Not sure how to proceed..

[junebug123]

Look I’m going to just tell you this from personal experience so take it for what it’s worth.

Every time I was anxious or overly invested in a relationship my partner would sense this, and it would make them uneasy. The few times I could care less as to how it progressed were the times the other person started investing more.

The truth is I don’t really understand the psychology of it all and it think it applies in other areas of life as well, jobs, etc.

Im not saying don’t be yourself, but I think there’s something to be said about having an abundance mindset. When you have a very active lifestyle people are free to come in and out of your life at their own pace, without feeling any pressure to assure the other person of their intentions.

To be honest, it seems like this situation could have just kept dragging on and maybe she was just looking for something casual. That’s why I sort of prefaced what I said by dating multiple people, this way you can make your intentions be known without worrying about the other persons decision.

Its sort of like running a business with multiple clients as appose to having just one client. If that one client acts up for any reason then no hard feelings, you just let them know it’s not going to work out without having to sacrifice your business.

 

[Batya33]

Fancy words for "I don't see potential for a serious relationship with you" - she did try to let you down easy and shower you with compliments and tell you what you're entitled to - (I mean shouldn't she know you would know that? but ok).  I would respond with "thank you for letting me know.  take care."  She doesn't deserve any more words than that IMO.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Coldarmy13 said:

Part of me would like nothing more than to explore a serious relationship with you, but I have a deep calling within myself right now to just be alone and deeply care for my body and heart. I don’t know how to explain it other than my health needs to take top priority and I think I need to be alone to do this.

Yes part - but she's right -she has to be into you with not just parts but the whole.  Part doesn't cut it.  No need to share her "deep calling" and dramatic hyperbole about her body and heart.  As if you are going to be so crushed unless she comes up with some huge obstacle as to why she "can't" be with you.  Puhlease.

[Andrina]

Well, the talk got you the answer you needed so you can emotionally move on. But I can't figure out why you would text about something so important. I believe texts should be for sweet little things like: Can't wait to see you Friday. Or logistics: I'm waiting in front of the restaurant.

Important topics should be saved for in person, and 2nd best, a phone call. 

Is this a lack of confidence on your part that you resorted to text?

I'm sorry it didn't work out how you wanted. But when you meet someone who is excited about you and wants to talk to you everyday instead of every 3 days, you will then be happy the lady from the past didn't work out.

[Coldarmy13]

5 hours ago, Andrina said:

Well, the talk got you the answer you needed so you can emotionally move on. But I can't figure out why you would text about something so important. I believe texts should be for sweet little things like: Can't wait to see you Friday. Or logistics: I'm waiting in front of the restaurant.

Important topics should be saved for in person, and 2nd best, a phone call. 

Is this a lack of confidence on your part that you resorted to text?

I'm sorry it didn't work out how you wanted. But when you meet someone who is excited about you and wants to talk to you everyday instead of every 3 days, you will then be happy the lady from the past didn't work out.

Absolutely agree. What texted her was a much less serious convo than I think what you’re talking about. This was more of a - I’m deleting my dating apps because I like where this is going type of comment along with a hope your days going well - type message. 
 

Although, I’m sure I would’ve gotten the same message when I went to make plans for the upcoming Friday.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Coldarmy13 said:

That was what she sent me when I texted her saying essentially that I was deleted my profiles and wanting to focus on this and where it could go. 

Ok. Good you spoke up. She seems too damaged to date. You dodged a bullet.

[Kwothe28]

Oof. Sorry to hear that, yes she sounds like not ready for something serious or that wants to explore other options. Either way, its not what you want. So look at it in that way, dont get disapointed and look further. 

[lostandhurt]

Ahh that sucks.  I know we were all rooting for you.

This is a bad news good news kind of thing.  Bad news is she doesn't want what you want, good news is you didn't waste anymore time on her.

  I know you probably feel very disappointed but you need to know you didn't do anything wrong, in fact you made a statement to clear the air and she made hers.  Good on you for stepping up for yourself and speaking how you felt. 

  She may have removed her profiles because of her health or because she met some other guy and the whole my health is my priority thing is all BS to let you down softly. In the end it matters little because the result is the same.

  My biggest hope is that you see that you are capable of being in control of your side of dating and not just a passenger waiting on someone to tell you what is going to happen.

I am sorry but I am also confident you made some big steps in the right direction for your life.

Dating and especially online dating is not for the faint of heart.  Lick your wounds knowing you did the right thing for you.

Lost

[reinventmyself]

She set the tone out of the gate, so it's safe to say that she never intended on letting it progress.  So the take away. . .this isn't about you.  

No doubt a disappointment.  Sorry it didn't end the way you hoped. 

And good on you for speaking up.  It proves you are clear on what you want, what you deserve and aren't willing to invest time and emotions into someone who doesn't seem to interested in legitimate relationship.  That's a brave thing to do.  Keep your focus on that.

[limichelle]

I’m beginning to think if when getting to know someone. If you’re having more anxiety then usual because you don’t know what the other person wants. It’s a sign you’re communication is already a little bit lost. 
 

just know this moving forward that things that come more naturally never feel forced or second guessed.