Stevie15

So you have first hand experience with this behaviour? If you don't mind me asking, he do you approach it? Feel free to drop me a private message if that's possible and more confidential

Maybe we have just been raised differently. He has two sisters I have never met so maybe they are the same? I have no cclue.maybe we are just internally different. I care deeply about the people in my life and I would do anything at any time for them. Maybe it is about perception

Actually it was. I've spoken to him about things personal to me before but only when the conversation has gone down that route. Id never asked persa

I don't have insecurities, at least not with myself. I'm quite happy with who I am. I chose/choose to talk to him because he is my boyfriend and I felt he was important enough to me to be able to discuss things and rely on him. I don't ask him questions about his life unless we are chatting generally and I don't question things he does. I certainly wouldn't dream of looking over his shoulder. It's a breach of privacy.

It wasn't thoughtful. He only replied that way to stop me calling or texting him again

Not at all. I genuinely felt low and wanted a chat. It's hard to make people understand the angle I am coming from. If he was busy he could have said something like 'I can't talk now but we'll tall tomorrow'. There was nothing. Just I'm busy and then a follow-up saying he couldn't reply for the rest of the night. I know him. His phone is never out of his pants and it only has to bleep and he's on it. I have seen him drop a lot of things to reply to people who have asked him for a few moments. This is the point and it's hurtful knowing he will do it for them without question but I was swept aside. Not even a text later to ask how I was feeling. When we did speak, he didn't even acknowledge it. Never asked then if I was OK or feeling better. There never is

If I don't answer, he doesn't like it and asks why

I never said to him I wanted to chat about issues nor did I say it was anything serious. I just asked had he got a few minutes for a chat as I felt a little down. From his view, it could have been about something totally unrelated to him. At the end of the day, if he was feeling down, I'd give him my time if he asked. He calls his buddies when he knows they are having a hard time. Why should I be any different?

As I said, I never initiated that. He did. It was only after I said I felt down and needed a chat that he backed off. Almost like he couldn't take the time out for me.

It may sound normal but not when this person is constantly texting and calls and then just stops for no apparent reason. That's the point I'm making.

Its him that initiates though. He chose to call every day. He chose to text that way. I never asked him to or expected him to. When somebody does that of their own choosing and then just stops after you ask them for a few minutes of their time because you are feeling a bit down, it is almost as though they don't want to know or don't care.

When I say he texts, it can be silly little things like pictures of his pets or memes. He sometimes just sends messages. That was what was unusual, that he cut me off when I asked for chat (I never said what about) and then I didn't have any general contact for over the next 24 hours

If he was the type that texted every other day or barely at all, then I wouldn't have doubted an eye but he texts regularly throughout thee day so it was unusual.

Because it was out of character for him

That is very true. He says they all turn to him for help and advice and that he is very depended on. Thing is, he doesn't make me feel that way you know? Like I could depend on him. I went through a hard time a while back related to an issues that had occurred between us weeks before and I asked if we could chat one night. He replied no and that he was busy. He even followed up with a message to say he was busy the rest of the night so couldn't reply. I didn't hear a murmur from him until 24 hours later. Either his buddies are oblivious or I am. Maybe both in different ways?

Spot on. I am confused. He has lots of friends, though I have only met one. I have seen interactions on Instagram and other SM and he gets invited places a lot. He has a few really close friends and you're right. I'm confused.I do trick myself thinking how has he got all these friends if he is so bad? What can I see that they cant or vice versa?

In defence of myself, I do treat him well. I am forever complimenting him and I have never ever pointed out any fault with him. I have only ever asked about his behaviour WHEN he has been behaving in such a way because it confuses me. I certainly don't nitpick. Quite the opposite. Approaching the forum here and asking is just for my knowledge so I can understand a bit better

Hiya all I'm in a relationship with a guy and I am starting to suspect that something is not right. I've had suspicions about it before and thought it was 'just his personality' but now I am wondering if there is something underlying? Is he a narcissist? He seems to love himself a lot and have a very high opinion of himself in general. If I ask him what he loves about me, he tends to dodge the question or simply say 'Do you want a list?'. He will then add on 'I don't ask you what you love about me but then again I don't need to because I'm me. I'm brilliant'. He also tells me I won't find a man like him because they don't exist. They don't look as good, don't do things as well as him or listen like him (even though he doesn't). He doesn't ask about work, about my health appointments and most of the time forgets, I tell him I passed a major exam at work and still nothing. I never really know where I stand with him. He will make plans and then say he hasn't got time to do them. If I get mad or upset he just says tough, he has things to do. On occassion, he has given in and just gone ahead with our plans but then he throws them in my face at a later interval. We don't make many plans but when we do, it never involves a whole day together. He always has things to do. We don't go for meals, he doesn't go for drinks (but he will go for drinks with friends). I know he puts on a front with people. He will be nice infront of my friends but as soon as we are behind closed doors, the nastiness and sarcasm starts. If at challenge him about things he has done wrong, he will say I'm causing trouble and looking for excuses to argue. He will sit and grin whilst again, being sarcastic. He finds no problem picking my faults. He complains I'm always late. For example, a few months ago we had plans to meet. I told him I was running late as I was given a very much needed Dr's office app last minute. He said ok but as soon as we argue, he throws it in my face. ' I expected you here at 6. You arrived at 6.10', then persisted to lie down on the floor and say he was napping because he got tired waiting around. I'd like to add he uses fear and guilt a lot too. So he'll say that by causing trouble (which I don't, I merely ask why he isn't open with me, makes a big deal about things, doesn't want to spend time with me etc), I'm putting roots down in his head to make him think we are incompatible and he can do better and if I continue to go on, I'm watering those roots. He says 'I really hadn't ought do that for my own good. Being the good little rope jumper I am. I end up apologising and saying it won't happen again. He will make me suffer for a few days and then it seems OK again. Maybe I'm imagining it but this can't can't normal behaviour right?

That's terrible. I'm not sure he does have another gf. His friends know about me and I have met some of them now. I do understand and value the last bit of your statement thought 😔

We've also been out locally so surely if he were, he wouldn't risk being seen?

I've been to his place and even stayed over so I'd know if he was.

I 100% understand and acknowledge what you say and all I can really say is I wanted it to work because I genuinely do love him. It hurt me being apart from him and the love I had never left really hence why I saw him again in the first place. I'm not satisfied by any means but I feel if I address this, I'll lose him again. I genuinely don't know what to do, as silly as it sounds. I don't know if I'm experiencing fear of losing him or fear of having feelings of hurt again.

It was a typo, my apologies. I was answering questions asked is all. I don't know how or why I feel the way I do if I'm completely honest. Maybe I'm not even sure how I feel. I suppose the fact he said he realised he still cared made me think that things would change. But how do you break a cycle of such strong emotion?

No no not at all. I was just answering your questions.

He's not a drug dealer, alcohol abuser etc. Nothing illegal about him whatsoever. He's 43