I found out my boy is bi sexual

[lostaf123]

I felt what u said. U right it is my fault. As hard as it is to hear it’s the truth, I don’t know why I don’t value myself more I cannot explain this. Maybe a therapy can help me understand why I place my value on what others say or think of me. I’ve always done this never knew why. People tell me how pretty I am or how attractive I am all the time I hear this but I never felt it never felt beautiful always had low self confidence so on and so forth I think it’s from my childhood but I don’t know it hurts to talk about so I don’t talk about it

[Hollyj]

I think that when you understand the underlying issues, you will be able to make positive change. I did.

 

How is your social life? Do you have many interests?

[abitbroken]

I felt what u said. U right it is my fault. As hard as it is to hear it’s the truth, I don’t know why I don’t value myself more I cannot explain this. Maybe a therapy can help me understand why I place my value on what others say or think of me. I’ve always done this never knew why. People tell me how pretty I am or how attractive I am all the time I hear this but I never felt it never felt beautiful always had low self confidence so on and so forth I think it’s from my childhood but I don’t know it hurts to talk about so I don’t talk about it

 

I think counseling would be very good for you. Also, anything where you can put your talents to work and take pride in a job well done. I don't think i am particularly beautiful (some people think - so - i do not), but i DO know without a doubt i have other qualities that I take great pride in that are not physical. I know you have qualities and talents you can take pride in. If someone thinks you are beautiful or you start to think that way - that's a bonus to the package

[lostaf123]

❤️❤️❤️🙏🏾 thanks y’all for the judgement free advice... it really means a lot

[lostaf123]

I don’t have a social life AT ALL I work all the time. My interests are reading writing (journaling) and listening to music in my headphones while writing . Other than that I’m pretty BORING probably to most guys

[lostaf123]

I don’t really know what my talents are I never discovered them. I love makeup but I don’t have the time to do it for others although people are always asking me to do theirs for them

[reinventmyself]

I wanted to leave but my heart broke to watch him crying like that so I stayed. He said he was going to kill himself but now looking back at it it’s probably because he thought I would tell people. I told him he should be proud of who he is and that I’m proud of him no matter what but I’m not proud of how I had to find out because it damn near killed me tbh... but to spare him his dignity I comforted him and I told him we didn’t have to ever talk about it again and now I just have so many questions, you are right he never would’ve told me. He did me wrong for sure he is a habitual liar and every time I catch him he always use the water work trick to reel me back in. He knows I can’t stand to see him cry, I can’t stand to see anyone cry. I cry when people on tv cry I’m just like that. He says I’m a good person and I have a beautiful heart . He tells me I’m a angel and he’s a devil and now I kinda believe him even though I know his sexuality doesn’t make him a devil it’s the deceit that makes him evil and the manipulation...

But what you just wrote was all about poor him. He cries and you reward him.

What about you? Someone needs to look out for you and he surely isn't.

[abitbroken]

But what you just wrote was all about poor him. He cries and you reward him.

What about you? Someone needs to look out for you and he surely isn't.

 

yup. Google codependency. he is emotionally manipulative, but you feel responsible for the feelings of others....

[Hollyj]

I don’t have a social life AT ALL I work all the time. My interests are reading writing (journaling) and listening to music in my headphones while writing . Other than that I’m pretty BORING probably to most guys

 

Time to step it up. it seems to be a common theme on this site, when one has no social life outside of a partner, they tend to stay in crappy relationships. If you had more going on in your life, you would develop more confidence.

[Hollyj]

Join a writing group or book club. Look into Meet ups.

 

Do you enjoy the outdoors?

[reinventmyself]

Time to step it up. it seems to be a common theme on this site, when one has no social life outside of a partner, they tend to stay in crappy relationships. If you had more going on in your life, you would develop more confidence.

 

I like the saying `When you are starving, you'll eat just about anything'

You've heard before that you shouldn't go the super market when you are hungry, right?

So get busy with your life, make it full and rich. You'll value yourself and your time and you won't settle for inappropriate partners.

[saluk]

People treating you badly isn't your fault.

 

You just need to learn to see your own value so that you aren't so easily swayed by those who would tell you what you want to hear - or tell you what you fear is true which can also cause attachment.

 

You need to find yourself. You are not going to find that in a man. You won't be in a position to find a good man until you handle the self love part. What is your job that you don't have time for anything else? Can you perhaps carve out an hour or two a week that is just for you? Maybe to take a class or join a club?

[katrina1980]

 

I laid on the bathroom floor crying and screaming for hours then I panicked and I started thinking about whether I had hiv or aids. Thoughts just started coming from everywhere I wanted to throw up 🤢 but all I could do was gag nothing would come up he pryed his way into the bathroom where I was at on the floor and started trying to talk to me and trying to comfort me.

 

I agree with everyone else, having the capacity to become attracted to women and men is not the issue, his cheating and lying is! The outright deception, his bisexuality is actually irrelevant. And Holly is right HIV is more prevalent among heteros now.

 

That said, there is something else I'd like to address, something that hasn't yet been addressed.

 

I understand that discovering something like this is unsettling and traumatic, and we all handle things differently, but sweetie you really need to learn how to manage your emotions better -- crying and screaming on the floor for hours is just not a healthy reaction imo, and suggests some emotional instability on your part.

 

Is this reaction typical for you upon learning things that are upsetting and hurtful to you? And is it your boyfriend's typical practice to comfort you?

 

I am not judging I promise, I've reacted pretty dramatically myself at times, not anywhere near to the level you reacted; nothing positive ever came of it, in fact the opposite, it exacerbated my emotional instability and I ended up having a breakdown.

 

Since then I have learned how to manage my emotions in a more healthy way, and I (AND my boyfriends) are the better for it.

[Hollyj]

I agree with everyone else, having the capacity to become attracted to women and men is not the issue, his cheating and lying is! The outright deception, his bisexuality is actually irrelevant. And Holly is right HIV is more prevalent among heteros now.

 

That said, there is something else I'd like to address, something that hasn't yet been addressed.

 

I understand that discovering something like this is unsettling and traumatic, and we all handle things differently, but sweetie you really need to learn how to manage your emotions better -- crying and screaming on the floor for hours is just not a healthy reaction imo, and suggests some emotional instability on your part.

 

Is this reaction typical for you upon learning things that are upsetting and hurtful to you? And is it your boyfriend's typical practice to comfort you?

 

I am not judging I promise, I've reacted pretty dramatically myself at times, not anywhere near to the level you reacted; nothing positive ever came of it, in fact the opposite, it exacerbated my emotional instability and I ended up having a breakdown.

 

Since then I have learned how to manage my emotions in a more healthy way, and I (AND my boyfriends) are the better for it.

 

I missed that. That is definitely not a healthy reaction.

[lostaf123]

I don’t have anyone I can open up to about this because I don’t have any gay or bi friends... even if I did I wouldn’t feel comfortable opening up to someone about something so personal. Then I couldn’t bare to humiliate him by letting people know he’s bi especially when he’s scared to death of people finding out which is why I haven’t spoken a word to anyone about it and not having anyone to talk to makes me stay with him because he is the only person in the world who knows how I’m feeling and what I’m going through

[lostaf123]

I didn’t know what to do it’s been 2 or three days I can’t me even remember I know I found out Monday night And since I haven’t eaten haven’t slept much at all I just cry because I don’t know how to react I don’t know what else to do besides just cry it out.... yes it’s his natural reaction to try to comfort me but this time he was crying his eyes out too. I think he was crying because he thought I was going to blast him out on Facebook or something or just leave him. What would have been the appropriate response to finding out that someone u love more than life itself almost is not in love with u but instead the same sex....

[Hollyj]

I don’t have anyone I can open up to about this because I don’t have any gay or bi friends... even if I did I wouldn’t feel comfortable opening up to someone about something so personal. Then I couldn’t bare to humiliate him by letting people know he’s bi especially when he’s scared to death of people finding out which is why I haven’t spoken a word to anyone about it and not having anyone to talk to makes me stay with him because he is the only person in the world who knows how I’m feeling and what I’m going through

 

So, you are going to stay with him?

 

Of course you would be upset. But, being hysterical on the floor for hours is extreme. I would also be done with someone who had lied and deceived me.

 

Your attachment and dependency on this guy, is so unhealthy.

[katrina1980]

I don’t have anyone I can open up to about this because I don’t have any gay or bi friends... even if I did I wouldn’t feel comfortable opening up to someone about something so personal. Then I couldn’t bare to humiliate him by letting people know he’s bi especially when he’s scared to death of people finding out which is why I haven’t spoken a word to anyone about it and not having anyone to talk to makes me stay with him because he is the only person in the world who knows how I’m feeling and what I’m going through

 

You're not getting it. Why even mention him being bi? To us, your friends, anyone. It's not the issue.

 

His cheating and lying is -- if you need to talk to friends or family, there is absolutely NO need to even mention his sexual preferences, why the heck are you so focused on that? I'm straight but it's offensive! Do you understand that?

 

You talk to them about the fact your bf has been cheating and lying, in fact this thread is mis-titled.

 

Instead of "I found out my boyfriend is bisexual," the more respectful and appropriate title should have been "I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating and lying to me."

 

Is any of this making any sense?

[lostaf123]

And u feel as if that is something that I should’ve known?👀👀.. how would I know that all I know is the man acted sugary and I called him out on it and he told me I was ridiculous an retarded and told me I better not ever try him like that again so I let it go I didn’t bring it back up

[Hollyj]

This is his character (liar, manipulator and cheat). You chose another crappy guy!

[lostaf123]

That sounds about right

[Hollyj]

And u feel as if that is something that I should’ve known?👀👀.. how would I know that all I know is the man acted sugary and I called him out on it and he told me I was ridiculous an retarded and told me I better not ever try him like that again so I let it go I didn’t bring it back up

 

Where was that stated? You know now! You should be done with this!

[bluecastle]

You knew this relationship was over—or at least I'd encourage you to consider this—when you decided to snoop through his phone. You did that because you were not happy, didn't trust him, weren't secure in your relationship, and didn't know how to talk to him about it in a mature way. Putting aside the discovery about his sexuality, all that is evidence that you should leave him.

 

Well, now you have confirmation that all that unhappiness was not in your head. It's quite a discovery and you're thrown, I get it. Then again, you already half-suspected this, if not outright suspected it, so let's be real: It's not a total shock. The thing others thought was true, that you kinda sorta thought might be true, is the truth. And that truth means he is not the guy for you.

[Hollyj]

" Not only does he cheat he cheats with es and niggas" What! You need to remove that. Now! Not appropriate on this site, or anywhere else.

[Hollyj]

I'm out of here!