Ghosted after 2nd Date - Question

[SherrySher]

I agree, spare your dignity dude. 5 days, she's not into you.

As a woman, I can assure you that. We don't wait around if we like someone, she would have messaged back by now.

Edited: I mean, by all means, message, but just be ready in case she's not all that responsive.

[Lambert]

31 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

While I will still advise you to spare yourself some dignity and walk away....

If you absolutely must send her one more message before you can walk away in peace, then don't send either of those messages. Skip the self blame and keep it simple and straight to the point "I really enjoyed getting to know you so far and would love to take you out on another date. Please let me know if you are interested."

The whole self blame, I was so off my game thing makes you look really insecure and needy in a bad way. Drop that forever.

Just want to say,  I agree with DancingFool!

And add...

be light and fun, but apologetic.

Hi I am sorry I took so long to reach out after our last date. I'd really like to see you again.  What do you say? Give me a chance to make it up to you? 

[Rose Mosse]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

Watch for red flags early on. Too much drinking too extreme,etc.

Anyone who gets drunk sloppy and stupid on the first few dates should be an automatic delete and block.

 

Agree. You barely know this woman and she isn't responding already to you. 

You can send another message to her asking for another date if you liked her that much and think that you both have a lot in common but you shouldn't have to be "forgiving" anyone their behaviours this early. I think it's quite odd that you're as frustrated with her as you are and then texting her about your rough or hard day to explain away part of your frustration. As DF mentioned, leave that part out. The fact is you didn't like what she did or what she said. 

[gq7mss]

I had already asked her for a third date. 1st date was A+ successfull, she even mentioned how great it was. 2nd date just didn't live up to it imo but wasn't terrible either. 

The last text she got from me was last Wednesday. "Hey, I hope you're having a great week! Let me know when you're free to get together again?" And she never responded. 

It's either a) the way I showed up b) the vax thing or c) her being afraid of commitment (she kind of mention she hasn't dated in forever and likes being alone)

I risk rejection in sending another message but I've mostly settled on just saying:

"Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you and clearly there was chemistry.  Let me know if you're interested in grabbing dinner and/or drinks. Would be happy to see you again!" 

I won't mention anything about the 2nd date, I have nothing to apologize for even if I wasn't at 100%, I know I'm a catch. Even if I was "off" I didn't convey weakness, or come off as looking just for a booty call, needy, or say anything disrespectful. So I see no reason to bring it up. Also even if I didn't message her for 5 days she could have easily reached out to me. 

Then again she's clearly uninterested so part of me just says let this one go. 

[boltnrun]

I would leave out the "clearly there was chemistry". It sounds arrogant, like, well OBVIOUSLY she would agree! 

Even if you feel it was "clear" I wouldn't put that.

Also, "grabbing dinner" sounds like friends getting together to catch up. It doesn't sound like you're asking for a date.

I like what DF suggested earlier. 

[gq7mss]

I'll go with DF, I think it's worth a shot. 

Again worst case "more silence" or "rejection text" best case a third date to see if we there is something there to build on.

[lostandhurt]

This happens all the time and it really doesn't matter why.

 Are you brave enough to call her on the phone when you know she should be able to answer?  Be brave and be different and call.  She just might answer.

Either way it sounds like you were a match on a superficial level but I have a feeling if things went much deeper it would go south.

 Lost

[gq7mss]

Figured I'd fill you all in, again thanks for all the feedback. She responded fairly quickly. She said sorry for taking long to get back to me. Shes trying to sort things out with the ex and isn't ready to date right now. 

Not sure if it's an excuse or not but it really doesn't matter as I'm moving on. I told her no worries! And if she changes her mind to lmk and we can get together. 

Chapter closed and on to the next 🙂

[SherrySher]

3 hours ago, gq7mss said:

Figured I'd fill you all in, again thanks for all the feedback. She responded fairly quickly. She said sorry for taking long to get back to me. Shes trying to sort things out with the ex and isn't ready to date right now. 

Not sure if it's an excuse or not but it really doesn't matter as I'm moving on. I told her no worries! And if she changes her mind to lmk and we can get together. 

Chapter closed and on to the next 🙂

Hey, at least you got closure now. Good luck with whoever you meet next. Hopefully it will go better!

[MissCanuck]

At least now you know, OP. 

Onward and upward. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, gq7mss said:

Figured I'd fill you all in, again thanks for all the feedback. She responded fairly quickly. She said sorry for taking long to get back to me. Shes trying to sort things out with the ex and isn't ready to date right now. 

Not sure if it's an excuse or not but it really doesn't matter as I'm moving on. I told her no worries! And if she changes her mind to lmk and we can get together. 

Chapter closed and on to the next 🙂

Yes move on - I agree!  Good luck!

[Lambert]

10 hours ago, gq7mss said:

Figured I'd fill you all in, again thanks for all the feedback. She responded fairly quickly. She said sorry for taking long to get back to me. Shes trying to sort things out with the ex and isn't ready to date right now. 

Not sure if it's an excuse or not but it really doesn't matter as I'm moving on. I told her no worries! And if she changes her mind to lmk and we can get together. 

Chapter closed and on to the next 🙂

Glad she responded and as others said, now you know. Your response was perfect.

Someone better is looking for you, too.

 

[Ayanokōji]

On 1/25/2022 at 9:19 AM, gq7mss said:

5 days later I texted her and tried to setup another date, radio silence. It's now been 5 days and she's clearly not going to message me back imo. My question is if I feel this girl is worth it, should I send her a message in a few days along the lines of:

"Hey I realize date 2 wasn't as great as the 1st. I had a rough day and was really in my head. I was enjoying getting to know you and I'd be happy to take you out for dinner and drinks again if you change your mind, lmk."

Since you clearly like her and shes not msging u back anyway u might as well send ur 2nd message.

Coz like u said, shes not gonna msg u back anyway so nothing to lose by sending 2nd msg.

[Tanzi]

On 1/25/2022 at 6:20 AM, MissCanuck said:

Why did you wait so long? 

I was wondering this too. She may have felt she was being ghosted, especially if the OP wasn’t in the best of moods.

That aside however, it was very rude of her to shout out to people that you weren’t vaccinated. I’m not sure what she was hoping to achieve by this other than to humiliate you. 

[Tanzi]

On 1/26/2022 at 2:53 AM, gq7mss said:

Figured I'd fill you all in, again thanks for all the feedback. She responded fairly quickly. She said sorry for taking long to get back to me. Shes trying to sort things out with the ex and isn't ready to date right now. 

Not sure if it's an excuse or not but it really doesn't matter as I'm moving on. I told her no worries! And if she changes her mind to lmk and we can get together. 

Chapter closed and on to the next 🙂

Maybe I should have read the whole thread! 😂 

I don’t blame you for messaging her. At least you have an answer now and can move on.