Is my relationship doomed to fail or is it just me?

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Stevie15 said:

We have done a few things together and he says he plans to take me to met people but he still keeps things from me. If he goes out with friends, he doesn't tell me.

Control. You're the flunky and he calls the shots. It's his way or the highway and you play right along worshipping him despite how poorly he treats you. Is this a BDSM situation? 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Stevie15 said:

We've also been out locally so surely if he were, he wouldn't risk being seen?

He might have had another girlfriend. 

This happened to a dear friend of mine. She discovered after 2 years that her boyfriend had a whole other relationship. And that was the reason he'd kept her a secret for so long and why she'd never met any of his friends or family for 2 years. 

I think it's very unwise to continue this relationship, regardless of the reason he treats you this way. The point is that he doesn't value you and doesn't treat you the way a man in love would.

[Stevie15]

14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

He might have had another girlfriend. 

This happened to a dear friend of mine. She discovered after 2 years that her boyfriend had a whole other relationship. And that was the reason he'd kept her a secret for so long and why she'd never met any of his friends or family for 2 years. 

I think it's very unwise to continue this relationship, regardless of the reason he treats you this way. The point is that he doesn't value you and doesn't treat you the way a man in love would.

That's terrible. 

I'm not sure he does have another gf. His friends know about me and I have met some of them now. 

 

I do understand and value the last bit of your statement thought 😔

[Batya33]

30 minutes ago, Stevie15 said:

That's terrible. 

I'm not sure he does have another gf. His friends know about me and I have met some of them now. 

 

I do understand and value the last bit of your statement thought 😔

His friends might be willing to keep their mouths shut.  Or he might simply have "the dream of someone else' so by not including you fully in his life he can keep certain options open.

Know your worth (there is a great scene in the Joy Luck Club movie - watch it- where the mom says that to her daughter who is married to a cold man who treats her like garbage)

[MissCanuck]

32 minutes ago, Stevie15 said:

I'm not sure he does have another gf. His friends know about me and I have met some of them now. 

That doesn't mean he wasn't dating someone else the first time around, Stevie. And it doesn't mean he's being honest about other friends "knowing" about you now. 

Either way, why do you accept being treated like this? He does less than the bare minimum. Were you particularly lonely when you met him? I'm trying to fathom why you've stuck around for so long. Do you not think anyone else would want you? 

[Jibralta]

11 hours ago, Stevie15 said:

I'm confused as to whether my doubts stem from the first time we dated or whether I am actually seeing real issues. 

Yes, you are seeing real issues, both then and now. You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this guy.

3 hours ago, Stevie15 said:

I've been to his place and even stayed over so I'd know if he was.

 Not necessarily. Some people have more than one apartment, often for work purposes. It's not that unusual. My boyfriend had a neighbor like that where he used to live. We have a guy in our building now who lives here part time, as well. 

10 hours ago, Stevie15 said:

I suppose the fact he said he realised he still cared made me think that things would change.

He can say he cares all he wants. But he clearly doesn't care. He's scary. Ugh.

1 hour ago, Stevie15 said:

I'm not sure he does have another gf. His friends know about me and I have met some of them now. 

Birds of a feather flock together. His friends are probably slimeballs just like him!

[boltnrun]

My ex's friends covered for him. And he had me over to his place and even took me to his parents' home. But on the nights I wasn't with him he had other women staying over. His friends met and hung out with him and his other girlfriends.

Is this relationship everything you'd ever dreamed of in a love relationship? Does the way he treats you make you feel secure, warm and loved?

[catfeeder]

Quote

Is my relationship doomed to fail or is it just me?

Uhm... are you kidding me?

This has already failed any reasonable person's standards of a loving, supportive and respectful relationship.

He mistreats you.

Your standards are so low that you're willing to project some kind of desperate fantasy onto him, even while you settle for scraps and disregard and disrespect.

You can do that if you want, it's not against the law. It just won't get you anywhere near a relationship beyond being used as an unpaid 'worker' a few times a week.

Is this what you envision for yourself?

We never get any wasted time back to re-live over again.

Stop wasting your time, and strive to think higher of yourself so you can hold out for someone who owns decency and the capacity to see and recognize your unique value.

Head high, and respect your Self.