Dejavu

[smilieman]

So I have spent all morning so far trying to find a psychologist.  There are 3 within an hour from me.

The first one I spoke to who I found in my home town.  The details were out of date, he no longer lives here and he now works for the MoD and does not see people privately.  He told me to search on the "healthcare professionals counsel" for one.  There is no search facility though, so that's bugging.

Found 2 more by internet search, no answer from either of them.  So there is the issue.  I have tried contacting them but they are not answering calls during cv and you can only contact them by email.  They haven't given an email address.

This is so frustrating!  Is it me?

All other psychologists are over an hour away and way too far.

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, smilieman said:

All other psychologists are over an hour away 

Why are you bothering wasting your time googling psychologists, when you need a physician, psychiatrist and neurologist in general and to document whatever disability you have to try to get disability benefits to live from?

[smilieman]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why are you bothering wasting your time googling psychologists, when you need a physician, psychiatrist and neurologist in general and to document whatever disability you have to try to get disability benefits to live from?

Because people are recommending that is what I need to do.  It's on my list to get a copy of my medical notes after my meeting this morning in preparation for my claim.

i can't seem to win!

[LaHermes]

6 hours ago, smilieman said:

I cannot see that I have a "mental illness".

Did you not read what I put up as to what constitutes a mental illness?  Please read it!

I understand you have an appointment with a psychiatrist anyhow. When?

Once more, with feeling:

"The definition of mental health in the national 'No Health without Mental Health' policy is that it is a positive state of mind and body, feeling safe and able to cope, with a sense of connection with people, communities and the wider environment."

and

"Mental health is defined as a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community."

Is this you, OP?

And if you can't find a psychologist then see that psychiatrist asap and let him or her give you a referral. 

[boltnrun]

I feel seeing a mental health professional will help to determine how much your mental and emotional state is responsible for your health issues.

Like I mentioned a few times, I was debilitatingly ill until my toxic relationship ended. I have some residual effects from the illness but I haven't been nearly as sick as I was. And that's absolutely because he is out of my life. 

[smilieman]

2 hours ago, LaHermes said:

Did you not read what I put up as to what constitutes a mental illness?  Please read it!

I understand you have an appointment with a psychiatrist anyhow. When?

Once more, with feeling:

"The definition of mental health in the national 'No Health without Mental Health' policy is that it is a positive state of mind and body, feeling safe and able to cope, with a sense of connection with people, communities and the wider environment."

and

"Mental health is defined as a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community."

Is this you, OP?

And if you can't find a psychologist then see that psychiatrist asap and let him or her give you a referral. 

I did read it and you're right.  I'm not coping very well today and I've been in a panic all day.  I really don't want to do any of this, it's all a little too much.

Yes, ok I have a mental illness I can't cope, although this isn't what I would refer to as normal stresses of life.

I really don't think I can do this, I really don't.

 

I went to see a Psychotherapist for an initial chat.  Not sure where that will go, but that's all I can afford.  If I psychologist could help me in one session then it would be money well spent. However, there is not one around here and if I have to travel to the city then I would also need to pay for fuel.  If the money isn't there, then is isn't there.

[boltnrun]

I do virtual therapy.  No driving around needed.

However, if you refuse to do virtual there isn't really much of an alternative. You just have to decide how important it is for you to get into a better mindset.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, smilieman said:

If psychologist could help me in one session then it would be money well spent. 

It's so unclear why you are going this route. You very well know they don't wave a magic wand in 45 min and boom your problems are solved.

[smilieman]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I do virtual therapy.  No driving around needed.

However, if you refuse to do virtual there isn't really much of an alternative. You just have to decide how important it is for you to get into a better mindset.

Virtual is good and as you say no travel costs.  No refusal and it is important - just a real concern about money, that's all.

It's just been full-on with claiming this, claiming that, seeing this person, seeing that person and as well as trying to find all of the information that I need that only the wife knows where they are and the position with everything.  I'm getting there now as far as that goes, with one big bit left to do.

I really don't expect those that don't know the effects of Vestibular Migraine and it's symptoms, but I have pushed myself to the limit so much this week that I can hardly read (even with my usual glasses on), I am extremely light-headed and dizzy (as this is what it does) and my left arm is really numb and tingly and my skin has been so sore and burning since the start of all this.

Nevertheless, I have done what I have done this week and I haven't sat on my laurels.  The only debatable point here is the psychologist.  Yes I will talk to one as soon as I am able and when I have the funds to pay them.  I can do no more.

I feel that I am doing the best I can under the circumstances, as well as dealing with the emotions of all of this which are still raw, no sleep and nightly panic attacks.

Phew! 🙂

[smilieman]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's so unclear why you are going this route. You very well know they don't wave a magic wand in 45 min and boom your problems are solved.

Well, there must be some benefit, otherwise why would people insist on going down this path?  It is a longer term process I know, I was just pointing to the cost.

[boltnrun]

What did the solicitor say regarding funds for you to live on? You can't be expected to starve and do without medical care just because the primary breadwinner in your marriage took off.

What about your dental settlement money? At the very least the solicitor should be able to get you some of that to live on until you get things figured out.

[smilieman]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

What did the solicitor say regarding funds for you to live on? You can't be expected to starve and do without medical care just because the primary breadwinner in your marriage took off.

What about your dental settlement money? At the very least the solicitor should be able to get you some of that to live on until you get things figured out.

Haven't heard back from them yet.  Hopefully I will next week.

I'm not quite at starving stage yet, but the money I have is limited and for everything and as I'm not sure how much I will need for the lawyer to get something decent done if they cannot reclaim the funds from her.

I am talking about the dental settlement money,  the wife transferred a portion of it to me and kept the remainder.  I didn't think she thought I would know as I didn't have access to the account.  It looks like to gave herself an extra 1,000 or so.  I need to log on and get a statement over the weekend, now that I have my logon details arrive.

[LaHermes]

Here is the link to the Government Department (re benefits etc.)

https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits

As I understand you haven't even seen CAB yet because the appointment had to be rescheduled, then you could do worse than go straight to your local Work & Pensions office. 

Listen, no psychologist can help you in one session. It doesn't work like that. They aren't magicians! You might be needing to see one for a year.  Meantime, I understand you have an appointment with a psychiatrist, so you would in any case need a referral from him or her. Of course the psychiatrist might simply decide to put you on another raft of medication. It is important that you explain your health conditions as well.  You could maybe tell the last physician you for the VM that you will be seeing a psychiatrist (X) and ask him to maybe send on your notes to the psych. 

If you think in any case that a psychologist is going to do anything for you in one session then you might as well give up on the idea. I get the impression that you would rather not delve into all the reasons for your current predicament.  And by that I mean right into the past, the many relationships which, according to you all ended badly.

It's a long road ahead OP. A long road. But if you can come out the other side healthy then you can re-build your life.

But you need to pull with all and any professionals you see, from the solicitors, specialists, physios (if you are seeing one), and all the rest.  No "buts" and "ifs"..

 

[boltnrun]

You seem to do a lot of waiting on call backs or doing a lot of "I'll call them tomorrow". You will need to follow up. Don't wait for them to call you back or it will take forever. 

It's like looking for a job. You don't put in one application or send one resume, then sit at home waiting for that one company to offer you a job. Especially when dealing with legal or government agencies, they are notoriously poor at follow up. We have to be our own advocates with that stuff.

[smilieman]

37 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

As I understand you haven't even seen CAB yet because the appointment had to be rescheduled

No, you are entirely wrong on this one.  No appointment has ever  been rescheduled and in fact I had my appointment with the CAB today @ 1pm.

39 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Listen, no psychologist can help you in one session. It doesn't work like that.

I know this.  I was just pointing out that that was all I had money for.

39 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Meantime, I understand you have an appointment with a psychiatrist

This is incorrect.  I had an appointment with a psychotherapist, this afternoon.

40 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

the psychiatrist might simply decide to put you on another raft of medication

As previously mentioned, I cannot use medication as it affects my VM adversely.

40 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I get the impression that you would rather not delve into all the reasons for your current predicament

Then, I would suggest that you have the wrong impression.  Of course I do.  I am failing to understand how it is not a simple fact to acknowledge that if, at the moment, I do not have enough money to see a psychologist, then I cannot see a psychologist.  Is this not a simple fact?  How else would you suggest paying for one, when I have a raft of other things to pay for also, such as food, fuel and a lawyer?  If I pay a psychologist, then I cannot afford to pay the lawyer and I get a bad deal.  If I pay the lawyer, then I can't afford to pay a psychologist.

This is the simple fact.  There is no more income until 2nd July and even then it won't be enough to pay a psychologist I don't think.  When everything is up in the air, I don't know how much money is coming from where, or when and I have got to allocate limited resources to different things, I cannot see how it's me not wanting to delve into things.  This is so far removed from the truth.  If psychologists were free, I'd see one now!

46 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

It's a long road ahead OP. A long road. But if you can come out the other side healthy then you can re-build your life.

I agree and that long road will more than likely involve a long investment, in time, effort and money, of which needs to be allocated.

49 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

But you need to pull with all and any professionals you see, from the solicitors, specialists, physios (if you are seeing one), and all the rest.  No "buts" and "ifs"..

Physio appointment Monday afternoon and yes, I am.  Money is the requirement for the services that they provide - no money, no service as far as I understand commerce to be, so I shall do what I can do within that limitation.

[smilieman]

23 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You seem to do a lot of waiting on call backs or doing a lot of "I'll call them tomorrow". You will need to follow up. Don't wait for them to call you back or it will take forever. 

It's like looking for a job. You don't put in one application or send one resume, then sit at home waiting for that one company to offer you a job. Especially when dealing with legal or government agencies, they are notoriously poor at follow up. We have to be our own advocates with that stuff.

A lot of waiting?  I sent an email at 12:12, had a meeting with the CAB at 13:00 for and hour and a half, had an appointment at 4 for an hour and a half and got home shortly before 6.  I don't think that giving somebody an afternoon to provide a reply is unreasonable, given that their diary is unknown and given that I am not yet a client as I haven't instructed them.

I understand that, but I'm not waiting for anything else.  Are we at crossed purposes?

[LaHermes]

Whatever you say, OP. Whatever you say!

12 minutes ago, smilieman said:

This is incorrect.  I had an appointment with a psychotherapist, this afternoon.

I see.  It is just that at some time earlier in this thread (and I have no time to trawl back there) you mentioned you had a psychiatrist appointment. 

 

12 minutes ago, smilieman said:

As previously mentioned, I cannot use medication as it affects my VM adversely.

I think I got that the first time round, OP!

What I said was that a psychiatrist would possibly try to put you on medication. And, of course, it would be your prerogative to refuse.  

12 minutes ago, smilieman said:

When everything is up in the air, I don't know how much money is coming from where, or when and I have got to allocate limited resources to different things, I cannot see how it's me not wanting to delve into things. 

  You have the most extraordinary "gift" for taking everything that is said to you here completely out of context. Lol. 

Right you are, do as you please.  Good luck to you. 

[smilieman]

5 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I see.  It is just that at some time earlier in this thread (and I have no time to trawl back there) you mentioned you had a psychiatrist appointment.

Respectfully, I never said this and this is factually incorrect.

6 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

You have the most extraordinary "gift" for taking everything that is said to you here completely out of context. Lol.

Well, this is also how I feel.  I am trying to be completely honest and am trying desperately to explain that money is the issue here, not my commitment, yet everything I 'say' seems to get twisted more out of context.  Definitely confusing, that's for sure. 🙂

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, smilieman said:

It's on my list to get a copy of my medical notes after my meeting this morning in preparation for my claim.

When you contacted the disability agency did they state they would contact your doctors or that you need to bring copies of your medical records (which is weird).

Did your lawsuit against the dentist settle? Are you viewed as a litigious or disgruntled patient? 

Why are you going to new practitioners (psychologists, etc.) if you have doctors on file from your pituitary tumor and migraine work up?

Why would you try for a mental disability with a psychologist (who is not going to determine that in a zoom session or one visit) when you supposedly have seen all these other medical doctors?

[LaHermes]

6 minutes ago, smilieman said:

yet everything I 'say' seems to get twisted more out of context

Now there is classic projection.   It won't work here with us here I can tell you that.  Do not, not, try to twist our words.  

Over a long thread posters have given of their time, with immense sincerity,  to try to support and advise you, and unravel your often incoherent ramblings. And this is the best you can give us back:

"yet everything I 'say' seems to get twisted more out of context."

 

[smilieman]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

When you contacted the disability agency did they state they would contact your doctors or that you need to bring copies of your medical records (which is weird).

I just registered a claim over the telephone.  They will be sending an application form and I will need to build my case.  For this I need the documentation to send off with the form.  Apparently this is how it works, according to Citizens Advice.

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did your lawsuit against the dentist settle? Are you viewed as a litigious or disgruntled patient?

Yes and No.  The case was ongoing for about 7 years.  Settled out of court.

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why are you going to new practitioners (psychologists, etc.) if you have doctors on file from your pituitary tumor and migraine work up?

Because they are not linked.  Neurology deals with VM, Endocrine clinic deals with pituitary.

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why would you try for a mental disability with a psychologist (who is not going to determine that in a zoom session or one visit) when you supposedly have seen all these other medical doctors?

I'm not trying for mental disability, that's the wrong idea.  I just thought that I needed a bit of help to get through this crap.  After all, my wife has just run out on me after 19 years, almost 2 weeks ago now.

[smilieman]

3 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Now there is classic projection.   It won't work here with us here I can tell you that.  Do not, not, try to twist our words.  

Over a long thread posters have given of their time, with immense sincerity,  to try to support and advise you, and unravel your often incoherent ramblings. And this is the best you can give us back:

"yet everything I 'say' seems to get twisted more out of context."

 

I really don't understand.....................

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, smilieman said:

I'm not trying for mental disability

my wife has just run out on me after 19 years.

Then why are you wasting your time and money on psychologists? 

 She's run out before because of your chronic unemployment and chronic untreated depression.

You've know for decades how unhappy she was. But didn't seem to do much about it. just "I'm going to..."

[boltnrun]

I'm glad you're being proactive.

Of course you're going to have down days, hours and minutes. But let it pass and then dust yourself off and move forward. No one else is going to look out for your health and wellbeing.  Just don't fall into the trap of thinking you might as well give up because nothing is going to work out. That mindset will get you nowhere fast.

But do keep on the solicitors, medical professionals and government agencies. Unfortunately that's the only way to get things done.

[boltnrun]

And don't disregard the importance of your mental health. There is absolutely a mind-body connection. I am living proof.