Interested: is she or not?

[12071993]

Back story: I met this girl a couple months back, but she fell off the face of the planet, until recently, she decided to message me on social media. 

Fast forward ->

We've been talking for a few weeks now. When we started, she was out of town and came home a few days ago. We tried to make plans to go on a date but she got sick and has been recovering from it which post-pone our latest arrangement. No problem, I understand. 

But through out this time we would spend hours on the phone talking about anything and everything under the moon. From the time I got off my first job 3pm to 4am. This was a continuous thing, and to me this at least told me she was interested. But recently, we made plans for me to come over to her place after my second job. I called her that afternoon to confirm, and attempting to retrieve her address. She at least confirmed that she wanted me to come over. (GREAT!).. well during my second job i attempted to reach out to her to get that information - called her at 8pm - no response. (okay no problem)... called her at 9pm  - no response (mmm okay...) , now 10pm rolls around which is the time I clock out, i call her one more time to try to get get the information. nothing... no texts, no call backs or anything. 

Now im disappointed, no heads up or anything. 

 

I decided to go out with a few buddies instead, try to get out of the house. While im at the bar, nearing 1:30am she tries to call me... i decide not to pick up. Im drunk and frustrated, and it wouldnt be good to talk to her like that. She then proceeds to text me " i know its late, but can i come over and sleep with you?" - then follow up text "Im on my way home, but can i come by you instead" --- now im irritated. First off no apology. Secondly, where did she go? when we already had plans, she decided to go out instead - possibly with some other guy (most likely)? 

I responded back saying i was with some friends right now. 

her response was "i didnt know, thought you were at home. my bad handsome." 

By this point im over it. Im a couple beers in and just having mixed emotions. I decided to try to give her a call on my way home (roughly 1:50am), I get home around 2:15am and immediately crash. I woke up 2 hours later to find out that she tried calling me back around 2:20pm. 

-----

now we are here. I havent texted her Good morning like ive always done and not sure how to properly go about this situation. I have buddies all giving me different advice. Playing the chess game, ignoring her, play hard to get back now. She stood me up and does seem to realize she messed up. Then I have others telling me, to just take it easy. Call her and lay it out. That I didnt appreciate being stood up, and im not here to play the whole cat and mouse chasing game. Either she wants to see me or not, but she cant be undecisive and let me paint a fool out of myself. I genuinely care about her and definitely would be interested in pursuing something with her. 

I have always been a huge communicator. I can be honest to a fault. But id rather have some one know exactly how i am feeling and hopefully get them to understand the situation instead of playing games. I try to fix things and make it work and ignoring just isnt in my nature. 

 

I would really like some honest thoughts about my current situation on how to properly approach her again or do I really need to just wait for her to make the next move? Remember she reached back out to me after ghosting me a few months back. (i know maybe i shouldnt have allowed it but, she does own her own business and i can understand she can be busy at times.) 

 

I need help. 

 

[Wise Wally]

Dude.  Run far away from this chick if you have an ounce of self-respect.  She's constantly chasing what she thinks is her best option in the present and it sounds like in every scenario that's taken place, that hasn't been you. If you like being either a back-up or third string piece of meat, then go for it.  Also, the friends that didn't give you this same piece of advice are morons.  

[12071993]

15 minutes ago, Wise Wally said:

Dude.  Run far away from this chick if you have an ounce of self-respect.  She's constantly chasing what she thinks is her best option in the present and it sounds like in every scenario that's taken place, that hasn't been you. If you like being either a back-up or third string piece of meat, then go for it.  Also, the friends that didn't give you this same piece of advice are morons.  

Yeah, i had one buddy tell me the same thing. She's mentioned that shes even talked to her family about me which confuses me as to how shes treating all this. I understand that she could just be saying it but what would the point of that be? 

[DancingFool]

Kind of have to agree with Wally here. You are not her first, second, or even third choice. Just some dude she chats up when she is bored.

Meanwhile, you've developed a false sense of connection with her through talking way too much while she dodges actually meeting you or prioritizing you in any way.

Now she stood you up, so it's time to lose her number for good. Time to find your self respect.

In the future, don't waste your time chatting like this. If she isn't up for a date, next her immediately.

[Wise Wally]

Did you ever hang out with her on a real date before you got a 1am text asking if she could sleep with you?  If so, she sounds really special.  

[DancingFool]

3 minutes ago, 12071993 said:

Yeah, i had one buddy tell me the same thing. She's mentioned that shes even talked to her family about me which confuses me as to how shes treating all this. I understand that she could just be saying it but what would the point of that be? 

The point is that it keeps you on the hook and ready to entertain and stroke her ego.

Always look at actions not words. Doesn't matter what she says, her feet are moving in the opposite direction. When actions and words don't match, believe the actions. Her actions - stood you up for better options and when those didn't pan out as she hoped, tried to hit you up for a hook up. Consider also that she thought you are so pathetic that you were just sitting home alone clutching your phone, waiting on her to call you. Yuck. Lose her number today and don't let anyone treat you like that. 

[12071993]

14 minutes ago, Wise Wally said:

Did you ever hang out with her on a real date before you got a 1am text asking if she could sleep with you?  If so, she sounds really special.  

Unfortunately no, but the topic has come up through out our conversations previously. 

[Wise Wally]

Just now, 12071993 said:

Unfortunately no, but the topic has come up through out our conversations previously. 

And I bet it comes up in most of her other conversations too.  You could probably find classier women at your local truck stop.  

[12071993]

10 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

The point is that it keeps you on the hook and ready to entertain and stroke her ego.

Always look at actions not words. Doesn't matter what she says, her feet are moving in the opposite direction. When actions and words don't match, believe the actions. Her actions - stood you up for better options and when those didn't pan out as she hoped, tried to hit you up for a hook up. Consider also that she thought you are so pathetic that you were just sitting home alone clutching your phone, waiting on her to call you. Yuck. Lose her number today and don't let anyone treat you like that. 

You're making too much sense... >.<

You're right though.

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, 12071993 said:

called her at 8pm - no response. (okay no problem)... called her at 9pm  - no response (mmm okay...) , now 10pm rolls around which is the time I clock out, i call her one more time to try to get get the information. nothing... no texts, no call backs or anything. 

She then proceeds to text me " i know its late, but can i come over and sleep with you?" - then follow up text "Im on my way home, but can i come by you instead"

Is she married/living with someone? It sounds like she's jerking you around and wants a chat buddy.

[12071993]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is she married/living with someone? It sounds like she's jerking you around and wants a chat buddy.

No she lives by herself from what i know. 

[SooSad33]

You really don't know what was up with her due to her not answering your calls.

She could have been out, herself.. She could have been away from her phone for a bit, she's got a business.. She could have been sleeping. ( But, your assumption is she's out with another guy).

You two haven't even met?  (You don't own her.. but making assumptions).. and if you're not so hot-headed now, then yes, be a good idea to call & talk to her about it.

She knows you went out with the guys after work.

Maybe, before you 'assume' anything, you talk... get it dealt with.  ( and try to settle down a bit, you haven't even met her?).

No one knows IF or how much she is truly interested in you.. But, heck, you can at least meet up. ( at least over a coffee?) Not sure, her going over to spend a night with you is a good idea, yet. 😕 

 

[12071993]

28 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

You really don't know what was up with her due to her not answering your calls.

She could have been out, herself.. She could have been away from her phone for a bit, she's got a business.. She could have been sleeping. ( But, your assumption is she's out with another guy).

You two haven't even met?  (You don't own her.. but making assumptions).. and if you're not so hot-headed now, then yes, be a good idea to call & talk to her about it.

She knows you went out with the guys after work.

Maybe, before you 'assume' anything, you talk... get it dealt with.  ( and try to settle down a bit, you haven't even met her?).

No one knows IF or how much she is truly interested in you.. But, heck, you can at least meet up. ( at least over a coffee?) Not sure, her going over to spend a night with you is a good idea, yet. 😕 

 

Part of me wants to cut her off but the other part wants me to contact her back to really just lay it all out. Basically flat out tell her that I am noticing the things she's doing. 

I know there will be some people that will say, it wont do anything or she wont listen. But idk. Ive always given her the benefit of the doubt of her being busy but last night after confirming the evening of and getting stood up with no heads up, then texting me like nothing happened and telling me you went out instead... definitely got under my skin and i think it would for anyone. 

[SooSad33]

4 minutes ago, 12071993 said:

Part of me wants to cut her off but the other part wants me to contact her back to really just lay it all out. Basically flat out tell her that I am noticing the things she's doing. 

Right... so do that.

And if she's causing more stress than not, why keep accepting her?

Maybe she's just not worth this.

I am sure it's been mentioned, to walk away from this one, knowing her history with you.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, 12071993 said:

Part of me wants to cut her off but the other part wants me to contact her back to really just lay it all out.

You haven't met. Why bother confronting her? You owe each other nothing.

[Wise Wally]

12 minutes ago, 12071993 said:

Part of me wants to cut her off but the other part wants me to...

...admit that I am pretty stupid.  

[12071993]

10 minutes ago, Wise Wally said:

...admit that I am pretty stupid.  

probably right 

[Kwothe28]

Look, some girls, they are just looking for attention. You are there to entertain her, send her a good morning text, tell her how pretty she is etc. That maybe she doesnt get from some others or even at all. But as far as actual meetings goes, they become flacky. It always have to be under their conditions because they need to set rules and be in control. That is why she didnt answer your calls because then she would have to follow through and actually do it or blow you off. Like this she can do whatever she wants and just call whenever she wants with some excuse and to keep you there. Because she doesnt consider you as anything else but her source of entertainment, her fool. Even if you were awake its questionable if she would come, she just wants you there but will not follow through with anything. She only gives you breadcrumbs so you would stay there, but trust me, doesnt plan anything with you. Sorry, some people are just like that.

I think you did good by going out with friends and not wait at home. Even with accidently falling asleep because it does show her that you are not up for her games. You can contact her, or she would probably contact you if she see that you are moving away from her. But I would think long and hard whether somebody like that is worth of your trouble. 

[Rose Mosse]

She's obviously involved with someone else. Anyone who calls you that late, ie past 10 pm, is looking for a booty call. Is that what you're looking for as well? She invited herself over at an ungodly hour, expecting herself to crash at your place without acknowledging anything that transpired in the earlier hours. 

Don't bother about playing anything, hard to get, or whatever your friends are suggesting. Move on and check for quality over quantity. Don't overinvest with hours upon hours of chatting over the phone like this prior to knowing someone a bit better.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, 12071993 said:

I have always been a huge communicator. I can be honest to a fault. But id rather have some one know exactly how i am feeling and hopefully get them to understand the situation instead of playing games. I try to fix things and make it work and ignoring just isnt in my nature. 

 

There's a huge difference between being honest and sharing information that is not asked for.  I think you were oversharing with a near stranger and you need better boundaries.  Be honest with yourself about whether it's being a "huge communicator" to have a chat buddy when in reality you wanted to date her in person.  Also being an effective communicator often involves being a really good listener and being quiet/silent rather than chatty/oversharing.  Communicate more honestly with yourself.