My bf is talking to his ex again?

[Moonvika]

My bf told me a few days ago that he and his ex were friends again, and I'm glad their cool again because they were really good friends before they dated, and broke up because their relationship was really toxic apprantely. But I just feel uneasy, and he hasn't really been as affectionate lately either. But I think we just ended the honeymoon phase and it's all just making me overthink. I'm not really sure what to do.

(me and his ex are friends too btw)

[Lambert]

Ugh. What do you mean not as affectionate lately? What's your gut say? Does he have feelings for her? 

[SooSad33]

Can you explain a little more?  How long have you two been involved?  When did they split up? ( was it long before he got involved w/ you?)

Honestly, out of respect for you & him, she should not be going there. So often it's best to just leave all alone and walk away.. far away.

Now, IF he is not truly over her, yes, he can withdraw a little.. no good 😕 .  

When my ex's become ex's. I do not backtrack. but respectfully keep my distance, even though the occasional one did want to keep a 'friendship'.  No thanks.

 

[Rose Mosse]

It doesn't seem like he's put his past behind him if he's still trying to find closure while in a new relationship with you. It's disrespectful to you because of that push/pull. 

The honeymoon stage is 3-6 months? Dating for under a year? You both may be incompatible either way so decide for yourself whether this is the type of man you wish to have in your life. 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Moonvika said:

 I'm glad their cool again

Are you really?

Or are you trying to be the Cool Girlfriend who ignores her own feelings in fear of rocking the boat?

If their relationship was toxic, then there is no reason why they should try to be friends now. Their former friendship is not that important. This (along with him being less affectionate) is a red flag to me, sorry. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Moonvika said:

My bf told me a few days ago that he and his ex were friends again. he hasn't really been as affectionate lately either. me and his ex are friends.

How long have you been dating? You're friends with his "toxic" ex? 

It seems like he is dating both of you.

Is this the same man?:

 

[Batya33]

15 hours ago, Moonvika said:

My bf told me a few days ago that he and his ex were friends again, and I'm glad their cool again because they were really good friends before they dated, and broke up because their relationship was really toxic apprantely. But I just feel uneasy, and he hasn't really been as affectionate lately either. But I think we just ended the honeymoon phase and it's all just making me overthink. I'm not really sure what to do.

(me and his ex are friends too btw)

When are you going to have the opportunity to meet her? I'd dismiss the notion of honeymoon phase -if it means anything at all it simply means the wonderful transition from being infatuated to it being more of a development of real like and love and giving to each other rather than being head in the clouds infatuated.  

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

When are you going to have the opportunity to meet her?

She said in her OP that she and the ex are also friends:

19 hours ago, Moonvika said:

(me and his ex are friends too btw)

OP, do you fear he still loves her and will leave you to get back together with her?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

She said in her OP that she and the ex are also friends:

OP, do you fear he still loves her and will leave you to get back together with her?

So that’s weird to me. He’s talking to her again separately from you ? You see her separately from him ?  Why did he tell you then - obviously if you’re friends with her you’d know from her.  This tells me he’s telling you not because he’s “talking “.  Because he’s thinking of reconciling 

[catfeeder]

Are you all still in school together?

That's the only scenario where nobody can help but cross paths with one another.

Beyond that or shared children, there's no way that I'd stay involved with anyone who has voluntarily re-involved himself with an ex.

That's not moralistic finger-wagging, it's practical. I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't be comfortable with it, either. And what is a relationship for? To build us UP, not make us feel lousy.

I'd view this through a different lens. It's not about playing cool to keep a guy who is doing what I secretly feel is disloyal in order to not come off as controlling....skip that.

My lens would present this question to myself clearly: is this how I want to feel, and is this how I want to live?

My answer would be NO, and so, I'd tell BF that I realize he can do whatever he wants, and if he wants to be involved with his ex again, he can certainly go do that, but I need to walk away while we all still think highly of one another.

And I'd mean it.

Head high.

[Andrina]

In my opinion, once you've crossed the line from friends to lovers, you shouldn't go back to being friends, because as you can see, it's not good for the partnership you're presently in.

People don't lose their chemistry, and when disagreements happen in a primary relationship, it's too easy to seek out the person you were once emotionally attached to, whom you've continued keeping open communication with.

If he really cared about not losing you, he would've asked ahead of time if you're comfortable with the both of you keeping exes as friends. Actually, this is something you two should have discussed when becoming exclusive to make sure you were on the same page on that subject matter.

So how close are you and this friend that she was okay you with you dating her ex? Because I'd never do this to a friend. And why doesn't she consider your feelings and hasn't spoken to you about how you felt about them reconnecting?

Always listen to your gut, because it rarely will steer you wrong.

[Debsterism]

Understand that he is still in love with her.

You are the rebound Band-Aid girl. He is already withdrawing emotionally from you now that she is back in his world.

As soon as she makes a noise about taking him back, he will dump you in a flash.

A smart woman would let him go... no not even that, she would PUSH him to go. Tell him you can see that he still has unfinished business with his ex, and you think he should go back and go for either round two or complete closure. Kiss him on the cheek and push him out the door.