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Ok, a couple of people are aware of what's going on.. but I'll start out from a beginning.

 

My grandma has been extremely unwell for a long time, in August last year she lost a sister, and then December she lost her other sister. My grandma would have gone quite peacefully then, had she not been determined to meet my baby, who was due this month.

Over the last month of her life a my grandma suffered multiple strokes, age required a lot of care. Lock down struck just as she had her last big stroke, and the hospital allowed her home with my mum as they were going to be stopping all visitors and grandma really wanted to be at home and to go naturally.

 

Due to the lock down, it was left to my mum to do all the care, my mum had done the vast majority of her care since late last year..

Anyway, 12 days ago , my grandma was insisting at 6 a.m. to my mum, that my daughter had been born, my grandma insisted that I was having a daughter all along, we didn't find out until birth.

That day, I went to hospital for reduced movements, and did indeed end up having a daughter that very day, 12 hours after my grandma had insisted she was here.

 

Am hour or so after she was born, my grandma pressed away. Before I had the chance to tell her I had a daughter. She passed away in my mum's arms.

 

Now I'm unable to process everything atm, I have my daughter to focus on and I'm breast feeding, which is obviously a highly emotional connection, and I can't be upset when looking after her.

 

However, I'm getting calls from my family asking for help with my mum. She's not sleeping, she's literally locking my brother out and pushing her siblings away.

20 years ago my mum had a mental break down, and everyone's concerned the same thing is going to happen now. I can't cope with this information for the paragraph above reasons. But they think I'm the one with answers.

 

I believe my mum just needs time, space and rest. But she doesn't need to be alone.. this is a really difficult time for all of us, and I understand my aunt send uncle ned to process the passing of their mother also.

 

I'm lost and don't know what to do. I can't exactly drive down to my mum currently and she can't come here either.

 

What do I do, how can I support my mum, brother, aunt, while also looking after myself and my daughter?

 

Sorry this thread is a little jumbled, there's a lot on my mind..

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You don’t have to support your brother and aunt.

But you can support your mum.

Your mum can come and stay with you for a couple of months. But for the first two weeks keep distance from the baby.

This is allowed if she lives reasonably near you?

 

It’s expected that elders will pass but it’s not expected that it will happen during a time of isolation.

There are exceptions to every rule. Find the exception and bring your mum to stay.

 

Sorry for your loss.

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Great, my brother is threatening to have my mum sectioned. They're setting each other off and fighting. :'(

 

I think your brother has been a bad seed in your life forever, yes? I would refuse to speak to him if he is going to continually cause problems.

 

I would support your mom in talking to her . Your mom’s siblings ? Right now can fend for themselves. Many people in grief push people away. It is normal. Your ultimate responsibility now though is your baby. She must come before anyone.

 

I am so very sorry for your loss.

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I think your brother has been a bad seed in your life forever, yes? I would refuse to speak to him if he is going to continually cause problems.

 

I would support your mom in talking to her . Your mom’s siblings ? Right now can fend for themselves. Many people in grief push people away. It is normal. Your ultimate responsibility now though is your baby. She must come before anyone.

 

I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

We are slowly healing our relationship. But he and mum clash and he's not handling things well. Luckily the doctors told him the same as I did..

He also needs to speak to mental health team for himself.

 

Mum isn't answering the phone anymore. But I'm sure she's just not wanting me to worry. She's not slept properly in months, and hasn't slept really in the last 12 days. So I think she's reliving it all, everytime she closes her eyes etc. But she just needs time and space, that's all, and sleep.

 

Catfeeder, I thick they're looking to me Because I've got a psychology degree and have experience working with mental health and some experience in end of life. Problem is, my brother makes things worse, and exaggerates things, so everyone thinks things are much worse than they are. I'm trying to get him to go stay at our step dad's and step dad stay with mum. If mum wants to scream and shout at him he'll let her, my brother gets worked up and retaliates.. ugh it's so difficult.

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I think you should tell them just because you have a mental health degree doesn’t mean that you should be treating family members. And you have a lot to contend with yourself with a brand new baby.

 

I've told my aunt that the doctor my brother spoke to agreed with me.

Yesterday everyone was looking to my aunt for answers and to fix things. But it isn't something anyone can fix. It's a process anyone grieving has to go through, or isn't always healthy, but less than 2 weeks is not enough time to say you're ill. I think my aunt is coming round a bit more now. We're just working on getting my brother to stay elsewhere.

 

I just hope he listens.

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I've told my aunt that the doctor my brother spoke to agreed with me.

Yesterday everyone was looking to my aunt for answers and to fix things. But it isn't something anyone can fix. It's a process anyone grieving has to go through, or isn't always healthy, but less than 2 weeks is not enough time to say you're ill. I think my aunt is coming round a bit more now. We're just working on getting my brother to stay elsewhere.

 

I just hope he listens.

 

I hope so.

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Congratulations on the birth of you baby daughter!

 

First of all, you're a mother now. (I am a mother, too.) Your baby is your top and only priority.

 

Your brother and her siblings need to step up in your place no matter what.

 

Hang tough and take care of your baby first and foremost. Concentrate on motherhood. Get your priorities straight and become adamant to all who pester you with calls to tend to your mother!

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

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Small update. My brother finally realises this is about mum losing her mum (died in her arms) mum cried in step dad's arms crying for her mum. She's still angry and hurting, but she did have a little sleep. I hope things keto going this way. It's going to be a long road, b but now if they can see this is just grief things might ease up more..

 

I relieved she's cried and let some of it out.

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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of your treasured grandmother. And also, a very special congratulations on the birth of your daughter. As I was reading this I was thinking that your grandma had a premonition, or a knowing that you were having a daughter as she "called it" all along, that's really really special. Please don't beat yourself up over not being able to tell her you had a daughter, as I truly believe she knew in her heart all along that you were going to have a daughter.

 

I'm also very sorry to hear about how traumatic and painful this has been on your mum. We all grieve in individual ways, so her response may not be what everyone else does, but maybe it's what she feels is right for her. It's a journey and a season of grief. Does your brother live with your mum? If so, that makes it a bit harder to have him get away from her to protect her. You putting undue strain on yourself or even listening to everyone trying to have you be the answer to the problems is really hard to deal with while caring for a newborn. Perhaps setting up a gatekeeper type of filter, like all calls going to voicemail or your SO or husband taking calls for now to explain you'll get back to them when you are able might be wise.

 

I have a feeling your mom will come around when she's ready. She won't be able to resist not seeing her granddaughter to bring joy into a sad situation. Love on her by sending her pictures of you and the baby and remind her that you are there for her whenever she's ready to talk. You are stronger than you know and everything will work out in the end. Care for your new daughter and control those things in life that you can do and leave the rest to work itself out.

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Small update. My brother finally realises this is about mum losing her mum (died in her arms) mum cried in step dad's arms crying for her mum. She's still angry and hurting, but she did have a little sleep. I hope things keto going this way. It's going to be a long road, b but now if they can see this is just grief things might ease up more..

 

I relieved she's cried and let some of it out.

 

That is all very normal. Hugs

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