NC Bandwagon

[Dakota6560]

Thanks Japhy, I am still doing the NC thing but it was a bit harder this time. Thankfully I have a great friend who told me anytime I want to talk to my ex to call her instead. I couldn't do it without her. As for your dilemma Japhy, I am sorry to hear that. Did she start to flake out on you or go back to the same problems that ended it in the first place. Well, I hope you have a great weekend and try to keep busy for that is the easiest way to avoid the failed NC. Ufoureah, you are the woman of many talents. I can't tell you how cool that is for you to learn how to play piano. You are going to swoon a lot of the gent's(it would work on me!! ). As if that isn't enough kayaking too. I wish I could party with you but honestly that is the best way to get over someone by replacing there memory with fresh new exciting ones. I am on the down slope of the coaster right now but hopefully it won't be long. Just keep on smiling and living life. I hope your weekend turns out better than you expected and keep me posted on those piano lessons. Music is such a healing power

[ufoureah]

Day 4 .. lots going on.. she still lingers in the back of my mind.. I want her to be here too. bought a piano, it was delivered today, my ex ex's nephew is here and Iam taking him to the pool, A bbq tonight.. she is still on my mind.. Iam so addicted and I need to stop obsessing.. when will this go away??

Iam anxious and not focussed..

Iam hoping it will get better.

D...

[Dakota6560]

Ufoureah, If I could tell you when the pain stops I would. All I can tell you is keep doing what you are doing and thats staying busy. It is a lot harder to think of someone when you have a full schedule. Enjoy your BBQ and if there is some grilled chicken save me a plate!

[ufoureah]

Day 5 and Sunday... the hardest day for me always.. Thursdays are bad because that is when the incident happened. But Sunday was our together day and I miss her the most then.. I wonder if she will have the guts to initiate a call in the near future. She called me last weekend and asked me for brunch because I the week before asked her if i could talk to her. now we have no communication, so I wonder if she misses me enough to initiate the call. When we met she did say it will take a long time for her to get over me. She also said that she was planning on spending the rest of her life with me and I broke her heart. I keep remembering those things because they give me hope. I miss her today. when it's quiet . My motto Patience and progress. iam working on and in case she comes back, she can be happy Iam a better person. If G'D forbid she does not, Iam a better person for me and someone else in the future. I hope she will give me another chance.. Bad day today, It'll get better.

D...

[Dakota6560]

Ufoureah, she does miss you. Of course she wants to hear from you but I think much like you she doesn't want to open any wounds and wants to give you time to heal. As for planning for her to come back or not. All I can say is just make yourself happy. If you do that you will be ready for whatever life throws at you. Making yourself happy? That sounds so easy but for me that is the hardest thing but I know it is what will make us or break us. So try to think positive about yourself and your friends around you. How did the BBQ go? And what about the piano lessons? You are doing so well and I am sure you could tell us the pain isn't nearly as bad and frequent as it was in the beginning. Just keep it up.

[ufoureah]

as crazy as it sounds.. I want her vto be part of my growing up.. I want to see all the changes I have made, but I know i need to do this alone. I have such trouble to do things alone, but they are getting better. I went alone to the BBQ party and was the center of attention ofcourse. I have started an all woman's group and am staying active with that. Big hike next weekend. My piano lessons start on Friday.. iam stoked. Yes it feels better now, but Sundays.. I know this is that day that she truly misses me and goes off frantically doing stuff with her kid. She is an avoidance addict Iam a love addict. per Pia Meloody...facing love addiction. It is making it esier to understand what made me tick and how I pushed her away. Yes, this time is for me and daily really, it's getting better. Thank you for being here for me. TIME, Patience.. G'D Iam learning.. at 41 I think it's time to grow up...

scary stuff. I was newly diagnosed with ADD last week and iam on meds. People at the party who met me last year told me I seemed calmer. This is just after 4 days on meds.

Amazing... My ex I know will notice too.

I so want her to seee the progress. how will she know if she stays away?

Thank you.. My codependence is still there Iam working on it...

D...

[Dakota6560]

Ufoureah, I am glad you had such a great time at the BBQ and of course you were the life of the party! I do know you want her to see the changes and show her that things can and will get better if given the chance but sometimes were are never given that opportunity. WE just have to keep the faith that someone great will come along and we can apply all we learned with them. I am very glad you are doing better with your ADD. I'm sure she knows that you are getting better and she is very happy for you. She still thinks of you and misses you but we must realize that it was a chapter in your life and it is time to open a new and more exciting one.

[japhy]

Hey hope everybody had a good weekend!

She just won't leave me alone...

A week of NC and she shows up and at my door.

Now I'm all confused again.

My friend (a chick) at work says just be patient, ask her out for a romantic date. I know we'd go out, things would get really good and then boom still no getting back together. Then I'm right back to where I started.

I don't want to make any more of an affort with her because I'm so tired of being rejected. How much patience is one expected to have? So tired of ambivalence from her.

Caught between a rock and a hard place once again.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Monday sucks twice as much when this stuff is going on...

[PlayBrat]

Hi all. I would like to join the NC bandwagon. This is day 3 for me. I

am pretty mad at myself for getting to this place, but I know this feeling will pass once I have maintained NC for a while. I deleted my account so he would have NO means to contact me...he could mail me at my work but

I doubt he will. Anyway.... I need support and encouragement...I know this is whats best for me. I just hate the thought that it is ONLY effecting me..and he is going on his own merry way, not even giving me a second thought..not even aware of how his actions or reactions have affected me in SUCH a big way. Is it just me or does everyone feel like this?? I want him to have ONE ounce of regret..if nothing else.

Ugh! Anyway..here I am ..Day 3!!!

[hockeyboy]

somebody once told me that eventually you really wont miss your ex all that much anymore and you'll actually miss missing her/him.

 

i found that ridiculous but i think its true. i really dont miss my ex anymore but for some reason subconsciously i think i want to. i was driving home the other night and i intentionally listend to our song. funny, because the next night she texted me. i stayed away though.

 

it just takes some time to get where you want to be...be patient.

[cingularity83]

On my first day of starting NC and everything is going well....she sends me a text message saying " missing you "..... I was pretty confused...maybe she thinks we are still together or something...anyway I replied to her and say I miss you too and we send each other a couple of more messages....In some sort of way I was angry she contacted me because I was thinking she's moved on and everything...I just want to tell her to leave me the (blank) alone right now...I sent her a text first yesterday to which she never replied to...but thats good because now I don't have to answer hers either...I have erased her phone no. from my cell phone so I can't even contact her if I wanted to....I'll start with day one again today and hope she dosen't send me a text again......

[ufoureah]

Day 6 for me and Iam pissed, disappointed and absolutely furious. My ex knows that iam now on ADD medication. has she has not ebven bothered to call to check in on me.. Yes I expect it and thereforeeee Iam so mad that it's not happening... Ok Iam going nuts again.. Iam not calling her

 

D...

 

will it ever get better? please make it stop!!!!

[Dakota6560]

ufoureah, You need to realize she is not doing it to personally hurt you but to give you your space. You need time to heal and the only way that is going to happen is if you don't contact her. How can you get over someone if you keep in contact with them. Be strong and fight every day. Because that is what it is. A mental fight not to allow them to bring you down. You are going to get better. Just be patient and don't think past the day.

[Dakota6560]

Playbrat, I know you feel like this breakup is just affecting you and not him but that is just silly. You can't have a relationshiop with someone and not care. He just is to ignorant to understand and that is why you guys aren't together. Remember all the bad things that he did to hurt you. Heck, write them down and if you ever feel blue look at them and you will remember why you are going to be better without him and you will find a better person to be with. Stay strong and all though the road will be bumpy at the beginning it will be smooth sailing at the end!

[ufoureah]

I want her back you see. why do I need space.. I thought I was giving her space.. she is making me suffer. Iam the one who caused the break-up..

what a mess.

Iam getting over her tho I can tell you what.. Iam so mad that someone who says she loves me , we had a committed relationship has totally eliminated me out of her life. Iam so filling my life with new stuff, soon when she decides she is ready to come back I will have no time for her. She always takes forever to decide on things. meanwhile she is holding my stuff hostage . She calls and brings by 1 item,, is that just to come in and see nhow iam if I have changed, how she feels. I am so confused.. tomorrow marks 1 week, the longest ever we have not spoken to each other.

I think it's over.. she wants me to go on with my life. she is very timid, if I don't phone, she doesn't either.

I give up...

I think I need to let it go, this hanging in limbo is not my cup of tea.. is that what I want bfor the rest of my life?? someone who runs away all the time there is stress and devastation...

Help me out here.. am I being impatient here.. Iam the one who hurt her.. she wants to be my friend.. and maybe later we can see each other again. I don't want to go thru those steps.. why do I have to start all over. I have doen a year and a half of hard fricking work to get this girl... is she crazy?

I know Iam having a tantrum..

today is one week of NC,,, truly a record.. did she evn notice? Iam sure she is so happy she does not have to deal with me...

Iam creating a vaccuum. she'll call and come up with some dumb excuse to see me. only I will be too damn busy to see her.

wish me luck...

it's a game of control.

 

D...

[Dakota6560]

You need to step back and read your post. You wrote that it took you a year and a half of hard work to get her. Does that sound like love? Ufoureah, you broke up with her. Maybe she is really hurt and she needs NC from you to get over you. IF you broke up with her why is she going to come back to you? Wouldn't you have to make the first move? Think about these things. You can't expect to hurt someone and then expect them to want to talk to you all the time and come back to you . She is hurt and if she acts funny that is normal. You are the one who caused the wave in this relationship. You have to accept the circumstances. It's up to you to decide what you want. The ball is in your court.

[ufoureah]

not really I didn't break up with her.. I was violent with her and she left.. sorry I didn't explain. iam getting help, I was diagnosed with ADD and Iam going to anger management, a psychologist, and CODA.. iam also on medication nnow. I think I deserve another chance.

D...

[japhy]

Hey everyone,

what if he or she's never coming back? could happen.

accept the probabilty of this and then get on with life.

we all have our problems and sometimes we need to concentrate on getting ourselves together before we can be with someone else. this ex thing is definitely not helping my life. that's what the whole NC thing is about, putting the ex in the past and getting back self-respect. it is not a tactic to win back your ex (there i said it everyone). if we get back together with the ex or you find someone new it will be because we have enough respect for ourseleves to treat someone else with kind of respect they deserve. that was my downfall, had a great girl and treated her like crap. been trying to get back with her but she knows better. she still wants to be friends (says i'm like family) but that's not going to work for me. that's why i'm doing the NC thing; need to put her in the past and get on with life.

[PlayBrat]

Uforeah...

 

YOU abused her...YOU have the problem here. In my opinion, you should be kissing this girls a** to get her back. Sorry but you are putting the blame on her when in fact it is YOU that created this monster.

You said she is "timid"...she may be...but she is probably scared to spend too much time with you for fear of setting you off again.

You need to deal with your issues before you should even be thinking of being with ANYONE...

[cingularity83]

hey japhy you are right....If I get any more messages I plan on telling her that she should stop sending me messages right now because its doing anything but helping me...The only person I need to concentrate on right now is myself period. I plan on rebuilding myself physically, mentally and spiritually from the ground up...I've realized that the way I feel has nothing to do with what she says or what she does...I am the one making myself feel down, sad and depressed, and that has to stop from today...I choose happiness no matter what happens, nobody can take that away from me not unless I allow them to.

[Dakota6560]

I am glad you are getting help. You need to make yourself better before you talk to her. As for another chance. That is going to take time. You need to show her you are getting better and you really want to change. Talk is cheap my friend. Just keep up the therapy and be positive don't get to anxious and understand her hesitancy with you. Keep it up and don't give up.

 

As for The7mcs, kudos to you and your new found outlook on life. I hope you continue this trend and make yourself a much better person then before. goodluck and keep us posted.

[ufoureah]

I really appreciate all your responses. I broke NC today.. I do need to check in.. very calmly I did. we spoke, she saw some nice things at the mall that would look great in my house and she was mad that our relationship was over. Iam treating her with kid gloves. we have a tentative date on the 15th. as friends ofcourse. my meds are working iam less scattered, calm, less anxious and she even noticed. she was happy to hear from me. she is avoiding her pain and I am going to offer paying for a therapist so she too can start dealing with her pain when she is ready. she says she is not sure if she can ever get passed this. I told her that we wouldn't know if we didn't try. she still loves me, but I know it will take a long long time to have her trust me again. yes actions speak louder than words. Patience and progress. My therapist is happy with my progress. Anger management is helping too and my CODA meeting is tomorrow. you guys Iam so sorry I did this .. I really didn't think I had it in me to snap that way. It will be ok.. time and babysteps.

No Contact until the 14th. I will call her then to check in again...

Thank you for your support, I know many of you don't agree with abuse or stuff like that. I don't agree with it either, but Iam aware I was capable of it and It will never happen again, she knows I didn't do it on purpose and she knows how hard Iam working to get better.

 

D...

[Dakota6560]

I am so glad to hear you are doing better ufoureah. You are heading down the right path and you have the right motto "baby steps and time". Just be patient with her and don't pressure her. Let it go at her pace because she will be very cautious with you. She doesn't want it to be a ploy just to get her back. Show her it is a way of life! I hope your "friendly date" goes well and just try to have fun. I am really proud of you and I am glad you realized the way you were before was not who you wanted to be. Keep up the great work because you are doing awesome!!!

[ufoureah]

I know that I have to go at her pace but with ADD I have this instant gratification problem. Iam so mad that she is not here to take care of me. she did for so long and now i have to do it on my own. It is true Iam my own person and in the long run I know this is what I need to be. I just cannot help but to feel sorry for myself. I have lost so much weight. iam eating but iam exercising like a phene. I cannot undrstand how she just eliminated her out of her life. gone.. goodbye, she just goes on as if nothing is missing. does she evn think about me like i think about her. she used to sleppe with her right hand on my leg. does she llok for me in the middle of the night? I know they are stupid questions. How long do I wait. how do we go from being totally comitted to just being acqauintances. how do we make the transition. I don't want to be just acqaintamces. how does that work? do you know.. is there a book out there. how do we make the transition. I have a feeling she wants to see if I can handle her with her frriends, me giving her space. we were so emeshed with each other. how can she go from wanting to spend the rest of my life with ,me to wanting me to go on with my life and dating others. a week before we broke up she told me she couldn't handle seeing me with someone else.

Iam so sick over this. My clothes are hanging off my body and Iam going to loose it before it gets better. we had a life together, eating dinner every night, making plans, going to bed together all of that. taking care of my dad who is 80 and needing gallbladder surgery. she loves him so much, she hasn't even phoned him. Iam so lost. when is she going to start dealing with her pain. see this is what I go thru when I talk to her. I want no more contact, because I make myself crazy. Iam waiting for her to call. I told her she had to pick out something to do. If she doesn't call iam not calling. it hurts too much. I want to be back were we were and work on us. she has no clue how she feels because she hasn't dealt with a thing. I am so Mad today....

sorry

D...

[Zerohero]

well I've already been on it for about two weeks so I'll join the club...