Living Alone Long-Term

[boltnrun]

17 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Crocheting classes, knitting, yoga, lol... join a quilting circle 😂

These are your hobbies? I ask because I haven't found these to be typical "women's" activities with yoga being the exception of course (women and men do yoga as you know!) The only person I know who crochets is a man.

[LaHermes]

LOL Bolt. I have never knitted, crocheted or quilted in my life.  Wouldn't appeal to me.

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

These are your hobbies? I ask because I haven't found these to be typical "women's" activities with yoga being the exception of course (women and men do yoga as you know!) The only person I know who crochets is a man.

They aren't my hobbies--yet. But I do plan to take knitting and crocheting one day. Maybe quilting. Yoga, I already do. And yes, there are men in yoga classes. However, getting hit on in a yoga class (or in a gym) is a huge pet peeve of mine.

I was really just making a joke about these classes. BUT I will say that I can almost guarantee a 100% female attendance rate. What a wasted opportunity for a man looking for a mate!

Of course, he'd have to be truly interested in the knitting or crocheting or whatever. If he's just there trolling for chicks, he'll come off as creepy (just like some yoga guys). 

 

 

[BeaTlesFan77]

How about a meditation class?  Is that the same as yoga?

[DancingFool]

Just now, beatlesfan77 said:

How about a meditation class?  Is that the same as yoga?

Yup, you'll likely find a good mix of women there from all walks of life and ages. Not the same, but usually people who are into yoga tend to also be into meditation. Generalizing here of course. There are always exceptions.

Keep thinking of things you'd like to do, try out and then go do it and see how it goes and what sticks for you.

[Batya33]

44 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

How about a meditation class?  Is that the same as yoga?

Yes but by definition unless people socialize after they will be there to get into themselves, work on themselves with an instructor.  As I've written before I recommend volunteering backstage at community theater and/or square, salsa or swing dancing lessons.

[boltnrun]

Coed slow pitch or soccer if you like sports. Hiking, bicycling,  gardening, a group that tries different restaurants each week (I belonged to one of those), a book club, pottery...there are tons of possibilities! 

[abitbroken]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

These are your hobbies? I ask because I haven't found these to be typical "women's" activities with yoga being the exception of course (women and men do yoga as you know!) The only person I know who crochets is a man.

knitting and crocheting are pretty hot with the under 30 crowd nowadays. There are whole online communities for it.  TONS of young women are doing it. A lot of old fashioned hobbies are trendy again. The only problem is that they are solo activities. They are not hobbies you do where you "meet"  someone like a hiking group would be. A friend of mine joined different meetup groups based on activites he would like to do with someone if he had a girlfriend -- and he did get a few dates, then ultimately met his wife.

Volunteering is also a good way to meet someone.

But you could start a knitting group for your age group. 

[LaHermes]

Just now, abitbroken said:

knitting and crocheting are pretty hot with the under 30 crowd nowadays. There are whole online communities for it.  TONS of young women are doing it.

Good heavens!  What is the world coming to lol. I can tell you none of the under 30s I know are into knitting, crochet etc. But I know of quite a few women in their 60s who are. 

With great difficulty my mother taught me to be able to sew on a button!  She did beautiful embroidery, but long after she married. 

[abitbroken]

4 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Good heavens!  What is the world coming to lol. I can tell you none of the under 30s I know are into knitting, crochet etc. But I know of quite a few women in their 60s who are. 

With great difficulty my mother taught me to be able to sew on a button!  She did beautiful embroidery, but long after she married. 

There is a book called ***in Stitches, there are a lot of needlepoint patterns you can buy with pithy or off color phrases.  There are online communities for it, too. its a thing and it has boomed during covid.  Maybe not with women you know, but its definitely a thing.  I read a statistic that there are an equal number of knitters and crocheters under 34 as there are over 65. 

[Blue_Skirt]

Beatlesfan, how about cooking classes? Cooking and eating the food afterwards is by definition a social activity.

[LaHermes]

1 hour ago, abitbroken said:

I read a statistic that there are an equal number of knitters and crocheters under 34 as there are over 65. 

Gosh.  But I suppose stuck indoors during Covid many would have turned to a hobby they might never have envisaged before.  I fear that I am no domestic goddess lol.  

Mind you, I need to add that I am a competent cook, and I keep getting asked for my recipes, which are not many. Lol. Then again I'd love to have a live-in cook, and have the food put in front of me. I know, I am a lost cause. L

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, abitbroken said:

knitting and crocheting are pretty hot with the under 30 crowd nowadays.

It really is! People get very creative with it. 

2 hours ago, Blue_Skirt said:

Beatlesfan, how about cooking classes? Cooking and eating the food afterwards is by definition a social activity.

Agree!

[BeaTlesFan77]

Well I hate to say it but nothing happened last week as far as meeting new people.  Went out solo a couple of times to eat, however nobody was around to chat with other than the servers.  Everyone else was coupled up or in groups.  I did look at various Meetups and Facebook events, however nothing jumped out at me and said I have to check this out.  Hate to bring Netflix back into this, but it feels the same way as when you're trying to find something to watch and get fatigued doing so.  You want to make sure that what you're about to invest your time into is going to be worth it.  I've been to many events where it turned out to be a bust and went home disappointed. 

[Jibralta]

If dating was completely factored out of the equation, is there some activity that you've always been interested in, that you could go and practice in your spare time?

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Well I hate to say it but nothing happened last week as far as meeting new people.  Went out solo a couple of times to eat, however nobody was around to chat with other than the servers.  Everyone else was coupled up or in groups.  I did look at various Meetups and Facebook events, however nothing jumped out at me and said I have to check this out.  Hate to bring Netflix back into this, but it feels the same way as when you're trying to find something to watch and get fatigued doing so.  You want to make sure that what you're about to invest your time into is going to be worth it.  I've been to many events where it turned out to be a bust and went home disappointed. 

I used to make myself stay for 45 minutes and talk to at least three people.  Of course going to a restaurant alone isn’t conducive to meeting people (I have  but I’m very social ).  Of course you might go and be disappointed.  It’s called - life.  It’s normal.

 It’s about expectations.  I went to a resort a two hours drive away for 4 days this past week.  White sand beach.  Gorgeous views. Hotel room with a view.   I spent many hours packing and shopping and organizing. I brought work with me.  Oh and my husband and child.
 I’m sharing this for a reason.  I went into it knowing it would not be a vacation for me. Both because we have to care for our child, because there are still covid protocols and risks, because I have to pack for both of us and remember all of the “stuff”. And do tons of laundry when we get back. But because of my mindset - a vacation for my son not for me - I enjoyed the parts I could. Really simple stuff - my morning workout at dawn with the beach and mountains in the distance , listening to tons of 80s music the resort had playing at the beach, stopping to watch a heron stalk its prey and watching my son get two holes in one at mini golf.  

No.  I wasn’t “thinking positive “.  I simply kept my expectations reasonable - going to a resort with your child means it’s likely not going to be a vacation. Going to a singles event means it’s most likely not going to be a blast and most likely not going to be a memorable or unique experience.  But if you decide that you will stay at least 45 minutes and talk to at least three people then you can leave there’s little risk of feeling “disappointed “. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No.  I wasn’t “thinking positive “.  I simply kept my expectations reasonable - going to a resort with your child means it’s likely not going to be a vacation. Going to a singles event means it’s most likely not going to be a blast and most likely not going to be a memorable or unique experience.  But if you decide that you will stay at least 45 minutes and talk to at least three people then you can leave there’s little risk of feeling “disappointed “. 

That's a great to way to look at it.  At least you'll get some kind of enjoyment out of it and it not being a total bust.  I've also heard others say go in with no expectations and you won't be disappointed.

[BeaTlesFan77]

32 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

If dating was completely factored out of the equation, is there some activity that you've always been interested in, that you could go and practice in your spare time?

Yes, however arcade gaming and pinball aren't really activities you do with other people.  I did try swing dancing one time and the instructor wasn't great. Only other thing I can think of right now would be paranormal investigations. 

[Jibralta]

14 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

I've also heard others say go in with no expectations and you won't be disappointed.

It's true! You're just open to whatever experience. Let the experience be what it is.

[BeaTlesFan77]

Okay, this Saturday I’m going to try again. Going to a Meetup that will begin at a restaurant I’ve never been to and looks intriguing. Then afterwords it’s going to move to a pool hall nearby which I’ve also never been to. Going to apply some of the tips that you all have provided. Hopefully this will be much better than the last one I went to. Completely different group by the way. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

On 7/11/2021 at 7:26 PM, Unsure2021 said:

Am I to understand that you’re a 44 year old virgin? If so, I completely understand your concerns, but what has led to this and what are you doing to meet your sexual needs?

Yes I’m afraid you nailed it. I have made some mistakes in the past that I regret and were just stupid. Then recently every time I have asked someone if I could buy them a drink so I can get to know them they have turned me down. As far as what I’m doing to meet my needs. I think you pretty much know what I’m doing for that. LOL!

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Yes I’m afraid you nailed it. I have made some mistakes in the past that I regret and were just stupid. Then recently every time I have asked someone if I could buy them a drink so I can get to know them they have turned me down. As far as what I’m doing to meet my needs. I think you pretty much know what I’m doing for that. LOL!

I personally wouldn't have responded well to an offer to pay for my drink to get to know me.  I don't need someone to pay for my drink to get to know me -meaning if you approached someone randomly and asked her that. I'd feel the creep factor for sure.  Certainly you can ask a woman out on a date you plan in advance or call her and ask if she wants to meet for coffee but please don't do this quid pro quo approach - a woman who accepts likely is far more focused on free alcohol than getting to know you.

[BeaTlesFan77]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I personally wouldn't have responded well to an offer to pay for my drink to get to know me.  I don't need someone to pay for my drink to get to know me -meaning if you approached someone randomly and asked her that. I'd feel the creep factor for sure.  Certainly you can ask a woman out on a date you plan in advance or call her and ask if she wants to meet for coffee but please don't do this quid pro quo approach - a woman who accepts likely is far more focused on free alcohol than getting to know you.

You make an excellent point and I appreciate the feedback. I think the way I typed it out came out wrong. What I meant to say was that after talking to someone for a little bit not in a bar setting, I would ask them if we could meet up at a later time to grab a drink or coffee. I don’t randomly approach people in a bar and say what I typed out verbatim. Like you said I agree it would be creepy and that would show desperation. Also just doesn’t sound right. My intention is to meet up with them to have a drink so I can get to know more about them. LOL!

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, beatlesfan77 said:

You make an excellent point and I appreciate the feedback. I think the way I typed it out came out wrong. What I meant to say was that after talking to someone for a little bit not in a bar setting, I would ask them if we could meet up at a later time to grab a drink or coffee. I don’t randomly approach people in a bar and say what I typed out verbatim. Like you said I agree it would be creepy and that would show desperation. Also just doesn’t sound right. My intention is to meet up with them to have a drink so I can get to know more about them. LOL!

I just wouldn't put it as "can I buy you a drink" - certainly it's fine to take someone's number and indicate you will call to plan another meeting.

[BeaTlesFan77]

Happy Sunday!  Things have been looking up in the past month as far as how I've been feeling.  Been keeping busy with things at work and then finding something to do after.  Trying to keep active and not fall into the trap of thinking about how things could be.  Went to the movies and dinner with a buddy of mine.  Spent a couple of weekends at my folks and also had a great birthday celebration for my mother. 

Just recently I tried the Meetup circuit again and went to two in a row this weekend.  They were both victorious in that I got to talk to multiple people at each one.  Then this coming weekend I have two more lined up.  During the week there has been slim pickings as far as Meetup activities.  Still haven't made any new friends to hang out with outside the Meetups or met any dates.  However, I know it's all a process and things will come over time as long as I stick with it. 

I need to get back into my non-virtual pinball playing each week which I haven't done since before the pandemic started.  As far as looking for other things to do over the week, have any of you taken a swing or salsa dancing class and if so how did it go?