Ex still contacts me about the break up

[minute_perception]

I don't exactly get affected by it so much anymore, as I just see that I still have a hold of him. However, we broke up almost a year ago. Was a hard break-up, we admitted that we still like each other and that we miss each other all the time, and we both have mentioned to each other that if we ever did talk about our relationship again - it's once we've moved on from the hurt, so I don't think it's a 100% final break up where you never want anything to do with them again. I think because I still to this day felt like we broke up over very odd things and he thought the grass was going to be greener. Sometimes the texts will stop and he'll find a way to contact me weeks or even months later and it's always about how he's sorry about how things ended and just our relationship in general. He'll never directly ask me how things are unless we speak on the phone. But his texts will be wrapped in 'I hope you are truly happy and things are good'

Or for example, recently I replied to one of his messages saying that I miss our intimacy and laughs. He hasn't responded but it's almost for certain he'll try to find a way to respond back to that. Because I know at this moment, he tries to play it cool or even just compartmentalize it.

Any input?

[SooSad33]

Neither of you can truly accept, heal & move on until all of this stops.  You are just dragging on the pains.

You need to cut ALL ties with him.

If this is done, you both need to work on accepting this.

Fact is, you two broke up.

Now, you don't owe him anything, vice-versa.

And the worst thing to do is to continue on and say things like you are.. " I replied to one of his messages saying that I miss our intimacy and laughs.".

That is NOT making anything any easier.. It's continuing the pains... right?

Do he do the BU? ( as you say he thought grass was greener?) .. Then let him go!

he deserves nothing more from you.

 

So, for your own mentality, just stop everything. stop replying to his texts, stop talking to him, totally. So YOU can work on accepting this and heal.

If he ended things.. and wants to keep at you, lead you on etc... Don't give him this satisfaction!

If anything, he's being selfish here.  he should respect the fact that you need to be able to heal & move on without his chiming in now & then.

If it is done.. the be done!

* find your inner strength now & just put an end to this now*

[minute_perception]

On 9/17/2021 at 12:17 AM, SooSad33 said:

Neither of you can truly accept, heal & move on until all of this stops.  You are just dragging on the pains.

You need to cut ALL ties with him.

If this is done, you both need to work on accepting this.

Fact is, you two broke up.

Now, you don't owe him anything, vice-versa.

And the worst thing to do is to continue on and say things like you are.. " I replied to one of his messages saying that I miss our intimacy and laughs.".

That is NOT making anything any easier.. It's continuing the pains... right?

Do he do the BU? ( as you say he thought grass was greener?) .. Then let him go!

he deserves nothing more from you.

 

So, for your own mentality, just stop everything. stop replying to his texts, stop talking to him, totally. So YOU can work on accepting this and heal.

If he ended things.. and wants to keep at you, lead you on etc... Don't give him this satisfaction!

If anything, he's being selfish here.  he should respect the fact that you need to be able to heal & move on without his chiming in now & then.

If it is done.. the be done!

* find your inner strength now & just put an end to this now*

Thank you. How would I know the difference to what I've been receiving to a man that is truly regretting his decision and wants to be together again? I guess it would be very clear that is what he wants right and would be explicitly saying that? 

[Wiseman2]

On 9/16/2021 at 11:24 AM, minute_perception said:

 I just see that I still have a hold of him.

You need to let go. 

is this the same man?:

 

[Spawn]

the only way out of this situation is to cut all contact and get busy with your life. But you need to make that decision for yourself , nothing else matters.

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, minute_perception said:

I guess it would be very clear that is what he wants right and would be explicitly saying that? 

Right.

You said he'll reach out every few weeks or month?  That's just breadcrumbs... little nothings.

Did he respond back yet on what you said to him?

it sounds like YOU are holding on to this too much and NOT able to truly let go.... but he is not doing this..

Yah, he said something like how is sorry he is.  That's normal.

I had an ex do this before... say he missed me etc.. BUT, he was with another woman. ( I had stopped responding and never spoke to him again knowing this.. I had to find my inner strength to never contact him again.. and never have).. Yes, I healed from that and I also moved on .

It has been almost a year now... enough!  right?  get going again with your own life ... pay no more attention to his little nothings.

 

[melancholy123]

What the heck?  Why are you wasting your time talking to this guy?  You broke up ages ago.  Block and delete him and your life will get much better pretty much immediately.

[Sonneblom]

I do agree with everyone who has said you need to let go, cut off all communication in order to heal and move on. IMO, if he wanted you back, he would have come back and said it straight to you, the fact that he's not done that even when you have been open to communication and possibly getting back together, means he doesn't want that. LET GO, MOVE ON,THERE'S NOTHING THERE FOR YOU ANYMORE,LOVE.

[minute_perception]

On 9/20/2021 at 6:14 PM, Sonneblom said:

I do agree with everyone who has said you need to let go, cut off all communication in order to heal and move on. IMO, if he wanted you back, he would have come back and said it straight to you, the fact that he's not done that even when you have been open to communication and possibly getting back together, means he doesn't want that. LET GO, MOVE ON,THERE'S NOTHING THERE FOR YOU ANYMORE,LOVE.

Thank you! I do at times want to block him but then I'm concerned that I may prevent anything from ever happening agin? 

[DancingFool]

On 9/18/2021 at 10:37 AM, minute_perception said:

Thank you. How would I know the difference to what I've been receiving to a man that is truly regretting his decision and wants to be together again? I guess it would be very clear that is what he wants right and would be explicitly saying that? 

It's simple - if he were serious about you and regretted breaking up, he would directly ask you about getting back together. He would literally tell you straight up that he is sorry, he made a mistake and he wants the relationship back.

He is not doing that. Instead he is just using you to stroke his ego that you are still sitting around after all this time and still pining for his greatness.

Good grief, find your self respect, fish your dignity out of the gutter and move on already. Also, yes block him because someone who will dump you doesn't deserve you. He already showed you that he doesn't value you. Why can't you figure out that you deserve better than this guy?

[boltnrun]

7 hours ago, minute_perception said:

Thank you! I do at times want to block him but then I'm concerned that I may prevent anything from ever happening agin? 

Has not blocking him resulted in reconciliation?