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So I’m new here and looking for advice, my current partner seems to lack hygiene and doesn’t seem to care much, examples are he doesn’t wash his hands after using the toilet then proceeds to make food 🤢 he wears his shoes in my home and puts them up on my sofa, he doesn’t pick his dogs mess up, he takes his dog for a walk across a park, other people do walk there he says they don’t when I challenged him to pick it up am I been picky and moany or would this bother you? 

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I’ve made a decision to leave him, I can’t put up with his ways any longer, I needed to make sure it was him and not me, I’ve realised thanks to everyone it’s definitely him and I never looked at it a

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Beth,   Be prepared for him to try and turn this back on you or make you feel bad for speaking up for yourself.  Also be prepared to miss him.  Even the most dysfunctional relationships have a bo

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he? Seems like too many incompatibilities. Time to reconsider dealing with all this.

2 years it’s all been bothering me for a while and it’s just getting worse, he’s 49

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It's a personal thing and one of those huge compatibility issues.

Personally for me, this would be long over. I couldn't deal with a slob like that. The first time he put shoes up on my couch, would be the last time he saw me, let alone come over and do it again....and not washing his hands after using the bathroom....seriously? Those hands are touching you too, right? Gross.......

OP, you cannot parent or fix or change or teach a grown man on what to do and how to behave. What you see is what you get. HE thinks this is normal and acceptable and so for him, it is. If you don't agree, you really have only one option - dump him and seek out a cleaner bf to date.

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Posted (edited)

Yes.  It would bother me.  I think that either you accept his piggy ways or find a more suitable bf.

None of his behavior would work for me.  Gross. 

Edited by Hollyj
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1 minute ago, Diana Wilson said:

This would definitely bother me! If I were in your position, I would sit my partner down and explain these things to him. I would explain what he does specifically that bothers me. It would be really beneficial to include some of these examples as well so that there is no confusion as to what he is doing wrong. If your partner has a problem with any of these things or refuses to make an attempt to change these things that bother you, then he may not be the one for you! I am currently reading this book called His Secret Obsession that has really helped my husband and I further our relationship! I think you should give it a read, it might really benefit your relationship as well! Here is the link if you want to check it out! 

https://bit.ly/3fgeRV5

Good luck with everything! 

 

I have talked to him about it all, he’s very stubborn and I don’t think he will change thankyou for the link 

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4 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

2 years it’s all been bothering me for a while and it’s just getting worse, he’s 49

Ok, unfortunately he's unlikely to change. Be thankful he doesn't live with you so you won't need a HAZMAT unit to clean up after him. What does his place look like? Is he a hoarder?

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The first time I found out about him  not washing his hands was when we was away in his camper van, obviously it’s very compact and the toilet has no sink so he opened the door and went straight to make food, I looked at him and said are you not washing your hands? He said no what for?!

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, unfortunately he's unlikely to change. Be thankful he doesn't live with you so you won't need a HAZMAT unit to clean up after him. What does his place look like? Is he a hoarder?

It’s very messy and unclean I would struggle to live like that 

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10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

He's not going to "change". So you have two choices: accept him as he is and stay in the relationship or end the relationship.

Just not sure if I’m over reacting or I’m being reasonable thinking his actions are not acceptable 

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The not washing hands thing is super gross. The couch thing to me wouldn’t be a big deal but that’s personal preference, if you’re not okay with it and he’s not willing to change then you have to make the decision of what you’re willing to accept and if that’s not something you could accept say goodbye before it gets more serious. 

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Your 'current partner'.. have you known each other long?

Good example and reminders is a good start.. eg. Re shoes.. show him when he gets in the door, say, shoes off at the door please.

Re: him coming out of washroom, say, 'clean hands first'.. Maybe he is just negligent and does need 'reminders' on being cleaner than this..

If you can't take this with him... remove yourself from it all.. because if it's just too much, you will never feel okay with him.

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Posted (edited)

Preparing food with hands that possibly have human waste on them? Leaving dog poop and pee on the floor of your home?

I can't imagine anyone thinking you're "overreacting". And I can't imagine any grown adult needs to be taught about basic hygiene or to clean dog poop off the floor.

Edited by boltnrun
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2 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Your 'current partner'.. have you known each other long?

Good example and reminders is a good start.. eg. Re shoes.. show him when he gets in the door, say, shoes off at the door please.

Re: him coming out of washroom, say, 'clean hands first'.. Maybe he is just negligent and does need 'reminders' on being cleaner than this..

If you can't take this with him... remove yourself from it all.. because if it's just too much, you will never feel okay with him.

2 years we have spoke about my concerns but he just brushed them off and doesn’t care

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1 minute ago, Beth75 said:

2 years we have spoke about my concerns but he just brushed them off and doesn’t care

Ohh, k.. so you've been tolerating all of this for 2 yrs?

Well, if he's a dirty person, then maybe get out of it?  I doubt you can see him around in the long run... right?

Is just how he is.

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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

2 years we have spoke about my concerns but he just brushed them off and doesn’t care

Exactly, he's 49, not 4. He's a grown man and treating him like a toddler/teen is not worth the resentment it will cause you. You want a partner not a health hazard or child.

Edited by Wiseman2
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4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Preparing food with hands that possibly have human waste on them? Leaving dog poop and pee on the floor of your home?

I can't imagine anyone thinking you're "overreacting". And I can't imagine any grown adult needs to be taught about basic hygiene or to clean dog poop off the floor.

No we take his dog across a green area near his house he thinks people don’t walk there so he doesn’t feel the need to pick his dogs mess up but I have seen people walk there 

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1 minute ago, SooSad33 said:

Ohh, k.. so you've been tolerating all of this for 2 yrs?

Well, if he's a dirty person, then maybe get out of it?  I doubt you can see him around in the long run... right?

Is just how he is.

It’s just been getting worse and I think bothering me more as time has gone on I can never see us living together 

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2 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

It’s just been getting worse and I think bothering me more as time has gone on I can never see us living together 

Right, then don't let it go on any longer.

Why stress about that, you CAN change?  You're not happy with him & his ways.

 

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7 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

No we take his dog across a green area near his house he thinks people don’t walk there so he doesn’t feel the need to pick his dogs mess up but I have seen people walk there 

So he prepares food possibly with poop and pee on his hands and he doesn't have the common courtesy to pick up the dog's mess.

Deal breakers for me.

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11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So he prepares food possibly with poop and pee on his hands and he doesn't have the common courtesy to pick up the dog's mess.

Deal breakers for me.

Do you think just because it’s on grass he can leave it there? It’s not on a footpath but I still think it’s gross 

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11 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

Do you think just because it’s on grass he can leave it there? It’s not on a footpath but I still think it’s gross 

Do you think someone would enjoy stepping or sitting on a pile of dog crap?

You seem to be looking for someone to tell you his habits are OK so you can continue to date him. If you're fine with his behaviors then what is the problem? Why do you need internet strangers to give you permission to stay with him?

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Do you think someone would enjoy stepping or sitting on a pile of dog crap?

You seem to be looking for someone to tell you his habits are OK so you can continue to date him. If you're fine with his behaviors then what is the problem? Why do you need internet strangers to give you permission to stay with him?

I was just looking for other people’s opinions 

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