Anxiety Help - Journal

[boltnrun]

I had a phone interview with an employment agency yesterday. And next week I have an interview. The one next week is only part time and pays less than half what I was making at my previous job. I have to see if it makes sense to have at least some money coming in versus none at all, or if it makes more sense to hold out for full time hours that pay better. Can I afford to hold out? Financially, yes. But I need a job.

 

I used to work for the company I am interviewing with next week. They deliberately keep all of their employees except for managers at less than 30 hours per week so they can get out of providing benefits. If I was hired I would only stay until I got full time employment. So, I have 5 days to decide if I will actually go to the interview.

[boltnrun]

Interestingly, some very senior members of management at my former company are resigning. They too are appalled at how the bottom level employees are being mistreated. A couple of vice presidents have resigned; these people were making mid six figures but apparently the money wasn't enough to keep them there.

 

That's how I felt; the money was great but I felt very unsafe. When every day notifications are going out about employees infected with Covid, and notifications often not going out until WEEKS after the employee was infectious...well, we can all see what's important here and it's not employee safety. $$$$$ is what rules this company.

 

I'm quite nervous about being unemployed but I am still glad I quit that job.

[boltnrun]

I think I'm going to cancel the interview. No point in wasting my time or theirs.

 

I truly believe my qualifications and excellent work history will find me a good position rather than one where there are no benefits, only part time hours and very low pay.

[Rose Mosse]

Part time still gives you flexibility (hours outside of the 35-40 hr work week) to attend other job interviews or not be as pressured to find a full time job knowing that you have something tiding you over. It might also look good on a resume. Have you canceled already?

[boltnrun]

Part time still gives you flexibility (hours outside of the 35-40 hr work week) to attend other job interviews or not be as pressured to find a full time job knowing that you have something tiding you over. It might also look good on a resume. Have you canceled already?

 

I am going to cancel. It wouldn't give me enough time to look for other work because it's overnight work. Plus I would rather not start and then quit right away. I feel that would look worse. Oh, and it's not at all a prestige job that would look good on my resume. It's unskilled work that is many steps backward from my career trajectory. Basically stocking shelves. Fortunately I am in the position where I can afford to be a bit pickier than others can because I have housing secured and have a decent amount of savings.

[Rose Mosse]

That's good. It sounds like cancelling is a better choice. Overnight work is tough. It might grind you down too and exhaust you.

 

Better will come along, as you say.

[boltnrun]

Thanks Rose.

 

I have to believe I will find something that is at least full time and isn't half my previous wage. I couldn't have survived on what that job would pay even with supplementing from my savings.

 

I did tell the agency I would do temp work as long as they (and I) were still pursuing full time work. At least the agency would be finding me work in my field rather than a labor job that offered few hours and little pay.

[Rose Mosse]

I agree. The labour job or night shift position might always be there too. The first thing I thought was Amazon's warehouses. They are always hiring and so are local grocery stores for stocking/inventory or order-filling. I don't think you're missing out if those particular jobs are in high demand. I also thought about sectors right now that are doing really well such as meal prep companies or meals to go. I don't know what you do exactly but could you look at companies like that to see if they are hiring in the sort of positions you are looking for?

[boltnrun]

I'm not looking for a stocking or order filling position. I did that many years ago but my skill set is in the administrative field.

 

Fortunately almost every kind of business needs someone to do administrative work. It's not just answering phones but doing bookwork, correspondence, making meeting arrangements, keeping records, etc. There are a decent amount of jobs out there in my field. I just need to snag one of them!

 

I don't want to name the company I just resigned from but they are loosely in the business sectors you named. And they are doing a horrible job of protecting their employees from Covid. Infections are rampant. It's so sad and terrifying.

[boltnrun]

Two more heat waves coming up. I thought I left this behind when I moved from the desert. My cat and I are miserable.

[Rose Mosse]

I don't want to name the company I just resigned from but they are loosely in the business sectors you named. And they are doing a horrible job of protecting their employees from Covid. Infections are rampant. It's so sad and terrifying.

 

Oh wow. Okay. I didn't realize... that's not good. Something better will come by. You're lucky you have your cat! I am so allergic to cats but they're my favourite animal.

[boltnrun]

Oh wow. Okay. I didn't realize... that's not good. Something better will come by. You're lucky you have your cat! I am so allergic to cats but they're my favourite animal.

 

Thank you!

 

Yes, my cat is my friend lol. She is elderly so I worry about her especially during these awful heat waves (no AC). We are actually traveling to visit my brother during the next heat wave so we can enjoy his AC. Technically that is breaking the rules since we are not to visit anyone and we can't have "gatherings" with anyone outside our own household but I do not hug my family or friends and I will be careful not to get too close to them. My brother is pooh poohing the safety measures I plan to take but I want to protect him and my nephew because I love them. Just in case I somehow picked up Covid at the laundromat or grocery store which are the only places I've gone since my last test.

 

As for my former company, they have been getting in a lot of trouble recently due to their shady and unsafe business practices. People are speaking out. Their policy of "well, if people get sick and/or die we'll just be sure to have enough temp employees hired so we don't have to slow down production" is evil.

 

Yes, hoping to find a job soon! I would feel much more comfortable in an office environment where I'll be around just a few other people instead of a location crammed with 200+ people, some of whom may be sick and don't yet realize it. Of course, someone in an office can be sick too but the numbers are much smaller.

[boltnrun]

Illogically, I have been feeling wistful about my ex husband. Yes, we had incompatibilities but I was unfair to him in some very major ways. I was all about what I wanted and felt like I had the right to do the things I wanted to do without considering him. I was selfish. I listened to some friends who were encouraging me to do whatever I wanted and that he would just have to deal with it. Their advice was poor but I was the one who chose to listen. Of course he didn't do everything perfectly either. But I've been thinking about how my life might have been if I'd just been a little less selfish. We could be going through the pandemic together instead of him living at his mom's and me alone. Weird thoughts. Maybe not so weird. Who knows.

[Batya33]

I think it's normal especially now -I've found myself thinking about people from the past -time is so random now if that makes sense!

[boltnrun]

Flip flopping lol. I'm considering going ahead with the interview. It would be at least a small amount of money coming in. And with my savings I could make it until December 15th or so. If I'm only working 29 hours I could still potentially go on interviews on the days where I haven't worked overnight.

 

I used to work for this company. They would only schedule me for 18-22 hours per week but I got called in all the time to cover for other people. So I did get more hours. And if they send me to other locations to help out (which is highly possible) maybe I could pick up more hours.

 

So I have until Wednesday to decide but now I'm leaning toward going. Thank you Rose for making me think more about it!

[Batya33]

Hi mate!Excercise is the cure of anxiety and stress.Please do some excercise daily it's really help for you.

Regards.

 

I believe she does. Exercise is much more challenging now because of covid - you have to find a way to do it that is safe and socially distanced. I was fortunate in that it wasn't a huge challenge for me. For others it is. From all I can tell she does her very best to incorporate exercise into her day/life.

[boltnrun]

Welp, I went clothes shopping today...I will have to be going on interviews and absolutely nothing I own fits me. Plus I got rid of all my "corporate" clothes because the job I've had for the past 5 plus years was super casual (t-shirts, sweatshirts, shorts, leggings and sweat pants). So I went to the outdoor outlet mall nearby and shopped at H & M. There were only about 20 people shopping in the store. I had to wander around a bit on both floors to find the pants I wanted to buy. Then of course since I didn't bring my glasses I could barely read the sizes. Fortunately I grabbed the right size (dressing rooms are closed plus I would not have used one anyway). Then I needed some ballet flats. I had to get them a half size too big but I can stuff the toes.

 

When I was paying for parking some lady just waltzed right up to the meter that was attached to the one I was using, no mask, and she just started feeding coins into it! Hello lady, have you heard there's a pandemic and we're supposed to physically distance??? So I stepped away and let her do her thing. Then inside the store I had to sign the card reader with my finger. I had already decided I was not going to be able to avoid touching things so I just dealt with it. Nice young lady cashier gave me a squirt of hand sanitizer. Drove home, got my stuff out and tried the pants on, thankfully they fit. So I have one pair of pants!

 

Got home and was about to get out of my car and some guys drove by in a truck and the guy in the passenger seat had his window down and sneezed right onto my car. Luckily I hadn't opened the door yet or I would have had a major freakout.

 

So I just wiped down my phone, debit card and ID and changed my clothes. I washed my hands and arms but that's it. I'm not going to get back into the shower and wash myself because I encountered almost no one close by for more than a few seconds (other than parking meter lady and that was about 15 seconds) and everyone in the store had masks on.

 

You know, I almost can say I enjoyed the shopping. It seemed almost normal.

[Rose Mosse]

Annoying meter lady sounds like chip bag lady behind my bench. I went to get some fish n chips by the harbour yesterday, got my brown bag to go and made myself comfortable overlooking the water when a group of three young adults congregated behind my bench. One young lady proceeded to wave her Lays family sized chip bag around and I could feel the air behind me. I turned around and there she was munching and stuffing her face with total disregard for anyone around her, talking with her mouth open. I glared at her a few times and she still didn't get the message until one of her friends asked her to move away from the bench.

 

This isn't even about covid though. Can you be any more inconsiderate waving your chips and bits flying out of your mouth while someone else is already sitting there.

 

Glad the shopping went well though!

[boltnrun]

Ugh, that's disgusting, Rose! Terrible manners.

 

The parking meter lady didn't even apologize for busting in when I was already standing there putting my credit card into the meter. She just did her thing and didn't seem to notice I'd stepped away. Wait your turn, lady! And put your bleeping mask on if you're going to plant yourself inches away from someone else! Then I saw her in the H & M. Fortunately H & M stores are quite large so I was able to stay away from her and the other shoppers.

[Jibralta]

This isn't even about covid though. Can you be any more inconsiderate waving your chips and bits flying out of your mouth while someone else is already sitting there.

 

Reminds me of when I went fishing with my cousin and his now-wife (Kelly), who is significantly younger than us.

 

There were four of us in a small aluminum boat, 14' or less. Every time Kelly drew back to cast her line, the hook got precariously close to my face. I said, "Kelly, can you cast that in a different direction? The hook's getting really close to my face." This idiot was actually like, "No, it's ok the way it is," as if she could see behind her own head and guarantee that she wasn't going to hook me in the face!

 

I chalk it up to her insecurity for being so young (she's like 20 years younger than my cousin). She needs to feel like she has experience that she doesn't actually have.

 

But it was so ignorant and inconsiderate. Still makes me furious when I think about it.

 

Funny part is, later that same day, she interjected herself as an elderly couple was loading their boat back onto their trailer. They didn't ask for her help, and were too polite to refuse it. The boat ended up getting completely unhooked and floated back into the lake! lol.... I don't know how they ended up getting it back, poor people.

[Batya33]

Ugh, that's disgusting, Rose! Terrible manners.

 

The parking meter lady didn't even apologize for busting in when I was already standing there putting my credit card into the meter. She just did her thing and didn't seem to notice I'd stepped away. Wait your turn, lady! And put your bleeping mask on if you're going to plant yourself inches away from someone else! Then I saw her in the H & M. Fortunately H & M stores are quite large so I was able to stay away from her and the other shoppers.

 

Yes, I agree!

[boltnrun]

So I just had something very upsetting happen...

 

I had some food that I wasn't going to eat that was about to expire (nothing perishable) so I decided to put it in a grocery bag along with some masks and give it to some homeless people. After driving around for an hour and a half (yes, it took me that long) I found a group of people on a street. So I pulled over, got out of my car quickly and set the bag onto the sidewalk. When I got back into my car I could see that someone had already picked the bag up. And that's when I realized with horror that I'd forgotten to pull my mask up. It was on my chin, completely exposing my mouth and nose. I was absolutely horrified and frightened. None of the people had masks on and sadly I know they have no access to medical care. And they are out on the street with no shelter.

 

So I drove away extremely upset. I tried to think about how I hadn't really come that close to them, maybe 6-8 feet, and I was only out there for maybe one minute. And no one was speaking to me, I heard no coughs or sneezes. But still, I am very upset that in just a few seconds and while trying to do something nice, I may have exposed myself.

 

I have a big problem that I am completely unable to focus on more than one thing at a time. I have always been like this. I was so laser focused on watching the traffic so I could get out of my car without closing the door that I completely forgot to pull my mask up. So I am very, very upset.

 

I am trying to tell myself the chances of getting Covid from that are very small, but I have tried so hard to keep myself safe and I completely ruined everything because I was trying to do something to help others. Now I have to be scared for the next couple of weeks.

 

I'm supposed to go spend this weekend with my brother and nephew and now I'm not sure if I should still go. What if I got Covid and then spread it to them? I would feel terrible.

 

Major freakout happening right now...

 

I'm trying to calm myself down. I was only near them for a minute or so and wasn't right next to them. Trying really hard to stop freaking out.

[Seraphim]

You are ok.Really. Hugs.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious! From all I know you have to be close to people for like 15 minutes I think it is - before it's an issue. I had an annoying experience -not as scary -went to my regular sandwich shop. Usually I'm the only one in there - I do have to tell him what to put on the sandwiches but he knows what I want-regular, etc. A customer comes in wearing a mask below his nose and talking loudly on his cell right where I was supposed to stand to give my order. So I back all the way to where the drinks are - and with my mask on shout my order from there. The jerk customer looks in my direction a number of times and each time he does I take another step back. Then he leaves anyway without ordering. The owner apologizes and I tell him -no , I want him to be safe not confront a customer. I also felt weirded out but I just was able to let it go. Mostly! Hope you are too! It will be ok and I hope you feel better.

[boltnrun]

Thank you ladies.

 

I am trying very hard to be rational. But I keep coming back to "I FORGOT TO PULL UP MY MASK!!!"

 

I've tried many times before to do something nice for people and every single time something goes wrong. Why does there have to be an issue every time?? I feel like the universe wants me to lose my mind or something. Earlier today an entire glass full of water with red flavor enhancer in it just dropped onto my carpet. I hadn't even touched it or anything, it just fell onto the floor all on its own. I don't know what the H is going on here.