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Who Should Pay for the Ticket?

e1Not2Alone3

By e1Not2Alone3
in Long-Distance Relationships

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

Posted
Posted
He is paying for the ticket. But wants to stay with me temporarily once arriving. I feel that would be too awkward?

 

Not "too awkward" - potentially dangerous. If he wants to travel to see you he has to find a place to stay that is not with you.

 

I didn't do "long distance" when I met people through on line dating but if someone traveled more than a short-ish distance to meet me I'd treat him to a meal -I lived in a major city and once someone traveled 2 hours by train (would have been much less by car) and I treated him to lunch -I wasn't impressed that he ordered multiple courses and a more expensive entree- not something I would have done -but I insisted on treating since he was thoughtful enough to travel to me. I chose not to see him again - no chemistry -but thought treating was the right thing to do.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

Posted
Posted
He is paying for the ticket. But wants to stay with me temporarily once arriving. I feel that would be too awkward?

 

How much is he proposing he pay you in rent? How about food, utilities, etc.?

 

For the same amount he could find an Air BnB or a weekly rental. That is, if he did indeed offer to pay rent. I hope he did!

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

Posted
Posted
He is paying for the ticket. But wants to stay with me temporarily once arriving. I feel that would be too awkward?

 

NOOO.

He stays at a hotel, he doesn't get your address. you meet for lunch in public. if you feel comfortable, you meet for lunch or meet at the museum another day. If he "stays with you at first" he will NEVER leave. You have not even met in person. If he refuses to this arrangement, he can't meet you. He could turn out to be 30 years older than you or married. He could turn out to be who he says he is, but be a freeloader. he wants to "move" to your area. DOes he even have a job?

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Rose Mosse Grand Master

Rose Mosse

Posted
Posted
He is paying for the ticket. But wants to stay with me temporarily once arriving. I feel that would be too awkward?

 

If you even have a smidgen of a doubt, don't do it. Those are your gut instincts telling you it's wrong. I'm quite worried for you that you're asking questions like this. Are you sure you are in any shape to date? You sound very vulnerable, confused and clueless. These are all ok when we're navigating dating again but when it comes to your own safety and someone staying over from out of town, please don't take any chances. When you meet meet in a public place. This is Dating 101. Stay safe!

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

Posted
Posted

Treat it like a FIRST DATE only. I would also have a friend who is willing to call you during the date to check on you and have a code word, etc so the person knows either to come get you/pretend to accidentally bump into the two of you and intrude on the date or all back again.

 

And mark my words, if you tell him "Sorry, you cannot stay with me. Here is a list of hotels in the city..." he may change his mind about you -

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

Posted
Posted
... if you tell him "Sorry, you cannot stay with me. Here is a list of hotels in the city..." he may change his mind about you -

 

This would be the smartest thing to say--if anything at all, now that you've had this chance to think through the ridiculousness of the logistics and the unlikelihood of this fantasy playing out well.

 

Why would you want to deal with someone who can't (or won't) pay for his own hotel room? How well will you handle him pressuring you in person when you don't even know how to answer his pressure long distance?

 

Meeting long distance strangers over the Internet is for people who aren't all that invested in their real lives. They build fantasies around people (who may not even exist beyond a scam or a desire to safely cheat on a partner) with a big barrier of distance to prevent any real need to learn reality (beyond a scam or a desire to safely cheat on a partner.)

 

People who do this are targets of predators every day. They are gullible and easily groomed and set up because they are discontented with real life and ripe for fantasy. So consider why you'd want to position yourself for an outcome that forces you to allow a potential predator into your home--regardless of whether he grosses you out or pressures you for money or sex.

 

Why not move your attention onto meeting real people who are local to you so that you'll be able to control outcomes? You can share a few minutes over coffee to check one another out, and if you are not a good match, you can move on freely without any further obligation to engage at all. Not even for one full date.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Posted

It sounds like you just want to keep the cyber fantasy going with talk like this. The best thing would be to date locally and stop communicating with what sounds like a scammer or catfish. Why can't you get out of the house and meet real-life people? Or get on dating apps?

He is paying for the ticket. But wants to stay with me temporarily once arriving. I feel that would be too awkward?
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