Husband of 2 years changed his mind

[Jodi1012]

This is not an option I had considered! Thank you so much, you have no idea how helpful this is.

[Seraphim]

I have a different take. I think before thinking of having another, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to get some therapy on your own. And at the same time, go in for a thorough medical assessment.

It's concerning you were actively trying for a baby as a tern, having been kicked out of home and living in an abusive relationship just to have a place to be. And then after that, you married someone else straight away and have been wanting to have a bunch more babies.

Are you having babies to try and fill a void? Are you scared to deal with your own life? Babies aren't to create purpose and direction. They are their own little humans. Your 3 year already has had two men in their life, and you have already considered making that three for the sole reason of you wanting more babies...at 23.

Slow right down and deal with some issues.

I know it's not a popular viewpoint but someone should mention it, you said you wanted other viewpoints.

 

I also want to mention that when you had your child at 18, trying for a year under extreme stress and such a young age, you were higher risk. I wouldn't use that experience as the yardstick of your current health now and in the future.

 

I think your husband has a lot of good reasons to not want to barrel forward with another pregnancy.

 

Wise as always.

[Seraphim]

It’s possible I was just told it may be hard for me to have kids after 30 because of it. I’m not a medical professional so I don’t know. I really just wanted advice, I love him and I don’t want to make any permanent decisions if this is something we can get worked out.

 

My MIL was 37 when she had my husband and 39 when she had his sister.

 

Mind you I have a completely different issue and had 4 miscarriages after having my son at 30. My dr ( OB) told me then it was a miracle I had him at all and would have no further children and he was right.

[Tinydance]

Call me new agey, but I don't necessarily believe in "for better or worse, til death do us part" if your future goals and values don't match. Yes you committed to this marriage, but what you and your husband want is really different now, and this is not a small thing by any means. You want more children and he doesn't and neither of you are wrong, but this makes you incompatible. I think you need to stand by what you want. I'm an only child and personally I always hated it. I swore to myself that I would have at least two children. I also want a big family and it's OK to want that.

 

I had endometriosis too and had surgery to remove it six years ago. I saw my gynecologist this year and he said you can still use IVF to get pregnant or cut out the endometriosis. Keep in mind I'm 35, you are only 23. You're young and still have time to have more kids but you also know that being with your husband in that regard is a waste of time. So why waste time if you know the outcome?

[boltnrun]

My SIL had endo and had a fibroid tumor the size of a grapefruit in her uterus. This was when she was in her mid-20s.

 

She went on to have THREE children after her surgery to remove the tumor.

[Seraphim]

My SIL had endo and had a fibroid tumor the size of a grapefruit in her uterus. This was when she was in her mid-20s.

 

She went on to have THREE children after her surgery to remove the tumor.

 

My whole uterus was a mass of fibroids by the time I had my son. I had 17 large ones by then. By the time I miscarried my last there was no unaffected spot on my uterus left. 😓 Now of course I am post menopausal.

[Gary Snyder]

And I know this is not politically correct to say, But people with major problems, like health issues, may not be the best catch.

[abitbroken]

And I know this is not politically correct to say, But people with major problems, like health issues, may not be the best catch.

 

They are married. She already "caught' him" so to speak. So, in sickness and in health - IBS is highly manageable. It does not shorten your life. its a beast if you have it and do not know it, but once you KNOW it, You have to watch what you eat, for sure,but. it is not a *major* problem that would make her his caretaker in a few years. There are ways to eat, some meds, etc. that make life highly manageable and pretty normal. Its like saying "he has a peanut allergy so you should divorce him". Honestly, you would not want to travel to exotic countries eating unknown ingredients with it, so his idea that a child limits him is odd (specifically because they already have one even if he didn't father that child biologically)

[Realitynut]

My goodness....only 23 and 24! And guys mature much later. I can see why he'd want some 'fun' before settling down with more kids! I would too. I was 32 when I first got married. Had my 2nd child at 37. (miscarried the week I was being married...2 mo. pregnant) Was so glad I had time to get the 'running' around out of me. You know....dancing and drinking til the wee hours! Now my oldest son is 31 and I just helped him buy a house, and he has a gf. I think he's just beginning to be of an age to start thinking of babies. My 27 year old? NO WAY! He can't even take care of himself. I'm thinking maybe enjoy your newly married life! Have some fun. Slow down the 'baby making' idea until you and your husband have bonded as a couple. Put a couple of 'good years' under your belt, of traveling. Your 3 year old is just getting to the point that you could all travel as a family. I didn't go anywhere much until they were 4 ish. Do a once a year trip with just hubs...and have the baby daddy watch him. Then maybe once a year go on a small vacation with the whole family. You get the best of both worlds, and your husband will see that kids don't necessarily mean the end of your life and fun! There's nothing like taking a child to the beach and seeing him discover sand and waves. It will bring you closer as a family. Then while he's having fun....and enjoying you and your child....he will eventually want children, when the decision isn't forced upon him.

 

My ex husband was 31 when I met him. Hadn't dated hardly at all. Basically the reason he wanted to get married was to have children. It just takes men a few years longer than women to realize they want a little 'minnie me' running around.

 

Him having IBS just made him feel like...oh...sickness/death....can be a reality...I better live it up while I'm still alive and kicking. He' 24...he's practically a baby himself. Counseling if you can afford it. Time and patience if you can't.

[Seraphim]

And I know this is not politically correct to say, But people with major problems, like health issues, may not be the best catch.

 

It is not a huge medical issue. It is controlled well with diet and probiotics and medication.