Feelings of regret

[MarielaAvila]

So I initiated the break up between my boyfriend & I, not because I didn’t like him or care about him anymore I just feel we needed a break since we’ve had many arguments. So I felt as though we needed some time to recollect & work on ourselves. We would still hang out from time to time but I wouldn’t let him kiss me & we wouldn’t have any sexual contact. I guess it was me really trying to put my foot down & show him that I was being serious about where we stood at the moment. I feel that I was being too hard at times when he was simply trying to do the most for me to make me happy but I always kinda put a facade. I had broke up with him 2 mos ago but like I said we would still keep in touch. I would use that time to work on myself, I really didn’t wanna talk to any guys or go out dating that’s just my way of dealing with everything, still till this day. But he ended up leaving town & now that’s he’s gone I really miss him & I realize a lot of our faults between both of us but a lot more of myself in the relationship. Before he was still here I told him I didn’t wanna try again because I told him what if he was just saying certain things so I could take him back easily. But now I feel a bit of regret & would like to try again little by little but now he doesn’t wanna talk to me. When I last reached out, I called him with good intention just to hear him & see how he’s doing but I didn’t mention me missing him since he said he wasn’t trying to think of me. I don’t blame him, but I also feel like my emotions are taking a bit of a toll on me & my lack of communication has been haunting me. I guess I took him being here for granted. I try my best to distract myself but I have him in mind. I say if he’s willing to try again I’m all for it & if he doesn’t want anymore I’ll accept & respect that also. But rn I’m just trying my best to find my peace & distract myself with small things maybe some books well help. Any opinion of yours will be tookin into consideration thank you. 
 

[Rose Mosse]

I went back to your last threads for more background. You both were 5 months into dating and still couldn't decide whether you were in a relationship. It seems so volatile and unpredictable and a lot of fighting. 

I think you need time to recover and take a time out from this. Go back to your old self and rediscover your other friendships, hobbies, get things back on track. You both weren't good for each other. 

Let things be for now. Don't contact him if you can. He's not a part of your life anymore. Keeping him around even though you both don't get along just hurts both of you in the long run.

[boltnrun]

Breaking up and/or taking "breaks" is not an effective way to conduct a relationship or deal with conflicts.

Sooner or later the person being broken up with will have enough and walk away permanently.

Why do you think breaking up is the best way to deal with disagreements?  Doesn't that seem manipulative or childish to you?

[Capricorn3]

OP, when reading all your threads about this guy all one gets is a strong impression of a toxic, dysfunctional and incompatible relationship.  You need to accept that it just isn't working, never has, and never will.  

Let it go now, learn from it, and move on with your life.

[MarielaAvila]

39 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Breaking up and/or taking "breaks" is not an effective way to conduct a relationship or deal with conflicts.

Sooner or later the person being broken up with will have enough and walk away permanently.

Why do you think breaking up is the best way to deal with disagreements?  Doesn't that seem manipulative or childish to you?

I never thought of it as me being manipulative or childish, nor was that my intention. But I’ll allow it. It was more so me putting my own feelings first & trying to figure everything out.  I don’t expect him to hear from him, I know I probably don’t deserve a response. & I do take his feelings into thought with that being that I’ll respect if he doesn’t speak to me again. It’s just what I’ve been feeling, so I just thought maybe someone else could help me figure something out.

[MarielaAvila]

20 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, when reading all your threads about this guy all one gets is a strong impression of a toxic, dysfunctional and incompatible relationship.  You need to accept that it just isn't working, never has, and never will.  

Let it go now, learn from it, and move on with your life.

Thank you for your response. 

[MarielaAvila]

1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

I went back to your last threads for more background. You both were 5 months into dating and still couldn't decide whether you were in a relationship. It seems so volatile and unpredictable and a lot of fighting. 

I think you need time to recover and take a time out from this. Go back to your old self and rediscover your other friendships, hobbies, get things back on track. You both weren't good for each other. 

Let things be for now. Don't contact him if you can. He's not a part of your life anymore. Keeping him around even though you both don't get along just hurts both of you in the long run.

Thank you for your response.

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps it's best he left town. You can close the chapter on this. The good news is that you now know first hand what an abusive relationship looks and feels like and you can avoid this in the future.

All you need to do now is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

https://www.enotalone.com/topic/442270-when-to-really-call-it-quits/#comment-5614280

[MarielaAvila]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Perhaps it's best he left town. You can close the chapter on this. The good news is that you now know first hand what an abusive relationship looks and feels like and you can avoid this in the future.

All you need to do now is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

https://www.enotalone.com/topic/442270-when-to-really-call-it-quits/#comment-5614280

Thank you so much for your response 🙏

[smackie9]

You know what, I think missing him is a small price to pay, for you know this needed to end. You are in transition/self discovery. If there is tremendous struggle during only 5 months of dating then it's a bust. Admit it, it was too toxic, not right. Does always mean there is something wrong with either of you, sometime you are just not right for each other. Learn, grow, move on, be free.

[SooSad33]

On 12/18/2020 at 5:33 PM, boltnrun said:

Breaking up and/or taking "breaks" is not an effective way to conduct a relationship or deal with conflicts.

Sooner or later the person being broken up with will have enough and walk away permanently.

Why do you think breaking up is the best way to deal with disagreements?  Doesn't that seem manipulative or childish to you?

I agree- totally!  This kind of behaviour towards someone is damaging :(.

I had an ex do this to me a few times.. I finally HAD to walk away- so hurtful!

You keep pushing them away, eventually they're not coming back.

 

Besides, you obviously split for reasons..  Accept that.

You two are not compatible.. whether you 'miss him' or not.  What's done is done now.

 

Respect him and leave him be now.    You need to accept the facts as well as him.

 

[catfeeder]

I've found it liberating to consider the limits of my job in relationships: I can express my position at any give time, but it's not up to me to 'sell' or convince another to join or accept my position.

That boundary is self respecting, but it's also respectful of others. It recognizes where I stop and another's choice begins.

So I get to relax. Either I've said what I want to say, or I accept that I hold a new position but someone is not willing to hear it. Either way, my work is done. It's out of my hands.

In your case, I'd consider that the word 'break' means something permanent to most people, and so using it requires serious discretion--it will likely bring about permanent results.

We have options such as asking to slow down our timing--contact less when intensity is too high and we're working against ourselves. We can ask for quiet times for reflection to consider what needs to be repaired, or whether our differences are not resolvable.

However, when we recognize mistreatment from another, we get to choose whether we'll put up with that, or not. If not, then sentimentality afterward does NOT negate or resolve the mistreatment.

Head high, and hold out for true simpatico with someone who 'gets' you. If you settle for less, you can drag yourself into an emotional investment that you question and distract yourself with--but that should not be confused the real love you can find in a GOOD match someday.