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japhy

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  1. japhy
    tough situation. damned if ya' do, damned if ya don't... that new boyfriend thing would probably be the deal breaker for me though. i'm kind of in the same situation with my ex (no boyfriend though). i want to be in her life and give us a chance. we have a great time together but right now it's "just friends" (no presure, no "moves"). Sucker? probably, but the clock is running and i'm only giving her a certain amount of time and then i'm bailing. when her time is up it's going to be a slow fade to NC (no contact). no drama, no long winded debate. not to tell you what to do but....i would be moving toward NC with your ex; at least while she's got the new boy friend. the old "have her cake and eat it" syndrome. "not enough love to take you back, not enough love to let you go" tough situation...
  2. japhy
    drop off her stuff and go straight to NC (no contact). this person broke up with you (repeat 3X to yourself). you don't owe them a single thing. stop with the puppy dogs and ice cream text messages. if they want to get "back together" they'll know how to do it, you said it yourself... Make em' work for your attention. Stop taking the bait!
  3. japhy
    I had the same situation with my ex recently... Things to ponder: 1)I agree with the whole kill em' with kindness... 2)make sure you look good (you are money! carry your self like that) 3)don't drink too much. 4)it will probably be uncomfortable for them also. 5)when the party is over don't do anything stupid (calls, email, text etc.). 6)if it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger. 7)maybe you'll meet someone at the party!
  4. japhy
    my rule has always been " no message, no call back" don't even call her...just drop her stuff off.
  5. japhy
    hey U, wow, that letter even made me feel bad... well at least she's communicated with you and not in a beating around the bush way. she's laid it out for you. done and done. it sucks. maybe send an email or not (no response expected!), keep it to one or two sentences...say words to the effect "thank you for being straight forward, i respect your choice, i will let it be... (NOTHING ELSE) now move on and away from this situation. go back to NC because you want to heal (not as a ploy) and get back to YOUR life. oh and go get something to eat. things will get better... japhy
  6. japhy
    the pressure thing on the ex is definitely not good...the first response to pressure is to run from it. you should just chill for the two weeks, do your own thing and don't expect too much. in fact you should be counting your blessings that this person still wants anything to do with you. avman is right, it's all about patience. at this point i've come to the resolution that we probably won't get back together. she wants to still be friends and i want NC, so my compromise: over the next couple of weeks I am going to slowly drift away from her. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. if we get back together, cool; if we don't, someone else will come along... the ex has actually been quite lucky so far that no else has come along and blown her out of the water!
  7. japhy
    yes, i agree with Kuhl. first thing is No Contact (NC). the next thing to do is to "build a better bomb" (my friend's expression), ie. improve yourself. take it one day at a time and do not contact your ex! no text messages, no emails, and do not return phone calls to the ex unless they leave a message that they been in a car accident or their house is on fire, NC. time is on your side. -japhy
  8. japhy
    Hey everyone, what if he or she's never coming back? could happen. accept the probabilty of this and then get on with life. we all have our problems and sometimes we need to concentrate on getting ourselves together before we can be with someone else. this ex thing is definitely not helping my life. that's what the whole NC thing is about, putting the ex in the past and getting back self-respect. it is not a tactic to win back your ex (there i said it everyone). if we get back together with the ex or you find someone new it will be because we have enough respect for ourseleves to treat someone else with kind of respect they deserve. that was my downfall, had a great girl and treated her like crap. been trying to get back with her but she knows better. she still wants to be friends (says i'm like family) but that's not going to work for me. that's why i'm doing the NC thing; need to put her in the past and get on with life.
  9. japhy
    Hey hope everybody had a good weekend! She just won't leave me alone... A week of NC and she shows up and at my door. Now I'm all confused again. My friend (a chick) at work says just be patient, ask her out for a romantic date. I know we'd go out, things would get really good and then boom still no getting back together. Then I'm right back to where I started. I don't want to make any more of an affort with her because I'm so tired of being rejected. How much patience is one expected to have? So tired of ambivalence from her. Caught between a rock and a hard place once again. Thanks for letting me vent. Monday sucks twice as much when this stuff is going on...
  10. japhy
    Thanks for the support Dakota... Previous to this I had almost a month of NC with her, things were getting better for me without her. I made the mistake of leting her back in and for two weeks it seemed like things were getting better, but no. So now I have to start all over and not make the same mistake of letting her back in (in any form). Congrats on what, ten days now? Don't let her back in. "the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you decide to take her back when she wants to come back" -Swingers (All NC'ers should see this movie)
  11. japhy
    I almost had two days under my belt after telling the ex I've had enough. I'd been trying to get back with her for the last six months or so and had finally accepted the fact that she ain't comin back to me. You know it's time to bail when she gives you that "I still want you in my life, why can't we still be friends? followed by "but I want to date other guys". So I told her that I'm done with her and NC. After almost two days she shows up at my door before with an envelope filled with things. It's still sitting on top of my fridge unopened. I'm pretty sure it's some pictures from a day in city we spent together a few weeks ago, probably some tear jerker letter about how she's so sorry we can't be together yadda, yadda. She dropped it off on the way to the bar where she'll probably get drunk tonight and wonder if I opened it. I told her if she doesn't want to work out something together, than I just want her out of my life. Ultimatum? well now that I think about it, yea. That was no way to live. NC, the only way to move on.
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