Ex won’t move on or leave me alone.

[lonelyheartsclub]

We were together against the wishes of the majority of my friends and family due to the age gap. I’m 20 and he is He was always nice and very attentive, but I ended things very abruptly because he had never disclosed he had children and an (ex??) wife. He has not left me alone since then, using my coworkers as messengers as one of them also works as his employee also. He’s left expensive jewelry at work, money, and uses his employee that i work with to talk to me. She recently just told me his mother had a serious medical problem and that he wanted to hang out just as friends to take his mind off of things. I declined because I don’t think it’s possible for me personally to be friends with an ex, but i’ve felt nothing but guilt and feel like i’m ignoring someone in a time of need even though he ***ed me over for six months and made me a nonconsensual mistress. My roommate wants me to get a restraining order, but i think that is entirely too dramatic. I really don’t know what to do, as moving on is difficult while I work with so many people who are friends with him. I honestly still have feelings for him and genuinely miss him despite everything, but I understand this relationship was never healthy and my boundaries will not allow myself to get back together with him. Am I going to have to find a new job?

[melancholy123]

You left out his age so I suspect he's a lot older than you and taking massive advantage of your naivety.   You need to have less than nothing to do with this guy, he's trying to manipulate you thru other employees and friends.  Talk to HR about him, what he is doing is  wrong and inappropriate.

Dont fall for stories about his allegedly sick mother.  Probably another tactic of his to get your attention.

[lonelyheartsclub]

5 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

You left out his age so I suspect he's a lot older than you and taking massive advantage of your naivety.   You need to have less than nothing to do with this guy, he's trying to manipulate you thru other employees and friends.  Talk to HR about him, what he is doing is  wrong and inappropriate.

Dont fall for stories about his allegedly sick mother.  Probably another tactic of his to get your attention.

he’s 40 😞

[Jibralta]

32 minutes ago, dumb***juicedrinker said:

I ended things very abruptly because he had never disclosed he had children and an (ex??) wife.

You did the right thing! Don't let him buy you or guilt you into going against yourself. And yes, I think you should find a new job.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, dumb***juicedrinker said:

My roommate wants me to get a restraining order, but i think that is entirely too dramatic. I

Have you deleted and blocked him from all your social media and messaging apps? Has he shown up at your home? Your roommate is correct. She needs to feel protected from your mistakes with this man.

[DarkCh0c0]

Ask your colleagues to stop giving you unsolicited information about or from him. Whose side are they on fgs!? Let them know that if they do so again, you will talk to HR.

Block him and all his people everywhere. Good job on standing your ground and enforcing boundaries. Keep going.

[DarkCh0c0]

4 hours ago, lonelyheartsclub said:

Am I going to have to find a new job?

Yes. Asap.

[reinventmyself]

Have you told him that on no uncertain terms that his attention is unwelcomed?  And if he continues to ignore your wishes you will take measures to make it stop?

In my experience I find it interesting that a majority of people complain about unwanted attention, when pressed they admit they have never even taken the first step to make it stop.  Even if it's at some unconscious level, they like the attention even though they protest.  

What makes this scenario suspect is your own friend is facilitating requests for meet ups and personal info between the two of you.  Had you been firm in your conviction about the attention stopping, I doubt this would be even happening.