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Possible red flag


Anna Ne
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12 Signs He's a Player - Beginn...
12 Signs He's a Player - Beginners Guide

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months. I am 18 years old and he is 29.

I know that 6 months is not a long time but I’m starting to get worried. He hasn’t posted a photo of us on his social media. However, he shares photos of himself pretty often. He posted one just a couple of days ago.

Maybe this wouldn’t bother me so much if he didn’t have any photos of him and his ex-girlfriend on his Facebook. He still hasn’t removed them even though they broke up about 2 years ago. I understand she is part of his past but I feel as if he’s ashamed to share a photo of us. He basically acts as if he’s single. Maybe he is scared, maybe he doesn’t want her to see us or maybe I’m just overreacting..

When we are together in real life, there are no major problems between us. I met his friends and family multiple times. I honestly don’t know what to think. Before I speak to him, I would like to see what you think about this as this will help me clarify my own opinion

Thank you

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You’re bound to get a few different replies here as people will have different thoughts about how social media is used. The most striking detail is how much older he is from you and what his reasons are for dating so young. You may be easily pliable and easy to push over and influence so therefore also an easy target especially if he isn’t over his ex. 

I’d speak frankly if this continues to bother you but in a lighthearted way. Take a photo together and suggest it’s a good one to both share on social media and see what he thinks. Eventually you’ll find out whether he’s still hung up over his ex or whether you want to keep dating him. 

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20 minutes ago, Anna Ne said:

He basically acts as if he’s single. Maybe he is scared, maybe he doesn’t want her to see us or maybe I’m just overreacting.. When we are together in real life, there are no major problems between us.

Sorry this is happening. While social media posts per se are not red flags, the fact that he "acts single", means he's thinking of this as a casual sex fling.

For you this means heartaches ahead unless you stand up and dump him. 

What do your family and friends thon of him?

Are they on/off? How long before you started dating did they break up?

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33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. While social media posts per se are not red flags, the fact that he "acts single", means he's thinking of this as a casual sex fling.

For you this means heartaches ahead unless you stand up and dump him. 

What do your family and friends thon of him?

Are they on/off? How long before you started dating did they break up?

My family thinks it’s not normal mostly because they want to protect me and I understand that. My friends think nicely of him as a person but they also think that he could upload at least one nice photo of us. Overall, their ‘thoughts’ on this are rather ‘shallow’ and short because they want ME to decide, regardless of what they think.

I basically don’t know any details of their relationship and what happened AFTER the break up. I know that they broke up sometime in late 2019. We met in August 2021. I think that they were not on/off. I also know the break up was pretty ‘messy’ - why: he is a CEO of his own company. During that time, his co-workers conspired against him and basically tried to kick him out of his own company. She was not on his side, he couldn’t take it and he broke up with her. They were dating for about 5 years.

thanks for your reply

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Give it another 6 months...if things are getting serious, then have the conversation that he needs to put them in a file somewhere (like old photos in a shoe box) and close that chapter in his life. 

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I personally see the age difference at your young age as a problem. You have just become an adult. And even if you are mature for your age, he is 11 years older. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to treat you like a kid, but that would be problematic for me.

As for Facebook, I can’t give you any advice. I am just a 53 year old woman, who lives happily without it. I think it causes a lot of anxiety and unhappiness. In fact, I feel blessed that I grew up without internet and without cell phone.

Keep posting, I am sure you will get some good answers here!

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6 hours ago, Anna Ne said:

I know that 6 months is not a long time but I’m starting to get worried. He hasn’t posted a photo of us on his social media. However, he shares photos of himself pretty often. He posted one just a couple of days ago.

Okay, to me he's totally into himself... whatever.

As for any pics of you with him, don't rush with expectations in that.  I dated a few guys who never posted or even took pics of us together.  But, it's just not something huge to base anything on.  Look outside the internet and just try to have a decent relationship.  Lets thing build.. give it time.

And as mentioned, you're just hitting adulthood- He is hitting 30.  Think on that 😕 .

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On 3/8/2022 at 4:30 PM, Anna Ne said:

I know that 6 months is not a long time but I’m starting to get worried. He hasn’t posted a photo of us on his social media.

I think it's ok to ask him why he hasn't posted photos of the two of you. At the six month point, that should be an easy conversation.

BTW--I would think it was weird, too.

Edited to add BTW-2:

People who blame everyone else for their problems are generally bad news. Tread carefully.

On 3/8/2022 at 5:26 PM, Anna Ne said:

why: he is a CEO of his own company. During that time, his co-workers conspired against him and basically tried to kick him out of his own company. She was not on his side, he couldn’t take it and he broke up with her.

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On 3/8/2022 at 6:26 PM, Anna Ne said:

he is a CEO of his own company. During that time, his co-workers conspired against him and basically tried to kick him out of his own company. She was not on his side

This strikes me as a HUGE red flag. I'm sure he frames it in a way that makes him look like the good guy, but I would encourage you to consider what kind of person he is if ALL of his colleagues AND his gf at the time thought it would be best for everyone if he was removed from the company. 

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3 hours ago, HungryGhost said:

This strikes me as a HUGE red flag. I'm sure he frames it in a way that makes him look like the good guy, but I would encourage you to consider what kind of person he is if ALL of his colleagues AND his gf at the time thought it would be best for everyone if he was removed from the company. 

I absolutely second this point. I’d dig a little deeper on that issue, OP. Did you ask him what their reasoning, and his gf’s, for their wanting to get him out?

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On 3/8/2022 at 5:26 PM, Anna Ne said:

My family thinks it’s not normal mostly because they want to protect me 

Trust your family and friends about all the red flags 🚩 here. Step away and move forward.

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  • 2 weeks later...

have you ever had a conversation on being exclusive? feel 6 months is very early for the talks, may be he is thinking its just a casual fling for you. Sometimes a talk one on one do really help know about what the other is wanting from this relationship, so where are we going with this BF?

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