ended with him saying glad we've finally broken the ice.

Before all that he's asked me  out before  multiple times

Examples:

He said he came back from a holiday. I said show me some pics, would be cool to see some. He said he will show them to me personally, we can meet and I will get to see them then.

Another time  when we'd reconnected again. He asked me if i miss him. I said maybe ( i didnt want to say yes or no so i went for an inbetween). I asked him the same. He said he will tell me when we meet in person face to face. 

On the phone, during the pandemic  when i definitely couldnt meet at the time he asked me if i want to see him in person . I cant remember exactly what I said in response. He then said i was treating him like an option. To which i remember saying isn't everyone on an app an option. I dont know why I said that but it just came out. 

Before the pandemic he asked aswell. It was in a roundabout way.

He was talking about playfighting. He asked me if i can fight. I said yeah, then he said I can show him in person. The he was like oh but you're too scared to see me in person aren't you. I can't  remember what i said after. 

Another time he simply said  we should meet for a coffee. This was before  the pandemic. I was a little but busy with work about that time and it kind of didnt happen

[DarkCh0c0]

So, what's the point of this post OP? Any other way we can help here?

[lavender899]

37 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

So, what's the point of this post OP? Any other way we can help here?

I basically think he either had sinister motives i.e wanted to lead someone on for his own ego or he was genuinely interested but was insecure and had trust issues or something and got put off by me not continuing contact with him all the time and not meeting him straight away. I can't imagine someone who would continue to engage for so long unless those were the reasons.

I just wanted insight into why he got so personal  at the end. 

But anyway I don't think anyone will truly know what went on in that persons mind

 

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, lavender899 said:

I just wanted insight into why he got so personal  at the end. 

Reading your original post, he sounds a little delusional.

But delusional or not, he was never very respectful or appreciative of your time--other than at the very beginning. But anyone can sustain a façade for a short period of time. 

The way a person talks to you and treats you tells you a lot about how they view themselves and how they view the world.

• Do they respect your time--are they available when they say they will be available?
• Do they respect the effort you make or do they leave you hanging?

The same goes with how they act towards others:

• Do they put other people down to make themselves look good?
• Do they make a point of talking (or writing!) loudly about the 'shortcomings' of other people so that everyone overhears? 

These are signs of a person who seethes with contempt for others. They hide their hostility because they are very concerned about how they look to others. In fact, they are more concerned with looking good than actually being good.

A person like this is belligerent and always wants to attack. But because they are concerned with how they appear, they must come up with a reason--usually playing themselves off as a sanctimonious goodie-two-shoes, a morally righteous, upstanding person who just wants to help, while pointing their finger at all the other people for being so bad.

And so on. And they fully buy their own B.S., believe me.

He got personal because he's a belligerent jerk. He puts himself on a pedestal by belittling you. That's how he rolls. 

You don't have to be classifiable to act this way, you just have to be a jerk. It's good to learn how recognize a jerk early on so that you don't waste any time on them. Leave 'em alone. They're about as useful as ingrown toenails.

2 hours ago, lavender899 said:

But anyway I don't think anyone will truly know what went on in that persons mind

No, but even that is a good lesson learned.

It doesn't sound like you are taking this too seriously, and I wouldn't either, if I were you. EXCEPT-- be careful entertaining creeps. There are all kinds out there. Violent psychopaths are opportunists, which means they will catch you by surprise.

[lavender899]

20 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Reading your original post, he sounds a little delusional.

But delusional or not, he was never very respectful or appreciative of your time--other than at the very beginning. But anyone can sustain a façade for a short period of time. 

The way a person talks to you and treats you tells you a lot about how they view themselves and how they view the world.

• Do they respect your time--are they available when they say they will be available?
• Do they respect the effort you make or do they leave you hanging?

The same goes with how they act towards others:

• Do they put other people down to make themselves look good?
• Do they make a point of talking (or writing!) loudly about the 'shortcomings' of other people so that everyone overhears? 

These are signs of a person who seethes with contempt for others. They hide their hostility because they are very concerned about how they look to others. In fact, they are more concerned with looking good than actually being good.

A person like this is belligerent and always wants to attack. But because they are concerned with how they appear, they must come up with a reason--usually a sanctimonious goodie-two-shoes thing like they're just trying to help but other people are being so bad.

And so on.

You don't have to be classifiable to act this way, you just have to be a jerk. It's good to learn how recognize a jerk early on so that you don't waste any time on them.

No, but even that is a good lesson learned.

It doesn't sound like you are taking this too seriously, and I wouldn't either, if I were you. EXCEPT-- be careful entertaining creeps. There are all kinds out there. Violent psychopaths are opportunists, which means they will catch you by surprise.

I agree  with everything you said there. Its spot on a 100%.

He had double standards. Like everything has to be done his way and on his time or he'd be like whatever. Which is why I suspected the reason he ignored me after it being his idea to meet was because  I didnt get back to him quick enough regarding the place to meet him. As he asked me to find a place. I explained and apologised  in a text that i wasnt feeling well, and other things came up (serious things) which took up my time..but he still didnt bother to reply and say thanks for letting him know or even ask if i was ok. A normal and decent person would have done at least that. Especially after seeing someone apologise for the delay in meeting.

I also agree with he's concerned about looking good rather than being inherently good. He talked about how in his friend group there was some guy who insulted him, his job and his car and called him names like "pig". He said no one ever wants to sit near him  or be near him...and i was thinking how exactly is he any different to that guy. After our last conversation where he belittled me and was completely senseless in the words he was using. So he tries to look good in front of people i.e his friends from this example. Behind closed doors he acts a different way..

As per our last conversation, why say "i found better options than you". And then talk about how he wants to find someone who can elevate him and how he wants to create a legacy etc. And at the same time talk about how im going to be worthless soon and no ones going to be interested. Especially after I went to all that effort to keep in touch and was willing to meet the guy. Shows what a horrible person he is.

And then to call me a *s l u tt* when I said i get chatted up by people when im out. Then say he doesn't  care anyway as im not his wife or gf. And to repeatedly  say he doesn't care like  a 8 year old having a tantrum. 

Ridiculous 

 

 

 

[waffle]

The last guy I ever met off a dating site, he was so obnoxious in messages that I told myself I HAD to meet him to see if he was for real.  I knew I wasn't interested and he was probably my exact opposite, I don't remember us having even one thing in common, and I thought to myself "I have to meet this guy to rule him out."  And I did.  Now, it turned out he was better in person (although a full six inches shorter than he claimed, but that was not surprising as they all were.  And about five years older--again, extremely common) so I don't know if he was quite as crazy as he came across, but I'm not sure the full extent of the crazy would come out in the first meeting or even the first few meetings.  He was close to 70 and had never been in a long-term relationship (despite wanting one, according to him) so that told me a lot.  He did mention about halfway through the meeting, "you don't seem interested."  I verified I was not interested in him (although I really did dislike him less than I thought I would).  

Not sure what made me think of that.  Well, maybe I know.  A lot of these guys (and I'm sure women too) are simply not stable.  They can fake it for a while but it eventually comes out.  It doesn't really do any good to try and figure out what their deal is . . . because at the root of that, are you looking to assign some of the blame on yourself?  Or are you looking for confirmation that his craziness is NOT your fault?  Either way, their issues are their issues and not your fault.

In the future though (and I know this has been said here more than once) do not allow some clown to go off on you and call you names and insult you.  The minute that starts you hang up on him.  I still think there could've been alcohol and/or drugs involved.

And he wants to create a legacy?  Okay. 😐 

[Tinydance]

14 hours ago, lavender899 said:

I basically think he either had sinister motives i.e wanted to lead someone on for his own ego or he was genuinely interested but was insecure and had trust issues or something and got put off by me not continuing contact with him all the time and not meeting him straight away. I can't imagine someone who would continue to engage for so long unless those were the reasons.

I just wanted insight into why he got so personal  at the end. 

But anyway I don't think anyone will truly know what went on in that persons mind

 

That's right, we actually don't know why that guy did that so to be fair you can't expect those answers from an online forum. Remember also that you can't control other people but you have a choice how YOU respond to it. So for example not talking to someone for three hours who is abusing you the whole time. I think you also need to take some responsibility for how some of these interactions with the guy went because you had a choice how to react.

[reinventmyself]

11 hours ago, Tinydance said:

 I think you also need to take some responsibility for how some of these interactions with the guy went because you had a choice how to react.

And he doesn't deserve all the energy you are putting into him . .one week and 156 posts later.  The more you do the more power you give away to him and his crazy words.   

And he's already moved on.