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End of relationship of who I thought was the ‘one’


Sr7003
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Hi

I’m 26 (female) and my ex, 25 (male) broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago. 
We had been together for a year and a half and all the time spoke about buying a place together, having kids in the future and getting married etc. 

We even spoke about him moving into my parents house the week before we broke up. He was my best friend and everybody thought we was the perfect match. 
 

My family, friends and even work colleagues were gobsmacked he ended it. (Completely out the blue)

Of course there is always that hope that maybe one day he’ll come back but currently right now.. I’m really struggling to come to terms with a relationship ending with someone who I thought I would marry. 
Any advice would be appreciated. 
 

Thanks 

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1 hour ago, Sr7003 said:

We even spoke about him moving into my parents house the week before we broke up. 

Sorry this happened. What were the reasons for the breakup? It sounds like too much too soon. Especially talking about him moving into your parents house. You seem to have been fast forwarding the relationship even though he never mentioned engagement or getting an apartment together.

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I'm sorry you are going through this.  It seems to be out of the blue and you may never know why.  Maybe he got scared about how things were going so fast and didn't know how to tell you he didn't want to live with your parents.  I understand it was serious (and well meaning friends often tell their friends that -from the outside -you seem like the "perfect couple") and it also sounds like there were no concrete plans yet.  Who initiated most of the discussions about the future?  Was there as specific time line? Are you close with his family/parents?

I hope you feel better.

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I am sorry to hear that. What did he said it was the reason to break up?

Anyway, I wouldnt rest my hopes that he would come back. Maybe. But would you accept somebody back who would leave you out of the blue like that? So, work on acceptance. It wont be easy and it would probably take time. But in order to move on you would have to accept the fact that he has left. You are still young, you have plenty of time to meet somebody who would be better match then him. In time you should be able to see it in different way and focus on that.

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46 minutes ago, WildPump said:

without know the reason for breakup it is hard to advice what could be the next step which is to move on. 

I personally wouldn't focus on the reason since the poster said she doesn't know and it was out of the blue.  So perhaps in time she will begin to recall times that he seemed distant or times she was perhaps pushy or overwhelming him with future talk - but when it's out of the blue figuring out the "reason" often is counterproductive to or sabotages healing.  The person tells herself or himself they need "closure" from the other person - "if I only knew the reason". I found out a reason 10 years later in one instance - because he really didn't know the reason at the time why he was so emotionally distant yet proposing marriage with a ring (which I ended up declining after an on again off again 3 year relationship in my 20s).  I even didn't know 100% why I declined. 

But 10 years later he told me.  It was because he was in denial about his sexual orientation (this  was in the early 90s) - and I had no clue -in fact he was very hot, our sexual chemistry and sex life was great - but he knew something was amiss and he reacted by keeping me at a distance. 

Once he knew he found the right person for him.  And he told me 10 years later when we met up for coffee. So I was "lucky" in that eventually I realized why we hadn't worked -but in other situations where it seemed out of the blue -even to me when I ended things -not knowing why it wasn't working, desperately wanting it to work  - trying to find out the reason was a waste of emotional energy.  

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3 hours ago, Sr7003 said:

Hi

I’m 26 (female) and my ex, 25 (male) broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago. 
We had been together for a year and a half and all the time spoke about buying a place together, having kids in the future and getting married etc. 

We even spoke about him moving into my parents house the week before we broke up. He was my best friend and everybody thought we was the perfect match. 
 

My family, friends and even work colleagues were gobsmacked he ended it. (Completely out the blue)

Of course there is always that hope that maybe one day he’ll come back but currently right now.. I’m really struggling to come to terms with a relationship ending with someone who I thought I would marry. 
Any advice would be appreciated. 
 

Thanks 

That’s all right. It’s been two weeks which makes things very raw and still fresh.

You’re still processing the flaws in the relationship and may have been living in denial for awhile.

Go over the reasons for your disagreements right up to the disagreement in ending the relationship as it wasn’t a mutual end. 

Keep posting here if it helps. 

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I'm sorry.  It is very hard to see your way through to brighter days at times like this. 

Try to just ride your feelings out.  I've been through a few very hurtful break ups. I hate to admit but it's important to stay hopeful.  not that he'll come back or anything, but that'll you will go on and see that you're better off. 

Give yourself compassion. Life is v full of people, places and opportunities. There's no need to limit yourself.  Someone better will come along. 

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Losing a partner, and the picture you had in your head of what your future would be like, is a loss not unlike losing someone to death.

It can be traumatic, startling, and you do have a mourning phase.

The phases of losing a relationship, can look very much like the phases of grief through mourning:

1.) Denial

2.) Anger

3.) Bargaining 

4.) Depression

5.) Acceptance

Although every persons experience is unique and you may have other emotions going on right now as well, which is perfectly normal.

If he has given you a reason as to why he ended it, it will help with you coming to terms as it will give you some closure. However, it's not always necessary, and sometimes the fact that someone doesn't want the relationship anymore, can be enough for understanding and closure.

Take your time right now, you're right at the beginning which can be startling, heartbreaking, confusing.

If you need time on your own, do so. Cry if you need to, mourning the loss is natural and necessary.

But keep in mind that how you are currently feeling, is temporary and you have a whole future ahead of you with many possibilities coming up to meet someone else who may be more suitable and will bring you just as much happiness.

It might not be something you're ready to even think about, but it's at least good to know that those possibilities exist, rather than convince yourself that love is all over now for good.

It may feel like that, but it's not the truth. You will heal, you will survive this and you will move forward in your life.

Spend time with family and friends when you're ready to. 

Listen to music that is relaxing but soothing. Listening to love songs that remind you of sadness and heartbreak, will only make you feel worse. Best to avoid those.

Try to watch movies that are light hearted and uplifting, or comedies. Again, try to avoid the romance movies that will sting right now.

Take your time.

Loss is not easy to get over and it will take time for you to heal...but you can and will eventually heal.

 

 

Edited by SherrySher
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I'm sorry for your broken heart. 💔

Give yourself lots of time to heal.

Shift your way of thinking.  Even though no one wants to feel rejection, often times a breakup means both of you were not meant to be.  It would've been worse to break up or divorce later.  The earlier, the better before you continue to waste your precious time and energy on someone who wasn't meant to be long term. 

Your wounds are still fresh.  Someday, this experience will become a blur.  Over time, he will become out of sight, out of mind.  Yes, the pain will always be there but it will fade and your tears become less.

Think of a breakup as a chance to start anew with a clean slate. 

Instead of dwelling on this negative experience, hopefully, you can begin diverting your attention to more positive influencing pursuits such as taking good care of your health for starters.  There is a sound mind, sound body connection.  Surround yourself with great people and eventually you will feel better. 

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The idea of moving in with your parents may have turned out to be too much for him.

If you were not both ready to move into an independent home as a couple, then this speaks of possibly rushing the relationship ahead of his readiness to cope with that.

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Also, cheating is obviously a deal breaker, but since this union is still in it's early stage; put up with his indiscretions, if he's worth doing so for.

There are people out there that are worth tolerating and being patient for, but very few.

Edited by GhostlyJared
typo
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