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  1. Sorry, I don't understand this, why couldn't I stop it? It's not that I don't want the divorce, it's all the other stuff I don' want - the games she is playing. It's killing me. It's probably me. Yes, I'm in an emotional state. I am really not coping too well with all of this and it's as much as I can do to get through each day. I'm not causing any holds ups, it's the court delays. No I'm not hoping she won't want to divorce, and it's actually me divorcing her. I will be left with nothing. I have nothing now as she took the savings, she has left me financially (and emotionally) broke - I cannot work - and now she's after my pensions, which is the only source of money I have access to. She has the money and the income. As say, I struggle to get through each day worrying about how and where to live. It's really tough.
  2. Because it helps the case. It's not a big thing, but points to the fact that even though we have been as amicable as possible, she has shown that she is not willing to do that. There is also potential signature forgery and intention to defraud to consider. It helps my claim: https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/to-the-adulterer-the-spoils-the-role-of-conduct-in-divorce-and-financial-proceedings-in-england-and-abroad
  3. I'm not saying that at all. It would be nice for a little understanding though. I know that text can be read differently, but it's all very raw for me and I'm a very sensitive soul and learning as I go. Hopefully I will be able to learn lessons to assist others at some stage - who knows. I was specific about the advice I had taken - my friend and my lawyer - each time I've acted on this advice, my situation has worsened. Well, that's how I feel anyway at the moment, as I can't see anything positive coming out of this. Considering that I have been in panic for an entire 10 weeks and shaking uncontrollably, that means that I am in fight/flight mode and my pre-frontal cortex isn't processing information properly, so everything is really tough. I need to have a switch installed just to turn it off for a while, it is really exhausting and I'm doing the best I can to navigate as best I can. I'm chatting to my friend tomorrow morning, just to mull over a few options. It's good to talk to somebody to pass ideas off them, although he has only got time to speak en-route to work, so it may be quite difficult if the reception on his phone is choppy as it has been. I would like to come up with some ideas for when I hear back from the agent of the house tomorrow. I hope that I can post something here a bit more positive at some stage. Please know that I do appreciate your comments and I do consider them. 🙂
  4. The content of the letters that everybody seems to be getting stuck on, was to request the logon information for the house utility accounts so that I could change the information. That's it. Conduct: My stbx kept cancelling things without notice to me. Specifically car insurance, mobile phone, house rent, etc. All after she said that she would pay them until end August - all by surprise. Added to that theft and intention to defraud. That's bad conduct and is proven by bank statements (audit trails). Not replying to letters isn't bad conduct - agreed. I don't see how my lawyer is trying to inflame the situation. All her letters are amicable, my wife's lawyers letters are argumentative. It was only about 3 letters - that's it. Everything is going via court procedure now as it's been filed.
  5. No she didn't. I said that I didn't specifically request the letters. She said that she would write to them. Yes she did. I thought it was just standard procedure. I have nothing to compare to. I know this, no I didn't think they would be free. Those letters were not the large part of the bill anyway and I have never said they were - that has been an assumption brought by @Wiseman2, it was preparing the court forms and emails mainly, collating information. I shan't. Court work only... This is a sore point. I was getting all ready for this when my lawyer said that it would effect my claim paying the rent up-front from savings - the only way that I can see to do this. She said to wait until we hear from the court. The court is running behind and said we would hear by 25th July - we haven't. My lawyer chased them up first thing Monday morning. No word yet. I am trying frantically to put the house back a couple of weeks without losing it, but fear that I may discourage the landlords. I hate working via agents and would prefer to speak with landlords direct. I have offered to pay larger deposit on house to secure it for a couple of weeks to see what happens in court. Either that or I can go ahead and rent it and move, but destroy my maintenance claim. My lawyer says there is a very good chance I would be successful, but I'm not sure how that's going to pan out and I am worried that my savings are going to be depleted. I wasn't expecting all this hassle to be honest and it's far too stressful and it is taking its toll. But another day ticks by and still nothing from the court. I feel totally beat up, haven't been sleeping since all this started 10 weeks ago. I just wish something would go right. If this claim isn't successful I'm done with this and will see if I can just get it finished where we agree that we don't have a claim on each other. If the stbxw hadn't have left in this way and taken all of the money as selfishly as she did by lying and deciet, one year before she left for the bulk withdrawal and dribbled out money 2 years before she left, then things would have been different. However, they aren't. I was hood-winked by the person that I trusted the most in my life and that is a horrible thing to have to deal with. I'm an emotional wreck and alone and I can't understand why people here are coming across so abrupt and making me out to be stupid - perhaps I am. I have not got a point of reference to how divorces are handled, I have never had one before. This entire thing from the start has not only been a terrible shock, but an increasingly ongoing nightmare. I am taking people's advice, friend, lawyer, etc, and the more advice I act upon the worse my situation gets. This has been the case right from the outset. I'm now on sleeping tablets, so perhaps I'll be able to get more than 3 hours of broken sleep for a night or two. I haven't stopped shaking since all this started and I am beaten down and exhausted.
  6. I didn't request the letters. I didn't know what the process was. She was trying to agree a maintenance schedule, my stbxw started playing games and therefore it had to go through the court. That's all I know and it makes sense to me. I don't know if this is usual process when maintenance can be claimed. There was/is also the issue of household utility accounts. I have never been married before and therefore never been divorced before so I don't know the process. But see as I am the one who filed for divorce for Adultery, it would appear that that's more expensive?
  7. Perhaps it's just me explaining things wrong. I have nothing to compare with and all this is new to me.
  8. Apparently it was needed to be done that way initially as it builds a case showing her poor conduct and unwillingness to come to an amicable agreement. That's what I was told anyway - sounds plausible. All on the court schedule now, so the only correspondence required is via the court and any other necessary costings. They weren't without my approval as she said that it needed to be done that way. We have had a similar discussion on how to keep costs down. I also told her that I wasn't happy about not keeping to the agreement of letting me know when the budget was going to go over, she said that 's because I mentioned that my financial position had changed (as part of my pension came out). She explained that the costs rose due to needing to complete court documentation for the maintenance petition, divorce papers and claim for costs. This stage of the process can be up to 5,000gbp in costs and the entire divorce process between 5,000 & 25,000. I have had this confirmed by a few other legal firms and it is dependent upon how complex it can get. I shall review after hearing what the outcome of the court petition is. This is new ground for me and I'm not familiar with things so am breaking new ground.
  9. Spoke to her (the lawyer) this morning. The letters were necessary to attempt maintenance payments out of court and to prove bad conduct. This court stage can be up to 5,000 and costs have also been claimed from the stbxw. The lawyer says that it has a very good chance of maintenance being granted and therefore costs being granted also, due to the conduct of my stbxw not showing she wants to agree outside court. No word from court still despite my claim being urgent raised on 23rd July and the court were supposed to respond by 25th. They didn't and were chased this morning. We had a discussion on how to keep costs lower, but a divorce can cost between 5,000 & 25,000 depending on how much the parties are in agreement. Seeing as the stbxw is being a pain in the butt.... however, if maintenance is rewarded by the courts, then this can be used as leverage at a later date in my book - "You leave me (and my pensions) alone and have no further claim and I'll stop requiring maintenance", or something. We'll see.
  10. I shall see what she has to say for herself in response to my email. She hadn't kept to the agreement that she would let me know when costs would get near my budget - that was set to £1,900 She's apparently been setting it up for me to get interim maintenance hence the letters. I wouldn't know how to pick up where she has got to with the divorce and at this stage I don't know what's best at all. I suppose if push comes to shove I could employ a paralegal to do the rest, if maintenance payments aren't successful. I feel like just calling it quits and pulling the plug, otherwise I won't have any money left to move house. I have also requested that she informs me how to keep costs down and for an estimate of what all this is going to cost. I can't keep having surprises like this. If what she is saying is agreed though, I may be granted maintenance payments long-term, this is what she is telling me anyway. We are still waiting to hear what the courts says about hearing the case, so I suppose that what we wait for that. Should be in the next few days. Bloomin' shock though.
  11. So I think I'm going to need to put a stop to this divorce. Just had a massive bill for the month from my lawyer - there is absolutely no way I can pay this and she was supposed to notify me when my set budget was going to be reached. She has invoiced £2,850 for this month and £986 last month - almost £4,000 in 2 months! So it looks like I can't afford to get divorced then! Nightmare. I have emailed her reminding her that she was supposed to let me know if I was going over budget and an idea of costs going forward and if they are likely to be recovered.
  12. We don't get huge trailers over here, which is a shame. I do have a few other people to ring that I found. I shall spend the rest of the week sorting stuff as best I can to get an idea of what needs to be taken and then I can get a few realistic quotes. Haven't heard back from my neighbour, but I don;t reckon that will be a goer. The quote that I had also included a packing service, so I wouldn't need to do anything - although I would. The sofa has to go as it's too big for the room it has to go in, but I don't want to sell it yet, in case the house rental falls through on referencing or if the landlords change their minds. I re-potted a couple of my plants today that I grew from cuttings. They're coming with me! 🙂
  13. Sounds like a good plan. I've also just been speaking to a friend also to help put things into perspective. I have 3 weeks to get sorted out, packed and arrange the logistics of moving, with a 2 week buffer if I run over. Once everything is sorted with the lettings agent of the other house, then I can give notice here for end of August. I will need a new/used sofa but will wait until I get there and look around. I saw a large charity/thrift shop in the town that had some really nice stuff. I did ask a neighbour if he would be interested in helping me move as he done his daughters stuff and can easily drive a larger truck, but thinking about it now, I wonder if I should just hire the removal guys so that I don't have to worry about it - they're insured and pack and protect everything and put things in the proper place at the other end. Make it much easier and takes out the stress. As you say, depending on what the court decides, I need to keep expenditure as tight as I can.
  14. Because it's too big to go into a smaller property with less space & rooms. Nope. She's still not communicating. I gonna have to do that. Then garage sale /house clearance for the rest - I have 3 weeks.
  15. Thank you. It's all very stressful though and I'm going to have to get rid of a lot of my furniture and buy new stuff I think, which is more of a drain. Good thing is, is gets rid of the 'shared' stuff that we got together, bad thing is I need to transport some of it there first. It saddens me that this relationship has come to such an abrupt ending like this and that she's being awful in the process. I;m not sure if it makes it harder or easier.
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