Smoogle Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 I started seeing this really great guy in December, things have been going really well and I think it has the potential to become a relationship. However, a few months before we met I was curious about my sexuality and wondered if I might be bisexual. In my curiosity I hooked up with a close girl friend of mine, it was a one time thing and afterwards I realised it felt very platonic to me and my friend agreed and absolutely nothing has happened between us since. I'm now in a situation where I'm unsure how/if to tell this guy that I'm now seeing about what happened. I still hang out with my girl friend and I dont want him to think that something will happen between us again and I'm also worried he'll feel confused about me hooking up with another girl. I really want to tell him as I feel guilty that he doesn't know? I just don't want it to put him off or for him to feel uncomfortable with me hanging out with this girl. For context I'm also female. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 Why does he even need to know..your past? You were curious. No reason to feel guilt in anything you've done here. What you've done before you met, has nothing to do with him. Our partners don't need to know everything... Maybe.. IF someday you've been involved like a cpl of years- then consider opening up about it.. only if you want to. Link to comment
Smoogle Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, SooSad33 said: Why does he even need to know..your past? You were curious. No reason to feel guilt in anything you've done here. What you've done before you met, has nothing to do with him. Our partners don't need to know everything... Maybe.. IF someday you've been involved like a cpl of years- then consider opening up about it.. only if you want to. I think its because the girl i hooked up with is a close friend of mine and not telling him feels like I am lying to him. Thinking of it in the reverse, I feel that I would like to know if he had gotten with any of his close friends who he regularly hangs out with? They haven't met yet but he knows who she is in terms of her being my friend, and they are likely to meet in person at some stage. I agree that partners don't need to know everything about our pasts but not telling him is making me feel like I'm hiding it Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, Smoogle said: not telling him feels like I am lying to him. 9 minutes ago, Smoogle said: not telling him is making me feel like I'm hiding it But, you're not. You're just not telling him. Is really no need to. There isn't anything really & never was. And someday, IF he ever learns of it - and asks further about it, you just explain that you didn't feel there was a need to explain (tell of it). Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 I have friends and in the past I did date one or two... but no matter who I dated throughout, I never felt I had to explain anything. Is part of my past. It's done. Trust reallly needs to exist. Link to comment
Tinydance Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 I'm actually bisexual for real and when I was drunk I had sex with a few of my friends 😳 I actually had a threesome with my female best friend a few times coz we were drunk. But it meant nothing at all and we have no feelings for each other and are not into each other. Last time this happened was about three years ago on New Year's Eve. I was really drunk and she was buzzed on ecstacy and we all hooked up with my fiance at the time and some guy she met on Tinder lol Anyway I'm probably giving too much personal details and making myself sound very promiscuous lol The point I was trying to make is I don't think I'll tell a new person I'm dating about this. I'm not into my best friend and she's not into me but we are really close friends. So I don't want to unnecessarily worry and upset my new partner. I don't intend to do anything with her unless my partner also wanted to join in lol I would not to anything with her by myself. However if I was directly asked have I slept with my best friend, I'll tell the truth because I don't want to lie. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 I see the issue and you're worrying yourself way too early. If this relationship gets serious, you may not even want to spend as much time with this female friend. I'd see how it goes and what kind of a person he is over the coming months. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 4 hours ago, Smoogle said: I might be bisexual. In my curiosity I hooked up with a close girl friend of mine, End it with the BF, that way you don't have to admit to cheating. Explore your sexuality on your own time, not while in a relationship. Link to comment
Smoogle Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: End it with the BF, that way you don't have to admit to cheating. I didn't cheat, if you read the original post I got with my friend before I met the current guy I'm dating 🙂 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 23 minutes ago, Smoogle said: I didn't cheat, if you read the original post I got with my friend before I met the current guy I'm dating 🙂 Ok, then you don't have to tell him. What is it you want to tell him? That you may be bi? If you are confused, curious, etc. You need to explore that on your own, not in the context of a relationship. Link to comment
Smoogle Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: What is it you want to tell him? That you may be bi? What I was concerned about was hooking up with a friend who i still regularly see (platonically, I would never cheat on someone) and him having no idea about it. What's the consensus on telling people you're dating about friends you hooked up with? If things continue to go well then he's likely to meet her one day, so it feels weird for him not to know that we hooked up once Link to comment
Tinydance Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 12 minutes ago, Smoogle said: What I was concerned about was hooking up with a friend who i still regularly see (platonically, I would never cheat on someone) and him having no idea about it. What's the consensus on telling people you're dating about friends you hooked up with? If things continue to go well then he's likely to meet her one day, so it feels weird for him not to know that we hooked up once Well I've hooked up with a few of my friends, mainly when I was drunk at parties. Some of my friends I've known for a very long time and hooked up when I was a lot younger. So I'm not really that eager to just volunteer this information personally. If I was asked though I would tell the truth. I suppose you could tell him but what if he felt uncomfortable and wanted you to stop hanging out with your female friend? Are you prepared to end the friendship? If you're not then telling your boyfriend about it would just jeopardise your friendship probably. Do you think you actually are bisexual? Or you realised you're straight? I think if you are bisexual you should just tell your boyfriend that part. Because it's your partner he deserves to know what your sexuality is. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 You dont have to tell him! You didnt even know him when you got with your friend. It's none of his business what you did in your past. It's not lying, you are not obligated to tell anyone about your sexual past. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 The past is what made you who you are. The good, the bad and everything in between. All he needs to know about your past is that you didn't do anything that could risk his health or safety. Let him get to know the person you are right now, not the person you used to be. It doesn't matter if it happened 2 months ago or 2 years ago. This isn't a lie by omission. The best way to ruin a budding relationship is to get diarrhea of the mouth and start talking about your past sexual encounters. You weren't even dating this girl, it was a one night stand. The fact that she is a good friend and you will probably hang out with her frequently doesn't mean you are going to jump her the first chance you get right? You are trying to preemptively stop a problem that doesn't even exist. Do you seriously think this new guy is going to ask you one day if you had sex with your best friend? If he does tell him the truth. If he cannot handle it then he is not the guy for you. What if you banged a coworker 2 years ago and still work together, would you tell him about it? Where does this end? Best not to start it at all. Talk to your best friend and tell her how you feel. I bet she will keep this between you two, after all she is your best friend and wants you to be happy right? If you are going to carry guilt around and act weird every time the 3 of you are together then you should consider how that is going to affect the relationship of all of you. Either you let this go and enjoy the prospect of a great relationship with this guy or throw a wrench in it before it begins. Lost PS Don't you think it is better that you figured out you aren't bisexual BEFORE you met him? I see it as a good thing in terms of you and him moving forward with you knowing you want to be with a man. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 It's none of his business what you did or who you did it with. Let it go, and move forward. Link to comment
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