Argument over something small turned big

[whitesand3]

Just looking for unbiased opinions over an argument that I've just had this morning, I'm honestly unsure whether I'm in the wrong, and it's playing on my mind as the argument really escalated. Sorry in advance if it's a little lengthy. 

I'm going to use Person A and person B, just in an attempt to get opinions that are as unbiased as possible. 

So here's the scenario:

There's this present that contains wires person A bought for a friend, hadn't opened the package, as to wrap it and give it later today. 

Person A goes into the bathroom and person B goes into person A's room and asks what inside the package, A responds saying its a gift.

Person B then proceeds to open the package and take the wires out the package just to see what it is. 

Person A realises this, goes into the room, and gets really angry for opening the package. Person B thinks it was fine to open it as the package did not contain any tape or anything, and could've been put back easily. But person A was still angry as the wires must've been place inside the package in a particular way and thinks it wasn't right of person B to open something that was supposed to be a present for someone else. 

They both go back and forth, and person B is hurt that an argument started over this and feels that something materialistic must mean more to person A than their relationship. The argument escalated and honestly got out of control, but neither of them backed down as they both think they're not in the wrong. 

Sorry I know this must seem really petty, both me and the other person I would say struggle with controlling our anger, and it's really bad. 

What are your opinions? Who's in the wrong here? 

 

 

[Tanzi]

No-one has the right to open anyone else’s parcels/packages/letters/whatever without permission. It’s as simple as that.
 

It’s an invasion of privacy and nothing to do with materialism. The argument is being twisted into something else there. It’s not so much about the gift (though evidently they messed with that too), it’s about respecting someone else’s privacy. It was a disrespectful thing to do. 

[Seraphim]

Person B needs to learn to respect privacy. Both people need to take control of their tempers not always easy but necessary. 

[Lambert]

It seems like person B is being a little manipulative -- they shouldn't have opened it and should have apologized.  But instead are turning it around on the person A, stating they care more about the materialistic thing then the relationship.  That is total BS.

I can see where they didn't think it would cause an argument, but they are clearly in the wrong and too into their own ego to own up to it and just apologize.  Which is the right thing to do.  

 

[Kwothe28]

I would just be annoyed by the act of opening the present, wires or not. Its crossing the line of trusting somebody. Because I realy dont believe you or the other person did it because "you were just curious". Those kind of actions are from insecure jealous people. If I have to guess the friend who is the present for is the opposite sex. So the other person had to see what it is. 

Again, even if you take the best intentions in mind its still rude to open wrapped up present for somebody else. Though, again I think intentions here are far, far, different. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, whitesand3 said:

  The argument escalated and honestly got out of control, but neither of them backed down as they both think they're not in the wrong. 

Sorry I know this must seem really petty, both me and the other person I would say struggle with controlling our anger, and it's really bad. 

Sounds like no boundaries or respect.

Is this the same man:

 

[catfeeder]

I'd be really disappointed in the judgment of person B, who couldn't wait 5 lousy minutes to ask what the gift was. 

If I'm A, I'd ask B to return the wrapping to the way it was found, and that's the last I'd say about it to avoid ruining my day if I'm on my way to an event.

If this argument represents typical behavior, I'd question how much of an investment I'd want to make in someone who I can't trust to act like an adult.

That's just not how I'd want to live.

[whitesand3]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I would just be annoyed by the act of opening the present, wires or not. Its crossing the line of trusting somebody. Because I realy dont believe you or the other person did it because "you were just curious". Those kind of actions are from insecure jealous people. If I have to guess the friend who is the present for is the opposite sex. So the other person had to see what it is. 

Again, even if you take the best intentions in mind its still rude to open wrapped up present for somebody else. Though, again I think intentions here are far, far, different. 

Thank you for your response, but no it's definitely nothing to do with jealousy with the opposite sex or anything. Not sure if I posted in the wrong forum, but this was between my mum and me. It also wasn't wrapped, just in a box the way it was bought, just not wrapped yet. 

[whitesand3]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like no boundaries or respect.

Is this the same man:

 

No no, this was between me and my mum 

[whitesand3]

2 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I'd be really disappointed in the judgment of person B, who couldn't wait 5 lousy minutes to ask what the gift was. 

If I'm A, I'd ask B to return the wrapping to the way it was found, and that's the last I'd say about it to avoid ruining my day if I'm on my way to an event.

If this argument represents typical behavior, I'd question how much of an investment I'd want to make in someone who I can't trust to act like an adult.

That's just not how I'd want to live.

Thank you for your reply. 

Person A did mention  what the present was, but person B opened the box up to see how it looked like. 

Having a few hours to think about everything, I think person B's intentions weren't wrong but that person A maybe overreacted, and that person B should have maybe apologised once they realised what they did wrong. 

[Rose Mosse]

Your mother might not have understood about the wires in the package. If you find yourself in a similar position, put the thing in a cupboard if you're not around to keep any eye on it, out of sight so curious cats can't take it apart.

[Jibralta]

21 hours ago, whitesand3 said:

Having a few hours to think about everything, I think person B's intentions weren't wrong but that person A maybe overreacted, and that person B should have maybe apologised once they realised what they did wrong. 

I agree. Both of you weren't completely in the right, and you both overreacted a bit. I'm guessing this type of thing has been an ongoing point of contention in your relationship.

In my opinion, Person B was being too nosy and overbearing. They asked what was in the box and they got an answer. They could have then asked if it was ok to open the box. But instead, they just helped them self.

I think Person A's angry reaction was probably over the top. But I also think that Person A was reacting to a history of Person B being nosy and overbearing. 

Person B should have apologized and admitted their wrongdoing. The argument about materialism and your relationship was absurd. I get the sense that Person B is generally unapologetic for their actions, and that that is why Person A got so angry.

Person A has to be more strategic in the relationship because Person B isn't going to change. 

[Andrina]

Basically, when you have someone who will always be a part of your life, and they have flaws that irritate you, or you have differences in opinions about things that will start fights, you just have to change things to avoid future conflict. Just giving an example even if this is a one-time instance, locking your bedroom door would've prevented this.

I know nothing about your normal relationship with her, and if this wasn't a habit of hers, of course you wouldn't know to lock the door. I'm just giving an example of a boundary. You can come up with your own boundaries to put in place if there are regularly occurring borders being crossed.

If the person doesn't admit she's wrong, it's nothing you can change. What you can say is,  "We have different views of what's okay in this situation. Regardless, I'm asking that you don't open my packages without my permission, even if you see nothing wrong with it."