Toxic Relationship

[xoxoc]

My relationship has had a fair amount of physical and verbal abuse coming from both sides… everyone tells me my bf is the abuser, but how do I know if I’m the abusive one or he is?? How do I know whose actions are reactive abuse??

 

If you need more info to respond let me know… 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, xoxoc said:

My relationship has had a fair amount of physical and verbal abuse coming from both sides…

You both are. That's very common.

The real question isn't who gets what label but why you're involved in this.

My advice about him/your situation remains the same:

 

[boltnrun]

Why do you choose to.stay in an abusive relationship?  And please have a better reason than "But I LOVE him!!!" Or "He can be so sweet sometimes, one time he brought me a kleenex when I sneezed!"

[limichelle]

It’s good you recognize the situation is toxic. Now that you realize this please leave him, at this point it doesn’t matter whose the abuser. Just always leave toxicity behind. Life’s too short!

[xoxoc]

I’m just scared that it’s my fault and I need to fix it. It’s not fair if I leave then realize it’s me and didn’t change for him. But if it’s both of us then y’all are right we’re better off without each other.

[melancholy123]

7 minutes ago, xoxoc said:

I’m just scared that it’s my fault and I need to fix it. It’s not fair if I leave then realize it’s me and didn’t change for him. But if it’s both of us then y’all are right we’re better off without each other.

If you are at fault then you need to work on yourself FOR yourself!  Not for someone else.  If you dont know how, get some therapy to sort yourself out.  Then you can be a better partner to a new man.  Life is way too short to live in a taxic situation.  Dont waste your life.

[Capricorn3]

You don't change for him.  You change for yourself.  Toxic and dysfunctional relationships never, ever, work out. Ever.  All they do is wreck your life, make you miserable, unhappy, cause pain, and waste your life.  Look into therapy for yourself and get yourself sorted out and in a better and healthier mental place so that you can carry that forward to a new relationship.

First thing to do is to get out and away from a toxic boyfriend and toxic situation.  If you continue to stay with him, then that's on you and your choice.

[catfeeder]

The first step to change is to walk away from the toxic mix. Period.

From there, you get to decide the kind of person you want to be. You won't tolerate toxic behaviors from anyone else AND you won't behave that way yourself.