Should I initiate contact again?

[Ariel90]

well, i think youre missing the point. In one instance you're saying your intentions with him were clear and he should know, but then, by your own admission, you blocked him, and blamed him for being too confident.

 

You may meet a lot of these type of wishy washy types because you are also wishy washy.

 

Make a decision to either go all in with good intentions with this guy or forget him and find someone new....

 

then be all in. let it be a volley, you reach out, he reaches out... it doesn't have to be one for one, but if you notice you've been doing more of the initiating, just stop. he either comes around or he doesnt... you don't have to say anything

 

Decide, yes this works for me, or no this doesn't work for me. And stick to it...

 

If you are taking your time to open up but when you do, the guy bails... it could be that he didn't have enough info prior to decide. Once he got to know you more, he decided he wasnt intetested.

 

Thats not an insult to you... that's dating... getting to know if you want to continue with people...

 

If you want to be chased, you're gonna meet a lot of guys that like the chase. Recognize these people are emotionally unavailable.

 

Are you emotionally unavailable? Maybe that's why you pick or attract those types.

 

Regardless of how much you want to argue that you are doing the right things, you can't deny you're not getting the results you want. So maybe it's time to try something different.

 

Look inward for answers... what are you doing? Are you being your authentic self? What is the other person doing? Assume this is them as their authentic self and decide is it good enough for you?

 

If this guy is so wrong for making that joke, for not being consistent with you, for seeming too confident, triggers bad feelings in you, then forget him.

Yeh i guess youre right.

With him its like i will initiate but when i do he does show he is interested by what he says, as in the way he is with me on the phone and the questions he asks all show interest. But then he will withdraw and i will have to reach out again. So we spoke on Sunday for three hours and Havnt heard since. He may be busy during this pandemic as he is an essential worker.

[Ariel90]

You are being a bit coy in your descriptions of all this.

 

Best I can see, you are aware that you left him hanging back in those early days—that his straightforward pursuits were met with some sideways eyelash fluttering on your part, then the brick wall of you fading out. So, no, you did not "at least take the initiative" when you contacted him in Jan. You faded back in when you were thirsty. Or maybe hungry is the better word, since he was left feeling, understandably, like a sandwich.

 

Then (bored? following a dating coach script? what?) you poked at him when he was on vacation, and when he had the audacity to not reply pronto? You blocked him. So basically you said "heyyyyy" and then ensured that his response, since it didn't come on your terms, went into the void to make him feel, again, sandwich-like.

 

When you wanted more pokes, you unblocked him, but remained coy, not owning up to the fact that you didn't respond to him because you blocked him in a "silly" huff. When he put his pride and dignity to the side and asked to meet up you responded in some vague, half-interested way that made him feel like an option. To which you offered the soothing words: "We are all options."

 

I don't think hassle is a strong word, being frank. I get the impression that, once upon a time, this man made his interest clear and known to you. Your version of reciprocating that has been a multi-month game of poke-n-seek, while being frustrated that he's not serenading you outside your window during quarantine.

 

There's another way to do all this.

I never get hungry or thirsty and even if i did there are plenty of other guys who give me that sort of attention but i dont partake since im not a frivolous sort of person.

 

So tell me another way then.

Its been five days and neither he nor i have contacted the other, after our 3 hour phone convo. On the sunday.

[MissCanuck]

He's probably entertaining another woman, OP.

 

You're not his priority.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, sounds like he moved on and lost interest because you are too much work, with all the games. Many other women he's talking to are not going to jerk men around this much.

He's probably entertaining another woman, You're not his priority.

[Ariel90]

He's probably entertaining another woman, OP.

 

You're not his priority.

 

That's fine but why does he pick up my calls and speak for so long then and ask if i want to meet?

 

If he is speaking to others or someone else would they like that?

[Lambert]

That's fine but why does he pick up my calls and speak for so long then and ask if i want to meet?

 

If he is speaking to others or someone else would they like that?

I think if you're a single person that wants a relationship, you entertain all kinds of people.

 

he's looking for a girlfriend... or he's bored out of his gourd. not hard to believe... who isn't bored? its a global pandemic. if he isn't in a relationship what's the harm in talking to Whoever is listening.

 

Why don't you think his motivation is the same as yours? why would you talk for 3 hours and then not call again? because you're the woman?

 

grow up already

[Ariel90]

I think if you're a single person that wants a relationship, you entertain all kinds of people.

 

he's looking for a girlfriend... or he's bored out of his gourd. not hard to believe... who isn't bored? its a global pandemic. if he isn't in a relationship what's the harm in talking to Whoever is listening.

 

Why don't you think his motivation is the same as yours? why would you talk for 3 hours and then not call again? because you're the woman?

 

grow up already

Not because im the woman no. Because i called last thats why.

 

He actually seems to follow that sort of pattern too. If he sends one text, he won't follow up and double text if he calls once he wont call again

 

I dont know what his motivations are, right at the start he wanted to get to know me and said he in no way wants to be my texting friend, in other words some thing more serious.

 

But th at was a long time ago now.

[reinventmyself]

I'll be neutral and just say - Things that dont start well, typically don't end well.

Theres no point in dissecting this and putting it under a microscope.

 

If you two haven't been motivated enough in 5/6 months to meet and theres been this amount of miss-starts, sputters and radio silence - this just isn't meant to be.

 

Done*

[HeartGoesOn]

Ariel90, I asked this much earlier but you didn't answer so I'll ask again in case you missed it: how many times have you met in person?

^

Agreed.

 

Ariel...I have a hunch you're choosing to dodge the above question.

[Lambert]

Not because im the woman no. Because i called last thats why.

 

He actually seems to follow that sort of pattern too. If he sends one text, he won't follow up and double text if he calls once he wont call again

 

I dont know what his motivations are, right at the start he wanted to get to know me and said he in no way wants to be my texting friend, in other words some thing more serious.

 

But th at was a long time ago now.

well, i think that's just common sense and courtesy. Just about every text or call I make, I wait for them to response. People can be busy.....

 

However, if they didn't respond one time and reasonable time passed I would try again. And if it was a guy I liked, and he didnt offer a reason why he didn't respond, then ok. I won't go out of my way again.

 

Are we talking about a romance where we want to give to each other, be together or at least be kind to each other? Or just what we can get out of each other?

 

For Pete's sake. no one is saying you gotta propose to the guy or even chase him. but if you want to be in a relationship you gotta get past this BS.

 

I think your problems go beyond this guy. Have you had other relationships that were successful? relationships where these games worked and you were actually happy and fulfilled? Imagine its just been one big game...

[Ariel90]

well, i think that's just common sense and courtesy. Just about every text or call I make, I wait for them to response. People can be busy.....

 

However, if they didn't respond one time and reasonable time passed I would try again. And if it was a guy I liked, and he didnt offer a reason why he didn't respond, then ok. I won't go out of my way again.

 

Are we talking about a romance where we want to give to each other, be together or at least be kind to each other? Or just what we can get out of each other?

 

For Pete's sake. no one is saying you gotta propose to the guy or even chase him. but if you want to be in a relationship you gotta get past this BS.

 

I think your problems go beyond this guy. Have you had other relationships that were successful? relationships where these games worked and you were actually happy and fulfilled? Imagine its just been one big game...

I know i gotta get past the bs but so does he.

If i keep calling first ill end up feeling like it's one sided regardless of how he is on the phone etc. I admit i didnt get back to him a lot of the time when he would call at the start, i would end up messaging him though. I dunno maybe he doesn't want to get back to pursuing me again.

 

Honestly no i Havnt for various reasons or another. One of the guys i think was most likely just a user/narcissist, he actually enjoyed toying with me for a couple of years. But yeh to be fair for once it would be great to for me to just get past all the boring dating different people stage and just find one person who is on the same wavelength.

 

I dunno what it is with this guy. He actually seemed very happy to be talking to me, well that's what i deciphered from the tone of his voice and enthusiasm. And finally saving my name and number on his phone. And now just silence. I dunno maybe its his job, he told me his job is stressful

[Lambert]

I know i gotta get past the bs but so does he.

If i keep calling first ill end up feeling like it's one sided regardless of how he is on the phone etc. I admit i didnt get back to him a lot of the time when he would call at the start, i would end up messaging him though. I dunno maybe he doesn't want to get back to pursuing me again.

 

Honestly no i Havnt for various reasons or another. One of the guys i think was most likely just a user/narcissist, he actually enjoyed toying with me for a couple of years. But yeh to be fair for once it would be great to for me to just get past all the boring dating different people stage and just find one person who is on the same wavelength.

 

I dunno what it is with this guy. He actually seemed very happy to be talking to me, well that's what i deciphered from the tone of his voice and enthusiasm. And finally saving my name and number on his phone. And now just silence. I dunno maybe its his job, he told me his job is stressful

 

two wrongs don't make a right. your answer to all the advice here is "well he started it". You sound like a little kid.

 

to get past all this boring dating stuff, you actually have to go dates. Have you been out with this guy in person?

[MissCanuck]

OP, why won't you answer whether you've ever actually this man offline?

[Ariel90]

two wrongs don't make a right. your answer to all the advice here is "well he started it". You sound like a little kid.

 

to get past all this boring dating stuff, you actually have to go dates. Have you been out with this guy in person?

When did i say he started it. ,?

I said both of us. Mutually should. And when i said get past boring dating stuff, ive met lots of people overall.

 

And yes i met him once already. Only once

[Lambert]

When did i say he started it. ,?

I said both of us. Mutually should. And when i said get past boring dating stuff, ive met lots of people overall.

 

And yes i met him once already. Only once

 

I didnt mean you literally said that. But at every turn, when someone says what you did, you say he is wrong, too.

 

Which that may be true, but he's not here. We don't know his side of things. And we're getting nowhere.

 

You haven't dated the guy. you've only meet one time.

 

What do you think should be happening?

 

What do you want to happen?

 

Do you think this is a long time and a lot of effort for a guy you met once?

[Ariel90]

I didnt mean you literally said that. But at every turn, when someone says what you did, you say he is wrong, too.

 

Which that may be true, but he's not here. We don't know his side of things. And we're getting nowhere.

 

You haven't dated the guy. you've only meet one time.

 

What do you think should be happening?

 

What do you want to happen?

 

Do you think this is a long time and a lot of effort for a guy you met once?

Ok thats fair

By dating i mean going on what people deem as dates.

 

What i think should be happening? I think although our exchanges are positive, i now feel as though maybe it should be more regular. Instead of him waiting on me ( if thats what hes doing) or vice versa. Obviously i cant deny in the past i unintentionally may have come across unserious and unbothered about me and him gping forward. Which he did state. But again that was a long time ago now.

 

I see it as physically there isnt that much effort going on ne ecessarily as i dont contact him that often. As i did say the sunday last was our last conversation.

Ive met and spoken to a lot of different guys. And im very fussy and picky. I even was with this one but for some reason i was drawn back towards him. So that alone is why i feel like maybe i should make the effort.

[Lambert]

Ok thats fair

By dating i mean going on what people deem as dates.

 

What i think should be happening? I think although our exchanges are positive, i now feel as though maybe it should be more regular. Instead of him waiting on me ( if thats what hes doing) or vice versa. Obviously i cant deny in the past i unintentionally may have come across unserious and unbothered about me and him gping forward. Which he did state. But again that was a long time ago now.

 

I see it as physically there isnt that much effort going on ne ecessarily as i dont contact him that often. As i did say the sunday last was our last conversation.

Ive met and spoken to a lot of different guys. And im very fussy and picky. I even was with this one but for some reason i was drawn back towards him. So that alone is why i feel like maybe i should make the effort.

 

That's seemingly very forthcoming and honest of you to say. good.

 

Call me crazy, but if you want something real and not a game to come out of this, you should find a way to tell him that.

 

It could as simple as a phone call (not text) ask him if this is a good time to talk. (that's important because you don't want to bare your soul and have him cut you off.)

 

Then say something like, I've been thinking about our conversations and in the past I may have come across as uninterested. I'm sorry.

 

I am interested in getting to know you. What do you think? Are you interested in me?

 

Then you could ask what does he want to do? And once he tells you what his plans or thoughts are, you could say, I would like us to talk more often and when the pandemic is over, see each other in person.

 

If he says anything negative, don't be offended, this is a little weird of a situation because of the time and the games. Just be willing to say ok, I'll respect your decision. Be done and delete him.

 

I dated someone a few times and he got mad at me for what I thought was dumb and he handled it very poorly.. So we stopped seeing each ither.

 

A few months later he called me and was very upfront saying he wanted to see me again. So we met, he apologized, explained himself and was cool from then on out.

 

We dated for several more months. We're not together anymore. But while we were together, I was happy & we got along. I don't regret giving it another chance.

 

My point is, you just never know... if you're interested enough to be vulnerable to him, then that says something. Relationships work or last because we forgive, we give chances, we communicate, we apologize for and improve our own behavior!

 

let us know how it goes! we're here for ya!

[Ariel90]

That's seemingly very forthcoming and honest of you to say. good.

 

Call me crazy, but if you want something real and not a game to come out of this, you should find a way to tell him that.

 

It could as simple as a phone call (not text) ask him if this is a good time to talk. (that's important because you don't want to bare your soul and have him cut you off.)

 

Then say something like, I've been thinking about our conversations and in the past I may have come across as uninterested. I'm sorry.

 

I am interested in getting to know you. What do you think? Are you interested in me?

 

Then you could ask what does he want to do? And once he tells you what his plans or thoughts are, you could say, I would like us to talk more often and when the pandemic is over, see each other in person.

 

If he says anything negative, don't be offended, this is a little weird of a situation because of the time and the games. Just be willing to say ok, I'll respect your decision. Be done and delete him.

 

I dated someone a few times and he got mad at me for what I thought was dumb and he handled it very poorly.. So we stopped seeing each ither.

 

A few months later he called me and was very upfront saying he wanted to see me again. So we met, he apologized, explained himself and was cool from then on out.

 

We dated for several more months. We're not together anymore. But while we were together, I was happy & we got along. I don't regret giving it another chance.

 

My point is, you just never know... if you're interested enough to be vulnerable to him, then that says something. Relationships work or last because we forgive, we give chances, we communicate, we apologize for and improve our own behavior!

 

let us know how it goes! we're here for ya!

Thank you and that does sound like a great plan.

 

Its just so not me 😂. I wish it was. As in being that forward. But i will think about it and consider it.

 

Not only that this other person a debbie downer i could say , just put it in my head that if he was into me he would initiate and wouldnt let me get away so easily. To which i replied, at the very early stages when he was pursuing me, he basically said he wonders if i see him as just a texting buddy in other words he accused me of wasting time and not seeing him in a serious light. So then why would he turn around and do the same. Would be a bit hypocritical wouldnt it.

 

She said tht he only spent two hours on the phone to me because he is polite and was enjoying the attention to which i said he isnt the type who would waste nearly 3 hours on the phone to someone just to be polite. As in he isnt that polite, im sure he could easily have ignored the calls.

 

But then again who knows 🤔

[Ariel90]

That's seemingly very forthcoming and honest of you to say. good.

 

Call me crazy, but if you want something real and not a game to come out of this, you should find a way to tell him that.

 

It could as simple as a phone call (not text) ask him if this is a good time to talk. (that's important because you don't want to bare your soul and have him cut you off.)

 

Then say something like, I've been thinking about our conversations and in the past I may have come across as uninterested. I'm sorry.

 

I am interested in getting to know you. What do you think? Are you interested in me?

 

Then you could ask what does he want to do? And once he tells you what his plans or thoughts are, you could say, I would like us to talk more often and when the pandemic is over, see each other in person.

 

If he says anything negative, don't be offended, this is a little weird of a situation because of the time and the games. Just be willing to say ok, I'll respect your decision. Be done and delete him.

 

I dated someone a few times and he got mad at me for what I thought was dumb and he handled it very poorly.. So we stopped seeing each ither.

 

A few months later he called me and was very upfront saying he wanted to see me again. So we met, he apologized, explained himself and was cool from then on out.

 

We dated for several more months. We're not together anymore. But while we were together, I was happy & we got along. I don't regret giving it another chance.

 

My point is, you just never know... if you're interested enough to be vulnerable to him, then that says something. Relationships work or last because we forgive, we give chances, we communicate, we apologize for and improve our own behavior!

 

let us know how it goes! we're here for ya!

Also he saved my number properly. Took all the details, name and where im from 😂. And he sounded very happy do be doing so, almost like finally this person stepped up and decided to call me and now it could potentially go somewhere lol. Ok im just reading between the lines here from simply the tone of his voice lol