What does he mean

[Matter2134]

So dating a new guy for 3 months. Everything was going great  flowers dinners walks together all good. Lots of texts saying he is in love with me etc. Past few days he seems off and constantly saying I’m going to leave him or illl dump him. Then when I say no I want a future with you he says good I don’t want this to end ever   What is going on with him.  Also what’s ne to spend the nights at his house but then says he can’t sleep with me there. I’m so confused. I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t know what to say to him. I left this morning and after he send a a text have. A great day with lots of emojis   Oh my this sucks 

[LoveConquersAll]

6 minutes ago, susanhelp said:

So dating a new guy for 3 months.

This sounds like a very intense relationship for such a short amount of time, @susanhelp...

Sounds like you've seen each other a lot (too much, perhaps?). From your opening post, I get the sense that he is very, very interested yet a bit overwhelmed by the situation. He might have some difficulties reading his emotions and might need a bit of patience and gentle guidance, so he feels the relationship is going at a pace he is comfortable with.

I totally get the confusion on your part, though 🙂 . Simple solution: slow the pace, communicate a lot (no pressure though!) and let things happen at a pace you can both handle. Exclusivity, lots of ❤️ and kindness, and it'll all be good, you'll see 🙂 .

[Matter2134]

Thanks for the advice makes me feel better.  But also thinking he wants out and can’t tell Me 

[Kwothe28]

28 minutes ago, susanhelp said:

Past few days he seems off and constantly saying I’m going to leave him or illl dump him. Then when I say no I want a future with you he says good I don’t want this to end ever

Insecurities? He is insecure about himself so he seeks validation

Same guy with shady trip and saying how he would marry you and then saying how he would not? Lots of red flags there

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, susanhelp said:

Past few days he seems off and constantly saying I’m going to leave him or illl dump him. spend the nights at his house but then says he can’t sleep with me there.

Unfortunately you've doubted him all along from ED to being a player to all sorts of misgivings about his hot/cold and very odd approach. Some wining and dining is not a good reason to pursue this.

12 weeks is a good time for you to step back and reflect on what you want and what's bothering you in particular.  It's not a time to wonder about odd things such as why is he spending time at his own home.

My advice about your unease with him all along and what you feel about what you perceive as dubious activity remains the same.:

 

[LaHermes]

I entirely agree with Wiseman.   You know this is not going to work OP. Don't waste any further time. You got good advice on your other couple of threads on this same problematic issue.

 

 

[MissCanuck]

41 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I entirely agree with Wiseman.   You know this is not going to work OP. Don't waste any further time. You got good advice on your other couple of threads on this same problematic issue.

Bingo. 

This guy is not boyfriend material for you, OP. You have known that for a while. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, susanhelp said:

Thanks for the advice makes me feel better.  But also thinking he wants out and can’t tell Me 

I think he wants out unfortunately and is trying to make it "it's not you it's me" kind of thing so you get tired of it and bow out.  I would avoid "reassuring" him or overthinking/questioning him -simply maintain your dignity and tell him that you see he is uncomfortable and keeping his distance and you think it's better if you both find someone you feel at home with.

[Matter2134]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think he wants out unfortunately and is trying to make it "it's not you it's me" kind of thing so you get tired of it and bow out.  I would avoid "reassuring" him or overthinking/questioning him -simply maintain your dignity and tell him that you see he is uncomfortable and keeping his distance and you think it's better if you both find someone you feel at home with.

Maybe who knows.  Saying he in in love with me doesn’t make sense if he wants out  

[MissCanuck]

23 minutes ago, susanhelp said:

Saying he in in love with me doesn’t make sense if he wants out  

It does, if he wants you to stick around until he's had his fill of you. 

[LaHermes]

25 minutes ago, susanhelp said:

Saying he in in love with me doesn’t make sense if he wants out

Lies never make sense. Do you believe every word he says?   There are no "buts" or "maybes" here.  And I agree with Ms. C. 

[Lambert]

People who throw around the love yous need to be vetted carefully.

I have experienced and seen others fall for each other fast. That in itself is not so bad... but!

the actions MUST MUST MUST match the words. 

Cut your losses.  Insecurities at 3 months becomes controlling behavior at 6 months, becomes abusive behavior at 12 months.

[SooSad33]

5 hours ago, susanhelp said:

So dating a new guy for 3 months. Everything was going great  flowers dinners walks together all good. Lots of texts saying he is in love with me etc.

 

2 hours ago, susanhelp said:

Saying he in in love with me doesn’t make sense if he wants out  

A guy saying 'love' is not for real.. Not after only 3 months.

Real love develops over time... in the beginning it's always so great! ( honeymoon phase). That comes to an end, then you get to see the real them.

As mentioned, you have posted concerns before?  Pay attention then.

He sounds insecure.  And if there are concerns after just 3 months, is best to remove yourself from this guy.

5 hours ago, susanhelp said:

Past few days he seems off and constantly saying I’m going to leave him or illl dump him.

He sounds needy and insecure here.  And in that case, nothing you do will ever do him enough good... Could end up him accusing you of things ( no trust), etc.

IF you can't figure him out & he behaviour is uncertain, then just put an end to all of this - for your own good!

 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, susanhelp said:

Maybe who knows.  Saying he in in love with me doesn’t make sense if he wants out  

Sure it does.  Watch the feet not the lips -what he does not what he says.  He may at times "feel" in love with you but he doesn't want anything serious with you and sees that you seem to.

[Matter2134]

7 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Insecurities? He is insecure about himself so he seeks validation

Same guy with shady trip and saying how he would marry you and then saying how he would not? Lots of red flags there

He just texts  I am so in love with you dawn   I’m keeping my guard up this time   

[DancingFool]

....The fact that a stranger you've barely known a few months is proclaiming such love is a red flag bigger than China.

OP, google love bombing. It sounds a lot like what you are experiencing and nothing good ever comes out of that.

Also, if you don't want to get enmeshed in toxic relationships with toxic people, then learn how to walk away quickly rather than "be on guard". When you see red flags and behaviors that off or too much too soon, run.