Still twinging over someone I thought I was good and proper over. Bummed out

[1a1a]

I passed an ex at the supermarket and he was with a cute alterno girl (he’s an alterno boy). This relationship ending was such a savage painful one that I grieved for so long and knitted myself back together and it’s been so many years and for a long time now I’ve been able to be cordial with him (we work together sometimes) and say bye at the end of the shift and feel nothing, it’s been glorious. 
 

But today I feel twinge. Do I feel this twinge because the person I’m waiting to see (he’s stuck overseas but we both wanted to maintain regular contact and reunite and so we both wait and talk daily) is no alterno boy at all? It’s like there goes the idea I had in my head for what I’d look like as a couple and here walks past my ex and his lady friend looking exactly how I thought I would. It’s bummed me out. 

[sadchick83]

I am guessing you are not 100% over the ex and there is a little bit of uncertainty with your new guy which is causing you to step backwards in your healing. 

Maybe you should loosen your grip on the new guy and try to date others while you wait for him to come home.  I would not want you to wait for him only to find out nothing is going to materialize.

How long will he be overseas?

[Kwothe28]

Whats alterno boy? Guy who listens to alternative type of music?

Anyway, yes, sometimes its an idea that makes us feel. You see him walking with some girl and you want that for you. Dont think it has anything to do with the person itself as much as an idea of person like that. Its not that serious. Unless you think that being an "alterno boy", no matter what that is, is that important to you. Then its a problem that the new guy is not that lol

[DarkCh0c0]

13 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Unless you think that being an "alterno boy", no matter what that is, is that important to you. Then its a problem that the new guy is not that lol

Yup. OP if you like being with an alterno, and I'm assuming you're one too, then by all means leave the man who's abroad and find your love within that circle.

[Rose Mosse]

Seeing exes spontaneously or running into them often brings out mixed emotions especially if it was a messy break up. It can be off-putting so give yourself a bit more breathing room here and allow for whatever you're feeling and let it pass.

Make no decisions when you're unsettled. Wait a few days or till next week and if you are really not feeling ready to meet anyone you've planned to meet, tell the other person early and be considerate. 

 

[DancingFool]

Running into an ex is always bound to stir some things up, even if just memories or wishes past. It's normal and not an indication of a problem.

Also, it sounds like it was less about the ex specifically and much more about that picture in your mind of what you wanted or still want in terms of a relationship - a certain look.

[lostandhurt]

This is perfectly normal.  You could be in a wonderful relationship that is perfect and still run into an ex and have a twinge and then it lingers a little while.

It happened to my sister and she called me all upset after  seeing her ex at a farmers market with a new woman.  This guy had moved in and everything seemed great but then came the gambling problems, loss of his job and motivation.  He went from a prince to a frog and she kicked him out.

  My sister was doing great and felt good like you that it was the right thing to do.   Then that day at the farmers market brought back a lot of memories.  He looked so happy and together so she questioned everything and was a mess.  I reminded her that he looked like that when they met and then after a bit of time turned into a frog. I then asked her how she was feeling just before she saw him and his new gf.  She said she felt great and happy so I asked then why can't you feel like that again as soon as you allow this to pass?  

This is the key.  Accept that seeing them caused you to feel like you do but also understand that it is perfectly normal because you are human, not a robot. Let the feeling wash over you, understand and accept it and then get back to what you were doing/feeling just before the sighting. Just actually seeing them together is nothing more than a visual confirmation to what you already knew but our minds and heart often make it more than it really is.

Don't make it more than what it was.

Lost

[Wise Wally]

Likely showing my age, but what is "Alterno"?