Anxiety Help - Journal

[boltnrun]

Today is the day. She "slept in". When she got up I fed her a bit of wet food and she ate about half of that and drank a lot of water. Then peed on the floor. Sigh. She hid under the bed after because she knows she's not supposed to do that but I haven't been scolding her. I know she really can't help it. She's on the bed right now lying down in the sunlight.

Ironically I am running out of toilet paper and Kleenex. I have a garbage bag under her litter box with toilet paper and Kleenex spread underneath and next to it to soak up the pee. I change the paper every time she pees on it. I need to use the TP too! Of course I can buy more.

Just a few more hours. I hope they're calm and peaceful for her. I plan to play relaxing music while the vet is here so she'll hear that and my voice when she goes to sleep.

[reinventmyself]

I am so sorry bolt. . .and though I glanced at your posts I didn't see where she had a diagnosis? 

I'll apologize if this has been covered but my 15 yr old cat was doing similar things and was diagnosed as hypothyroid and once treated, it went away.

You probably don't appreciate this on this day, seeing you've made this very difficult decision.  My heart goes out to you.  (((hugs)))  It seems so unfair that we only get to keep them for such a short time.

[boltnrun]

She has kidney disease and the vet suspected she has heart issues. I couldn't afford the $1200 it would have cost for an ultrasound. Her appetite is poor. The vet prescribed special food but she hated it and refused to eat. So I have been feeding her food she likes. However lately she hasn't wanted to eat. She is very thin. She struggles to walk and jump and lying down is also difficult for her. The vet explained that I could pay for a lot of expensive treatments but they won't cure her. And I don't have thousands of extra dollars to spend on treatments that won't cure her.

This wasn't an easy decision and I already feel guilty.

I appreciate the virtual hug.

[Seraphim]

How are you doing this morning ?

[itsallgrand]

I'm so so sorry, Bolt. ❤️❤️

Thank you so much for helping this Kitty have such a beautiful life. Well loved, well fed, adored into old age..she felt love every step of the way. You're a wonderful person. 

[boltnrun]

Aw, thank you!

I am OK. I had to go into the office to work this morning (usually work remotely) so that distracted me. But I kept looking down and around like I thought maybe I was not remembering correctly and she is still there. Nope.

The vet said something beautiful that made me cry. Her ashes are being scattered on the ocean shore and I told him I thought that sounded nice and that's what I want for myself. He said "Well, she'll be waiting there for you". Ah jeez... beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. But she and I will be together again when it's my time to go. 

 

[Seraphim]

Hugs. 

[boltnrun]

I contacted the local cat rescue to see if they can use some of her things.  I have some food and some litter, plus her cat bed and some other miscellaneous items.  I know they can't accept open food so maybe I'll keep it to feed the local strays.   An elderly lady around the corner feeds the local strays so I could give the food to her.

It's raining pretty good today.  I love the rain.  I had planned a walk along my favorite beach cliff walking path but it's OK, I can go another time.

[Seraphim]

How are you doing ? 

[boltnrun]

17 hours ago, Seraphim said:

How are you doing ? 

I'm ok.

Not really having any crying episodes or overwhelming sadness. Just kind of a general bit of sadness.

What gets me sometimes is when I happen to catch sight of my bed (I live in a studio so it's just one room) and I see my pillow, I think it's her. And then I look closer and realize it's not. Then I get that stab of sadness. I also am careful when I turn over in bed because I'm trying not to roll over on her and then I remember she's not there. Long-standing habit. I had bought a ginormous queen size bed a couple of years ago because she was a bed hog, and now I don't really need that much room.

I threw out everything of hers that wasn't useable and then gave away all the things that could be reused or used such as her food dishes and her kitty bed and cat food and treats. A nice couple came and picked up 3 bags full of things. I'm glad another kitty will get to use them.

Thank you for asking 🙂

[Seraphim]

I am glad you are ok and someone could use her things ❤️

[boltnrun]

So, some good news, I booked my booster shot appointment! I am going Friday after work. I'm so excited! This will help me feel much safer.

[boltnrun]

There always seems to be that one person (or sometimes more than one) at work who completely ignores my emails. They seem to feel that any communication from me can't possibly be important so they choose to disregard each and every email I send. There's one woman at work who does this every time. And because she continues to ignore my email asking an important question, I am now late completing a task. I did report this to my supervisor so he is aware. He's getting involved. He has to do this every time she ignores my emails. I guess she's super valuable and is allowed to get away with it. It's so disrespectful.

[Jibralta]

Have you tried calling her? Sometimes picking up the phone works better; sometimes it doesn't.

I go about this in different ways depending on the situation and work 'climate,' but if I have someone who isn't answering an email, I put "(Third Request)" or whatever the number of requests is after the subject, and in the body I repeat my question. I also call them. And if they dodge the call, I leave a message and follow up with an email (on the same string) that starts out, "Just following up on the voicemail I just left for you." And I repeat my question. There are usually a bunch of people copied into the email at this point so it starts to look ridiculous--which is the point. Sometimes I have a coworker call for me or take over the email. We do the good-cop bad-cop thing. Of course, none of these tactics are foolproof. All are prone to failure. Sometimes you just can't win with people. But at least you have an easily forwardable track record of how many email requests and phone calls you made.

[boltnrun]

We are currently working remotely so I would have to call her personal number which I don't have. 

I was told not to be too aggressive with email subject lines and content. I am a contract worker so the agency doesn't want me to push too hard. It could mean me losing the assignment and them possibly losing business with this corporation. So, yeah, gotta step carefully.

I did notify my supervisor and he sent an email to her. Which she has ignored so far. LOL

[boltnrun]

Now the lead engineer got involved. She has ignored his email too, so far. But she did send out an email asking us all to help her with something else!

[boltnrun]

My cousin confided in me a few weeks ago that she had caught her husband on dating sites and they had gotten in an argument and he shoved her a couple of times. She initially had decided to divorce him but after talking to him she decided to stay. Apparently he said he was sorry and it would never happen again.

Last night he sent me a pic of his private area. Yes, me. Then sent another message saying oops, sorry, he didn't mean to send it to me.

I think the guy wants a divorce but is too chicken to do it himself. So he "accidentally" sent me the pic so I'd tell my cousin and she'll kick him out.

Yeah, I'm going to tell her because no matter what, she does not need to be married to this piece of trash.

[Seraphim]

40 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My cousin confided in me a few weeks ago that she had caught her husband on dating sites and they had gotten in an argument and he shoved her a couple of times. She initially had decided to divorce him but after talking to him she decided to stay. Apparently he said he was sorry and it would never happen again.

Last night he sent me a pic of his private area. Yes, me. Then sent another message saying oops, sorry, he didn't mean to send it to me.

I think the guy wants a divorce but is too chicken to do it himself. So he "accidentally" sent me the pic so I'd tell my cousin and she'll kick him out.

Yeah, I'm going to tell her because no matter what, she does not need to be married to this piece of trash.

Omg are you serious??? What a PIG. I am so sorry for your cousin and you. That is disgusting 🤮. 

[Seraphim]

I would tell him you will be sending it onto the popo as sexual harassment. 

[boltnrun]

17 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I would tell him you will be sending it onto the popo as sexual harassment. 

I'm not sure if it's illegal to send that kind of pic. His family is well versed in illegal activities as his dad is a grifter. So I don't think that would scare him. I think the d-bag wants a divorce and thinks if she divorces him or kicks him out he won't have to pay anything. My cousin makes more money than him, but if she gets full custody he will indeed have to pay or go to jail.

I just want my sweet cousin to be free of this cheating abusive POS.

One thing, if I tell my brother he will drive over there and kick this guy all over the county. But I don't want my brother to go to jail for assault.

This has upset me so much. He sent the pic at 3 am and I was already having insomnia. That made it worse. Trying to work on about 3 hours of sleep.

[Seraphim]

I am so so sorry. 😢 Yes, your cousin needs to be away from this “ charming family “ He will indeed have to pay. He won’t have any money left for no hoes 🤣

[boltnrun]

I think what I'm going to do is ask my cousin to call me. Then I'll tell her that I'm sure her husband mentioned it, but he "accidentally" sent me a pic at 3 am that I'm sure was meant for her. And that I'm admittedly a bit upset about it. If he meant it for her she will probably be embarrassed. But if he didn't tell her then she'll know he's sending out d**k pics while he's at work overnight. 

I'm wondering if he sent it to me because he was trying to start something. Because he sent a smiley face and a thumbs up emoji after he said he didn't mean to send it to me. Like he maybe thought I would be turned on or would like it or something? Gross.

[Jibralta]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Like he maybe thought I would be turned on or would like it or something? Gross.

Lol. How creepy.

[boltnrun]

So he apparently read my harsh response and messaged me saying he meant it to go to his wife and he's so sorry and so embarrassed. I don't quite buy that because her name begins with a letter near the start of the alphabet and mine is near the end and I have never sent him a message (just a group message including his wife) so it's not like mine would be the most recent message on his list.  So I am supposed to see my cousin later this month and I'll bring it up then. Just to be sure he's not bs-ing me.

I told him it was shocking and upsetting and I made sure to mention his wife. So he knows how I feel about it.

Got so upset I had the runs twice. Whenever I'm upset it always goes straight to my stomach. Ugh.

[boltnrun]

I'm having brunch with my son and his spouse this weekend. Then we're going to a local boutique so they can pick out birthday gifts. And then a visit at their home. Seeing them always makes everything better.