Family and Life Updates

[boltnrun]

This week has been a "not good" week. I've been feeling sick all week. I know from years of past experience I am not really sick, I'm just feeling sick. I think I pushed too hard last week to get in a certain number of walking miles. I walked five days straight and I just can't do that. I walked 2.3 miles yesterday because I had to go to the bank. I will skip today and hopefully feel well enough to walk tomorrow. I'm also working in my pajamas again (thank you employer for allowing work from home!)

I'm going to look for a chiro who also specializes in autoimmune disorders and general health. There was one where I used to live who would run tests that "regular" doctors refuse to run. I wish he was where I currently live!  Someone has got to figure out why I feel crappy 50% of the time and what's going on with my joints. Also why I'm so damn tired and lightheaded all the time. 

I am supposed to take my brother and niece out to lunch for their birthdays this weekend. I will feel well enough!

[boltnrun]

My friend posted on Facebook that her dad died of Covid a month ago.  She relied on her dad a lot in addition to obviously loving him.  She's a single mom and doesn't get any financial support from her child's father so her dad helped by welcoming the two of them to live in his home and buying her a car and paying her car insurance.  She has a good job so her money all went to providing for her child's needs and (rarely) getting things for herself.  She doesn't really treat herself very often except for trips to Disney every couple of months. Of course she's devastated.  I offered help even though I live five hours away.  Maybe there's something I could do.  

I'm also worried about practical things like, will she be able to cover the mortgage payments on the house her dad bought about five years ago?  Will she be able to afford car and car insurance payments?  Her dad retired from the military with a pension and also had a civilian job with the military so I presume there are benefits she will be eligible for.  Hopefully at least the mortgage will be taken care of.

I've got a visit to my former city planned in a couple of months so I'll see if she wants to get together.  Just want to give her a hug and see how she's holding up.

[boltnrun]

I have no idea why I can't sleep on Sunday nights. I am not stressed or upset about the work week starting. I like and am grateful for my job, I am very lucky to have this job. The only thing I can think of is I worry about have to get up early on Monday mornings. I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I'm exhausted. 

[boltnrun]

What a difference getting adequate sleep makes. I feel like a new person. I took a three hour (!) nap after work yesterday and then slept for about 5 1/2 hours last night. 

I started a hand written sleep/food/how I feel daily journal. I think it may help to discover why I feel lousy some days and feel OK on others, and will help track when I don't sleep well so I can try to figure out why.

[boltnrun]

It's funny. My brother was texting me about his dating site adventures and what he said was EXACTLY what a lot of people on this site post about. He had a couple of dates with a woman, liked her and asked her out again. She said she would love to BUT she's just so busy! 

Sound familiar, anyone??

I told him anything anyone says after "but" is BS (although to spare his feelings I called it "noise"). A woman (or anyone) who wants to see you will make the time. I said IMO she's still shopping. He said he knows she is legit busy and therefore doesn't have time to "shop". And I reiterated "if she wants to see you she will make the time". He said it did make him wonder why she's on a dating site if she's so busy and I said "bingo!" That just proves her excuse is BS. 

I did tell him it was no reflection on him, she just isn't the right woman for him. He seemed kind of bummed, so I told him the right woman won't make excuses and that he deserves a woman who is excited to see him and won't make up BS excuses about being "too busy". 

He seems to want to step back for a while, which I think is a good idea. He started dating before he'd even filed for divorce and I felt that was way too soon. It made me think he's looking for a bandaid rather than a relationship. 

He's a really decent guy, so I hope when he's ready he'll be able to meet a nice lady. 

[boltnrun]

Grrrrr...

So the supply chain manager decided that since her employees *might* forget to confirm relevant and very important information before placing an order from a vendor, she is going to make ME responsible if the information in the system is not correct and current.  I told her I am happy to go into the customer portal and confirm the information for them on a case by case basis, but she said, no, they'll forget to ask, so I just need to look up every single item every week to make sure it's all current in the system.  Um, that is almost 100 items and I have an actual job to do.

I have a one on one meeting with my manager next week and you bet we'll be discussing this.

[boltnrun]

I could never relate to a woman whose favorite channels are Bravo and Lifetime. My best friend is into all that but she gets a pass because we've been friends since we were 11 years old. Anyone else, yeah that's a big old no. I am not watching the Real Housewives or Vanderpump or those cheezy Lifetime romance movies. I would rather eat ground glass. 

And I will not date a man who doesn't like sports. If he wants to plan a date for a Sunday it better be watching football, baseball or Nascar at home or at a sports bar. Or tickets to the game. No bleeping flea markets or farmers markets or God forbid, SHOPPING, not on Sunday.

[boltnrun]

I started a personal hand written journal so I am not keeping this one up as much. This one has become more of a "rant and complain" journal lol. Such as, I was in the meat department at the grocery store and I was patiently waiting for a man to finish choosing a beef roast. As he stood there handling and perusing the different roasts he coughed into his hand and then continued handling the packages of meat. Disgusting and gross. And inconsiderate. I needed a beef roast so I left and went to a different department and then came back. He was gone when I got back, but I knew he'd handled the packages with his disgusting filthy germy hand. I'll have to disinfect everything after I get the roast out of the packaging. WHY would someone do that???? Filthy person. Ugh. 

[boltnrun]

I just saw a reel on Instagram of a woman who found an orphaned tiny kitten and took it home and raised it. The cat was cuddling with her. And now I'm missing my kitty like crazy with tears in my eyes.

My current apartment doesn't allow pets. No way, no how, non-negotiable. No pets, period dot. 

[reinventmyself]

 . . you can have mine!  Kidding. 

He's a lot of work!  One year in April.  It's one of the main reasons I am not on ENA much.   My pc time was in the morning.  He's so active in the morning, sitting and drinking my coffee and typing here is pretty much impossible.  It's getting better.  I can not imagine what it might have been like if I had still been working from home.  He's pretty much my 'velcro' cat.  He's slowly becoming more independent.  But it's been a long 5 months!!

but I get it. . .they are so comforting to have around. . (he's asleep right now. . lol)

[boltnrun]

Ugh! Trapped inside!

I love the rain. I'm enjoying this unprecedented rain and seeing the snowfall in areas that don't normally get snow. And I can't wait to get outside to see the mountains 30-ish miles away covered in snow. But I've been trapped inside unable to go on my walks. I NEED them for my mental health. 

I don't have room for a treadmill and even if I did it's a poor substitute (IMO) for being outdoors and breathing fresh air and seeing all the wonderful scenery. Looking at video images is, again IMO, a poor substitute. I want to be outside!!!!

I am glad we're getting all this rain. The drought plagued landscape needs it badly. But I still wanna go outside. 

[boltnrun]

PS: I'm watching the live cam of Jackie the Bald Eagle sitting on her nest. Poor thing has been getting snowed on nonstop for days but the devoted mama will not budge from her nest except to get food. She's keeping her babies warm and snug inside their eggs. I wish there was some way for someone to make a shelter for her or something. But I guess she's used to it being that she chose to build her nest in a pine tree on a mountain. She's getting snowed on again and her beautiful feathers are covered but she stays!

I love the little noises she makes. She's a good mama. 

[boltnrun]

I just can't get myself out of the habit of always gravitating toward the cheapest version of whatever it is I'm shopping for.  Even though I am much more financially stable and have some disposable income.  I KNOW you get what you pay for and going with the low bid always turns out badly, but if I see something for a cheaper price I automatically buy that one.  Small example, I buy the store brand milk even though the packaging sucks and it's hard to open.  There's a brand that's a dollar or so more per container but no, I just can't bring myself to spend that extra dollar!  And then I get angry when I'm struggling to open the container.  Just stop.  I can afford one more measly dollar!

[boltnrun]

Why I don't believe that adage "everyone's an a-hole".

I keep seeing uplifting stories of people helping others. A street vendor in my city was verbally attacked by a racist man and someone recorded it and posted on social media. The very next day dozens of people lined up to buy his tamales. A teen boy was selling bottles of water to help support his family but got shut down by the city for not having a permit. People started a crowd fund and raised  thousands of dollars to help his family and buy them the permit. A disabled man got his scooter stolen and city residents raised money to buy him a new one. A woman who lives nearby got laid off and couldn't afford diapers and formula for her baby. People showed up and donated diapers, formula and money. After One October people lined up by the dozens to donate blood. My city sadly got looted  by some criminals who took advantage during protests and people showed up the next day with brooms and dustpans to clean up and glass companies and contractors donated materials and labor. People are volunteering to foster shelter animals.

No, "everyone" is NOT a selfish a-hole. 

[boltnrun]

The disgusting man was at the grocery store again this morning.  This time he was wiping his nose with his fingers and then handling packages of meat.  Gross, disgusting, filthy.

[boltnrun]

WHY????? Do people keep trying to shake hands when meeting?? There's a freaking pandemic. Please do not touch me. 

[boltnrun]

Horrible insomnia is back. I've literally been awake the entire night. Feel wretched.

Work is going to be a terrible struggle.

Yes, I have tried everything.

[boltnrun]

Slept for one hour, from 11:45 to 12:45 and one more from 5:25 to 6:25. Ironically during the second hour of sleep I dreamt about not sleeping.

Exhausted. Work day is going to be miserable.

Funny how one hour flies by when you're trying to fall asleep but during the workday the hours just drag. 

[boltnrun]

Some people seem to be posting not because they truly want advice but because they feel invisible and just want someone to notice they exist. Unfortunately sometimes it devolves into bitter, angry replies to the people who try to help. I guess responding angrily in some way keeps the conversation going, but appreciation goes a longer way than snippy sarcasm or outright insults. 

I've got a lot going on in the next few months. One road trip in about six weeks and a couple of friends will be visiting from out of state later in the summer. I'm cooking a rather ambitious Easter dinner. And Mother's Day dinner with the kids. 

[Seraphim]

Sounds like you will have a lovely few months !

[boltnrun]

My brother bit my head off over text again yesterday. He's traveling for work this week and I know he won't have a car so I said "hopefully your hotel is near some good places to eat." And he replied "I'm eating at the hotel. I won't have a car and I'm not in the mood to go on a sightseeing tour." Um, what?? Who said anything about going on a sightseeing tour? 

He's done this before and when I say something he says "Well, I was having a bad day." But how is that my fault? And why is it he thinks it's OK to take his bad day out on someone who loves and supports him? Am I supposed to accept it because he's family and everything must be forgiven or overlooked because we're blood related? I don't snap at him when I have a bad day!

This is the main reason I moved out of the room I was renting in his house. He was snipping and snapping at me over so many petty and nit picky things. He complained incessantly about my cat to the point where she was confined to my bedroom, he said I closed the microwave door too loudly, he even closed my bedroom door when I was on a work call causing me to be dropped off the call because he said it was too loud. This was his house so he absolutely had the right to dictate terms, but I was paying rent and cleaning up after myself. At any rate I felt our relationship would deteriorate if I didn't move out. So I did. And it was the best decision.

When he gets like this I just leave him alone and don't text him because I don't want to get snapped at again. And I know he won't apologize. He's actually the one who told me "apologizing is 'hard'" and anyway he'll just say he was having a bad day which he seems to feel is an acceptable excuse. 

I love him and I do my best to accept him as he is, which is why I won't ask for an apology. And of course I won't end my relationship with him over a snippy text. But it hurts, TBH. 

[boltnrun]

Haven't heard from my brother but he is on a work trip so I don't expect to. Hopefully he texts me something non-snippy before I'm supposed to go over to his place to cook Easter dinner!

So I don't get the mindset of some tenants in my complex who apparently put a load of laundry in the communal laundry machine and then go to work. We only have ONE washer and ONE dryer, so why do they think it's OK or considerate to leave their laundry in the machine all day?? I think I know who it is. Probably the same guy who keeps putting his trash in the barrel I pay for who said "it doesn't matter whose barrel it is". Um, yes it does. Annoying to have to remove his clothes so I can do my laundry, repeatedly. And to have all the space taken up in my trash barrel so I have to cram my trash into the barrel with the lid unable to close. 

Basic consideration for others!

Fortunately my other neighbor is very considerate and thoughtful. HE removes his laundry promptly and HE cleans the lint filter after he uses the dryer. Be like that neighbor!

[boltnrun]

YES! Finally.

And that's all I'll say since politics aren't allowed here 😉

[boltnrun]

I diligently cut back on how much I eat. I'm making healthier food choices. I increased my walks from three days a week to 4-5 days a week. I walk longer distances. And...I gained a pound.

It's not a case of "but muscle weighs more than fat!" because I'm not doing any muscle increasing exercises. My physical issues prevent me from weight lifting. 

I have thyroid disease which makes it extremely difficult to lose weight. The only times I've lost weight is when my anxiety spiraled out of control and I'd rather have eight extra pounds than be paralyzed with anxiety. 

I'm 5'3-ish inches and weigh 136 pounds. I want to get down to 128. 

[boltnrun]

This probably belongs in my former anxiety journal, but I hit a big milestone today.

Since the beginning of the pandemic I have been afraid of going out to eat by myself.  I'll go with friends or family but being with them encourages me.  I always found some excuse to not go out to eat by myself.  I used to dine out alone all the time pre-pandemic.  Used to go to bars alone too. So it's not the alone thing, it's the Covid thing.

Well...today I took myself out to an early dinner!  I first went downtown to the bank and then on a two mile walk.  I then went to check out the newly opened dining hall for future reference.  Of course by that time I had to pee lol. So I went home, peed and then went back out to a restaurant I've been wanting to try but was too chicken to go to by myself because of Covid.  But I went today, was seated, ordered and ate my meal!  And it was delicious too!  I was going to go to a shop but I figured I'd spent enough money.  I did walk to the liquor store to buy a six pack of beer. And then went home and showered (of course 🙄 ).  But that's not a big deal.

I'm proud of me 🙂