Dejavu

[smilieman]

27 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to start thinking and doing for yourself like a grown rational man. That means get advice from your own doctors, lawyers, etc.

I am.....?  But if somebody else has got experience here then they share, I thought?

I really do not understand what your beef is with me.  Yes I struggle with thinking - thanks to Vestibular Migraine - but I am certainly not infantized, as you would put it.

Please accept my sincere apologies for being upset and feeling overwhelmed with all of this.  It's been just 5 days.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, smilieman said:

  My wife takes care of the finances because she earns the money 

Like a mother. Unless you are on disability for something, you'll have to get a job and function independently.

That means your own place managing your life, health, finances etc.

It's still unclear why you refuse to see a physician if you have neurological problems or why you won't make the requisite lifestyle changes to manage that better.

[LaHermes]

6 hours ago, smilieman said:

I do not know anybody else and I haven't got a clue how to hire somebody. 

Really struggling today

I do sympathise with you OP, believe me. There are a lot of practicalities to be dealt with, and they needed to be dealt with in a clear-headed fashion.  I completely understand that the solicitor him/herself is not going to go to your home and stand there while your wife takes away her stuff. 

Surely OP you are not telling me you have no friends whatsoever!  The other day you mentioned one.

There is nothing unusual about hiring someone either. 

If you haven't done so OP it is vital you now see that psychologist.   I can see that you are in a panic, and panic is a very bad advisor. 

Please also remember:

"The top 5 most common triggers for vestibular migraine are; Stress and anxiety. Poor sleep – both too little, and too much! Hunger and dehydration – missing meals and not taking enough water."

[boltnrun]

You said you didn't even know how to get into your bank account. That is so routine it's hard to understand why you don't have this very basic knowledge.

You have depended on your wife for everything.  That is not an assumption but something you yourself stated.  Now you have to do these things for yourself.

I would pay the solicitor fee to get all the legal stuff started. And explore what options you have for medical care through government programs.

I had to do that at one point, after my divorce. I found a clinic that provided very low cost care. And I found it on my own. You can too.

And yes, if you keep trying to ignore this stress your health will deteriorate until you need an emergency trip to the ER. And THAT will be extremely expensive. 

You can buckle down and do this. This is for your future.

[LaHermes]

On 5/26/2021 at 10:01 AM, smilieman said:

Appointment arranged with the Health & Well-Being Service for tomorrow.  I confirmed that they are a team of Psychologists and Counsellors - so hopefully that will be the right place to start.

Hope that the meeting with this Service went well, OP.  Did you get to the consultation with CAB? And an appointment with that firm of city solicitors?

(Just an aside to Bolt. Under the NHS over here treatment is free including A&E)

 

[smilieman]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Like a mother. Unless you are on disability for something, you'll have to get a job and function independently.

That means your own place managing your life, health, finances etc.

It's still unclear why you refuse to see a physician if you have neurological problems or why you won't make the requisite lifestyle changes to manage that better.

I had to give up my career as an IT Consultant due to Vestibular Migraine & associated neurological conditions.  You would  not know unless you experienced this yourself.

I did own my own place, managed my own life and finances.  Then I got seriously ill.

I haven't refused to see any physician.  I have spent 3 years doing so.  I also saw a Doctor today as I know have full body convulsions due to this condition which has been made worse by stress, so please don't tell me to act like people who do not know this condition.  I captured a video of it today, so it you would like to see it, let me know where to upload it (66Mb), then you can judge after that.

For complete information, the reason it is worse, according to the doctor, is because of a release of hystamine which stimulates the Vestibular System, but I guess you knew that?  High dose anti-hystamine should calm it ... we shall see.

Not being argumentative, just standing my ground with first-hand knowledge and experience.

[smilieman]

9 hours ago, LaHermes said:

Surely OP you are not telling me you have no friends whatsoever!  The other day you mentioned one.

If you haven't done so OP it is vital you now see that psychologist.   I can see that you are in a panic, and panic is a very bad advisor. 

Please also remember:

"The top 5 most common triggers for vestibular migraine are; Stress and anxiety. Poor sleep – both too little, and too much! Hunger and dehydration – missing meals and not taking enough water."

It works out that I do have a friend!  I had a chat with him today and he has agreed to come over.

I called a different lawyer this morning, much more professional.  However she told me to write an email, so I did and I got a reply from the wife.  All nice and now it is clear that she announces her visit, declares what she intends to take and only takes personal effects as house stuff must remain.  I have a Zoom meeting with the lawyer on Tuesday.

Oh yes, I am fully conversant with VM and yes stress raises the bar quicker than anything else.  I have been forcing myself to eat properly (organic) and I always drink plenty of distilled water.  This is purely stress and it's been a hell of a day today.

As far as the psychologist goes, I called one in a neighbouring today and left a voice message.  No callback.  I also called the counsellor woman who my Osteopath recommended (I know you don't like them but I thought I would just make contact), but again, no response. 

Thanks though,

[LaHermes]

OP.  Please keep checking the lists of psychologists. Even if you have to go beyond your neighbourhood. Do it, please. 

Why are you having a zoom meeting with the solicitor? Why is it not in person, face to face. 

[smilieman]

6 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You said you didn't even know how to get into your bank account. That is so routine it's hard to understand why you don't have this very basic knowledge.

You have depended on your wife for everything.  That is not an assumption but something you yourself stated.  Now you have to do these things for yourself.

I would pay the solicitor fee to get all the legal stuff started. And explore what options you have for medical care through government programs.

I had to do that at one point, after my divorce. I found a clinic that provided very low cost care. And I found it on my own. You can too.

And yes, if you keep trying to ignore this stress your health will deteriorate until you need an emergency trip to the ER. And THAT will be extremely expensive. 

You can buckle down and do this. This is for your future.

I am buckling down, Sir.  All day in front of the computer is killing me and that is triggering VM, for the record.

Yes, I accept wholeheartedly, and it is embarrassing, that I don't know how to access by online account.  But I do now!

Self-Registered for the Physio today, so will hopefully hear from them shortly.

I am certainly not ignoring the stress levels and doing everything I can to address them.  I admit I am hopeless with relationship emotional stuff though.  The good thing is that the Doc gave me some high-dose anti-hystamine to calm down the vestibular system. They have a sedative effect which he said would help, so hopefully I should get a good nights sleep?  Only short term though.

[smilieman]

6 hours ago, LaHermes said:

Hope that the meeting with this Service went well, OP.  Did you get to the consultation with CAB? And an appointment with that firm of city solicitors?

(Just an aside to Bolt. Under the NHS over here treatment is free including A&E)

 

Yes did all that. CAB next Friday, meeting with solcitors Tuesday. 🙂

[smilieman]

3 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

OP.  Please keep checking the lists of psychologists. Even if you have to go beyond your neighbourhood. Do it, please. 

Why are you having a zoom meeting with the solicitor? Why is it not in person, face to face. 

It's an initial meeting to discuss things, so I suppose it's the way they choose to do it.  They are probably all working from home still, some of the firms around here seem to be including one of the big ones that the wife used to work for.

[boltnrun]

My brother has to "meet" with an attorney today and it's virtual. Due to Covid of course. Covid hasn't vanished!

I'm glad you are being proactive and not just crawling into bed with the covers pulled over your head. And nice that a friend will be visiting.

And remember...BE the person you want to be. Act like that person and you will become him.

[LaHermes]

I am quite well aware that Covid hasn't vanished. I am also aware that there are law firms seeing clients in person right now. 

Anyhow, a Zoom meeting is better than nothing.    Importantly, take the solicitor's advice and write down what s/he says to you. 

[smilieman]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My brother has to "meet" with an attorney today and it's virtual. Due to Covid of course. Covid hasn't vanished!

I'm glad you are being proactive and not just crawling into bed with the covers pulled over your head. And nice that a friend will be visiting.

And remember...BE the person you want to be. Act like that person and you will become him.

Yes it's all about Covid.  You say it hasn't vanished, but was it there to begin with?

I'm not one for laying around doing nothing.  I do as much as I can but can and I take everybody's advice seriously, believe me.

Be the Person....Wise words my friend, however I would change to "Be the Man you want to be".  "Person" is a corporate fiction. 🙂

[smilieman]

3 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I am quite well aware that Covid hasn't vanished. I am also aware that there are law firms seeing clients in person right now.

Me too! The wife works for one here.  However the one she used to work for are all still working remotely and going in the office twice a month so there's not too many people inside.  The interesting thing is, is that the clients are getting fed up with not seeing anybody and are going to other firms.  They are now in trouble financially.

World gone mad.

[smilieman]

4 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Anyhow, a Zoom meeting is better than nothing.    Importantly, take the solicitor's advice and write down what s/he says to you. 

I shall record it too.

[boltnrun]

Yes, Covid is here. I had it for a month. But that's off topic, so...

Actions should do a lot to relieve the stress.

[smilieman]

23 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

OP.  Please keep checking the lists of psychologists. Even if you have to go beyond your neighbourhood. Do it, please. 

I shall.  I'm already searching 23 miles out (38 mins by car).  It's all country round her with smaller towns.  May have to search round the city 45mins.  Shall do that tomorrow.

[smilieman]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Actions should do a lot to relieve the stress.

They certainly do for a while that's for sure.  I need to sit down and collate all the information that I have tomorrow.  I'm not very organised and things get messy really quickly.  That should keep me occupied.

[smilieman]

Had a better nights sleep last night - about 4-5 hours.  Woke up and still got these full body jerks, it's so annoying and wearing.  The Hystamine tablet last night made me tired within about half-hour and I fell asleep with ease.  Taken another one this morning and feel it starting to work.  I may need a lie down after washing up!  If I do I shall meditate.

As part of the track for becoming Partner in the firm, my wife has been telling me that she has to go and have meetings in the city at head office. She leaves from here and comes back to here.  So, it's been going on for a fair while now, a couple of months I reckon.  It's either a client or online.  No wonder she hasn't really been into me over the last couple of months.

It's al clicking into place.  I support she was still in 2 minds until we have a frank discussion and was happy just to have an affair.  But when I was pushing her as to why it felt like she was not putting a high enough priority on our relationship, it pushed her to make a decision sooner than she would have.

I can see it so clearly now.

[smilieman]

11 hours ago, LaHermes said:

OP.  Please keep checking the lists of psychologists. Even if you have to go beyond your neighbourhood. Do it, please

I have been looking at Psychologists this morning and there is no way I have the money to pay for them.  This is disappointing.

The £1,500 that the wife put in my bank account, was not from her, it was from my other savings account that I had from a dental claim and was supposed to be for work on my teeth.  There was £3,000 left in there and she took half of it.

So the £1,500 has to last me for more than 5 weeks for everything including groceries, fuel and solicitors.  With Solicitors I am paying £150 for Tuesday's meeting and they will probably want an amount on account if I instruct them.

Psychologists I have found: One at £99 per session and the other at £195 initial appointment and £120 per session after that.  I also need to go to the Osteopath until the physio starts at £60.

There's just no way I can make that work. 😞

[smilieman]

33 minutes ago, smilieman said:

Psychologists I have found: One at £99 per session and the other at £195 initial appointment and £120 per session after that.  I also need to go to the Osteopath until the physio starts at £60.

There's just no way I can make that work. 😞

So the best  I could do was a Psychotherapist.  He uses a structured approach to finding the mechanisms into why I react to emotional stuff the way that I do.

I spoke to the guy and he said that what he does is unique and very effective to tackle things.

It's a more reasonable price and he is just in the next village from me, so just a short car ride away.  I have made an appointment for next Friday, as he (no mother figure here!) is away next week until then.  Typical!

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, smilieman said:

There's just no way I can make that work. 😞

Why doesn't your NHS cover a physician MD ? You can start with general evaluation and get a referral to a neurologist.

Why go on a wild goose chase looking for random practitioners when you have NHS and  need to see a doctor for a real evaluation for depression, moods, medical and neurological issues?

Whose idea was it to see a therapist rather than address the real issues of neurological problems, anxiety, possible depression and issues best treated through an appropriate medical evaluation?

[LaHermes]

Yes, OP. Psychologists (aka therapists) are expensive.  Although some are prepared to work on a sliding scale if the patient doesn't have much means.  I understand perfectly and know that it could take three months or more to see an NHS psychologist as the waiting lists are endless. 

Indeed NHS referrals to see any kind of specialist can take months (more so now due to Covid pandemic and its fallout).  So, many people have no choice but to go private, and pay up. It's how it is. 

I understand you have seen a number of doctors in connection with the VM, and it would appear that the usual referral in this respect is physiotherapy.  There is no cure.

https://www.nationalmigrainecentre.org.uk/migraine-and-headaches/migraine-and-headache-factsheets/vestibular-migraine/

Vestibular migraine tends to be stubborn to treatment. Managing triggers should be the first-line treatment for any migraine: eating regularly, having routine sleep, minimising or managing stress and managing hormonal variations are all examples of lifestyle measures which can be helpful."

Vestibular rehabilitation is the mainstay of treatment for most vestibular disorders: this is specialist physiotherapy which can help manage balance symptoms. Unfortunately, in vestibular migraine this is often ineffective and, in some circumstances, can make symptoms worse."

Moving on to solicitors, OP.  If you feel you cannot face solicitor's fees then you may have no choice than to apply for legal aid. By the way did you meet with CAB and if so, did you also ask them about legal aid. I do realise that due to this coming Monday being a U.K.bank holiday not a lot will happen till mid-week.

[smilieman]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why doesn't your NHS cover a physician MD ? You can start with general evaluation and get a referral to a neurologist.

Why go on a wild goose chase looking for random practitioners when you have NHS and  need to see a doctor for a real evaluation for depression, moods, medical and neurological issues?

Whose idea was it to see a therapist rather than address the real issues of neurological problems, anxiety, possible depression and issues best treated through an appropriate medical evaluation?

NHS does cover an MD.  I have had the general evaluation earlier in the week, but there is a 5 week timescale for an appointment after that assessment.

I was just filling in the 'dead space' from now until then as I think it may help generally - my idea.

So I am under the right thing, just takes a bit longer in this country it would seem