I found out my crush wasn't the person I thought he was...

[Angelina23]

So I've had a major crush on this guy for over a year now, and we've been friendly for a while. He sat next to me in my lit class last year, and currently he sits next to me in my AP Chem class. Just to note, he's known that I liked him for a while because a friend told him last year. We were always super nice to each other in lit class, and he was kind of like my motivation, and it's the same in AP Chem today. As a girl who struggles with depression and loneliness, he's one of the only things that made me want to come to school. I'd look forward to him every day, and any small thing he did made my day, but if I felt like he was annoyed with me or I had a bad interaction with him, I'd be sad for the rest of the day. I don't wanna say I was obsessed with him, but it quickly came to the point where all I could think about was him and how he saw me, so I pretty much was. 

But the problems are that...

So I eventually found out he has a much prettier girlfriend who goes to another school, when he actually casually dropped it into conversation with me and continued to do so. I was pretty distraught about this, but I tried to act like I didn't care and remain friends. 

I did some things I shouldn't have. I asked for his snap without thinking much of it as we were still friends/lit buddies, but he ended up giving me an account he never uses, then he proceeded to send me a snap of him and his girlfriend then leave me on opened. I couldn't understand what happened so I ended up giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then later before school ended, I asked him for his number, which I did with all my friends and viewed him as no different, which he said he'd send it to me on snap but never did. These were dumb moves on my part, I know, as I valued talking to him a little too much. But the whole snap thing still makes me so sad and confused.

We still talk today, but I guess not as much as last year partly because I don't get as much opportunity in Chem, but I fear also because of this whole crush thing. The problem is that he is still a major motivation for me and I always find myself getting butterflies as he walks into the room. He's gotten more popular and recently I've heard some not so flattering things about him, such as that he constantly lies to his parents. I know that liking him is not good for me for multiple reasons, especially that even if I don't plan to go for him, he has a girlfriend. And now, looking back, I realize he never put as much effort into our so-called friendship as I did, and that he totally gave me a dead snap on purpose (even if I deserved it I know he has other girls on his main account). And now especially knowing that he isn't the angel I always made him out to be, I can't seem to let go of him. It makes me so sad, as I really had deep feelings for this kid but I know that all it's doing and will ever do is hurting me. 

I know I am still in high school and should not be worrying about this, and there are people there with worse problems, but I don't wanna be attached to this guy forever no matter how much I liked him. Letting him go makes me so sad, but I know it's something I should've done a long time ago, but it is extremely difficult to do. Please help.

[greendots]

37 minutes ago, Angelina23 said:

I know I am still in high school and should not be worrying about this, and there are people there with worse problems

It's okay to not be okay. Sorry to hear you're going through a lot.

Getting over your crush seems nearly impossible right now, but one day you'll have forgotten all about him. Step by step, day by day.

I'm facing a situation kinda like yours, so I discovered that keeping your mind busy is the best thing that you can do. Usually your mind would focus on him. Well, refocus your thoughts: think of a celebrity crush, watch a funny movie, do some arts & crafts, go out with friends, etc. Be busy and avoid social media.

Also, the way he behaved towards you is not your fault, has nothing to do with you, nor is it a reflection of who you are as a person. If anything, it speaks ill of him.

Please know that you are wonderful and in due time, you will be okay. Step by step, day by day. 🙂

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Angelina23 said:

. As a girl who struggles with depression and loneliness, 

How is your relationship with your parents? Are things ok at home?

Speak up to your parents about your depression. Ask your mother to take you to a physician for an evaluation and a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Depression is treatable.

Also, get more involved in school activities. Join some groups, clubs sports and other social situations.

Try to make more friends. Both boys and girls. 

Feeling isolated and obsessed can be helped.

Reach out to your favorite teachers or counselors at school. Try not to withdraw from everyone.

Teen depression is an epidemic right now. Talk to a trusted adult about it.

[SooSad33]

Depression alone is hard 😕 .. Yeah, many of us often have a 'crush' in school.

I am sure, in time you will get over this guy.. You just need distance to do so.  Less you see or interact with him the better.

As mentioned, can you maybe talk to your parents about looking into some help in dealing with your depression?  Some therapy/ meds?  This time of your life is a challenge as your body & life changes drastically & can become overwhelming.

So, be kind to yourself & try focussing more on your real friends and hobbies, etc.  And give it time to work on distancing & getting over this dude.

 

[lostandhurt]

I think what you have a hard time letting go of was the idea of him or the idea of a romance with him.  Of course it wasn't real but you invested so much into it the idea or fantasy it kind of became real.  This is why it is so hard to let go of him because he represents happiness and being wanted.

  This is the rabbit hole of a crush.  We sit apart and imagine being close to the point where like you if something happens to ruin the fantasy the rest of our day is crap.

  The best thing is to see it for what it was and see him for who he is.  Take him down off the pedestal you placed him on and see him as just a guy.  He has faults and jerks people around so should he be on the pedestal?

  Keeping busy is of course a good step but also opening your eyes to what is around you.  I would bet good money there are more than  a few guys crushing on you that are afraid to talk to you.  Think about it.

  Lost

[Kwothe28]

Did you wrote about this case before here? Story seems very familiar. 

He was very blunt with you. And that he wants nothing to do with you except occasionally seeing you in school. He told you straight forward that he has a girlfriend and avoided any way possible to give you his number. Which frankly says he is not interested in pursuing anything with you. Not even if he leaves his girlfriend. Usually when we have a crush on someone we create a perfect image of that person. In our eyes they can do no wrong and even if they do wrong things we excuse them as they "probably have a reason to do that" or "they are just misunderstood" or anything in that fashion. You start to see cracks. That he lies, is not a very nice person, that he doesnt even like you as a friend etc. And that is good. It will help you in moving on. You are young, you have school, i think last time you said you run tracks, so focus on other things. Go out with friends, meet new people, I am sure the at least some boy would be interested. I think in time as you progress with life you will see how silly all this was and how he was "just some guy" who you once knew and not anybody of importance in your life.

[Tinydance]

I actually think you are completely right that liking him is not good for you and you need to move on. It actually doesn't really sound like he's that interested in even being your friend because he didn't want to give you his number and he just ignored some of your messages. Besides, you don't just want friendship with him, you want more. I think it would be too hard to be friends anyway if you have feelings for him. I don't really think that he's that interested in you or your friendship and besides he does already have a girlfriend. My advice would be to stop talking to him or cut down on talking to him. Concentrate on school, your hobbies and interests and your other friends.