Dejavu

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, smilieman said:

I have made an appointment this morning to see my doctor.  

Excellent. At least you are doing something about it.

[smilieman]

I just couldn't keep shaking, not sleeping properly and feeling generally unwell.  They have given me a tranqualizer (a benzodiazipine) diazepam - I absolutely hate that somebody I loved so much, has knowingly put me in this position.  It pains me deeply.  The doctor said that it's only for a week to try to break the cycle.

[Pleasedonot5]

Good job seeing the doctor. Hopefully the benzodiazepines help break the cycle of anxiety and sleep deprivation. Please keep us posted.

[smilieman]

5 hours ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Good job seeing the doctor. Hopefully the benzodiazepines help break the cycle of anxiety and sleep deprivation. Please keep us posted.

I shall, thank you.  I've been working through some stuff today, memories and present events.  It seems so strange how I was shaking so much and having full-body convulsions, how my skin was so hot it was burning and I felt so cold, how my heart was continually pounding in my chest and my upper back in so much pain that it was as much as I could do to stand up straight.  The pain in my gut was like I had been kicked and winded and I was sweating profusely and so restless that I couldn't sleep even though I felt so worn out.  This was just a week ago.

These feelings are on the decline now.  The shaking is still there despite being on tablets that are supposed to stop it, although it has calmed a fair bit.  It is now 3 weeks since my wife left in a hurry, leaving absolutely everything behind, save her laptop, passport, car documents and important paperwork.  Even her makeup, reading glasses, and ALL of her clothes are here, just as if she has popped out and will be home for dinner.  But are these symptoms of stress and anxiety, really?  Or could there be something more to this and more to the way I have had a whole plethora of symptoms that have ruined my life over the course of 7 years.

What happens to somebody who is addicted to drugs and then goes cold turkey?  What are their symptoms?  Similar to my symptoms above, that I {mistakingly?} took as anxiety maybe?

https://www.priorygroup.com/addiction-treatment/drug-rehab/drug-withdrawal

Why do these symptoms seem to be wearing off as the time period gets longer since my wife left me for another person?  Because I'm getting used to the idea, or could it be a different reason?  Why can I think better, faster, more clearly?  Why can I focus better than I could just a few days ago?  My friend I spoke to said that my conversation is better and I don't keep losing what I was saying in a conversation like I have been.  Why did the wife leave in a hurry the next morning after my legs gave way, I fell down the stairs and I couldn't walk for ages?  Why is all her stuff still here and why has she not been back to collect it?  Why did she empty the savings account the day before she told me she wasn't coming back?  Why did she take out an life insurance policy for me a few years back?  She is the sole beneficiary of my Will and she has Power of Attorney.  Yes this is her level of expertise, but why?  I don't have Power of Attorney over her!  How come she controls all the bank accounts and finances? How come she opens all the post?  Why did she open up a shared bank account for one of my pension funds to be paid into, and then triggered it to be cashed in?

I trusted her, but I don't like where my mind is going on this....if you get my drift.

Perhaps I haven't got Vestibular migraine after all, after 7 entire years of this, perhaps it's something more simple and the reason why I don't seem to be as dizzy as I was just a week or two ago - Vestibular Toxicity, perhaps? Now there's a thought.

https://balanceanddizziness.org/disorders/vestibular-disorders/vestibular-toxicity/

Things just don't add up.

[boltnrun]

Um, I think I might have mentioned once or twice that your symptoms could be stress related...lol. And that my various illnesses suddenly became less severe after my toxic relationship ended.

Your body was telling you what your mind and emotions didn't want to acknowledge. 

[smilieman]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Um, I think I might have mentioned once or twice that your symptoms could be stress related...lol. And that my various illnesses suddenly became less severe after my toxic relationship ended.

Your body was telling you what your mind and emotions didn't want to acknowledge. 

I hope that's all it is.  I wouldn't have thought that I would have had withdrawal symptoms though.  But hey, it's possible I suppose.  I've been under stress before and not had those.  It would be amazing if the problems disappear this quick.

[Pleasedonot5]

The simplest explanation is more often correct. You have started the benzodiazepines, no? Isn't it more plausible that your symptoms are declining because of the anti-anxiety medication you have just started (and maybe because the initial shock is wearing off) - as opposed to her having covertly drugged or poisoned you for financial gain? 

I'm not telling you "it is impossible." I would just hope you have substantial evidence before coming to that extraordinary conclusion

[boltnrun]

58 minutes ago, smilieman said:

I hope that's all it is.  I wouldn't have thought that I would have had withdrawal symptoms though.  But hey, it's possible I suppose.  I've been under stress before and not had those.  It would be amazing if the problems disappear this quick.

Well, you're seeing a medical doctor, right?  If you have suspicions have them do some blood work.  

[smilieman]

3 hours ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

The simplest explanation is more often correct. You have started the benzodiazepines, no? Isn't it more plausible that your symptoms are declining because of the anti-anxiety medication you have just started (and maybe because the initial shock is wearing off) - as opposed to her having covertly drugged or poisoned you for financial gain? 

I'm not telling you "it is impossible." I would just hope you have substantial evidence before coming to that extraordinary conclusion

I only started taking them last night as I only got them yesterday morning.  It's just looking back there are patterns.  Perhaps I'm just seeing something that's not there.  I just get this nasty feeling, after looking further at the financial transactions she has done from the shared account, even a month before she left, seems strange and calculated.  Those can be proven and she will need to answer to them.  And when I was looking for the symptoms I was experiencing, they fit the symptoms of coming off drugs, cold turkey.

It's probably just me.  The drugs for stress and shaking, don't seem to be stopping the shaking. That's why I looked a bit deeper.  That's all.

[Wiseman2]

Go to an emergency room and tell them you are having serious side effects from the antianxiety medication.

Paranoid delusions is a medical emergency

Benzodiazepines may be exacerbating your underlying psychiatric problems.

You went to the doctor with textbook anxiety symptoms because you Dr googled that beforehand.

A hospital stay may do you some good. They could run some tests and see what's what.

[smilieman]

32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Go to an emergency room and tell them you are having serious side effects from the antianxiety medication.

Paranoid delusions is a medical emergency

Benzodiazepines may be exacerbating your underlying psychiatric problems.

You went to the doctor with textbook anxiety symptoms because you Dr googled that beforehand.

A hospital stay may do you some good. They could run some tests and see what's what.

But I hadn't taken any at that point!  So there's that.

They are also text-book withdrawal symptoms too.  Never mind, it's just probably all in my head, isn't it?  Just like the financial fraud that I can prove!

[Wiseman2]

52 minutes ago, smilieman said:

But I hadn't taken any at that point!  So there's that.

One lie after the next.😂

[smilieman]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

One lie after the next.😂

Seriously!  I give up.  I feel that all you want to do is abuse, I'm sorry.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, smilieman said:

  I give up.  

Ok. It's just the habit of making a statement and when it's repeated back to you, you deny it or come up with a debate.

People have tried to help you. But your story changes too much, like a moving target.

No one said you're trolling. But you're story makes no sense.

[smilieman]

Trolling? Seriously?  How can my story make no sense?  I'm living it and it's an absolute bloomin' nightmare.

Yes people have helped and I am taking their advice, what more can I do?  I am truly stuck here and trying to get through as best I can.  I cannot believe that you think I'm a troll, that is the most insulting thing that I can think of anybody to say.  I am broken here and I don't mind admitting it and quite frankly I am finding it extremely difficult to get through each day.  I've just been talking to a guy in the cafe and opened up my heart and have been crying uncontrollably, as I cannot believe the situation that I am in.

I'm sorry that you think I am not legitimate and that I have an issue that I don't know how to navigate.  Obviously typing is not the same as talking and things may not come across exactly how they are meant.  But for my wife to walk out after 19 years of marriage, with no indication that anything was wrong, empty the bank account and cease all communication, is a bit too much for me. Let alone being accused of being a troll - it's just a push too far.....

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, smilieman said:

I've just been talking to a guy in the cafe and opened up my heart

You have been offered some excellent advice. Most of it revolves around seeing and talking to the appropriate professionals for help, not hanging out in cafes talking to strangers

[smilieman]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

You have been offered some excellent advice. Most of it revolves around seeing and talking to the appropriate professionals for help, not hanging out in cafes talking to strangers

Why are you digging at me so much.  I have been talking to professionals.  I have been talking to lawyers, even this morning.  Why are you doubting that I am doing these things?  It is absurd and you are just assuming.  Why can I not talk to my neighbour in the cafe for 10 minutes when I popped in to get a take out tea?  Why is that such a criminal offence in your eyes?

[Pleasedonot5]

Wiseman2,

Quote

Go to an emergency room and tell them you are having serious side effects from the antianxiety medication.

Paranoid delusions is a medical emergency

Benzodiazepines may be exacerbating your underlying psychiatric problems.

(...)

A hospital stay may do you some good. They could run some tests and see what's what.

(...)

One lie after the next.😂

I respectfully disagree. OP's point was that he recently started taking the benzodiazepines, but he had suspicions about his wife's foul play prior to taking them. Made sense to me. I do not think benzodiazepines would cause paranoid delusions as a side-effect - to my knowledge they do not operate on neurochemistry that would lead to that. I think OP sometimes jumps to conclusions. It's a personality trait (see, e.g., views on pandemic) mixed with that he's had a very traumatic experience - probably not a pathology.

Sensitivity should be paid to that OP is in a tight financial spot. Though I agree appropriate psychiatric, medical, and legal advice are essential here, OP should not be visiting the ER on mere speculation - your salient point that searching for pro bono work would be a drain on resources likely also applies here. 

------

smilieman,

Quote

 And when I was looking for the symptoms I was experiencing, they fit the symptoms of coming off drugs, cold turkey.

It's probably just me.  The drugs for stress and shaking, don't seem to be stopping the shaking. That's why I looked a bit deeper.  That's all.

I understand that many of the symptoms you have experienced might match up with substance withdrawal.

Here's the issue with looking things up on sites like WebMD, though: your symptoms might match with lots of diseases, disorders, conditions, etc. I know earlier in this thread you were talking about your issues with VM/pituitary tumor... could it not still be that? What about PTSD, panic attack disorder, or other long-term anxiety disorder? What about this - boltnrun stated at several points on this thread that your symptoms could be psychosomatic: linked in some way to the underlying stress of your toxic marriage. Her experiences certainly suggest that after the toxic relationship ends, symptoms could improve.

Quote

Why are you digging at me so much.

Wiseman2 is not out to get you. Everyone has their own traumas that bring them to this site and their own ways of looking at these situations. Many of us find Wiseman2's candor helpful.

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Wiseman2 is not out to get you. Many of us find Wiseman2's candor helpful.

Thank you. That's true. My point was that believing his wife is poisoning him is something that needs to be addressed....by a physician/psychiatrist, not the internet...or armchair diagnosing.

[smilieman]

2 hours ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Here's the issue with looking things up on sites like WebMD, though: your symptoms might match with lots of diseases, disorders, conditions, etc. I know earlier in this thread you were talking about your issues with VM/pituitary tumor... could it not still be that? What about PTSD, panic attack disorder, or other long-term anxiety disorder? What about this - boltnrun stated at several points on this thread that your symptoms could be psychosomatic: linked in some way to the underlying stress of your toxic marriage. Her experiences certainly suggest that after the toxic relationship ends, symptoms could improve.

Thank you for your thoughtful response.  I agree that maybe sometimes I jump to conclusions especially under this unbearable anxiety and sorrow, all without explanation.  Yes maybe my symptoms are that or an extension of my current conditions exacerbated by extreme stress.  It certainly doesn't help that I am doing all I can to raise funds to employ a lawyer - which I now have a two-part solution that I have created to make that a possibility - but for some reason for some on this forum, it just isn't enough.

I am selling my Bitcoin tonight for the initial funds to get started (I only have a tiny bit seeing as it crashed) and I have organized my pension to be cashed in to provide the remainder of the legal fund and to give me the funds I need to move.  This takes around 15 days and I shall trigger that tomorrow - again a shame.

It is a horrible feeling, that the person you loved for so long is out to manipulate you is such a way as to get money out of you.  I have been maneuvered over time and funds have been drained purposefully so that I end up having nothing and cannot mount a defence, well, it will be a surprise then, as I have spend the past 2 days arranging thism despite walking down to the coffee shop for a break and some exercise.

I did put a call out to my Dr, and there seems to be a lot of similariites to hyper-thyroid and this has never been mentioned.  The Dr did mention yesterday that she wanted to screen for that, but I wasn't happy having my blood taken and screen for covid without my knowledge.

Once again, thank you for giving a balanced opinion in this dreaded awful time.

[smilieman]

I received an email from the wife saying that she is not going to honour our agreement to provide a statement for my disability claim.  Apparently her lawyer has stated that it wold not be in her best interest and tat it would not help my claim.  This is an incorrect statement as there is an entire section in my claim bundle for carers and family members to supply comment on how the condition affects the life of the person.

So she agreed to do this a week or so ago, and now she has gone back on that agreement in order to attempt to sabotage my claim or make it as difficult as possible.

I give up - how can she be treating me this way when I haven't done anything to her and there was no indication that there was anything wrong in the relationship until a day prior to her leaving, and that was because I picked up on something.  She even told me she loved me.  and now all this?  How?  Typical Spousal Abandonment Syndrome I read, and it's like I'm her worst enemy and I've done what exactly?  Loved her?

[Pleasedonot5]

Sorry, smilieman. She's clearly taking her attorney's advice. Still, it is definitely cold and sets you back. Ouch. 

What is your next move? Bringing this to your solicitor? I'm not sure where you are with the fee arrangement for your legal services. 

[smilieman]

9 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Sorry, smilieman. She's clearly taking her attorney's advice. Still, it is definitely cold and sets you back. Ouch. 

What is your next move? Bringing this to your solicitor? I'm not sure where you are with the fee arrangement for your legal services. 

Yes it is a kick in the teeth, that's for sure.  I am having a tough time understanding how somebody can say they love you and do anything for you one minute and literally the next they will do everything in their power to destroy you.  Perhaps I should have been a nasty husband to warrant this?

The current position is:

1) I shall withdraw funds from my Crypto account shortly.  I was going to do this last night, but the tablet the doctor gave me made me so tired.  I'll work that out, and hopefully I will have access to funds to get started.

2) I shall email the lawyers that I had my hour consultation with at the start of this, informing them of updates (as the wife has admitted adultery, potential bank account fraud + statements, etc), and give them my view and instruct them.  I cannot deal deal directly with my wife any further as it would appear she does nothing but lie and cannot be trusted.  I shall be insisting that all legal costs are recovered and taken care of by my stbx-wife.  I am not sure that I want to agree that the relationship has broken down beyond repair, simply because i was unaware that anything was wrong, so in my view how can it be?  She wants a divorce (mentioned within 2 weeks) simply to grab hold of the last remaining money I own in my pensions, and she will say that it was me that exhibitied "Unreasonable Behaviour", while in reality she had an affair and has admitted adultery.  Furthermore she has manipulated me an our savings over time to maneuver and create this outcome. Truly heartless.  I shall also be pushing my lawyer to insist on Spousal Maintenance payments.

3) I need to cash in one of my pensions in order to gain access to money to continue paying legal costs and to provide funding to move, seeing as the wife has left me penniless by taking the savings.  I set up the online account yesterday and linked my bank account, which takes a few days.  I think this was approved yesterday afternoon, so I can proceed with that today - it takes around 10 working days.

This is as far as I have got in my plan.  I don't know where to go from here.  I need to find out where to live in the country, as I feel I need to get away from the area completely, but it all seems so overwhelming with everything happening at once.  I am thinking of putting some stuff in storage and finding somewhere temporary to be while looking around that area.  I just don't feel I can cope with all of this though and my head feels so awful this morning - the effects of the benzo's I suspect, so I don't reckon I'll take anymore of those, as I fee spaced out.

So, that's all I have at the moment. 🙂

[smilieman]

3 hours ago, smilieman said:

Yes it is a kick in the teeth, that's for sure.  I am having a tough time understanding how somebody can say they love you and do anything for you one minute and literally the next they will do everything in their power to destroy you.  Perhaps I should have been a nasty husband to warrant this?

The current position is:

1) I shall withdraw funds from my Crypto account shortly.  I was going to do this last night, but the tablet the doctor gave me made me so tired.  I'll work that out, and hopefully I will have access to funds to get started.

2) I shall email the lawyers that I had my hour consultation with at the start of this, informing them of updates (as the wife has admitted adultery, potential bank account fraud + statements, etc), and give them my view and instruct them.  I cannot deal deal directly with my wife any further as it would appear she does nothing but lie and cannot be trusted.  I shall be insisting that all legal costs are recovered and taken care of by my stbx-wife.  I am not sure that I want to agree that the relationship has broken down beyond repair, simply because i was unaware that anything was wrong, so in my view how can it be?  She wants a divorce (mentioned within 2 weeks) simply to grab hold of the last remaining money I own in my pensions, and she will say that it was me that exhibitied "Unreasonable Behaviour", while in reality she had an affair and has admitted adultery.  Furthermore she has manipulated me an our savings over time to maneuver and create this outcome. Truly heartless.  I shall also be pushing my lawyer to insist on Spousal Maintenance payments.

3) I need to cash in one of my pensions in order to gain access to money to continue paying legal costs and to provide funding to move, seeing as the wife has left me penniless by taking the savings.  I set up the online account yesterday and linked my bank account, which takes a few days.  I think this was approved yesterday afternoon, so I can proceed with that today - it takes around 10 working days.

This is as far as I have got in my plan.  I don't know where to go from here.  I need to find out where to live in the country, as I feel I need to get away from the area completely, but it all seems so overwhelming with everything happening at once.  I am thinking of putting some stuff in storage and finding somewhere temporary to be while looking around that area.  I just don't feel I can cope with all of this though and my head feels so awful this morning - the effects of the benzo's I suspect, so I don't reckon I'll take anymore of those, as I fee spaced out.

So, that's all I have at the moment. 🙂

So the bitcoin withdrawal didn't go to plan.  Can't sell it on my exhange, so that's that option out then.  Back to square one.  I really can't believe everything I do hits a brick wall, this is hopeless!  Why do I have such bad luck?

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, smilieman said:

 her lawyer has stated that it wold not be in her best interest and tat it would not help my claim. 

That's true.

What will help your claim is a proven documentable diagnosis that is considered a disability by your government agency.

Why not have your doctors and social workers help fill out your disability claim? 

What will hold it up is whatever documentation they need from doctors. Why not get the bloodwork and tests they recommended, instead of refusing the workup?