My husband tried to kill me after my affair

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, Usa1ah said:

The police in some areas can press charges with the evidence they have. The wife/gf doesn’t need to do so. It depends on the laws in your state. 

Yep, even if she refuses to cooperate assault and attempted murder are illegal. He was already arrested so it's likely the authorities will pursue a case even if the OP begs them not to.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Usa1ah said:

The police in some areas can press charges with the evidence they have. The wife/gf doesn’t need to do so. It depends on the laws in your state. 

The police make arrests.

This was based on the neighbors reports and ER reports. 

This is not a civil case in any jurisdiction. Once someone is arrested, it is a criminal case. The complaining witness (OP) can not make this call. The prosecutor will build a case based on the charges at arraignment (when he was arrested).

Individuals do not press charges, nor do police. In the context of the criminal law, only a municipal, state, or federal attorney can decide to charge someone with a crime and file a charging document. Prosecutors decide whether or not to do so based on evidence provided by people and police, but the latter two never press charges.

[Stupid girl]

Hi everyone thanks for advice. So I back to give you guys an update on the conversaction I had with my husband over the phone And I know I need to stop talking to him.But first I here to answer some questions you guys asked. So first  someone told me to get some family to stay with me. My brother and dad came to stay with me for the time being and my dad changed the locks on the house to keep my husband out. I saw someone asked if my husband was violent before this. I can truly saw that he was not. That one of the reasons why I still love him  all the years we been together we only had a few fights but they never got physical. So I guess my affair pushed him over the edge. So about  a   3  hours ago  my husband called me from a different number because I blocked his old one. He called to tell me he's sorry for hurting me so badly and he still loves me. I asked him if you loved me why try to kill me he said he didn't try to kill me he was just so upset. He told me he will never lay a hand on me again. Then he asked  me if I don't want to see him again please do him  one favorite I  asked him what. He said to tell him where my affair partner lives and that will be the end of it. I asked why he said because he ruined my marriage and he's going to get revenge. I told him I wasn't going to do it because I don't want no one else getting hurt. Then he said either tell him or there going to be hell to pay for everyone involved. The he told me I love you and hung up   I don't know what to do. Need good advice help.   P.S something asked how did he found out about my affair. I will tell you guys in my next update. 

[Seraphim]

You call the police and you tell them he out to exact revenge on another person. He is a violent lunatic at this point. DO NOT ANSWER YOUR PHONE. Let your father answer it . 

[Tinydance]

39 minutes ago, Stupid girl said:

Hi everyone thanks for advice. So I back to give you guys an update on the conversaction I had with my husband over the phone And I know I need to stop talking to him.But first I here to answer some questions you guys asked. So first  someone told me to get some family to stay with me. My brother and dad came to stay with me for the time being and my dad changed the locks on the house to keep my husband out. I saw someone asked if my husband was violent before this. I can truly saw that he was not. That one of the reasons why I still love him  all the years we been together we only had a few fights but they never got physical. So I guess my affair pushed him over the edge. So about  a   3  hours ago  my husband called me from a different number because I blocked his old one. He called to tell me he's sorry for hurting me so badly and he still loves me. I asked him if you loved me why try to kill me he said he didn't try to kill me he was just so upset. He told me he will never lay a hand on me again. Then he asked  me if I don't want to see him again please do him  one favorite I  asked him what. He said to tell him where my affair partner lives and that will be the end of it. I asked why he said because he ruined my marriage and he's going to get revenge. I told him I wasn't going to do it because I don't want no one else getting hurt. Then he said either tell him or there going to be hell to pay for everyone involved. The he told me I love you and hung up   I don't know what to do. Need good advice help.   P.S something asked how did he found out about my affair. I will tell you guys in my next update. 

No, listen, your husband IS bad and he IS violent. The reason why I say that is because cheating is somewhat common and nobody deals with it by physical violence. Your husband is some kind of aggressive, extreme alpha male type of man. He's also very irrational. He has to understand on some level that your affair partner isn't really the one to completely blame for the affair. You are his actual wife who had to have loyalty to him and it was you who chose to to do this. A person who has been cheated on needs to focus primarily on their partner as the person to blame. But again violence and physically hurting people is not normal and above all yes it is illegal. I think you need to accept that this marriage is very well over now. You cheated because you weren't happy but your husband has also now shown you WHY you weren't happy.

[Seraphim]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

No, listen, your husband IS bad and he IS violent. The reason why I say that is because cheating is somewhat common and nobody deals with it by physical violence. Your husband is some kind of aggressive, extreme alpha male type of man. He's also very irrational. He has to understand on some level that your affair partner isn't really the one to completely blame for the affair. You are his actual wife who had to have loyalty to him and it was you who chose to to do this. A person who has been cheated on needs to focus primarily on their partner as the person to blame. But again violence and physically hurting people is not normal and above all yes it is illegal. I think you need to accept that this marriage is very well over now. You cheated because you weren't happy but your husband has also now shown you WHY you weren't happy.

I agree it is not even remotely normal or sane behaviour. 

[boltnrun]

Tell your brother and your dad what he said to you.  Then tell the police that he is threatening you over the phone.  Tell the police he is threatening your affair partner over the phone.  Those things are illegal (and exceedingly stupid considering your husband has charges pending.  I'm guessing your husband isn't the smartest guy in the room).

Have your brother or your dad answer the phone from now on.  I bet that coward wouldn't talk to your brother that way.

Then file for divorce.  Immediately.

[Capricorn3]

You need to inform the police about his threats to seek revenge on the other guy.  He almost killed you and now threatens to do the same to your affair partner.  It's more than obvious that he needs to be locked up for a good long while because he's lost his mind and is a threat to anyone around him.  I would say it's your duty to inform the police about his threats.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Stupid girl said:

He told me he will never lay a hand on me again.

 

3 hours ago, Stupid girl said:

Then he said either tell him or there going to be hell to pay for everyone involved.

Yeah, I somehow doubt the first sentence. 

OP, men who are capable of "crossing the line" like that are monsters. He didnt only hit you, he tried to kill you without a remorse. That is not only domestic violence, that is attempted murder. To hit anyone like that, throw down the stairs and strangle until they pass, he is a monster. It really doesnt matter that he wasnt violent before, as long as he can cross the line like that. I had a high school friend. Her ex boyfriend was very quiet guy, wasnt violent, didnt even drink alcohol. Nobody could said a bad thing about him. And yet one day after an argument they had on remote location, he killed her and then her sister who was with her. Hid the bodies, even has gone next day to a "search party" with police. They caught him at the end, and he serves a long sentence in jail now. My point is, at least from a violent one you know what to expect. From unhinged one, like that guy or your husband, when they snap, they will outright kill you. And everyone who stands on their way. You, your lover, your family, everyone. So take this very seriously. Involve the police, get protection, dont meet him for any reason, dont even talk to him if its not in court. Because that guy, he is out there on the mission to finish the job he started. Dont even doubt about that.

[Stupid girl]

 

Hey guys I am back with my update about how my husband found out about my affair. So first off my husband noticed I was coming home from work later than normal. Because after work I used to go over to my affair partner house to sleep with him. Then my husband said I was always on my phone texting. I used to just tell him it was my sister or a friend. Then my husband said he heard me talking on the phone with my affair partner. That when he decide to go through my phone and computer. And before I finish we don't really go through each other's photos and things because we trust each other. But I broke the trust. Anyway he looked through my phone and saw messages I forgot to delete with my affair partner and me. And he went through my computer how he got the password I don't know but he saw a email my affair partner sent me. Telling me what to wear under my dress. Because I was going to go over to my affair partner house that day but I lied to my husband and told him I was going out to with friends. So I guess he figured it out. P.S for you who saw I edited this I had to because I forgot some good details.  Anyway thanks for listening. 

[MissCanuck]

What advice are you looking for at this point, OP?

[Capricorn3]

26 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What advice are you looking for at this point, OP?

I was going to ask the same question.

[East4]

Your husband is an abusive and controlling man, this is why he nearly killed you. It is not the affair that pushed him over the edge. Most men who (sadly) got cheated on, do not batter their wives/girlfriends, no matter how hurt and angry they are. Your husband nearly killed you because he feels entitled to have total control over your life. Up until this point, I guess you have been completely submissive and maleable, so he had no reason to assault you. He felt that you were under his control. 

Now, with the affair he feels stupid and duped and he punished you because his feelings are hurt, but also he is enraged that you are not submissive and controllable anymore. 

It seems that at a ceratin level you "accept" the punishment as justufied and this is a sure sign of an abused woman. DO you understand that you do not deserve to be assualted, whatever cheating you did? Cheating is bad, but you do not deserve broken bones for it.

All posters here on this forum are highly critical of cheaters, it suffices to read through the 'Infidelity' section. But none of the cheathers critics support the idea of a person being killed/battered for having cheated. The two infractions are of totally different scale.

Life is the ultimate good, the most precious one has. No body has the right to take away your life, for a moral mistake. Moral mistakes are corrigeable, but once a person is dead, she is dead and cannot come back to life.

Your husband is very manipulative and shows clear signs of abuser. In one breath he said that he would never hurt you again; and then proceeds to threaten you again with violence, when you refused to disclose your affair partner's address.

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He told me he will never lay a hand on me again.

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 I told him I wasn't going to do it because I don't want no one else getting hurt. Then he said either tell him or there going to be hell to pay for everyone involved. 

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Your husband is lying, he is dangerous and you should alert the authrorities of his continuing threats against you and your affair partner. Else, chances are that your husband will eventually find your affair partner and kill him. And by alerting the police you can prevent that. 
 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Stupid girl said:

 Then he said either tell him or there going to be hell to pay for everyone involved. 

He's going to kill you sooner or later. And you have a nonchalant attitude toward your own life and the life of your lover.

Perhaps you are writing fiction for some lifetime movie. Replete with next episodes.

Not sure if your story is true. Because if it were, you would call the police if he's headed for your lover's place to "seek revenge" and "there'll be hell to pay" if you don't tell him (as if he can't look it up)

Your story is full of holes, including that he suddenly became a violent criminal because of his grand love for you and some jealousy but was wonderful before, albeit didn't want to "go out dancing".

Then you claim you're going to start a family with a homicidal maniac.

And. You're writing all this with a broken arm, concussion, broken nose and fingers after waking up in a hospital after being beaten unconscious?

And you claim you "didn't press charges" (more tv crime drama terms)

Sorry your story makes less and less sense as you go on.

[mical]

10 hours ago, Stupid girl said:

Then he asked  me if I don't want to see him again please do him  one favorite I  asked him what. He said to tell him where my affair partner lives and that will be the end of it.

If he truly said that you would / should call the police.

Last summer just around the block from where I used to live a man showed up at a house with a knife of the dentist his wife having an affair with (she was his assistant). The dentist instead stabbed him when he pushed his way through the front door, sending him to the hospital.

Very serious.