Guy dropped off?

[Popi33]

This guy was into me, we occasionally hooked up and kind of share now netflix account (gave me credentials). Whenever we hook up, we do it like 4-6 times and then cuddle before separating our ways, kiss or talk about our lives. I double texted him when I haven't heard from him because he also did that. Didn't reply so I went ono about my life. I knew his mother is in town and that he started new job so he was busy. One night I sent him a very direct message trying to initiate booty call, he saw it but replied the next day that he's just been busy but finds me bold. I kind of felt embarrassed about reaching out to him twice and wished him a great weekend and that is all good . He saw it and again didn't replied but I noticed he started viewing my stories from that point. He hasn't reached out to me yet. We are more like friends hooking up sometimes but I started liking him a bit more and I'm thinking now it's obvious so I backed off. My friends told me he's creepy cause I told them that he stalked them on social media. He's been depressive the last couple of days and backed off all of a sudden but can't tell if there is something going on and he'll reach out eventually at his own pace? I could reach out if I don't hear from him in a couple of days but if he checks my stories he's doing alright so don't really have a reason. I know when guys withdraw there's usually a line of girls they are trying to hook up with or woe also but this guy is very introverted and closed, I doubt he's out flirting but you never know (would feel relieved to know he's actually having fun and is not locked in a house depressed). Any ideas?

[lostandhurt]

We all want answers when things like this happen but in the end the answers are not needed, the only thing we need to know or you in this instance is that you reached out several times with what you wanted and he has not responded.  If this was a typical dating situation he has ghosted you.  You may never know why and he may not even really know why he doesn't want to hook up with you but this is his choice.

  Leave him be and in time what ever his issues are he can resolve them on his own and maybe one day reach out to you.  No need in trying to force it, just go about your life and let him do his own thing.

  I am sure there are tons of guys that would love to hang out and hook up with you casually so it isn't like you don't have options right?

 Lost

[Popi33]

Yes there are but I'm not interested they are boring me.  I cannot do anything about it I'm aware. It happened to me before guys reaching out after several days.

[lostandhurt]

People come in all flavors so keep looking.

The best way to not dwell on something we cannot do anything about is to keep busy with things we can control to outcome of.   Since you are friends too I am sure in time he will want to talk to you again once what ever is goign on with him is worked out.

  Lost

[Popi33]

6 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

People come in all flavors so keep looking.

The best way to not dwell on something we cannot do anything about is to keep busy with things we can control to outcome of.   Since you are friends too I am sure in time he will want to talk to you again once what ever is goign on with him is worked out.

  Lost

Yes I'm assuming could be. I am surrounded by guys texting me but I really don't need this validation. I'm not very keen in dating just felt really comfortable with him hanging out and having sex. I thought he was the right person for me but cannot know what turned him off in the end. He thinks I was going out a lot and partying but I didn't show that I couldn't be available, in fact I was too available. I just wish he could talk to me openly and in person. I could have skipped the drunk text I left him but he did respond to that saying he has been busy. I left it there cause I wasn't receiving any excitement and idk don't I deserve a guy that could get excited with the idea of meeting, even casually if he's full into me and it's the beginning of encounter? I told him that I wanted sex and fun only.

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, Popi33 said:

He saw it and again didn't replied. He hasn't reached out to me yet. I know when guys withdraw there's usually a line of girls they are trying to hook up with 

Agree. He found someone else. 

You can do the same. Find another FWB.

[Popi33]

I did also but the connection is not the same....

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Popi33 said:

I did also but the connection is not the same....

The same as before perhaps, but he's not available anymore.

[smackie9]

May not have anything to do with another woman. Sometimes people just want to move on from the arrangement because it no longer suits them, bored, lost interest, need a break to focus on something else, etc. Guys don't reply back/respond because they don't want to. Take the hint he wants his space...maybe later he will reach out.

If you are catching feelings, it's possible he acknowledges this and doesn't want this to get serious, so he pushes back.

[Popi33]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The same as before perhaps, but he's not available anymore.

Same as before?

[Rose Mosse]

I think he senses you have feelings for him and has backed off. He's not interested in dating you, communicating regularly or acting like a couple. My first thought about the Netflix account was ..ew? He has access to the types of movies or documentaries you watch? Why share that with some dude you're just having fun with for sex? There's too much coupling there. Get rid of that account and get your own or change your password if it's yours.

You have to straighten out what you want and if it's fwb only don't get too offended if you both have busy lives or have other partners or are dating other people. You're saying one thing (wanting and being comfortable with fwb) and yet this guy has to reply to you the same day. Why can't he reply a few days later or next week? 

I don't recommend seeing him again until you cool off and don't place so much importance on this person. 

[Popi33]

7 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

May not have anything to do with another woman. Sometimes people just want to move on from the arrangement because it no longer suits them, bored, lost interest, need a break to focus on something else, etc. Guys don't reply back/respond because they don't want to. Take the hint he wants his space...maybe later he will reach out.

If you are catching feelings, it's possible he acknowledges this and doesn't want this to get serious, so he pushes back.

We never talked mentioned dating or being exclusive. And times we hooked up can be counted in one finger so not enough time to catch feelings. But I do like him and feel some disappointment that he doesn't feel open to talk to me cause he used to talk to me when he needed time. I did something bold calling him drunk but wasn't thinking clearly, got horny and just asked him to come and *** me. Haven't apologized since then because he didnt write until the next day a lame sentence so I took the hint there that I shall stop. 

[Popi33]

3 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I think he senses you have feelings for him and has backed off. He's not interested in dating you, communicating regularly or acting like a couple. My first thought about the Netflix account was ..ew? He has access to the types of movies or documentaries you watch? Why share that with some dude you're just having fun with for sex? There's too much coupling there. Get rid of that account and get your own or change your password if it's yours.

You have to straighten out what you want and if it's fwb only don't get too offended if you both have busy lives or have other partners or are dating other people. You're saying one thing (wanting and being comfortable with fwb) and yet this guy has to reply to you the same day. Why can't he reply a few days later or next week? 

I don't recommend seeing him again until you cool off and don't place so much importance on this person. 

Oh no I never demanded his time or nagged him on the other hand told him that it's alright and wished him good weekend. And in person told him that we don't have to talk regularly my texting was done sporadically and unless I was getting a reply wasn't writing to him. Just initiated a couple of conversations myself. Haven't asked him how he views casual but I'm certain he doesn't think that I am demanding a response, there were times I didn't get a text back and I send follow up like hey, which bar is this or time we are meeting and he would reply without any issue. For netflix, he gave his credentials to me its his own account, I just accepted it because I had just cancelled my own subscription.

[Batya33]

I think if he wants to have intercourse with you again he might reach out but I think he decided the risks are not worth the benefits to continue the sexual arrangement he has with you.  In general people move towards pleasure and away from pain - for whatever reason - any reason under the sun -he's decided that while he enjoyed having sex with you right now he's no longer interested.  In the future if he feels interested/horny again he'll get in touch.  Nothing to overthink or even think about.  

Get clear on what you want. If it's a sexual arrangement you'll just have to keep sampling what is available till you find someone you like hooking up with.  If you find yourself wondering about the person's personal issues or tracking how they react to you on social media that's a clear sign to me that you care beyond the sexual pleasure you get.  That's fine and it's not fine for certain sex partners as they want to keep things to the sexual arrangement when the person feels horny and desires to have intercourse with you as opposed to another sex partner he might have or want to have.

[Rose Mosse]

22 minutes ago, Popi33 said:

Oh no I never demanded his time or nagged him on the other hand told him that it's alright and wished him good weekend. And in person told him that we don't have to talk regularly my texting was done sporadically and unless I was getting a reply wasn't writing to him. Just initiated a couple of conversations myself. Haven't asked him how he views casual but I'm certain he doesn't think that I am demanding a response, there were times I didn't get a text back and I send follow up like hey, which bar is this or time we are meeting and he would reply without any issue. For netflix, he gave his credentials to me its his own account, I just accepted it because I had just cancelled my own subscription.

He's unreliable and has booted the "friends" part of fwb out of the arrangement and demoted himself to a random hook up. In an actual fwb, you wouldn't be wondering and there'd be open communication. A few days delay wouldn't throw anyone out in confusion.

If you're not sure about him, forget him. A person who is interested in having you in their life in any capacity would have discussed the arrangements prior and been a bit less off/on. 

I'd get rid of the app if you don't need it. Or sign up and pay for your own account. Don't depend on anyone for that sort of thing and least of all someone who disregards you in general or with whom you don't have a solid or reliable arrangement. It may seem small and insignificant but it's not. It's the principle of it and maintaining your boundaries.

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, Popi33 said:

He saw it and again didn't replied but I noticed he started viewing my stories from that point. He hasn't reached out to me yet. We are more like friends hooking up sometimes but I started liking him a bit more and I'm thinking now it's obvious so I backed off.

It can often happen this way with women.  They can catch feelings, but the guy doesn't 😕 .

Is why it's highly advised to not get involved with someone this way.. - sex is just sex with them - especially if that's the only intent.

 

1 hour ago, Popi33 said:

My friends told me he's creepy cause I told them that he stalked them on social media. He's been depressive the last couple of days and backed off all of a sudden but can't tell if there is something going on and he'll reach out eventually at his own pace?

If he's a creep & acting odd, why would you want to continue anything with this guy?

 

Just let it go.. move on and maybe think on getting yourself a real BF.  Someone who's kinda normal & appreciates you.

 

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Popi33 said:

netflix, he gave his credentials to me its his own account, I just accepted it because I had just cancelled my own subscription.

He may change the password, so arrange your own streaming subscriptions.

[Popi33]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He may change the password, so arrange your own streaming subscriptions.

Yeah I mean I am watching so far because I didn't think he would track what I'm watching or when I'm actually watching something, especially since we arent talking why would he stalk me, but better get mine

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Popi33 said:

We never talked mentioned dating or being exclusive. And times we hooked up can be counted in one finger so not enough time to catch feelings. But I do like him and feel some disappointment that he doesn't feel open to talk to me cause he used to talk to me when he needed time. I did something bold calling him drunk but wasn't thinking clearly, got horny and just asked him to come and *** me. Haven't apologized since then because he didnt write until the next day a lame sentence so I took the hint there that I shall stop. 

So this is the hint....he's not interested. I think all this talking you did from before has given you the wrong impression, and that he's really not all that into you. This is about perception: you really like him, to him he kinda was filling in his time with you.

[Popi33]

37 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

So this is the hint....he's not interested. I think all this talking you did from before has given you the wrong impression, and that he's really not all that into you. This is about perception: you really like him, to him he kinda was filling in his time with you.

He wasn't exactly the epitomy of fun and I am more easygoing and extroverted, it would make sense as he was kind of depressed and just arrived in the city I'm living. So, yeah maybe he found new interests and people to spend time with. No hard feelings, would still hang out with him friendly or say hello if I see him somewhere. But definitely not pursuing anything else. Just a question, the arrangement was for hook up so all my messages were sent at midnight and they were like wanna come over. So, I don't get how could he have interpreted that I wanted more, we never chit chat anyhow. Maybe this is where I went wrong commenting I started the show he recommended me but it was more like talking to a friend I didn't think or act like he's my bf. But when he told me third time he's busy and wasn't really into flirting I dropped it and said all good, have a great weekend 😊 cause really I wasn't sitting by the phone waiting but I figured at some point I should stop chasing him so I didn't engage in sexting.

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, Popi33 said:

He wasn't exactly the epitomy of fun 

In a way, be glad it's fading. Now you are free to explore happier more satisfying situations.

[Popi33]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

In a way, be glad it's fading. Now you are free to explore happier more satisfying situations.

Yes I guess so. I'm overly excited and can understand people getting overwhelmed by it but I'm that passionate with anything around me, books songs new movies, places, people so wouldn't compromise it but it has cost me a lot. It seems I can't get it right. A bunch of cool interesting guys, things going well, I'm actively pursuing, boom, fading out. Can't wait to meet with someone sharing my enthusiasm and zen for life and companionship (not necessarily relationship). So far I'm getting guys texting me after a month of not hearing from them with "hey hot stuff what's up". I'm seriously close to stop dating for a while and only hook up without contact details so I won't see them again 😎

[dias]

2 minutes ago, Popi33 said:

I'm seriously close to stop dating for a while and only hook up without contact details so I won't see them again 😎

If by any chance you live in Norfolk, England I know a cool guy who would appreciate you a lot😎

[Popi33]

2 minutes ago, dias said:

If by any chance you live in Norfolk, England I know a cool guy who would appreciate you a lot😎

Unfortunately I do not live in UK but elsewhere in Europe.

[Batya33]

If you don’t want a relationship then start doing in person activities where you’re likely to meet other singles.  Volunteer at a community theater back stage or front, take swing dancing lessons, fitness classes,  hiking or cycling group.  If you’re most interested in fun sexual experiences then I’d go to a bar or do the apps.  Many guys are up for casual dating I’m sure whether involving sex or not.

The men who want sex partners are less likely to bother spending time with you outside the bedroom or want to get to know you and show their fun or interesting sides. The focus will be hanging out and having sex with you and whoever else turns them on.  They’ll have enough friends or women they see as potential dates or relationship partners to fill their need for interesting conversation and doing non sexual activities with.

Also when you start to blur the lines of a sexual arrangement and you seem to want more substance many people will not want to deal.  Not just men. 

I’d focus on meeting interesting friends and then satisfying your desire for sex with casual partners without expecting that they also fill a role of friend or conversation partner.  
I assume you’ve figured out your game plan for staying physically safe, preventing or decreasing the risk of STD and what you would do if pregnant. Have fun and good luck.