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Anxiety Help - Journal


boltnrun
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21 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Oh gosh. I know you and I both like keeping our places clean and organized. And then you come up and there is literal s--- everywhere. Yikes. 

Add to the matter that you are sick and have a bunch of responsibilities to attend to - and you have yourself quite the terrible day. 

You mentioned that you had to be on a call, presumably for work. While you are not feeling well, can you call off or use some sick time? 

As for the "crappy" situation, I searched and came across this article, which may help. I have never owned a cat, but many of my friends and relatives do. My first thought based on those friends' & relatives' experiences was that she was "acting out": could she be abnormally bored, sick, or stressed?

I hope today has been kinder to you. 

Thank you.

The great thing about being able to work from home is being able to work while sick.  If I were going into the office I would have had to do the responsible thing and call out, because especially now it is terribly irresponsible to come into the office while sick, spreading your germs and viruses to your coworkers.  But since I work from home I can still work because I am free to go into my kitchen to get fruit juice, snacks and water whenever I need them.  I can even lie down on the couch for a few minutes.  I got all of my work done which wouldn't have happened if I was working in the office and had to call out sick.

I think my cat just is getting absent minded in her old age, plus she has other effects of being old.  She can still jump (up onto my bed even, which is VERY high up!) and she still grooms herself.  Her appetite is good too.  But she does pee a lot more frequently and she is sometimes constipated which can result in an extra large poop when she does go.

Anddd...enough poop talk!  Today was a much better day.  I still feel sick but I'm hoping to be better by the weekend.  And still waiting for the darn Covid test results!

BTW, I ordered a "cooling" blanket.  I won't get it until next week but I'm hoping it helps.  I need to make sure my cat doesn't do anything bad to it!  She sure loves to barf and get poop on the bed! 

Edited by boltnrun
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I was going to post yesterday how well I've been sleeping lately and then last night I slept somewhat poorly. Not as bad as before but only got about 5 hours. I need at least 6 to feel well. At least it's been cooling down.

My son and his spouse told me the other day that they're thinking seriously about moving to a country that would be a 13 hour flight away (if it was a non stop flight). TBH, I'm heartbroken. My girl has already relocated far away and now this. Honestly, if they do move I'm going to move there too. I moved back here to be near my kids, not to be 6 hour and 13 hour flights away from them. Sad face.

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I am so very sorry. That would be so difficult. I would be devastated too. 
 

My mother’s parents were heart broken when my mom and dad and me and my brother moved across the country in 1970. My brother was 6 weeks old. My grandfather only ever saw my brother again twice before he died in 1975. And of course me again as well. 

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I recently saw some indications on social media that my cousin's husband was trying to cheat on her. She confirmed that she had found evidence he had been on dating sites.

But here's the thing. Both she and my good friend (whose husband had multiple affairs) have something in common: both of them had been declining to have sex with their husbands. They just didn't feel like it. Now, her husband had tried sitting down and talking with her about the lack of sex during a non-conflict time. And (this is according to her) she told him she just isn't that interested in having sex. 

I don't believe that stepping out of the marriage is the right solution. But if the husband tried talking to the wife and was told "sorry, sex isn't gonna happen", I can understand him being frustrated. Sex is very important to me and if my husband tells me no dice (which my ex husband did do) I wouldn't want to stick around. I want a husband, not a roommate. And for the record I don't mean not being able to have sex due to health issues or a physical disability. I mean just plain refusing.

It seems like divorce is going to happen for her since their relationship has deteriorated too badly for it to ever recover. It's a shame. I'll be there to give her emotional support, of course.

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I went to take out the trash and found a homeless man who basically has moved in right in front of the dumpster. His belongings are spread out all over the alleyway and his jacket and other clothing items are piled on the dumpster lid. And he's lying down in front of the dumpster. Which means I can't put my trash inside. 

And no, I'm not comfortable approaching the man and asking him to remove himself and his belongings so I can put the trash inside the dumpster. And no neighbors are around. So I just placed my trash bags on the ground next to the recycling bins and hope he leaves before anyone decides to open up the trash bags and empty them out (which happens here a LOT).

A cop did drive by but didn't make him leave. He's not breaking the law, so I guess that's why he let him stay.

Hopefully I can put my trash in the dumpster soon.

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My neighborhood is wonderful because it's so walkable, there are tons of shops and restaurants and I'm literally across the street from the ocean and the weather is fantastic. But there is a very large unhoused population. They are attracted to the great weather, I presume. And they aren't criminalized here. But some of them need mental health treatment. Others spread trash all over. And some others use the alleyways as a bathroom even though there are public bathrooms at the beach just a quarter mile away.

I don't feel unsafe here.

And I'm not angry at that man. I just don't want my trash to be scattered around because it would make a big mess.

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He didn't come back but he left his huge mess. Some people came by this morning and cleaned it all up. God bless those people.

One thing I really like about this city is they hire people to clean the streets and sidewalks. They put them in uniforms and give them name badges to wear. I love the respect they show these employees. What they do is just as important as what a CEO does, IMO.

And I didn't take what you said as thinking I was upset or disturbed by that man. I just wanted to emphasize I wasn't fearful of him necessarily, but I still don't feel comfortable approaching. But he ended up leaving on his own. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I bought a ticket for an event tomorrow. It's outdoors but about 20,000 people are expected to attend. Proof of vaccination or a negative Covid test is required for entry, plus masks are also required. But I'm still anxious. I am giving myself permission to bail out if I feel uncomfortable. Although I really do want to go.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I bought a ticket for an event tomorrow. It's outdoors but about 20,000 people are expected to attend. Proof of vaccination or a negative Covid test is required for entry, plus masks are also required. But I'm still anxious. I am giving myself permission to bail out if I feel uncomfortable. Although I really do want to go.

Like you said you can always leave if too uncomfortable. 

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I went to the event.  There were thousands and thousands of people there.  Everyone had to show either proof of full vaccination or a negative Covid test within the previous 72 hours.  Then we were all supposed to keep our masks on except when actively eating or drinking, but 99% of the people there ignored that rule.  I kept mine on and I saw maybe 20 other people who also kept theirs on.  They had an indoor expo and people were a little bit more compliant there, maybe 30%.  So I didn't stay in there very long.

My biggest issue was, it was hot!  The sun was beating down.  Also, I had to walk a lot and my feet and knee were not cooperating.  I sat down to watch part of the event and while it was nice to sit I got very sweaty.  Also have some interesting tan lines despite all the sunscreen I coated myself with.

I stayed about 3 hours.  Bought 2 beverages and actually drank them without wiping them down first (no wipes).  So, some small victories, I guess?

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She did it again.

I was getting into the shower and my cat was getting into her litter box at the same time. I told myself "I just know she's gonna do it again." Sure enough, it started to stink like crap. I peeked out and there were two piles of poo on the floor and a sh*t trail leading out of the bathroom. Right before I had to sign in for work. I didn't have time to change the litter box so I cleaned up the poo on the floor, washed the sh*t off her paws and started working. Of course this morning was exceptionally busy. Of course it was. Then she goes into the bathroom and gets in her litter box again. I checked. Pee only. Went back to work. It started to stink again. Went back in the bathroom. She'd done it again! There was another pile of poo on the floor. I have no idea when she went back in the bathroom. So I had to clean the floor and her paws AGAIN. She also got it on the bedspread so I'll have to go to the laundry room and wash that today as well. Oh, and today is street sweeping day so I had to move my car. It took me almost an hour to find a parking spot 12 blocks away. A 15 minute walk back. So I was MIA from work for an hour. Hopefully no one noticed.

She's been peeing and sh*tting WAY more than normal lately. There must have been a gallon of pee in her box and I changed it completely less than two days ago. I had taken her to the vet a while back and they quoted me almost $2,000 for tests. Can't afford that.

I'm having more and more of these kind of days lately. I'm discouraged and depressed.

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She just pooped a third time. Last two were a bit loose. I had bought a different version of her dry cat food and she's been eating it for only about 5 days. I think that might be the problem. I ordered her a bag of the food she was eating before. It will be here tomorrow afternoon. Hope that will solve the problem.

Lots of poop talk today 😕

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14 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It sounds like she could have dementia and diabetes. My kitty that I put down in February this year had diabetes and he Peed Peed Peed Peed Peed all day. And drank water like crazy. 

You are very likely right about that. I know her kidneys are not functioning as well as they should be, but I wouldn't be surprised if she is diabetic as well. Unfortunately I can't afford the very expensive vet bill. Although I did call a couple of weeks ago because I was concerned and was like, screw it, I'll have to use my credit card. But I was told they were about a month out for appointments! Apparently there is a pandemic related shortage of vet services. Not enough employees and lots of people got pets as companions during the lockdowns. Makes sense.

I'm doing my best not to act angry toward her. I am angry, but I know she's doing this because she's sick and old. I just told her to give me some space. 

I may have to resort to daily litter box changes. 

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If she is sick and has diabetes I was told just to start diabetic treatment was about $800. You also have to get diabetic food and daily insulin and monitor her blood sugar constantly with the libre or whatever they decide to do. It is very involved and you have to be dedicated to the treatment. 

If she is crapping on the floor that would more than likely indicate dementia. 
I was told if you can’t commit the time or money to treatment euthanasia is the best course of action because with bad kidneys and diabetes they feel horrible because it also causes bad liver changes as well. 

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She isn't crapping on the floor. She poops in her litter box and then for some reason she walks around and around inside the box, stepping in the poop she just pooped. She has never actually peed or pooped anywhere except inside her litter box.

I don't know for a fact she's diabetic. I do know she has kidney disease. I was buying her special food but she hated it and was refusing to eat. I figured it was better to get her food she likes than to let her starve. 

She has a good appetite and is alert and relatively active. If she starts to go downhill I will have to let her go though 😢

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She's not losing weight. Did I say that? She's actually gaining. I started her on the wet food in the evenings for the past 3 weeks or so and she has definitely gained.

 If any other symptoms show up I will try to get her an appointment. But I'm not able to spend thousands on treatments.  In that case I would have a tough decision to make.

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