Clear up a row, am I in the wrong

[Hollyj]

It's 3 children (9,15,17) that I have a great relationship with.

 

Her ex is very placid to the point that he can't really be bothered. Nice enough guy but when they split (3 years ago) he moved back with his parents and is still there.

 

I agree that I need to stand up for myself and it's not that I don't. We have a lovely time together generally but she has a whole host of insecurities and always feels she's not good enough when we talk. She get's very upset and I feel there may be a hint of depression maybe with some of the things she's said so I feel I have to tread carefully at times. I've offered financial help for therapy/counselling but she's too proud to take it but can't afford it herself.

 

We feel very much in love when she's calm but the blow ups and arguments are far too frequent for my liking and I just want to resolve what must be some underlying issues but I don't know how to?

 

Can she change or will it always be like this?

 

Why hasn't she filed for support?

 

She can change if she wants to, but as long as she has her emotional punching bag around tolerating her crap, she won't. You sound scared of her. If she treats you this way, she does not respect you.

 

Is your gf illegal? Is this why she won't file for support?

 

Dude, you should not allow her to treat you in this way. it is abusive, and also not good for the kids. Get a backbone.

[Hollyj]

Why does someone 15 and 17 need different meals made for them? Hello, no. Want something different? Buy and make it yourself.

 

And, why aren't they doing their own laundry?

[jimthzz]

Why are the teens tasked with making dinner for everyone?

 

Why are you trying to explain away not having done every darn thing the annoyed not-wife wanted done?

 

And, most importantly, why haven't you moved out?

[Seraphim]

Exactly. By 17 I could run an entire house .

And, why aren't they doing their own laundry?

[Camber 2019]

By 17 I was out on my own in another city, never moved back, never had financial help from Mommy or Daddy. I had a wonderful childhood and family, my parents taught me how to take care of myself.

 

My 15 y/o does his laundry, yard work, cleans up his mess, and helps anytime we ask - and he's happy to do it!

 

You are not doing your children any favors by babying them. They will soon find out that "the world is gonna roll them...."

[Hollyj]

Exactly. By 17 I could run an entire house .

 

Me, too... I don't understand this!

[Hollyj]

By 17 I was out on my own in another city, never moved back, never had financial help from Mommy or Daddy. I had a wonderful childhood and family, my parents taught me how to take care of myself.

 

My 15 y/o does his laundry, yard work, cleans up his mess, and helps anytime we ask - and he's happy to do it!

 

You are not doing your children any favors by babying them. They will soon find out that "the world is gonna roll them...."

 

It is so ridiculous that he is playing maid and nanny to everyone. Two of the children are fully capable of doing their own meals and laundry.

 

OP, do you also make their beds?

[Camber 2019]

OP, do you also make their beds?

 

Hahahaha - he probably still has to tie their shoes

[Emajgnol88]

It is so ridiculous that he is playing maid and nanny to everyone. Two of the children are fully capable of doing their own meals and laundry.

 

OP, do you also make their beds?

 

Hi Guys

 

I only met my partner 20 Months ago so this is all new to me. This is what has always happened and maybe it all needs looking at. Since we've been together a lot has changed for my partner. New job (from part time to full time) New House, sale of our existing 2 houses etc so maybe we haven't had time to take stock and look at everything and in that time the children have got that much older and can take more responsibilities. As a step parent I have to build relationships with the children first before starting to impose rules on how I would do things too.

 

Maybe we need to sit down, identify where the stresses are coming from and take the pressure off me and my partner and then maybe we won't have these blow ups as frequently. My partner is a real grafter and she takes on far too much herself just because she always has done and maybe thinks that getting the children to do it will be more hassle than it's worth.

 

Definitely some food for thought though.

[Camber 2019]

I think you get it now!

 

Sorry we were so tough on you, but sometimes that's what it takes.

 

I have my fiance to thank for raising my Son, prior to her taking on the role of stepmother, he was out of control. I fought her so much on this, but now I see why she was being so "strict" with him - it was tough love!

 

They are very close now...

[Wiseman2]

So you are trolling. The story seems to change with each post. You're unemployed/a SAHD and you're the "victim" in this story?

I wrote the initial message implying that I was the one acting in the way that my girlfriend did to me yesterday. The fact is, I am the male who was at home all day

[Seraphim]

Well ,your partner thinks wrong about that what are they going to do in the world ?? The big bad world doesn’t give a rat’s ass if you don’t know how to cook clean or buy anything . Those people get left behind . They also don’t make good partners to anybody . My husband when he left home the only thing his parents had taught him how to wipe his own butt and tie shoes . I had to teach him everything he knows . His sister left home at 36 with her parents still washing her clothes and cooking her meals and 11 years later she still goes to the restaurant because she can’t cook anything . And she’s never had a relationship in her life and she spoiled rotten and snotty . So please people please please please never do this to kids. Unfortunately ,what you’re going to be able to do as a stepparent is probably nil. The nine-year-old may be savable maybe the other two forget it . She made them lazy and that’s what they’re going to be.

[Hollyj]

Hi Guys

 

I only met my partner 20 Months ago so this is all new to me. This is what has always happened and maybe it all needs looking at. Since we've been together a lot has changed for my partner. New job (from part time to full time) New House, sale of our existing 2 houses etc so maybe we haven't had time to take stock and look at everything and in that time the children have got that much older and can take more responsibilities. As a step parent I have to build relationships with the children first before starting to impose rules on how I would do things too.

 

Maybe we need to sit down, identify where the stresses are coming from and take the pressure off me and my partner and then maybe we won't have these blow ups as frequently. My partner is a real grafter and she takes on far too much herself just because she always has done and maybe thinks that getting the children to do it will be more hassle than it's worth.

 

Definitely some food for thought though.

 

When did you get married? You have known one another less than two years. You say you are a step parent. You are not their parent and she should be imposing the rules.

 

Why isn't the father paying support?

[Rose Mosse]

Speak about your expectations of each other on different topics and don't enable certain behaviours with her children if you feel they are not warranted. When we choose our significant others we are also choosing their families and all the other aspects about them that we may like or not like. Don't be misguided thinking that you can have your girlfriend and disagree with the way she parents. She's the entire package. If you don't like her or the way she does things with her kids, this isn't the woman for you.

 

I don't agree with the initial way you framed the situation. It was deceptive and disrespectful to the forum. There was no need for that and it's clear that the members will not fall for a shoddy story. My main concern is mostly the both of you: If you do feel your resentments at home building up to the point where you feel you need the perspectives of outside opinions to sway your partner's view or cajole her into thinking she's a nut, you're already on the brink of trouble (the both of you).

 

Speak evenly and respectfully with each other and with more honesty between the both of you. Please do not believe that you need to fill in the gaps when you do not agree with her parenting style or her as a person. Work on your anger (both of you) and your resentments at home. When you both come home or meet each other at the end of a long day regardless of your chores and respective errands and commitments, there should be joy and love. Work towards that and clear the air.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread closed...