Approached a girl for the first time in my life, confused about her behavior.

[Speca2]

Dating isn't done here, so many girls and guys have no idea about this stuff.

 

There's this girl at my gym who I have been seeing for around a few months. Over the course of time, we exchanged a few looks and stuff, but I didn't think into it.

 

She was walking somewhere, and she looked at me and smiled before I looked at her, which could have been accidental. I looked down quickly to not get any ideas. After this incident, I've caught her staring at me while I was busy with something, and when i caught her, she'd always quickly look down. She'll also look at me through the mirror when I'm unaware, look at me from a distance, and ignore me when close.

I think she was interested, but me ignoring her smile might have made her back off.

 

After that we exchanged a few looks. She always looked at me before looking at her, and she held eye contact, but I was always the one to break it first. I have the feeling that she wanted me to catch her looking, there's this lingering eye contact before she looks away.

I asked my friend to help me out. He went up to her and said "Excuse me, this guy wants to talk to you". She smiled and said hi, and we shook hands. I asked her name, to which she replied with it, and then we stood there looking at each other in awkward silence and smiling for 3-4 seconds.

 

I said "Okay, thanks" and went away for a few seconds. I went up to her again and asked her if she didn't mind that I'm talking to her, she said no. I then asked her if we could talk for 2 minutes, she asked me what I wanted to talk about. I got nervous , said "Never mind", and left.

 

The next 2 days, I think that she ignored me, so I didn't talk. Then the next 2-3 days she started to look again, but now she'll only do it when I'm not aware,, like looking through the corner of her eye. I also had to talk to her again, which was unrelated to our talk, and she looked at me with a blank face before moving. I think she wanted me to talk again or something. Now she'll always look down when walking past me, and I do the same.

 

I'm not sure what's going on, any help?

[LaHermes]

Speca.

 

What you describe sounds exhausting! All this catfooting around. WE are not mind readers so no idea what could be on this girl's mind.

 

Just ask her out, straight out. Or is this a situation where you have to ask one of her family members if you can ask her out.

[Speca2]

Speca.

 

What you describe sounds exhausting! All this catfooting around. WE are not mind readers so no idea what could be on this girl's mind.

 

Just ask her out, straight out. Or is this a situation where you have to ask one of her family members if you can ask her out.

 

I can't just ask her out like that.

 

People in western countries date, and then get into relationships. It's the other way around here; you get into a relationship first, and then go dating with them. It sounds weird, but the scarce dating that is done here works like this.

I asked a few female friends about this, and they told me that she is likely interested, but won't get into this stuff, because most girls, even if interested, just don't do this where I am located.

[melancholy123]

She might be interested in you, but is it ok for you to asker out for coffee or is that forbidden? Where do you live?

[Speca2]

I live in India. Unmarried people are just very conserved here.

 

I'm unsure of myself if I should just ask her out like that. It's not forbidden, I'll have to create a good relationship first before i ask her out.

[Wiseman2]

Have someone officially introduce you. That way it's not just staring and smiling. Do whatever your culture does to get a courtship started . Surely people in your culture eventually get together, otherwise you wouldn't even be here to post about it.

[Speca2]

Have someone officially introduce you. That way it's not just staring and smiling. Do whatever your culture does to get a courtship started . Surely people in your culture eventually get together, otherwise you wouldn't even be here to post about it.

 

This makes the most sense in my case, but I'm kinda afraid of getting rejected. I'm not sure if she's interested.

[LaHermes]

So that's really what's going on, Speca!

 

" I'm kinda afraid of getting rejected."

 

Remember, fortune favours the brave. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

I am a little puzzled, Speca, and even taking your cultural customs into account, how can you have a "relationship" with someone if you don't spend some time with them? Serious question.

 

Are you allowed to meet in groups, where she could be present? A chaperone, maybe?

 

That's a good idea Wiseman. Ask older male friends or your father/uncles.

[Wiseman2]

Ask your dad or older male friends/family how to go about it. Everyone dislikes rejection. But if that is the case, you simply move on.

This makes the most sense in my case, but I'm kinda afraid of getting rejected. I'm not sure if she's interested.

[smackie9]

You have zero confidence....the attraction died when she discovered this. That is what happened. It's over.

 

A) you don't have a friend help out...lame.

 

B) you quickly look down...lame

 

C) you couldn't even strike up a conversation and ask her for her number....well you know the rest.

 

 

What is needed: Strong eye contact, smile, a nod to acknowledge you have interest. You see her looking again, you turn around and flex your muscles in a joking manner to make her laugh...be a little goofy. You approach and introduce yourself, ask her for her name. Talk about working out, diet, then ask her if she would be down for a drink at the juice bar. Then proceed to chit chat about travel, silly questions if she is a dog or cat person, just funny random stuff. You get along, ask for her number....see if she is available for ____ or ____ on Saturday. During all this you are comfortable, kool and relaxed, strong eye contact, smiling.

[Wiseman2]

Being this aggressive and rude is most likely not culturally accepted. He isn't "lame" or lacking confidence, just experience.

I can't just ask her out like that.People in western countries date, and then get into relationships. It's the other way around here; you get into a relationship first, and then go dating with them.

ask for her number....see if she is available for ____ or ____ on Saturday.

[Hollyj]

This makes the most sense in my case, but I'm kinda afraid of getting rejected. I'm not sure if she's interested.

You have to start somewhere. Do something, and stop with all of the staring.

 

Can you ask her for a coffee? Could you include one of your other female friends, so it is not just the two of you?

[Rose Mosse]

I'm from the east so I get it. Just try talking with her next time and ask her simple things like how is she doing that day, how is her week looking and what does she have planned for the weekend. Keep it simple and wrap it up after a few minutes politely. Tell her it was great to talking and maybe you can both catch up again if she likes tomorrow.

[melancholy123]

I live in India. Unmarried people are just very conserved here.

 

I'm unsure of myself if I should just ask her out like that. It's not forbidden, I'll have to create a good relationship first before i ask her out.

 

All she can do is say no, so be brave and ask!

[Wiseman2]

Ok, perhaps start with small talk. Just friendly not flirty or asking for dates, numbers etc. If/when you feel there is some rapport perhaps see if she would have coffee with a group of mixed male/female friends or whatever is appropriate in your area for single people to socialize.

I live in India. Unmarried people are just very conserved here. I'm unsure of myself if I should just ask her out like that. It's not forbidden, I'll have to create a good relationship first before i ask her out.

[Speca2]

alright, i'll do that. thanks.

[Tinydance]

But you are still allowed to talk to a woman, yes? Start having conversations at least. Don't just say one word then run away! Lol I know you're nervous but just keep talking normally and having chats. When you see her, smile, say: "Hi, how are you? How's your day?" Stuff like that. Then if it's going well conversation wise you can start as friends? You could ask her to go for a walk in the park or for coffee? You don't have to say it's dating. Just keep getting to know her. Then if you really start to like each other once you know each other more, then you can say you are in a relationship and proceed. But you really need to build your confidence and actually talk to women! Good luck!

[Speca2]

But you are still allowed to talk to a woman, yes? Start having conversations at least. Don't just say one word then run away! Lol I know you're nervous but just keep talking normally and having chats. When you see her, smile, say: "Hi, how are you? How's your day?" Stuff like that. Then if it's going well conversation wise you can start as friends? You could ask her to go for a walk in the park or for coffee? You don't have to say it's dating. Just keep getting to know her. Then if you really start to like each other once you know each other more, then you can say you are in a relationship and proceed. But you really need to build your confidence and actually talk to women! Good luck!

 

Yes, talking to girls is okay, just not really done like how I did it; I don't know her at all, and we don't have any friends in common. Talking like that is usually not done, and girls mostly don't talk to strangers like that.

 

I just fear rejection, nothing else. I asked my friends who have some experience about this, and they told me that if she didn't want to talk, she'd have told me that she isn't interested (because girls usually don't talk to strangers here). I asked my sister about this, with whom I am open about this stuff, and she told me the same thing, that she wouldn't have talked if she wasn't interested. She said it's just how girls are raised to be on the defensive and stuff, since India is known to have really high assault cases and stuff, plus the non-dating culture. She said it's obvious that she is interested because she gave away personal info (her name) without thinking twice.

 

Then she also said that the way I talked to her was awkward and kinda creepy, and she would've gone away or told you to go away, but she didn't. Also, according to my sister, the reason she ignored me is because I gave off mixed signals, because I left her like that, which could've confused her.

 

But IMO assuming things like that won't do any good, because not everyone thinks the same. Though I lack confidence, so maybe it's just me that's thinking weird.