HungryGhost

This thread is a bit old so I don't know if you are still checking it OP, but I have been exactly where you are. I was not a receptionist, but I worked in a healthcare setting that was unbelievably stressful and exploitative. I too was unable to leave until I found a new job, which didn't happen until I got pushed so far past my limit that a doctor put me on leave from work. I was off for 2 months, and made job hunting my full-time job during that time. It paid off! I had to settle for an entry-level job and accept a huge pay cut, but it got me into a different system with a lot more variety of jobs. From there I applied internally for other jobs, and I am happy to report that after 3.5 years of persistence, patience, and frugal living, I have finally landed a job that aligns with my qualifications, pays very close to what I made when I left the bad job, and where i get to work on a team of good people who value me and treat me right. It's tough to make the change, but I did it and you can too! Nothing is worth staying in a job that ruins you.

Thanks for all the support. This is so incredibly stressful. I can't wait for it to be over.

Thanks for this. People drama is really not my specialty, which is a big reason why I need my own place away from them. I did ignore a text from her yesterday declaring "no promises" that she will get someone else for December 1 because she's "going on vacation December 21." Previously she tried to claim that she is behind on cleaning. I did a bunch of cleaning that day to get it ready for viewings. Today I thought I would text her and ask if there is anything not already done that she wants cleaned before viewings. It's a holiday here in Canada, so I can prioritize getting the apartment ready for that step. Thoughts?

Thank you! Agreed, I am trying not to let her get to me and just focus on the move and finally having what I want on December 1. Whenever we talk about the pending change she keeps trying to make it about her and she's dragging her feet on posting a roommate ad to replace me so I can get off the lease. She doesn't like that I'm leaving before I have been here a full year, but there is literally nothing obligating me to stay for a set amount of time. She just came up with that herself and I never agreed to it. Anyway, my own apartment! YAAAAY!!!!

I got the apartment!!! It's a miracle! Seriously, it MUST have been because the rental company already knew me. They had a revolving door of viewings and I was not the first one who applied. But I got it! I'm moving December 1 (or 2nd, depending on the final logistics). Now I just have to finalize things with my roommate where I'm vacating, which is another issue. Give me strength and support for that too, please! Hopefully this will be my last roommate struggle ever and I can live alone for the rest of my days.

I can relate. It's a huge adjustment going from school to work. I experienced what you are describing after each of my two degrees. The post-secondary experience is exhilarating, short, and impossible to replicate. That's what makes it so special. You will adjust over time. Every workplace is different re: culture. Where I currently work, I feel like some of my colleagues have become my friends. That takes time as well. Now, you can focus on the good parts of what comes after college. It sounds like you got onto a promising career path, and you could engage in goal setting and envision where you want your life to go. Also, having money instead of accumulating debt is a delightful change! What do you want to do with your money? Since you are a college grad, you will never truly separate from it. It will always be a part of you, you will continue to hear from your college, and you will be able to attend reunions and homecoming events in the coming years to connect or reconnect with fellow alumni. All is not lost. This is the next phase of your journey.

I have a viewing tomorrow evening! A huge accomplishment! It's with the same rental company I had before the current one, which I left on good terms. Everyone cross your fingers for me! The apartment looks really nice, the location is perfect, and I could REALLY see myself living there.

Same here. I can spot those ads a mile away at this point. Not interested.

If you like your job AND your house, I would encourage you to give your current situation a really thorough chance. For much of my adult life, I have had either a job i enjoyed OR a good housing situation, but rarely both at once. Also, if you own your place, ask yourself if you really NEED a higher income. If you are able to have everything you need and live a good lifestyle on what you make, maybe it's enough. I too have experienced friends essentially vanishing as soon as they get married. Their priorities change and it does get lonely. Is there a possibility you could make some new friends where you are who are at the same stage of life as you? The distances you are describing are not very far apart, so although it makes a bit of a difference in commute times, you would still be in the same area regardless. Maybe you just need a bit more time to adjust and get used to those distances and commute times.

Subletting for lease takeover is legal. It will say in the lease how to get out of it early, and it's usually subletting. Once I had one that said there was a fee to break the lease early instead of subletting because the company wanted to choose their own tenants. Obviously I would read the lease before signing it to make sure it's allowed, and the landlord would screen me before approving it. My preference would be to get my own lease in the building where I already live, but I keep an eye on the posts too and subletting does come up there. I would just need to make sure it's for lease takeover and not only for a few months, which also happens. Don't worry, I'm only inquiring about places that truly interest me and meet all my criteria. I am lucky in that I don't have a deadline so I don't have to rush into anything. I am just having the hardest time I have ever had finding an apartment. Competition has never been this fierce in my experience. I know exactly what I want, but it seems everyone else here also wants that which makes it really hard to get. It's so frustrating.

The drama continues. I had a response from someone subletting their place for lease takeover, but before he responded he increased the price listed in his ad by about $300 a month. I asked why the price went up, and he said the rental company increased it which is illegal mid-lease. Also, there is an emergency rent cap in place that restricts rent increases to just 2%, which would be $22 in this case. NOT $300. So sketchy. So very, very sketchy. I found another ad for a lease takeover that met all of my criteria but they posted it on Friday wanting to rent it for November 1, which is Tuesday. I would have had to pay the penalty of double rent for November since that's no notice at all and I am not willing to do that unless it's a particularly good deal that would make the loss worth it for me in the long run. So. Much. Drama.

See post above.

Do you mean I should search more widely, beyond my current rental company? I am doing that too, but my current company is the only one I am willing to apply to blindly because I am familiar enough with them and their buildings that i am confident that i would want to take any single-occupancy unit they offer me. Also, I know they are not scammers.

I'm so happy for you! I am in a good position in that I don't have a deadline. I just need enough notice to let my roommate know I'm out so she has enough time to find someone else and swap them into the lease. So I am only inquiring about the places that meet my criteria, and seem like places I could settle into for the long term. Good to know re: credit score. I can't believe the liberties landlords are taking now. They just keep evolving. I am going to take some helpful phrases from your post and write them somewhere where I can read them every day.

Oh, he is 100% in the past. Unless the odd piece of mail finds its way to him in which case I have him trained to leave it for me in his lobby so I can just grab it and go without seeing him. I'm just stuck with the aftermath which is a result of being in a desperate emergency situation. All the while I told myself this is only temporary, so I don't have to love it and I will get out as soon as I can. Now I can, but it's not happening! You're right, I should make a point of getting out more to get my mind off it. I find when I do that, I do end up feeling better because I'm not obsessing. I don't want a family. I'm done with dating and i don't want kids. Someday I would really like to get a pet when I am settled enough, but that's it.

Thank you so much! It is really helpful to know that what I want to happen actually does happen! I have seen postings here from landlords saying that if you are interested, you have to apply, they will run your credit, and then they will choose someone and they can view it and decide if they want the place or not. I will not have my credit score ruined because landlords have too much power. That's another reason why I am trying so hard to stay with my current rental company. I confirmed with them that they only run a credit check for the person they are actively considering. If that person declines or doesn't pass the credit check, THEN they check the next one. Since I am confident about their apartments, I know I would take it anyway, so I'm not risking pointless hits to my score. Do you have any other tips besides the mantra that you didn't NEED to move immediately? How did you get the pressure off of yourself? I struggle with that. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Thanks! I am very proud of myself for getting away from my abuser unscathed (physically, at least). It wasn't easy. My current temporary transition housing situation is the last of the aftermath of that nightmare. Once I sort this, I can completely put him behind me and just move forward. I'm really looking forward to it!

Glad I could help! I'm just really not interested in trying to make this situation work now that I don't have to. Believe me, i have done my fair share of roughing it and trying to get along with strangers in my living space, and now i'm done. I know exactly what I'm looking for, I'm just not getting it. I am seeking a way to stay sane and to go on believing that things will come together as I continue to compete and face a slew of rejections because that's all I can do to get out.

I can empathize. I hope you get your space really soon. I hadn't considered the want vs. need perspective. "I have what I need" might make a good mantra.

Yes, this is exactly what I am looking for. I recognize that I'm in an unhealthy state of thinking and I need to turn that around to move forward. Please post helpful resources. Thank you!

Yes, I just meant that none of those healthy options are located near my building. All that's near me is fast food and pub food which is ok sometimes, but not as a plan for feeding myself on a daily or even a weekly basis. So to get the healthy stuff I have to bend even more and spend more time to venture further when I am doing so much bending already. It's just one more thing that makes it really hard to live my life in this situation.

To be clear, I am really not interested in workarounds. I know what I want and need, and that is to have my own place again. I just need tips on how to persevere and keep the faith that I will get there even though all of the evidence is suggesting to me that it will never happen. Does anyone have any tips for that? I'm thinking meditation techniques, or inspirational videos, or daily mantra recitations, or just anything to help me feel better about competing in a market that feels so inhumane and impossible. I do appreciate your suggestions so far. I'm just tired of tiptoeing around other people and settling for something I don't want when I can once again afford to have what I actually want but I just can't seem to get it. Thanks!

I spent the past 2 years compromising my housing situation and making do because I had no choice given the state of the economy and my income at the time. I'm sick of it. I do venture out as much as I can (I have a gym membership, I go to restaurants occasionally, etc.) but at some point I have to come home and do the things I can only do at home and my ability to do it always comes second to my roommate and what she's doing at the time. It's not even convenient for me to read at home because she told me I can't keep books on my bookshelves. I'm a former librarian, so I felt that restriction in my soul. More takeout occurred to me too but we don't have healthy options conveniently located near the building, and health and fitness is very important to me. I don't want to sacrifice my health and appearance because some stranger's schedule dictated it. Plus if I gain weight I have to replace all my clothes, and I can't put my current ones in storage because it's already full of all my stuff that I am not allowed to have in the apartment.

I had the same thought, and I had just made the decision to sacrifice viewings when I pursue my current rental company. I talked to them the last time they declined my viewing request to ask if people are just applying right away without viewing first, and they said yes. So I went into the online application to see what they ask for so I can have all my documents and info ready to copy and paste into the form and maybe be among the first applicants next time. I know that my current company's apartments have everything I need and they keep them in good repair, so I am confident I could get a good one from them if they would consider me. I have been stalking mine and 2 other buildings of theirs that are walkable to my workplace. I'm nervous to sacrifice viewings for completely unknown buildings and/or landlords, though. The conditions are ripe for scammers to emerge. I found one of those last week. 😒 My city is a university town, so usually there is a big student migration away in the spring. I wonder if we will still have that this year. This fall students were having so much trouble finding places that I suspect they will hang onto them more tightly than before. I have also been considering buying. Perhaps not surprisingly, the buyers' market went crazy here too so the prices are still very high. However, my new job boosted the amount I could be approved for in a mortgage to a price that properties actually get listed at! That's very exciting, but I still need to save up more money before I could realistically do it. I have been debating whether my sanity can handle staying on here until I have saved enough, but I just don't think it can. I need to be able to live in my own home. Thanks! My new job was a LONG time coming. I feel like housing is the last obstacle standing between me and the life I want!

Both good suggestions re: "space." The biggest thing is that I am not distracting to the people who are here. Headphones would not accomplish that, unfortunately. I'm not allowed to be in the common areas when they are here. I do love petsitting! I sometimes do that for friends anyway. It may provide some interim relief, but it's still not the same as having my own home. At other people's places, I can't cook or bake, at least not conveniently, because I never know what dishes they have or where they keep them etc. Plus I would have to bring all the ingredients, while at home I usually already have a lot of them in my cupboards. It's awkward to "live" in someone else's space.

Hi all, I posted on here about 7 months ago when I ended up leaving my abusive live-in boyfriend l. It was a struggle, but I managed to get a room in an apartment with a roommate, a situation that I have been viewing as a temporary transition from the start. It has fulfilled the purpose i needed it to (it got me into a safe environment without increasing my rent, and it's in the same neighborhood). However, as predicted, I don't enjoy living here. My roommate seems like a very good person, but she treats the place like it's just hers and i am barely allowed to exist here. My belongings and I have to be as quiet and invisible as possible most of the time to accommodate her busy and highly variable work schedule, which is exclusively at home and involves bringing people into the apartment for appointments. When I took the place, I was aware of a new and much better-paying opportunity at my workplace, and my prospects for getting it were very good. I applied and I got it! I started a few weeks ago. It's early days, but I get a good vibe from it. It aligns with my education and experience, i can see myself settling in and being happy there for the long-term, and most importantly, pays enough that I could actually afford to pay the outrageous rent to get my own apartment. But it's just not happening. As soon as I heard I was hired (mid-September), I started looking. But I am getting nowhere. I mean NOWHERE. I check the ads every day and reach out IMMEDIATELY whenever I see a place that would work for me, but I have not even succeeded at getting a viewing so far. When I request one, they either don't respond at all, or they just say no because they have so many applications already that they don't need to show it to me. I am exactly the person everyone wants as a tenant. I have everything they need for a successful application, and a long history of successful rental experiences. I know that if someone would consider me, they would take me. But nobody will even consider me because the demand is SO HIGH. I live in a city that did very well during covid, so everyone in the country, and the world, took notice and many of them decided to move here and take up all the housing. The government is only just starting to respond to the crisis, and it will take time before we see any improvement at all. I don't even know what to hope for, because nobody really knows how the economy will unfold. They say they are building more housing, but that takes years and tends to be brand new luxury units that I can't afford. So I'm just stuck. I am doing what's in my control and I am getting nowhere. I could put up more of a fight to have more rights where I am, but I really don't want to since I'm not interested in staying anyway, plus I don't want to rock the boat for fear that I will be asked to leave (that's what happened with the previous roommate), and I don't want to invest in anything like room separators that may make it more possible for me to use the apartment while the roommate works because it's ultimately a waste of money if I do end up being able to move soon. So I am in a weird limbo and I don't like it. Various people have told me that I just have to believe that I will get something, and that will manifest it. But it's just so hard to do that when every effort I make discourages me even more. I have even tried to get apartments in the building where i already live, thinking my current resident status might make a difference. But no. They too refuse me viewings and put me at the very bottom of the waiting list. Help, ENA! What can I hope for? I am out of ideas. Thank you.