Broke up after 3.6yrs devastated

[Majestica]

Hi everyone, so much pain in my heart. It ended last night after nearly 4 years together. He has 2 kids me none. He always said I wasn't affectionate enough or wanted sex enough. I'm peri menapause and my mother had cancer to which she is good now thank God. Amongst other things his kids came first and I was ignored every weekend.. but to be fair I had been nursing my mama. I just found he was on insta liking and following womens shots when he would go bat *** if I commented on my male friends profiles. It's been very tumultuous but mainly he said I wasn't affectionate and he needed more sex. But I'm peri menapause and my hormones and life were everywhere. The little things I did were not important he said. It was the physical intimacy. I have social anxiety I'm struggling alot. Thanks for reading. It's complicated. He blocked me from Facebook and insta. I don't have anyone to talk to or help my heartbreak I'm shattered and lost.

[gamon]

You had different needs.

Better to find out now than when you are married and have kids and own a house together.

It gets better.

 

[Majestica]

Hope so. I'm just heartbroken. He's blaming me for everything. Thank you.

[Lambert]

Hi

I'm sorry you're hurting 😞

Give it some time. You might not see it now but some losses are actually gains.

It doesn't sound like you were being supported by him and the blaming you,  really shows he is not all that.

I'm glad your mom is OK.  In the long run, you will be comforted in knowing you did your best by her and that's what really matters. 

What a jerk he was. Hang in there and keep posting.  it helps. 

[Majestica]

Thank you so much. There was alot more. He humiliated me Infront of his children also. It's just hard. I feel really lost. I don't have many friends as I have anxiety issues. I'm missing him so much. It's  hard.

[Capricorn3]

I'm so sorry you're hurting, but going by what you post, it doesn't sound like he was much of a prize at all.  This could be a blessing in disguise and I have no doubt you can do a lot better.  It will take time to deal with and to get over it, but please try and be kind to yourself.  Don't beat yourself up so much.   Please keep posting if it helps you.

[Majestica]

Thank you for your reply and wisdom xx

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry.   

He does not sound nice or respectful.  You need to be with someone who treats you with love, respect, and understanding.  This guy is not it.   

Can you reach out to family and friends for support?    Did you make this guy your entire life?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He was not relationship material and it was going nowhere.

It's not about your hormones, it's about him repeatedly focusing only on his physical needs and ignoring the psychosocial aspects of a relationship.

Perhaps you were turned off by his selfish attitudes? Most sexual drama starts outside the bedroom.

As far as age goes, well that's easy enough to see a physician about and discuss health, libido, moods,etc.

As far as satisfactory relationships go, this was not one of them. Be glad you are free from this angry rigid man.

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, Majestica said:

Thank you so much. There was alot more. He humiliated me Infront of his children also. It's just hard. I feel really lost. I don't have many friends as I have anxiety issues. I'm missing him so much. It's  hard.

Re-read the bolded. 

Ask yourself what exactly you're missing about him. He sounds terrible. 

[Majestica]

Mmm you're right about this. It's just hard I don't have much support.

[Majestica]

20 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Re-read the bolded. 

Ask yourself what exactly you're missing about him. He sounds terrible. 

Very good comment.  I need to get stronger.

[Majestica]

21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He was not relationship material and it was going nowhere.

It's not about your hormones, it's about him repeatedly focusing only on his physical needs and ignoring the psychosocial aspects of a relationship.

Perhaps you were turned off by his selfish attitudes? Most sexual drama starts outside the bedroom.

As far as age goes, well that's easy enough to see a physician about and discuss health, libido, moods,etc.

As far as satisfactory relationships go, this was not one of them. Be glad you are free from this angry rigid man.

Thank you for your words of wisdom. It's just difficult and I'm still attached and lonely I guess. 

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. Try considering this to be the year that you've stopped wasting your time on someone who obviously didn't view you through the right lens to appreciate your unique value.

I'm not saying that the guy is a villain or you're a victim. Breakups don't need to equate to blame. They're most often the period on the end of a run-on-sentence that never equated to more than settling for one another prematurely.

We each hold unique value. Whenever someone doesn't own the capacity to appreciate yours, that speaks of his limits rather than of any deficiency in you.

That's not simpatico. We each deserve simpatico. Someone who 'gets you'. 

I don't say this to push you forward to seek that before you're ready. Your grief is real. 

Embrace your grief as often as you feel the need--just short of berating yourself or minimizing your own legitimate needs and desires. Ask yourself: did he meet those? Really?

I'd have my fair share of boo-hoos with a tissue box, but I would blow my nose and resolve to surprise everyone--including myself--with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous future for myself.

I'd embrace resilience as my number 1 life skill to develop this year, and I'd open my mind to curiosity and finding the parts of my Self that I sacrificed in order to remain with a guy who obviously was never right for me.

The RIGHT person will see you through the right lens.

Head high, and focus FORward. Become your own inspiring coach, and you will thank yourself later.

Write more if it helps.

 

[Majestica]

Thank you so much for your input and advice. It's been really difficult. Alot of back and forth through messaging. Nothing resolved. I haven't wanted to see him. I imagine he wanted me to make it up to him through make up sex. Not happening. I'm finding it really hard to let go. Cut the ties that bind. Let it all go. I'm still struggling. Going to re read your advice and get it drummed into my head. I'm missing him it's an attachment as I don't have many friends or support. 

Thank you again x

[melancholy123]

This is all brand new to you, and it takes time.  Be kind to yourself.  You dodged a bullet.

[Deedp]

Majestica,

Sounds like your ex was on *** and your better off without him.  Heartbreak heals with time. Spend time with yourself more, work on yourself and move on with your life. Appreciate the lesson, learn from it and don't make the same mistake twice. GL