Can't work out whether she likes me, dislikes me, or doesn't care.

[r350]

Hello all.

I started chatting to a girl on Bumble, we exchanged numbers, chatted a little on Instagram and then we've now met up twice. 

I wouldn't call it a date per se, because all that's happened is we've had a few little ice breaker'esque conversations, proceeded to stifle any awkwardness with heavy dousing of alcohol and went on to have sex several times after. Whether we actually *vibe* or not sober is another issue. She also over shared on the first meeting, saying she had Borderline Personality Disorder.

Thing is, I dont know what she thinks or even what she wants. Does she want marriage and kids? Does she only want something casual? I mean I personally don't want a full blown relationship right now but I'd be open to like, keep this *arrangement* going, so long as it's mutual obviously.

But she hasn't once said *that was really good lastnight* or *you're nice* or even if she said *you're too arrogant, bye* She has gave me nothing.

I think the word that may describe her is reticent. She does also strike me as a little shy and maybe wants me to take the initiative, I dunno its hard to gauge. 

Also I mean, I may be wrong but, I think if I just left our convo on Instagram alone, I don't think she'd reach out much, if at all.

What does this tell me? And should I just ask her what's up and what she actually wants? Or is 2 *dates* in too early for that deep convo and should I just keep it light, easy, fun, breezy?

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, r350 said:

 with heavy dousing of alcohol and went on to have sex several times after.  I personally don't want a full blown relationship right 

Maybe she just wants to wash her hands of the whole drunken mess and date men who stay sober and respect her.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, r350 said:

I think the word that may describe her is reticent.

You barely know each other, OP. 

But I would hardly describe her as reticent if you're aleady having sex. Just because you haven't had any deep conversations yet about what you're both looking for doesn't mean she is reserved, exactly. 

But you would be wise to cut out the boozing on these dates. You will never get to know each other properly if you're always smashed. Try arranging a real date. Not just an alcohol-soaked hookup, since it will probably also leave her wondering if that's all you're after too. 

 

[Batya33]

I don't think you can make any assumptions based on two drunken sexual encounters.  Other than if what she told you is true, since you don't really know her at all I'd move on -why deal with a serious mental illness from the get go?  

With rare exception most people who are interested in getting to know someone else and wanting a more in depth conversation at some point about future intentions do not lead with choosing to get drunk and have sex with a stranger.  I mean some people who are married happily met and had sex right away when drunk but it's rare.  You've shown her by your actions you're not really interested in knowing her as a person. Same on her side except possibly her mental disorder/illness hampers her ability to make choices, and she buries her illness in alcohol.  

If you want a sex partner I'd probably look elsewhere -but then why have the "deep" conversation? You'd have to be sober and dressed for that for it to have any meaning,yes? You also don't know what you want apparently.  I think it's risky to keep having intercourse with her especially when drunk -birth control risks (if either of you is using protection -and of course it's not foolproof) plus STDs because assume she is having sex with other men too or pursuing others.  Also if she misunderstands your intentions I mean she is an adult but one with a mental illness.  Too risky IMO.

[r350]

45 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You barely know each other, OP. 

But I would hardly describe her as reticent if you're aleady having sex. Just because you haven't had any deep conversations yet about what you're both looking for doesn't mean she is reserved, exactly. 

But you would be wise to cut out the boozing on these dates. You will never get to know each other properly if you're always smashed. Try arranging a real date. Not just an alcohol-soaked hookup, since it will probably also leave her wondering if that's all you're after too. 

 

Yeah maybe I jumped the gun. And maybe I havent considered a) her BPD may interact with this and b) I myself haven't particularly made any position I may have clear.

I think if we meet up again, I would definitely like to actually remember interactions and stuff and be able to get to know one another without alcohol.

[Rose Mosse]

It might be a mixture of all the above in your title. If she keeps meeting with you she’s interested. 

[smackie9]

If that is how her behavior is like, then she doesn't have her BPD under control.....run for the hills. 

[boltnrun]

Do you know for a fact she isn't having drunken hookups with other men?

I hope you used condoms.

 

[r350]

46 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Do you know for a fact she isn't having drunken hookups with other men?

I hope you used condoms.

 

In 2 weeks? No of course I'm not a fly on her wall but I'd hazard a guess and say maybe not, for a few little reasons.

[Wiseman2]

Do you want to see if she is up for a sober date? Has she contacted you?

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, r350 said:

In 2 weeks? No of course I'm not a fly on her wall but I'd hazard a guess and say maybe not, for a few little reasons.

But you don't know so you're risking your health in a very significant way, even with protection.  

[boltnrun]

19 minutes ago, r350 said:

In 2 weeks? No of course I'm not a fly on her wall but I'd hazard a guess and say maybe not, for a few little reasons.

Why not? 

She's obviously got no problem hooking up with a man she's only known for a few days. No reason why she wouldn't do the same with other men.

[r350]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you want to see if she is up for a sober date? Has she contacted you?

Yes I do. After we woke up Friday morning, I walked her to work, we then exchanged texts that day, she text me back Saturday morning and I sidnt reply. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, r350 said:

Yes I do. After we woke up Friday morning, I walked her to work, we then exchanged texts that day, she text me back Saturday morning and I sidnt reply. 

So you didn't text her back because you don't want to see her again?

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, r350 said:

Yes I do. I didn't reply. 

Ask her out if that's the case

[r350]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So you didn't text her back because you don't want to see her again?

No. It was honestly moreso the conversation just came to a halt and I opted to give the whole communication over the internet thing a day or two of rest. 

Also semi figured it'd be a decent idea to see if she'd reach out to me, since most of it - I feel - has been from me to her.

[Rose Mosse]

Please ask her out. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, r350 said:

 she text me back Saturday morning and I sidnt reply. 

If you are trying to send her the message that you aren't interested, you're doing a stellar job. 

 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, r350 said:

No. It was honestly moreso the conversation just came to a halt and I opted to give the whole communication over the internet thing a day or two of rest. 

Also semi figured it'd be a decent idea to see if she'd reach out to me, since most of it - I feel - has been from me to her.

But you haven't really expressed interest in dating her.  You met, chose to get drunk and have sex.  Did the same thing the second time.  So she's supposed to "reciprocate" -how?  You want her to text you and ask you to meet up to get drunk and have sex? 

[catfeeder]

On 3/14/2022 at 5:10 AM, r350 said:

Thing is, I dont know what she thinks or even what she wants. Does she want marriage and kids? Does she only want something casual?

Wul? This is the kind of stuff to ask a person you meet through a dating app. 

You're not in high school, so you have nothing to lose.

If she doesn't find the convo sexy enough to keep sleeping with you, then she's answered the question and you can just move on to sleep with someone else.

Give extra points to the one who remembers your convo the next day,

[SooSad33]

On 3/14/2022 at 6:44 AM, Batya33 said:

I don't think you can make any assumptions based on two drunken sexual encounters.  Other than if what she told you is true, since you don't really know her at all I'd move on -why deal with a serious mental illness from the get go?  

I second this.

I suggest you just leave this alone.  If someone has mental health issue's going on like this, I doubt you want to go too deep.

Is maybe best to just leave all alone & move on- before you're stuck with regrets.

And nothing develops much with a couple drunken sex moments.